SeaBreeze100 Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Hi All, I just want to know what to do. Can my relationship be salvaged? Here's the back story on hubby and I. We've been married for nearly 7 years. We have a 3 year old boy and my hubby has been working on his MBA for 4 years. Ours has never been a happy marriage from the start. When he moved to Australia from Canada, he was really angry and irritable. He blamed it on being homesick and a stressful job. Then we had our son, and he blamed his anger and grumpiness on having a newborn. A few months ago, his anger got to the point I threatened to walk out on him with our child unless he got help. And he has. But the thing is - there is no intimacy in our relationship. My husband is out four nights a week and all weekend working on this MBA. We haven't had sex in nearly 3 years. And I am lonely. And in the past, when we've had sex, it's always been about him. He doesn't care about what I enjoy. How does he think that grabbing my boobs roughly will encourage me to have sex with him? How does he think that when he is angry this will encourage me to have sex with him? How does he think telling me my vagina and I smell will encourage me to have sex with him? I don't know that I love my husband any more. Link to post Share on other sites
dirkgently Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 To be blunt - he is out every night working on his MBA for 4 years and has not had sex with you in three - he is out every night having sex, just not with you. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 This guy obviously has zero class. Leave him as soon as you can, so as to preserve the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) This guy obviously has zero class. Leave him as soon as you can, so as to preserve the rest of your life. this is the truth, heed this advice. I lived with Mr. Angry for 15 years. I got cancer from it around year 8. Look, life is tooooo short to live with an assh*le. Get therapy, join a women's support group, join a 12 step program, read all you around here, google 'self esteem', try this site: http://www.lisaescott.com/ . every little bit of educating yourself helps. learn that you are not alone. learn that the world is a good place and your life can be great, once you get the negative energy (your husband) out of your world. get familar with divorce laws in your state WELL BEFORE filing for divorce. read read read. it's worth it to leave and move on. Its NOT WORTH IT to stay and be miserable, not even for your son. if you feel stuck, take small steps, read every day, reach out to supportive friends family neighbors, whoever, so long as they are trusted, to develop a support system for yourself to get out. but do get out. your son will sense you are miserable, and that is not healthy for him in the long term either. your son may very well may end up with low self esteem, like yourself. and angry and grouchy like him. then, the pattern continues into the next generation. you son is poisoned from the toxic environment he grew up in. your son is your garden, protect and nourish him, don't let him be poisoned by Mr. Angry. God bless and all the best to you. Edited July 12, 2011 by Forever Learning Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 Hi All, I just want to know what to do. Can my relationship be salvaged? A relationship can be salvaged only if *both* parties want to salvage it. One person can't fix a marriage. Does he truly want to work on your marriage? He'd have to go to marital counseling with you to work through the issues. I suppose it's a good sign he agreed to get anger management help. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I'm a firm believer in trying to save a marriage if it is at all possible. (That's probably why I'm working on becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist and am getting my degree in counseling psychology). It may be possible to save your marriage and improve your situation. But if I were you, I would first want to know if all those nights away from home, and all those weekends, are really only related to his degree program. If you haven't been having sex for 3 years, and he is out of the house so much, there's a good possibility that he's getting it somewhere else. Educate yourself on the signs of infidelity. Lots of people don't recognize the signs and the infidelity goes unnoticed. You may want to hire a private investigator just to assure yourself about where your husband goes during all these nights and weekends out. If he is seeing someone else, then by all means divorce the guy. If he's not, there is hope. He has offered to go to anger management classes. You should definately be getting marriage counseling. But if he has been unfaithful, to me that is a deal breaker, and it's time to call it quits. If there is any truth about your hygene or appearance that turns him off, I would suggest working on that aspect as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SeaBreeze100 Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 KathyM - might I suggest you stay away from marriage counseling as a vocation? First principle, you ask rather than assume. For you information, I am 5ft 2 and I weight 120 pounds. I am a perfect size 8 around the waist and a size 10 around the bust line. And I use douches to clean myself. None of my previous sexual partners have ever had an issue with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mauschen Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Kathy was just trying to help, and she didn't assume - she said "if". Your response to Kathy shows that you are defensive, and aspect of your personality that may be of some issue to those communicating with you. I am not here to insult you at all - goodness knows I have my own issues too - and recognizing them and working on them helps us grow. I suggest the book His Needs Her Needs by Dr. Harley or visiting the marriage builders website on how to improve your marriage. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Being in a sexless relationship of that variety scares me - but given my current partner, I'm probably well on my way there...he's also talking about starting his MBA Program this fall, so I'm going to assume that will be the official death of any and all intimacy between us... I wish I had better advice, but these problems seem to have gone on between you for ages. Have you outright addressed this sex issue, point-by-point? Ask him what occurred to put death to your sex life. Tell him you're lonely. Tell him what you need. Tell him exactly what you expect from him (how frequently, if you'd go for quickies or longer nights of passion, etc.). Tell him that you think you both need to be in counseling and to meet with a sex therapist if the problems don't improve by a particular deadline. If he won't commit to that, then yes, my feeling is it's time to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
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