sm1tten Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Seconded. I also second Nexus' *facepalm*. Thirded. And it definitely isn't fair to add more victims to this ongoing trainwreck.
Hot Chick Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Well, you're not married. I say go for it. What if you're passing up the love of your life?
P&R Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Well, you're not married. I say go for it. What if you're passing up the love of your life? I'm assuming that you are a chronic cheater? I have a huge problem with this line of thought. There will always be the BBB (Bigger, Better, Deal) out there. Somebody who looks better, who if funnier, who has a better body. But if you look at things this way you will never have any kind of meaningful relationship. As for ES, I'm disapointed in you. This man has been nothing but good, and understanding. He has tried to do everything possible to [sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]accommodate you and your insecurities. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3][/sIZE][/FONT]
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 18, 2011 Author Posted July 18, 2011 So boyfriend requested a Skype video chat last night. He doesn't even know about the hot chocolate guy, but he is kind of bothered by a couple of things. I went clubbing this Saturday and stayed till 4am. He is also bothered by me having dinner with that OKC guy who is clearly interested in me. I told him both of those things (so it's not like I have hidden them). He thinks that I am behaving too much like I am single. He says that he is now feeling anxious about what I am doing back here and wants to Skype twice a day (when I wake up and before I go to sleep). He just looked kind of sad Having thought things through, I am going to cancel that dinner and will not see the hot chocolate guy. I am still not ready to give up on this relationship.
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 So boyfriend requested a Skype video chat last night. He doesn't even know about the hot chocolate guy, but he is kind of bothered by a couple of things. I went clubbing this Saturday and stayed till 4am. He is also bothered by me having dinner with that OKC guy who is clearly interested in me. I told him both of those things (so it's not like I have hidden them). He thinks that I am behaving too much like I am single. He says that he is now feeling anxious about what I am doing back here and wants to Skype twice a day (when I wake up and before I go to sleep). He just looked kind of sad Having thought things through, I am going to cancel that dinner and will not see the hot chocolate guy. I am still not ready to give up on this relationship. So, you're testing his feelings for you by telling him these things, making him feel bad, and also ruining his trip to Europe. Don't you feel horrible for doing this to him?
tuxedo_cat Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I think you're not that into him and you kind of use what you perceive as his ambivalence as an excuse for being half in. I think his devotion and sweetness to you is one of the only things that keeps you hanging on so when that seems challenged in your mind you immediately detach.
BetheButterfly Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 So boyfriend requested a Skype video chat last night. He doesn't even know about the hot chocolate guy, but he is kind of bothered by a couple of things. I went clubbing this Saturday and stayed till 4am. He is also bothered by me having dinner with that OKC guy who is clearly interested in me. I told him both of those things (so it's not like I have hidden them). He thinks that I am behaving too much like I am single. He says that he is now feeling anxious about what I am doing back here and wants to Skype twice a day (when I wake up and before I go to sleep). He just looked kind of sad Having thought things through, I am going to cancel that dinner and will not see the hot chocolate guy. I am still not ready to give up on this relationship. OK, you need to pull yourself together. This man sounds like an angel. He obviously cares for you. I hope that you two can skype twice a day... that's a great idea. Text him and tell him thanks for his patience with you and for being so wonderful with you. Tell him you love him and you've decided not to go eat dinner with ok guy, and that you didn't realize you were acting single, and have decided to do other things you like (like read? or go to your Mom's house? or something like that) till he gets back. Tell him you miss and love him. You need to shape up. If you EVER want to have a LONG HAPPY AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN, you need to CUT OUT wishy-washy behavior and rationalizing it with stupid excuses like "my relationship is going to fail anyways." That's just a self-fulfilling prophecy if you do hurtful things with such a horrible excuse. CUT IT OUT IF YOU WANT TRUE LOVE.
Mme. Chaucer Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Wow, cool! You have your boyfriend all unbalanced and worried while he's on his vacation! Awesome! For sure it proves that he really really really likes you! Plus, hot hot hot hot guys and also other guys are super attracted to you! And they have your phone number! Way to go! You rock so much! Sarcasm aside, people who are serious about a "committed" relationship that they are in, in my circle of friends, don't exchange numbers with hot guys or girls that try to pick them up in bookstores, or plan dates with single members of the opposite sex who are obviously interested in them. Amazingly, they are clear about why these choices would not be good for their relationship or healthy for them personally. They don't even need to ask for the advice of 3,002,830 strangers to KNOW this. Can you imagine?
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I hope that you two can skype twice a day... that's a great idea. Well, he's on a trip for pleasure, not business. I'm not sure skyping twice a day is really necessary or healthy, especially because he seems to want to do it to make sure she's not out with another guy.
BetheButterfly Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Wow, cool! You have your boyfriend all unbalanced and worried while he's on his vacation! Awesome! For sure it proves that he really really really likes you! Plus, hot hot hot hot guys and also other guys are super attracted to you! And they have your phone number! Way to go! You rock so much! Sarcasm aside, people who are serious about a "committed" relationship that they are in, in my circle of friends, don't exchange numbers with hot guys or girls that try to pick them up in bookstores, or plan dates with single members of the opposite sex who are obviously interested in them. Amazingly, they are clear about why these choices would not be good for their relationship or healthy for them personally. They don't even need to ask for the advice of 3,002,830 strangers to KNOW this. Can you imagine? She's sick with fear. ES, What do you honestly, truly want? All this fear and insecurity is just going to hurt you and him. Please stop hurting yourself. Stop sabotaging yourself. That's not the way to receive or give true love. True love includes faithfulness and trust. You need to learn how to receive them and give them. Shape up, please, for your own good.
BetheButterfly Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Well, he's on a trip for pleasure, not business. I'm not sure skyping twice a day is really necessary or healthy, especially because he seems to want to do it to make sure she's not out with another guy. You got a good point but what else can he do? She said she hadn't heard from him very much since he left for Europe, so maybe skyping twice a day is an attempt to communicate more? I think he's an angel for thinking about doing that... it breaks my heart he is so sad... it shows he does care for her, but yeah she needs to truly get her act together if she wants love. I don't think she knows what love truly is.
Star Gazer Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 She's sick with fear. Ya know, I really don't think so. Her indifference is palpable. Whomever can feed her need for validation is who she'll be drawn towards. Hot chocolate guy and OKC guy did that for her, because her BF's away.
lino Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 This all sounds like it's something made up out of boredom.
utterer of lies Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) I believe in order for you to become emotionally healthy enough to handle any romantic relationship, you need to spend SIGNIFICANT time NOT involved with ANY MEN whatsoever, and a lot of therapy and/or some type of life coaching. I would suggest some sort of all-female extended retreat (like 6 months or more) or a convent or ashram. I don't think that's what's needed in her case. Rather, she needs an arrogant, bipolar narcissist who treats her like crap that she can't let go of. Who doesn't care what she does, says, and won't get pulled into all her mind games. Don't you feel horrible for doing this to him? Why do you ask this when you know the answer already? Come on, she thought it was ok to put him through a 12-hour psychic torture session just because he talked to his ex when he was out with his friends... Edited July 18, 2011 by utterer of lies
Ginger Beer Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 The way I always look at things is this: If my SO did this to me, how would I feel? I can tell you quiet easily that I would be really hurt and upset and would probably break up with my BF if he announced he was having hot chocolate with some girl he thought was "hot" that he met at a bookstore as "friends." I respect myself more than that. Would you be ok with it if your BF did this very same thing while he's on vacation? If yes, then proceed. If it would upset you in the slightest, burn the phone number! Exactly. People should always consider this first.
utterer of lies Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 How long until "I went for a friendly coffee with that hot guy and now I cheated on my bf. It just happened, I totally didn't want it to. Should I tell him now, or leave him when he comes back from Europe? All the drama with him and the fact that I was never really in love with him - does that make it ok?"
nyc_guy2003 Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I think the fact that the guy wants to skype twice a day means he has something to hide too. People generally aren't insecure about their spouse unless they themselves have been hiding something and know how to identify signs of cheating. This just makes me more suspicious that he's already cheated on you.
Art_Critic Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Is it wrong to go as friends? Absolutely wrong.. just the fact that he wants to bang you and only wants to bang you makes it wrong.
Art_Critic Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 I hope you're not serious... I hope so too.. and honestly if she is seeing any guys while her BF is out of town in my mind she will just be a cheater. Any of those two guys only wants to get their noodle wet and she gets off on that.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Come on, she thought it was ok to put him through a 12-hour psychic torture session just because he talked to his ex when he was out with his friends... Yeah, and everyone take note that after treating him like ****, once again, he's giving her MORE attention and time. Further evidence that being a bitch serves a woman much better than being a sweetheart.
Nexus One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 So boyfriend requested a Skype video chat last night. He doesn't even know about the hot chocolate guy, but he is kind of bothered by a couple of things. I went clubbing this Saturday and stayed till 4am. He is also bothered by me having dinner with that OKC guy who is clearly interested in me. I told him both of those things (so it's not like I have hidden them). He thinks that I am behaving too much like I am single. He says that he is now feeling anxious about what I am doing back here and wants to Skype twice a day (when I wake up and before I go to sleep). He just looked kind of sad Having thought things through, I am going to cancel that dinner and will not see the hot chocolate guy. I am still not ready to give up on this relationship. Seems like I hit the nail on its head with my previous comment. You've managed to keep the damage limited for now, but he will not be happy about this. His vacation was a great opportunity for some distance between you two, so that you'd both have some breathing space away from each other, only to grow closer together once he's back. That's now off the table. From a guy's perspective ES, you seem like a very draining girlfriend, that's not good, because ultimately a guy just wants to be happy with you and when he finds out that that is impossible due to your attitude, then he might just make the decision to leave you for the sake of his own mental health and his happiness. Don't get me wrong, he might love you, but if you continue like this then you leave the guy no choice. Don't push a guy into a corner like that while cutting off all his options. You seem like a person that for some reason seems to exactly know which buttons to push in regards to people with the end result of self-destruction/self-sabotage. The only advice I can give is that you need to let go and just be happy. Enjoy him and be happy for however long it lasts, because we humans are not immortal and with every second our time here on earth passes away. You have to make a decision for yourself whether you want to spend that time worrying or carefree and happy. Know what you want.
zengirl Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, and everyone take note that after treating him like ****, once again, he's giving her MORE attention and time. Further evidence that being a bitch serves a woman much better than being a sweetheart. I think it'll blow up in her face in the end. I certainly think being too much of a sweetheart kicks your ass at times (i.e. letting the guy Skype you at 3am even though you'd rather be sleeping, not going out with your GFs because you might miss a Skype call, etc) and you need to assert your own life, but no decent guy would stick around with a girl who eyes hot chocolate boys while he's away. If she doesn't shape up, she'll lose him. She'll probably screw him up but good in the process, but that's an old story as well.
mo mo Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, and everyone take note that after treating him like ****, once again, he's giving her MORE attention and time. Further evidence that being a bitch serves a woman much better than being a sweetheart. Hahahaha if you're dating a sucker that is. I don't go for that ****. Any dude that puts up with that kind of **** for so long is a bitch.. straight up.
rafallus Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 (edited) I think it'll blow up in her face in the end. I certainly think being too much of a sweetheart kicks your ass at times (i.e. letting the guy Skype you at 3am even though you'd rather be sleeping, not going out with your GFs because you might miss a Skype call, etc) and you need to assert your own life, but no decent guy would stick around with a girl who eyes hot chocolate boys while he's away. If she doesn't shape up, she'll lose him. She'll probably screw him up but good in the process, but that's an old story as well. Or he will stick with any abuse she dishes at him, and she will obviously respect him less and less (sorry, won't respect him at all, and it will be going south still), and wonder why doesn't she feel attracted to such a spineless loser. Or he will snap and throw **** back at ES in one huge pissing contest. This will be entertaining in a "guilty pleasure" way regardless. Edited July 18, 2011 by rafallus
Nexus One Posted July 18, 2011 Posted July 18, 2011 Yeah, and everyone take note that after treating him like ****, once again, he's giving her MORE attention and time. Further evidence that being a bitch serves a woman much better than being a sweetheart. That's because their relationship is relatively new. He's high on love chemicals, but at a certain point his rationality starts taking the upper hand again. Mark my words, ES can mentally break him. His mental self-preservation will prevail if she keeps up the stress. He'll work for the relationship, but only up to a certain point. I don't know if ES is (consciously) being a b*tch, I can't establish that from here, but she is creating unnecessary stress in the relationship. Some women though love this kind of sh*t, they can create drama and stress and you'd see that glimmer in their eyes which gives away that they're just loving it. I wouldn't want to touch women like that with a 10-foot pole. Such women rejoice in the complete (mental) destruction of another human being. I don't know if ES is such a woman, but for her and her boyfriend's sake I hope she's not. Because that's no way to live your life.
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