Katgall Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I have been dating this guy for 9 months. We were together the other weekend and had fun hanging out with his kids. When I left we kissed each other good night. I turned and was getting in my car, my back was to him and he said I love you for the first time. I said I love you too while getting into my car and I left. The next day we hung out for the 4th of July and it was the same thing that night. He had been drinking both nights so wasn't sure how aware he was of what he was saying but I do think he knew. I haven't heard from him now for 5 days. He normally makes contact about every 3 days or so. I am just afraid that he has backed away because of how I acted. He usually initiates the contact. I am afraid to contact him because I don't want to make it look like I am chasing him. I was very surprised by him saying that because sometimes I feel that he isn't all into it. I do love him but am so very confused and don't know what to do. I feel that something isn't right and that it has to do with that. Should I wait for him to make contact?
ivalm Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 I think you should definitely call him. He may now feel insecure/etc and feel that may be he did something wrong by you, so you calling him would relieve that. After 9 months you shouldn't really worry about "chasing him". Perhaps in the first month or two I can understand, but by now things should be pretty established...
Author Katgall Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 My concern is that his ex wife of 9 years cheated on him and left him for another man. They have been divorced for 6 years but this is his first real relationship since (mine too since my divorce). I know he has been taking it slow because he didn't want to get hurt again and I think my reaction maybe wasn't what he thought it would be. That's why I am so worried that I haven't heard from him
ivalm Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 My concern is that his ex wife of 9 years cheated on him and left him for another man. They have been divorced for 6 years but this is his first real relationship since (mine too since my divorce). I know he has been taking it slow because he didn't want to get hurt again and I think my reaction maybe wasn't what he thought it would be. That's why I am so worried that I haven't heard from him OK, but if anything your reaction was LESS that what he was hoping for. For him it was probably a very big step and he probably hoped you would respond much more happily/actively. He probably thinks you just said "I love you" to him out of courtesy and without the strong emotions he may have. At any rate, after 9 months, I think you guys should be close enough for you to be able to call like this.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 What? After 9 months you only hear from him every 3 days? That's not a relationship!
make me believe Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I agree, it's really strange that you only speak every 3 days when you've been together for 9 months. And at this stage you shouldn't have to play games like "should I call him? should I not?" Just call him!! If you guys really do love each other, then nobody is "chasing" the other. You should be able to have a mature, mutual relationship. This doesn't sound like one. Call him up and ask wtf is going on.
Forever Learning Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 I agree, it's really strange that you only speak every 3 days when you've been together for 9 months. And at this stage you shouldn't have to play games like "should I call him? should I not?" Just call him!! If you guys really do love each other, then nobody is "chasing" the other. You should be able to have a mature, mutual relationship. This doesn't sound like one. Call him up and ask wtf is going on. I agree. After 9 months, a call every few days is way to casual and undefined for most people. Sounds like some version of a friends with benefits set - up, whether it started out that way or not. Call him and be direct (but not aggressive or hostile) and find out what is going on from his perspective. good luck.
Author Katgall Posted July 15, 2011 Author Posted July 15, 2011 Thank you all for your perspective. It is helpful. I did call and leave a message. I know it has been very casual. It's a challenge because I have 2 young kids full time and he has 5 kids but half the time. We'll see where it goes. I realize now that we shouldn't have to play those silly games anymore at this point!! Thanks for bringing it to my attention
tidy09 Posted July 15, 2011 Posted July 15, 2011 http://www.cupid.com/aff.php?a_aid=8b6c51b0&a_bid=1e197281 Try it.
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