Shadesofgray Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 Ok so...weekend before last I went on a date with this guy I have been talking to...we had a great time..ended the night with a kiss and hug goodbye..A few days later he told me he doesn't know if he wants a serious relationship right now..that he guessed what he was looking for was more of a FWB situation..only not just sex. He wants someone to hang out with and do stuff with..and whatever else. I..having just gotten out of a relationship decided that is exactly what I needed and went with it. However..I didn't expect to actually end up liking him. I've never been in a FWB situation before so I'm not sure how it works...but..we have alot of fun together..and we totally get each other's sense of humor. We text alot and talk about all kinds of stuff (not just sexual). This weekend he came over after work and we watched a movie. We were holding hands and cuddling and stuff..and ended up hooking up. He hung out after for a few hours and then went home. We were supposed to do something the next day but my child was sick so that didn't work out so he asked if I wanted to hang out tonight after work..I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said no just you. He has said a few times "it's because I like you" and stuff like that. I'm trying to just..not complicate it..take it for what it is and just have fun..but at the same time the more I talk to him the more I like him..and I don't want to end up getting hurt..when he said from the beginning he didn't want anything serious. I don't really know what to think about it...any input? Thanks guys!
Author Shadesofgray Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 Wow that was great advice thanks so much! I think that..although I have a hard time admitting it even to myself..there is a thought that I hope that maybe it will turn into something...but at the same time that I couldn't be dissapointed if it didn't because I knew in the beginning how it was going to be. But..that still won't stop me from getting hurt. He told me he had been engaged to someone he was dating for 4 years who cheated on him...(they broke up a year ago) and that's why he didn't want anything serious. We only talked about it briefly and it wasn't brought up again..and his actions and what his intentions were really don't match up...so I'm not sure if I should try to talk to him and make sure I understand what his intentions are exactly? like when he said he wasn't sure how quickly he wanted to get into any serious...did that mean he wants to date hang out and take things slow and see where it goes..or...he just doesn't want a relationship period. I'm not sure how that would come off or even how to articulate something like that though.
Author Shadesofgray Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 yeah and I'm sure that didn't end well. lol I will talk to him and see what he says. I just need a find a way to approach it that doesn't come off as if i'm trying to suck him into a relationship haha
Knittress Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 (edited) I was moving anyway so it's not like I was hoping it would turn into something more, but I STILL managed to get upset about being treated like takeout. I had no problem with FWB in theory, but some emotional corner of my mind got downright pissy that he wasn't in love with me. (I'm a romantic, yep.) I think this arrangement only works for certain types of personalities. Edited July 11, 2011 by Knittress
Author Shadesofgray Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 I was moving anyway so it's not like I was hoping it would turn into something more, but I STILL managed to get upset about being treated like takeout. I had no problem with FWB in theory, but some emotional corner of my mind got downright pissy that he wasn't in love with me. (I'm a romantic, yep.) I think this arrangement only works for certain types of personalities. yeah..I think this situation is especially hard for girls. it's so hard to seperate emotions and sex. Especially when the guy doesn't just come..have sex and leave...he acts like you would when you're in a relationship. so confusing. lol
Tasha49 Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 It is so very very difficult to have a successful FWB relationship. Someone will ALWAYS get too attached. It is most often the woman who gets her feelings too involved because we are the most emotionally-attached of the two. The more time you spend with someone, sexually and not sexually, your feelings will start to change much more. The more time you invest, the more you will want it to turn into something. I am in a similar situation. Only for me, it has been well over a year. Things are no longer in the FWB category because of how serious it grew, but still no title of a relationship. And he has slept with a few others. That did NOT make me happy but crushed me. Because it was well into our "relationship." Sometimes one of the people want to keep their options open and as was already stated... that entitles them to have their cake and eat it too. The guy I am with was cheated on in a 6 year relationship over a year ago and used that as the initial excuse to no commitment. Now I have heard many other excuses. I keep waiting because I obviously am head over heels for him. I keep thinking "Well, maybe wait a few more days and then I will give up." yeah... I have been thinking those words for a year now. He has admitted to loving me finally at least, but words are only words. If you wait a few more months and nothing still, then I would suggest pulling back if he has made it clear he isn't ready. Because you will get hurt more the more you wait. And worst of all you will end up like me, completely unhappy and still in it a year later. I hope it goes differently!
Author Shadesofgray Posted July 14, 2011 Author Posted July 14, 2011 Wow Tasha..I know that has to be so hard. I can't imagine going through that for so long especially when you are in love with the person. I hope things change for you soon....
Woggle Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 FWB is like communism. It sounds good in theory but is often a disaster in practice.
somedude81 Posted July 14, 2011 Posted July 14, 2011 Actually it's nothing but the woman's fault for accepting FWB. All FWB is doing is benefiting player guys. Women need to go back to saying "no" to outside of relationship sex.
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