delilah123 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 (edited) I've recently started trying online dating... i'm only 21 so it's just for a bit of fun to see how it goes. Although I'd be v happy to find someone I could be in a serious relationship with. Anyhow - I have noticed a huge amount of guys (and for some reason mainly the good looking ones) ask me out for a date within the 1st - 3rd email (or ask for my number, then txt me asking me out for a date). I am a little confused because I thought the point of online dating was to get to know someone online (which I'll be honest with you I find a little hard to do anyway, i'm much more a face to face person). So I'm not complaining... but a little confused. If a guy asks me on a date (either "coffee or drinks after work") when all he basically knows is my profile and my first name is he just after sex or do you think he just prefers to get to know women in person. Won't it be awkward with only one photo on their profile I maynot even recognize them! I hate to say it but I cancelled last minute on one yesterday because I just freaked out, it seemed so weird to go meet a guy I've barely ever spoken to. I've been on first dates before but I've always known the guy as a friend or in a group social situation first. So what do you guys think? There is a really cute guy I'm supposed to be meeting late in the week but that's it.. his profile is barely even filled out! We txted a bit and he seem's pretty funny but I barely know him at all is he just after sex?! (for the record my profile is nicely filled out, I have tasteful photos and I, as well as the guys who have asked to meet up with me, all have that we are looking for 'dating or long term relationships') also not sure if this makes a difference, but it's a site where you don't pay to be on it, but you pay to send emails so all the guys have paid at least $5 to contact me intially. Although I know guys pay for sex haha so not sure if that's any better. EDIT - haha re - read I don't mean la la all the good looking guys contact me.. i mean the ones that aren't considered 'typically hot' tend to email back and forth for a while, the ones who are built and i would imagine get more female attention dive straight in for date. maybe they are just more confident? Edited July 10, 2011 by delilah123
Saxis Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 If you're uncomfortable with meeting them so early, why are you agreeing to it? All you have to do is tell them you'd like to get to know them a little better first. Ask them to call you and talk for a bit.
USCGAviator Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think most guys (including myself) prefer to meet fairly quick to get to know someone. You can only say so much through emails and it gets rather dull after a short while. It seems alot of women are scared to meet right away because they feel that they can't control themselves. If a guy just wants sex you'll know it fairly quick on a IRL date....not through emails. So if your worried about keeping your panties on, then by all means drag out the email game until your more comfy meeting.
krz12 Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 They're not there to be your pen pals. If you ran into this same guy at a club, what do you know about him? Nothing.
Saxis Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 EDIT - haha re - read I don't mean la la all the good looking guys contact me.. i mean the ones that aren't considered 'typically hot' tend to email back and forth for a while, the ones who are built and i would imagine get more female attention dive straight in for date. maybe they are just more confident? They know they can usually get by on looks alone, so generally don't have to work as hard. In my experience, women doing online dating are WAY more superficial than the men.
mortensorchid Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 In my experience, if the man has not asked to meet or even offered a phone number within 4 emails, they are not serious about meeting / calling you. Consider that a success if someone offers this to you. As for what will happen afterward, that's up to chance. I've encountered people (myself included) who have done the online thing and you may end up chatting with that person via email on the sight for weeks, some cases months, and you two will never meet. I've also noticed that if you (as the woman) try to initiate it to the phone or a face to face meeting, they suddenly go cold on you and/or *poof* you never hear from them again. I've had some experiences with the online world just recently, they have been duds. Just recently, someone sent me an email on a sight, he offered his number. We talked just once on the phone, since it was Friday I figured he had weekend plans (which he did). Monday after the weekend I sent a text, he said he had two friends coming over for something but he would call me tomorrow. So ... He never did. I haven't tried to contact him since because he said he would do it. So consider yourself lucky that you are getting this success with phone numbers being offered. What happens after that? Questionable, but this is not odd.
Author delilah123 Posted July 10, 2011 Author Posted July 10, 2011 thanks so much for all the quick responses guys! Yeh I feel a bit silly being worried about it, since I have been finding getting to know someone online pretty difficult (just harder when you can't read facial expressions, body cues etc as Im sure you are all aware). The only time I've ever agreed to dates before is when I've already had a crush on the guy, so it just seems like a new thing for me to go on a date I have no feelings for hah although i think this is how most people seem to do it! I know I shouldn't have agreed if I felt uncomfortable but I was worried if I said I'd like to get to know you better first they'd think I wasn't up for it at all. I'm def going to keep this date on Wednesday, so fingers crossed he doesn't stand me up! I'll let you all know how it goes. and Ps. Keeping my panties on isn't he problem, it's wasting my time with guys who only want to get laid which is! I get enough of that in bars and clubs!
PhillyDude Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I asked for a phone number or offer mines after about 4 emails. Then talk on the phone for about a week. Someone your age probably can meet quicker during this time of year versus someone in their mid 30' who have a job and have to see how each other schedule are. Two people who are 21 maybe home for the summer not working and can meet in 2 days.
sm1tten Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think that the chances of running into someone who just wants sex or whom you are not compatible with is just as likely as real life, and the length of time they communicate with you via the site is not indicative of that. I had a friend who got strung along for 4 months for a pump and dump, one night stand. I've had other friends who met within the first week and are now engaged. We are all mid to late 20s.
USCGAviator Posted July 10, 2011 Posted July 10, 2011 I think that the chances of running into someone who just wants sex or whom you are not compatible with is just as likely as real life, and the length of time they communicate with you via the site is not indicative of that. I had a friend who got strung along for 4 months for a pump and dump, one night stand. I've had other friends who met within the first week and are now engaged. We are all mid to late 20s. Perfect example.
musemaj11 Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 All men are after sex. What else do you think a guy would take any romantic interest in you? Just to be friends? Just to have someone to spend money on? Duh.
PhillyDude Posted July 11, 2011 Posted July 11, 2011 All men are after sex. What else do you think a guy would take any romantic interest in you? Just to be friends? Just to have someone to spend money on? Duh. She is referring to QUICK SEX
Author delilah123 Posted July 11, 2011 Author Posted July 11, 2011 I asked for a phone number or offer mines after about 4 emails. Then talk on the phone for about a week. Someone your age probably can meet quicker during this time of year versus someone in their mid 30' who have a job and have to see how each other schedule are. Two people who are 21 maybe home for the summer not working and can meet in 2 days. Thanks for the help guys. just to clear up for mainly the quoted poster I work full time, have completed my degree and live on my own (and have always been this independent) so the guys I'm interested in are usually 23-26 anyway. Though I think all the comments posted are still valid regardless. I really liked the poster who made that comparison between the friend who was engaged and the guy who wanted the lay. it's a good point.. i guess i'll just have to wait until I meet them!
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