Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I always thought that I have to worry about my bf cheating in Europe. But, strangely enough - I was browsing in a bookstore recently and a VERY good looking guy approached me. He is tall, dark and exactly my type. We talked about a book I was looking for (he has already read it). He asked me to go for a hot chocolate. I told him that I have a boyfriend. He asked to go as friends and gave me his number. Is it wrong to go as friends? It doesn't help that the boyfriend hasn't been too communicative since he left. Few texts here and there but yeah, we are still in a relationship. I have to admit, after all the drama and emotional drainage with the bf - this new guy looks like fun. Going for hot chocolate as friends - right or wrong?
somedude81 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 He asked to go as friends and gave me his number. Is it wrong to go as friends? Very wrong. He does not want to just go as friends. You should know that already.
Arasae Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Guilty dog barks first. Now--why have you been SO OVERWHELMINGLY INSECURE about your boyfriend cheating on you? Simple: Because you, yourself, cannot be trusted. More often than not, we expect people we trust to act the way that we, ourselves, would act. You were so freaked out about him going to Europe because YOU cannot be trusted. Case and point: this thread.
thehead Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Is your boyfriend shoving his hand down your top in your avatar? About the hot chocolate, go for it. It seems you're on a path to destroy your relationship so why not expedite things?
Imajerk17 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Guilty dog barks first. Now--why have you been SO OVERWHELMINGLY INSECURE about your boyfriend cheating on you? Simple: Because you, yourself, cannot be trusted. More often than not, we expect people we trust to act the way that we, ourselves, would act. You were so freaked out about him going to Europe because YOU cannot be trusted. Case and point: this thread. I was going to say the very same thing. Now I wonder if she is going to tell her boyfriend of the guy she met and went for cocoa with "as friends"?
make me believe Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Guilty dog barks first. Now--why have you been SO OVERWHELMINGLY INSECURE about your boyfriend cheating on you? Simple: Because you, yourself, cannot be trusted. More often than not, we expect people we trust to act the way that we, ourselves, would act. You were so freaked out about him going to Europe because YOU cannot be trusted. Case and point: this thread. Yep. You KNOW that it's wrong. Why would you even have to ask??
oaks Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 He asked to go as friends and gave me his number. Is it wrong to go as friends? Yes because: 1) I'm assuming he asked you because he thinks you're hot, not because he wants to make friends even though he back-pedalled to that position when he found out that you're not available. 2) Just try to imagine calling your bf today and explaining this to him in a way that ends with him giving you his blessing to go for a drink with a guy you just met but think is very good looking. 3) You don't need this sort of temptation! Just file this away as "I've still got it. Cute guys want me." and then remember that you're in a relationship.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 The way I always look at things is this: If my SO did this to me, how would I feel? I can tell you quiet easily that I would be really hurt and upset and would probably break up with my BF if he announced he was having hot chocolate with some girl he thought was "hot" that he met at a bookstore as "friends." I respect myself more than that. Would you be ok with it if your BF did this very same thing while he's on vacation? If yes, then proceed. If it would upset you in the slightest, burn the phone number!
rafallus Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Your insecurities attack again. And take no prisoners. "As friends" is pretty friggin obvious (and lame, guy should be confident in that he wants you, and not make wishy-washy cop-outs when obstacles arise) excuse.
SmileFace Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 You get ass hurt when you boyfriend plays volleyball with people with vaginas and you think it is fair to go have a tea with this guy...REALLY!?
SmileFace Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 You get ass hurt when you boyfriend plays volleyball with people with vaginas and you think it is fair to go have a tea with this guy...REALLY!?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 If he did it to me, I would feel pretty damn hurt. But for all I know - he is doing the same or worse in Europe? I just feel like our relationship will fail anyway and here I am missing a chance.... I thought of asking my boyfriend for permission but that's probably going to piss him off and make him more likely to cheat himself. Another guy that I met on OKC last year (we had 2 dates, I didn't feel attracted, we stayed friends) is back in town for a week and wants to catch up for dinner and see a live band. I am bored so I said yes (my bf has never met him due to distance but he knows that we stayed in touch as friends). So I e-mailed my bf to inform him of this - as I really have zero interest in that guy beyond thinking that he is a cool person. Haven't heard from bf since Perhaps it's just a coincidence...
oaks Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 But for all I know - he is doing the same or worse in Europe? And... for all you know... he's being a good boyfriend who loves his girlfriend very much and has no intention of cheating on her!
Cracker Jack Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 If you truly feel the relationship is going to fail, why are you still in it? Just for the hell of it? And I like how you conveniently try to flip everything onto your bf to make yourself feel better about this. If you feel like the new guy will be fun, take your chances with him. Clearly a case of the grass is greener here, no doubt.
Nexus One Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Another guy that I met on OKC last year (we had 2 dates, I didn't feel attracted, we stayed friends) is back in town for a week and wants to catch up for dinner and see a live band. I am bored so I said yes (my bf has never met him due to distance but he knows that we stayed in touch as friends). So I e-mailed my bf to inform him of this - as I really have zero interest in that guy beyond thinking that he is a cool person. Haven't heard from bf since Perhaps it's just a coincidence... *facepalm* You expect him to uphold the boundaries from his side of the relationship, but when it's your turn to do the same you just shrug it off and do whatever the f*ck you want. Whether you are to be trusted or not in terms of loyalty is not the point here. The point is how you know this could potentially give your boyfriend the wrong idea or how it could make you look like a hypocrite after you hammered him so hard on this issue, yet doing it anyway. In my opinion you demonstrated a lack of respect for your relationship here. The only positive thing I see here is that you texted your boyfriend immediately about it. Not sure what else to say other than I either think you accidentally slipped up here or that the problem lies deeper when it comes to you.
Jynxx Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 So if I understand correctly -you need to be fair with your boyfriend -you want to go out with someone you're attracted to -you think the relationship will probably fail anyway Seems pretty obvious you only have 2 moves here, which is either calling your bf and either telling him it's over or calling him and telling him you want to go out with someone you're attracted to and have him tell you it's over. In both cases, seems like a bullet dodged for your bf.
LexiB Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Surely you can see the hypocrisy in what you're asking and what you're planning on doing so I'm not really sure what type of input you're hoping to get in this thread. Is there an underlying issue you're trying to get at?
tigressA Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Surely you can see the hypocrisy in what you're asking and what you're planning on doing so I'm not really sure what type of input you're hoping to get in this thread. Is there an underlying issue you're trying to get at? Seconded. I also second Nexus' *facepalm*.
Feelsgoodman Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 If he did it to me, I would feel pretty damn hurt. But for all I know - he is doing the same or worse in Europe? I just feel like our relationship will fail anyway and here I am missing a chance.... I thought of asking my boyfriend for permission but that's probably going to piss him off and make him more likely to cheat himself. Another guy that I met on OKC last year (we had 2 dates, I didn't feel attracted, we stayed friends) is back in town for a week and wants to catch up for dinner and see a live band. I am bored so I said yes (my bf has never met him due to distance but he knows that we stayed in touch as friends). So I e-mailed my bf to inform him of this - as I really have zero interest in that guy beyond thinking that he is a cool person. Haven't heard from bf since Perhaps it's just a coincidence... I normally don't condone cheating, but in this instance, I hope your boyfriend is screwing the entire amsterdam red light district. You SO deserve it.
NoReallyThatHappened Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 If he did it to me, I would feel pretty damn hurt. But for all I know - he is doing the same or worse in Europe? I just feel like our relationship will fail anyway and here I am missing a chance.... I thought of asking my boyfriend for permission but that's probably going to piss him off and make him more likely to cheat himself. Another guy that I met on OKC last year (we had 2 dates, I didn't feel attracted, we stayed friends) is back in town for a week and wants to catch up for dinner and see a live band. I am bored so I said yes (my bf has never met him due to distance but he knows that we stayed in touch as friends). So I e-mailed my bf to inform him of this - as I really have zero interest in that guy beyond thinking that he is a cool person. Haven't heard from bf since Perhaps it's just a coincidence... Wouldn't you look quite silly though if you did go for hot chocolate only to find out that your BF was loyal while away. Unless he's given you some kind of indication that he's a man who can't keep it in his pants then you have to assume he's staying faithful. I can't say pissing him off will make him more likely to cheat. People either are or aren't prone to cheat. It sounds like maybe you are, but from everything you have written it doesn't sound like he is. Regardless, if he's going to be a cheater nothing you do or say will keep him from being with another woman. He might, however, break up with you if you meet up with this guy. If you really think the relationship is doomed to fail then why are you still in it? I think more than likely you are interpreting some other feeling, like feeling scared of the vulnerability of a relationship, or something like that as "doomed to fail." My BF does the same thing. He has lots of insecurities and worries that we won't work out all the time. He does not, however, go out with other women and never worries that I will cheat on him.
Star Gazer Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 We could have all predicted this. You are fearful of him cheating because you know that YOU would if given the opportunity. You are also fearful that he doesn't really love you, because you know that YOU don't really love HIM. I believe in order for you to become emotionally healthy enough to handle any romantic relationship, you need to spend SIGNIFICANT time NOT involved with ANY MEN whatsoever, and a lot of therapy and/or some type of life coaching. I would suggest some sort of all-female extended retreat (like 6 months or more) or a convent or ashram.
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I don't mean to fuel your concerns, but it's highly likely your bf's already cheated on you after you mentioned that you were going on a date with another guy. Judging by your past threads he's already proven that he has interest in meeting other chicks in bars, clubs, etc. and whatever resistance he was putting up to sleeping with them probably went away when you effectively gave him the green light by revealing your own interest in other men.
Dazdnconfuzed Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 Borderline, Narc and Histrionic traits with a touch of co-dependency all in one!!! You are truely a flawless diamond of perfect imperfections. I love you ES. I hope your current BF has insurance He is in for some pain that would make satan tear in envious jealousy.
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