johnny21 Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Hey everyone, been reading these forums for a few weeks and found some of the advice quite helpful, so I figured it's about time I joined I don't really have any questions in particular, just figured I'd share my story and maybe take any general advice/become part of the community. Here's a little background info on myself: 20 years old, going into 2nd year of university, have been on some "dates", but never really had a girlfriend or anything serious. I'm fairly average looking I'd say...about 6'1-6'2, 180ish lbs, not overly skinny but kinda lanky and I'm fine with that. I've always had a lot of friends, whether it be elementary, highschool, or university I've had no problems establishing a good social atmosphere. I obsessed with sports and am very active so that definitely helps for meeting people...was a little bit shy/not overly interested in pursuing any girls until a couple years ago when everyone started drinking/partying and what not, so now I'm much more social and am fairly close with a decent amount of female friends. Up until last year I really had no feelings for any girls in particular (small town, small school) and thus never really asked anyone out, but now I believe I am ready for a relationship. Anyways, I lived in res this past year at school and loved it...had a bit of a "situation" with a girl there. She was very shy but one night my friends and went around to everyones room and introduced ourselves, so her and her roomate became part of our group in october. Of course she was a cutie, and we kind of hit it off right away...she was shy like I said, but still pretty flirty and after around a month of hanging out in a group I was considering asking her out/making a move. Then one weekend she went home and I was texting her how she was doing, and she brought up how she didn't get to see her bf which kinda sucked...so yeah I was upset and felt like I was lead on, but it didn't really change much and her and her roomy were still friends with all of us. She said something like "are you still going to talk to me now that you know i'm taken or can we not be friends?" I didn't have super strong feelings at this time, so I didn't really want to look like some dick who just wanted to get in her pants and didn't care about her as a person/friend. So naturally the next few months were tough, trying to get over someone while seeing/talking to them every day is never a good idea. I know I was still flirty, we still clicked and argued about little things...everyone basically called us an old married couple (and it would annoy me because I knew her bf was a lying player from her roomie). Anyways, over xmas break I was kind of moving on and getting over her...then in Jan she tells me she couldn't put up with the lies anymore and broke up with her bf. So of course all my feelings came back, we talked and texted and flirted much more and it wasn't hard to tell that she had at least felt something for me too. Things went on like that for a while, then I found out in like march from her roomie (her best friend who was close with me/on my side because she knew i was a good guy) that she definitely was getting feelings for me but didn't really know what to do about them (she was with her ex for 2 yrs, was scared out getting hurt/ruining our friendship, same old), but she did like me as more than a friend. So we started to flirt more and more, I ended up staying in their room like 3 nights - nothing happened, just movie nights and fell asleep in her bed/cuddled a bit, but it didn't make it awkward. Start of April they came out to the club with us for the last time before exams and we ended up making out and being together both nights. The 2nd night after the club her roomate told me to go talk to her alone in their room so I did...she was balling her eyes out about how her ex was a dick and now she has trust issues, how I was too nice to her and she didn't deserve it...how she really liked me but how shes not good enough and I need to move on, blah blah blah. I told her she was crazy, comforted her, then there was a crazy passionate make-out sess (didn't turn into anything else, she has morals). Anyways we talked about it all the next day (shes really reserved with her feelings and keeps everything inside, but I told her we have to because we did). Basically agreed (although it was tough for me) that since school was over in a couple weeks and we like 3 hrs away, theres no point starting anything and trying to make it work long distance so early). We said we'd still talk and stay in touch over the summer and let each other know if feelings change/fade, basically no guarantees for this coming fall, but that we both knew how each other felt. 2nd week in may I get a text from her saying how she's sorry but doesn't feel the same way any more, still wants to be friends but realizes I'm not her type and it was just a crush. I was quite hurt as that was the first girl I really had real feelings for, and when I was about to give up hope the first time I found out she liked me...so that made things much worse this time. I didn't beg for her to be with me or anything like that, just kinda asked how it took a month without seeing me to realize I wasn't her type. I said I still wanna be friends too but couldn't talk to her for a while until things went away, and she understood. Anyways were talking now, think I'm pretty well over it and really want to move on...just having a hell of a time meeting another girl I'm interested in (again, very small town ha). If you read the whole thing thats basically my story/situation, like I said I don't have any specific questions, just was bored and wondering what other people thought...so if you have any advice or questions please let me know, thanks SORRY for the extremely lengthy post, didn't mean it to be this long but once I get typing I just keep going lol
thatone Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) yeah, she led you on. yeah, she lied to you. yeah, she was planning on cheating on her boyfriend you just didn't take her up on it. yeah, she is manipulative. it didn't take her a month to figure out anything. it took her a month to rationalize and justify her actions to herself. she never considered what you wanted or what you thought, only what she wanted and what she thought. so there's a common theme you can avoid in the future, if you want to avoid such women. when a woman flirts with you and you suspect or find out that she has a boyfriend, you have two choices. a) f*ck her anyway, then ignore her after b) ignore her from the start and don't bother because no matter what happens, if she was willing to cheat on the other poor bastard she is willing to do the same thing to you. and no matter which course of action you choose, the answer to the question of "can't we just be friends" is ALWAYS no. that's her asking for your permission to keep using you for the attention that the guy she's screwing isn't giving her. is that what you want? no, obviously. so don't do it. again with the two choices. tell her flat out no and walk away if you don't want to bother, or play passive/uninterested if she is flirting with you to get laid. get over the chivalrous attitude. she's acting like a whore, why does she deserve someone to be nice to her? she doesn't, she wasted a month of your time. no one bothered to respond because your situation has happened a million times and it'll happen a million more, so people just don't bother. either way, the key to not being miserable in the future is spotting these red flags early, making a wise decision about such women early, and sticking to your decision. when they act like whores, treat them like whores. when they act like rational normal adults, save those for your relationships. Edited July 6, 2011 by thatone
Author johnny21 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Thanks for the reply, like I said I'm new here and probably should have realized how common these threads must be haha First off I'll say that I'm glad in a way I went through that **** since she was the first girl I had feelings for, and it gave me a better idea of what I want. Now being over her I'm able to see all the flaws I was oblivious to before and realize she wasn't really my type anyways. I'd rather mess things up with her by admittedly getting too attached and coming off as needy at times than someone who things would have actually worked out with. So yeah it sucked, but it gave me a better outlook on things as a whole and what to watch out for in the future. Now I know you're going to say don't defend her, but I can tell you right now she wasn't some whore...she was very much a "daddy's good girl" type actually; didn't really drink/party before university at all, very quiet/shy, didn't even bang her bf till they were together for over a year etc...so I can assure you from knowing her personally that flirtation aside, cheating wasn't going to happen...it was simply be being used and having hope when I shouldn't have. Anyways I'm passed that, over her, and ready to move on There's actually a girl in the summer course I'm taking now who has some potential...was her lab partner back in first term (sept-dec) and we were always friendly, but I rarely saw her outside of class and was obviously stuck on this other broad at the time. Got her digits today, told her I may be staying in the city we go to school in wednesday night (she stays there, i live an hour away but have a student house there for next year) so I don't have to get up so early for class thursday. Said if I do end up going I may hit her up if I'm bored, and she said yeah for sure...So I guess we'll see what happens there
thatone Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 daddy's good girl types make for the most obvious whores. daddys are the ones that cause it! these women weren't born with their attention complexes, it was taught to them. first by their parents, later reinforced by their boyfriends.
Author johnny21 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Aha I know, I'm just saying don't assume her boyfriend was some "poor bastard"...he's the one that was doing the lying and cheating, he was the classic player/*******. Honestly, like I said now that I'm over her I can see her flaws. There were so many red flags (lack of communication/reservedness etc.), but because she looked the way she did and was a huge NFL fan I looked passed that. I mean the chances of a girl knowing her football are rare...the chances of them being hot too? Damn near impossible haha. I just valued the positives too much and ignored the things that really did piss me off about out her, but I've learned
thatone Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 good for you. that's what it's all about, learning to pick up on the red flags early, and sticking to your decisions. btw it's not hard to find women that are football fans, women oogling over professional athletes is as common as sliced bread.
Author johnny21 Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Lol well I know that...I'm talking about a football fan, not someone who likes guys in tight pants. She actually knew the game/players better than the majority of my guy friends who love sports, also was big into fantasy football! Unfortunately she was a Pats fan (I despise all Boston sports teams), but it was still the root of a good majority of conversation and little silly arguments. See, now this is why I AM still friends with her. If I wasn't ready to talk to her then I wouldn't be, but we're still in touch. Her and her roommate are still friends with our group and I know I'll see/hang out with them next year, so I'm confident I can still be friends and not "fall into the trap" again as to not make things awkward.
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