Online Dating Slump...

July 16, 2011

For the past couple of months now, I have made several attempts to meet women online. It has been a very difficult and frustrating situation for me. I have been in contact and on a date with only one person from a particular site. I don't understand what's going on. I have a short but precise profile, nothing too flashy and several good pics. Is it me or is the time of year or what? I have sent out several e-mails / winks/ and IM's with no responses...WTF??

Has anyone out here had the same slump as me? What do I do?

Thanks

July 16, 2011

Yup. I'm on a 0/20 streak. Met a girl from Okcupid a few months ago but other than that zilch. There's a couple of other cool looking girls that I haven't sent messages to on there but I feel like not even bothering with it since no one replies.

July 16, 2011

I've done online dating for years, and, yes, there has been times of great famine in the land, but also times of a great feasting. In my opinion, online dating naturally feels very impersonal and lends to someone having suspicion about this person they can only "see" in a two dimensional fashion.

Do you do things to try to make your messages clearly personal and relevant to them or does it read like something you could have sent to anyone? Do you show that you have an interest in her as a person (her hobbies, her career, etc...)? Does your profile have a good description of who you are? Maybe you need to lengthen your profile and be sure that you are putting your best foot forward in it. Do you demonstrate your sense of humor in your profile? Do you have female friends that you can show your profile to who can give you advice?

Think seriously and maybe even do some reading/research about what women want (and more important what a women who would fit YOU would want) and indirectly/directly demonstrate how you can give it to them (the women you contact) as best you can in your profile, pictures, and messages.

July 16, 2011

Thanks AJ, yeah I just don't get it. I know the pro's would say to get off the computer and get out and meet people, but that doesn't always work either especially if you are by yourself and you don't have a wingman. I have also heard that if I stop looking, then that's when you find someone. Either way, I just want to date and make new friends and see where things go.

July 17, 2011

It can be a pain online sometimes...I think some girls get more picky when online...

My best advice, so as Valid said, also try and make the message subject/title stand out and show you looked at THEIR profile...I imagine they get a lot of generic messages with the same impersonal subject head lines and some women may just do a mass delete of those

July 17, 2011

It can be a pain online sometimes...I think some girls get more picky when online...

As do us guys, but then really that's what online datings about, the right to be picky.

But DSM2709, I sure as hell hope you don't have your profile pic here on LS on dating sites. It could explain a lot. lol.

But in all seriousness, when your sending or responding to messages talk about their profile (so yes you should be reading them), and better yet ask questions with regards to their interests whilst also encompassing your mutual interest in it as well (shows a connection, she/he can leverage on in return).

Make sure to use a little humor, stick in the muds are easily ignored, sorry but it's true. I find a well written profile filled with a splash of humor more enjoyable to read than some person that feels compelled to talk about sunsets, "Loves to hang out with family and friends" or "Loves to have fun" I mean seriously who doesn't?.

Also if you don't ask a question straight up then they have no real reason to respond, which leads to a lot of unanswered intro messages and one often feeling they aren't getting anywhere.

I'm fairly seasoned on the online dating side of things, and we all have hits and misses, but without sounding like a "Better your dating" advert, a few simple changes really does make all the difference without compromising yourself to come across as someone your not.

My current and previous girl friend were the result of online dating, and I've really enjoyed it. Met some fantastic people in the process too that have become good friends, so not all dating is about finding a partner either. I treat it more like socializing with strangers and if it goes to the next level then great, if not well that's just as fine with me as well.

July 17, 2011

Online dating pretty much sucks now for men. I used to pull women like crazy from online back in the late 90's. That was when women actually wanted to meet guys from online. It was so easy back then.

Nowadays, you have women posting profiles purely for ego boosts and the competition is ridiculous. A 10/1 ratio of men to women on most sites.

If you're going to stick with online dating I recommend the "carpet bombing" approach. Don't bother reading women's profiles or sending out individualized messages based on their profiles or interests (waste of time and too much work). Send a short well crafted spam message to every woman you find attractive in your area. Using this strategy I would get maybe 1 date for every 60 women I spammed.

July 18, 2011

Ouch Sith, Carpet Bombing is so not my cup of tea, but different strokes for different folks.

Personally I'm only interested in dating people that actually well...interest me. Last thing I want to do is message every single girl in my area, especially without vetting their profile first....I mean I don't want to date some girl who can't string a paragraph together with a multitude of spelling errors (Your profiles a resume people, 1st impressions mean something), who's favourite past times "getting wasted", or some bird who just came out of a relationship who's clearly still carrying emotional baggage, and really should be taking more time out for themselves... I think you get where I'm going with this.

Also when you do send a message and you've shown you've read their profile they are more likely to respond. I'd go as far as saying with my own track record 75% got back to me and of that close to 50% led to an actual meet up (I'm quick to move to a meet up stage so as not to get stuck in a message loop people get bored with). Last year before I met my current I was openly dating 2 to 3 people a week.

Frankly you have to put the effort in to get anywhere, but it's just a case of also working smarter than harder simply by way of approach.

July 18, 2011

Man, I went on 5 dates with girls from OkCupid. I made out with 2 of them. None of them went anywhere. I deleted my profile.

July 18, 2011

I am going through a bit of a slump myself. I put up ads in the beginning of May, spent much of May and June emailing, sometimes meeting, guys. But since just before the holiday, I haven't had much luck. And since I've been on the sites for over two months now, I feel like I've looked at everyone. However, I did just get an email this morning and had two good matches that I emailed so maybe the tide is turning again.

July 18, 2011

(I'm quick to move to a meet up stage so as not to get stuck in a message loop people get bored with).

Same here...it's basically the online friends zone; plus it is more fun to get to know someone in person than online

July 18, 2011

Also when you do send a message and you've shown you've read their profile they are more likely to respond. I'd go as far as saying with my own track record 75% got back to me and of that close to 50% led to an actual meet up

Most women could care less if you've read their profile. Most women will just look at your pics first and then will read your message if she digs your photos. If she doesn't like your pics then its "Message Status: Unread and deleted."

If you're able to get half the women you speak to online agree to a date then you're an anomaly. Most guys, even the top pick up artists who've written books on online pick up game are batting at 10%.

My strategy insures that a guy doesn't sit at his computer for hours writing messages wasting his time only to have them "unread" or "read and deleted". FIELD TESTED.

Edited July 18, 2011 by Sith Apprentice

July 18, 2011

It must be a perception thing Sith as I don't see it the same way. That or geography, social etiquette in area of people (mid sized 100,000 people, country town, so it's in my interests to focus).

I'm not saying I'm a super stud in the looks department, I do get by though. But I am a words smith, that or I have mad syntax skills. Plus I actually take the time out when searching for a significant other. If your just hitting with cut & paste generics then yes I wouldn't be surprised with a low response. Plus I'm not hitting up on 60+ people either hoping to score a hit. I'd be up for days if I was doing that, and most likely wouldn't interest me either. If your sincere in your approach then it should show. Quality over quantity when contacting yields much bigger dividends.

Frankly I find a lot of women see good writing skills as sexy. If they don't have enough depth to go past a picture then really they are doing me a favour. In turn I find well educated women as 'massive' turn on.

This was also reflected on my online profile having had people contact me simply to say it was a great read (I think a copy of it's floating around in one of my threads), and what my current girlfriend found so endearing to her being drawn to me in the first place (bonus for me too since shes a scientist ).

If you go in firing wildly, then yes you'll hit a few. But it's the ones you want you should be aiming for and putting the effort into.

July 18, 2011

It must be a perception thing Sith as I don't see it the same way. That or geography, social etiquette in area of people (mid sized 100,000 people, country town, so it's in my interests to focus).

I'm not saying I'm a super stud in the looks department, I do get by though. But I am a words smith, that or I have mad syntax skills. Plus I actually take the time out when searching for a significant other. If your just hitting with cut & paste generics then yes I wouldn't be surprised with a low response. Plus I'm not hitting up on 60+ people either hoping to score a hit. I'd be up for days if I was doing that, and most likely wouldn't interest me either. If your sincere in your approach then it should show. Quality over quantity when contacting yields much bigger dividends.

Frankly I find a lot of women see good writing skills as sexy. If they don't have enough depth to go past a picture then really they are doing me a favour. In turn I find well educated women as 'massive' turn on.
This was also reflected on my online profile having had people contact me simply to say it was a great read (I think a copy of it's floating around in one of my threads), and what my current girlfriend found so endearing to her being drawn to me in the first place (bonus for me too since shes a scientist ).

If you go in firing wildly, then yes you'll hit a few. But it's the ones you want you should be aiming for and putting the effort into.

I don't know. I can see both sides of the argument. I mean I always write to women who have stuff in common with me, yet it's been months since any girl has replied to any of my messages, and only one girl has ever even agreed to a date. For some people, "carpet bombing" might be a good approach. I can't bring myself to do it, but I do know that doing it the way you do hasn't gotten me anywhere.

July 18, 2011

I don't know. I can see both sides of the argument. I mean I always write to women who have stuff in common with me, yet it's been months since any girl has replied to any of my messages, and only one girl has ever even agreed to a date. For some people, "carpet bombing" might be a good approach. I can't bring myself to do it, but I do know that doing it the way you do hasn't gotten me anywhere.

AJ22one what are you saying to them? I hope you don't see their profile and that they like football, only to have you fire off with "I like football too?" etc... If your not cool with responding publicly, happy to have you PM me instead.

Lets open this forum up a bit then and rather than talk about online dating slumps, ways to get out of online dating slumps? Best way to learn is through the mistakes of others. Heck I made a few in the early days, and discovered the best method is refine, refine, refine. I'm sure some of the regulars will have some interesting insight on this too.

July 18, 2011

AJ22one what are you saying to them? I hope you don't see their profile and that they like football, only to have you fire off with "I like football too?" etc... If your not cool with responding publicly, happy to have you PM me instead.

Lets open this forum up a bit then and rather than talk about online dating slumps, ways to get out of online dating slumps? Best way to learn is through the mistakes of others. Heck I made a few in the early days, and discovered the best method is refine, refine, refine. I'm sure some of the regulars will have some interesting insight on this too.

I don't have enough posts to PM (I go on this site only sporadically) so I'll post here.

What I usually write is something witty/funny related to something they wrote on their profile, and ask a question. I'm specific with what I say. If they were to mention football for example then I'd probably ask them about their favorite team, how excited they are for the upcoming season, etc. One girl mentioned on her profile some of her research interests which were very much related to mine, I asked her about it told her about my own research, still got no response.

Almost all of these women (90% or more) view my profile. They just don't respond to my messages. I can only conclude that there's something about my profile that isn't palatable to these women. I know I don't look like the elephant man so it's probably not my looks.

July 18, 2011

Well from what you've said it may well be the profile. Profiles that don't make the same flow of your messages also play a big part. If your funny and witty in your message then your profile should seem the same. But if your message is funny and your profile is all "I like long walks on the beach", then it will read your trying too hard.

July 18, 2011

I don't have enough posts to PM (I go on this site only sporadically) so I'll post here.

What I usually write is something witty/funny related to something they wrote on their profile, and ask a question. I'm specific with what I say. If they were to mention football for example then I'd probably ask them about their favorite team, how excited they are for the upcoming season, etc. One girl mentioned on her profile some of her research interests which were very much related to mine, I asked her about it told her about my own research, still got no response.

Almost all of these women (90% or more) view my profile. They just don't respond to my messages. I can only conclude that there's something about my profile that isn't palatable to these women. I know I don't look like the elephant man so it's probably not my looks.

Or possibly it's something about themselves that cause them not to write back. If there is something that the guy writing me (or someone the site has matched me with) and I aren't compatible on, if it's a biggie for me, I won't pursue. Would it be kind of them to write you back indicating they don't feel you are a good match? Absolutely. Do they have the right not to? Of course.

PS There was actually a very good article written about email response etiquette here.

July 18, 2011

Also I managed to drag it up from an old topic but this may help you to review your profile and the do & do not's behind it... You'll even find one of my old ones at the end.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3002925#post3002925

July 19, 2011

For the past couple of months now, I have made several attempts to meet women online. It has been a very difficult and frustrating situation for me. I have been in contact and on a date with only one person from a particular site. I don't understand what's going on. I have a short but precise profile, nothing too flashy and several good pics. Is it me or is the time of year or what? I have sent out several e-mails / winks/ and IM's with no responses...WTF??

Has anyone out here had the same slump as me? What do I do?

Thanks

On-line dating SUCKS. I think most do it for attention or people watching. I get e-mails from women I would never in a million years notice (or they live 1,000 miles away) and the ones I show the slightest attention to don't even respond. Expect little or nothing from this and don't take it personally that way if anything does come from it, it's like a freebie. Be open and casual in public and get yourself out there. I meet women all the time that way. Not always ones I'd date but I am always nice - I tell myself that their friend or sister might be the one for me...

July 19, 2011

Thanks AJ, yeah I just don't get it. I know the pro's would say to get off the computer and get out and meet people, but that doesn't always work either especially if you are by yourself and you don't have a wingman. I have also heard that if I stop looking, then that's when you find someone. Either way, I just want to date and make new friends and see where things go.

You don't need a wing-man to meet women. It may help, but you are defeating yourself with that thinking. Go volunteer somewhere. No one has an excuse to not do that because it's free and if you don't have the time then how do you have the time to date? Girls like fun guys. Be that fun guy.

July 19, 2011

I'm in a Plenty of Fish dating slump. I haven't met anyone off there since December

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