Dua Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I recently broke up with a man because he simply was not putting in any effort into the relationship. This is actually the second time we break up throughout our 3 year relationship and it's pretty much for the same reason. I need your advice in order to help clear a few things out for me as Im left with some curiosity and would like the truth, even the ugly truth. During the last month of our relationship, he was distant. He wouldnt initiate contact, he wouldnt want to be touched, he wouldnt allow himself to have a good time. He was very depressed. He is very obsessed with his job, if he is happy at work then he is motivated to live life to the fullest. After a few months of starting his job he began to hate his job, he felt he was underpaid and over worked. He also has some problems with his family as he needs to help out financially...so a lot of stress to deal with. He wasnt treating me right at all. I dont want to go into details but I dont need anyone to tell me it was a bad relationship. I broke up with him to try and give him space as well as possibly consider what he has lost. Each time we have spoken after the break up, he tells me he doesnt think its a good idea to talk and that his life isnt going too well and so he doesnt want to involve me. He says that he just doesnt want to be in love or love anyone and that he wasnt the relationship kinda guy because it works for a few months and then he changes his mind. Im confused and my ego is kinda to the floor. Did he lose interest in me? I mean, I did everything i could to cheer him up all the times he was down and obviously it wasnt good enough. Is it that easy for him to let me go even though the relationship was great? Maybe I was clingy? Can his depression seriously cause him to be completely careless for losing me? He doesnt want to be touched! Really? I never thought I would hear this from a man! I need some sort of answer as to what the problem is here..also, if i give him this space and respect his decision...should i expect to hear from him in the future? Or am I only going to hear about him sleeping around?
robdrm32 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 Answer is simple... Hes just not into you This is sort of true. He just lost feelings is what it comes down to. Whether its because of x,y, or z, he lost them. All you can do is look back and learn from it. Just leave him be and move on with your life. No it wont be easy, but its what is best for you in the end.
Saxis Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I recently broke up with a man because he simply was not putting in any effort into the relationship. This is actually the second time we break up throughout our 3 year relationship and it's pretty much for the same reason. I need your advice in order to help clear a few things out for me as Im left with some curiosity and would like the truth, even the ugly truth. During the last month of our relationship, he was distant. He wouldnt initiate contact, he wouldnt want to be touched, he wouldnt allow himself to have a good time. He was very depressed. He is very obsessed with his job, if he is happy at work then he is motivated to live life to the fullest. After a few months of starting his job he began to hate his job, he felt he was underpaid and over worked. He also has some problems with his family as he needs to help out financially...so a lot of stress to deal with. He wasnt treating me right at all. I dont want to go into details but I dont need anyone to tell me it was a bad relationship. I broke up with him to try and give him space as well as possibly consider what he has lost. Each time we have spoken after the break up, he tells me he doesnt think its a good idea to talk and that his life isnt going too well and so he doesnt want to involve me. He says that he just doesnt want to be in love or love anyone and that he wasnt the relationship kinda guy because it works for a few months and then he changes his mind. Im confused and my ego is kinda to the floor. Did he lose interest in me? I mean, I did everything i could to cheer him up all the times he was down and obviously it wasnt good enough. Is it that easy for him to let me go even though the relationship was great? Maybe I was clingy? Can his depression seriously cause him to be completely careless for losing me? He doesnt want to be touched! Really? I never thought I would hear this from a man! I need some sort of answer as to what the problem is here..also, if i give him this space and respect his decision...should i expect to hear from him in the future? Or am I only going to hear about him sleeping around? I'm confused... It was either bad, or it was great?
carhill Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I got the sense it was great until a month or so before they broke up. OP, for some reason I get the sense that you are a non-Western cultural background. Men of differing cultures act and feel in differing ways due to cultural influences. If I'm correct, it would help to know the culture. In some cultures, with his recent experiences, he may be socialized to not feel worthy of you and is pushing you away. The combination of hating his job and feeling pressure to contribute to his family (one of the indicators which prompted my question about culture) causes him to feel like he cannot be a successful partner right now. Of course, as mentioned by others, his feelings may have changed, or there might be someone else. Definitely possible. IMO, leave the lines of communication open but accept that he doesn't want to be with you right now. Consider yourself available and continue your healing process. What happens in the future is in the future. Focus on today.
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