hendersongirl Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 This is a follow up to a previous thread, which basically outlined that I am insanely attracted to this woman (she is gorgeous, kind, funny, loving, intelligent, we have great conversations etc). She is single, was divorced 4 years ago. Obviously this is a sign she is straight, but I'm hoping she is bisexual or maybe becoming curious. She seems to like spending time with me, often texts/phones to arrange to do things, says lots of nice things, etc. But, of course, as women, this is common just between friends. So, I was given the advice to make it quite obvious that I was into women, and gauge her reaction. I did this, I think I dropped some quite clear hints that I like women. She didn't seem surprised or shocked in any way. Good sign. So I go further, I tell her she is gorgeous, an A in my book (when she got a B in a class she took), and drop some other flirtatious hints that I really like her. I can't be sure that she got the hint, but I'm pretty sure it was obvious. She seemed to flirt back, telling me I was lovely, sweet, smiling a lot, etc. Ok, probably just flattered. Still, no signs she was uncomfortable or anything. In the next couple of hours, she works it into conversation that she is "not into girls". Ok, couldn't be clearer; duly noted! Back off. So I back off on the flirting (I took it as a pretty clear sign, and it would be inconsiderate to continue). Next time I saw her, a couple of days later, she is maintaining eye contact for longer than necessary (longer than she did before), touching my arm unnecessarily, inviting me over to her place for dinner (just the two of us), and inviting me on a weekend trip (again, just the two of us), smiling a lot, complimenting, giggling (more than before), and our goodbye hug (instigated by her) was held for longer than the standard! Anyone got any insight on this behaviour? Obviously with such a clear "not into girls" before, I don't want to be the girl who can't take a hint. I figure she either: a) has thought about it, and become more curious about the idea, after an initial shock (but I want to respect her very clear message!), or b) was flattered and enjoys the attention (but if you knew someone was interested in you, and you were not interested in them, wouldn't you be quite careful with your signals?) How do I work out which of these it is (or another)?
kalikula Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 In my opinion, I might act the same as her in that she's not interested and makes that perfectly clear, but likes the attention and on some level flirts with you so you will give her more attention. She probably just likes feeling desired and wants to continue to feel that way. I think if she was really interested in experimenting she would say something more direct.
P&R Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Try seducing her with a romantic evening and go in for the kiss!
Author hendersongirl Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks for your replies. Except, lol, you gave me contradictory advice If she really isn't keen (like she has explicitly said) then going in for a kiss is really not cool. Maybe a more subtle tact? Or do I have to bite the bullet, grow some balls (so to speak) and *gasp* talk to her about it? Incidentally, I chatted with her on facebook this evening for a long time (it is 11pm here now), and she seems to be getting more and more flirty. Teasing me about how I have so much work to do. Then saying she wished she was there so she could give me hugs. Then saying she's going to bed, and mentioning how warm her bed is, then when I flirt back, with "I'm jealous!" she sends a wink face, and another "<hugs!>" From any heterosexual male, or homosexual female, I would have no problem interpreting these as signs of interest! But I'm so confused given she is "not into girls"!
P&R Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Thanks for your replies. Except, lol, you gave me contradictory advice If she really isn't keen (like she has explicitly said) then going in for a kiss is really not cool. Maybe a more subtle tact? Or do I have to bite the bullet, grow some balls (so to speak) and *gasp* talk to her about it? Incidentally, I chatted with her on facebook this evening for a long time (it is 11pm here now), and she seems to be getting more and more flirty. Teasing me about how I have so much work to do. Then saying she wished she was there so she could give me hugs. Then saying she's going to bed, and mentioning how warm her bed is, then when I flirt back, with "I'm jealous!" she sends a wink face, and another "<hugs!>" From any heterosexual male, or homosexual female, I would have no problem interpreting these as signs of interest! But I'm so confused given she is "not into girls"! I was half joking. Try asking her out on a date. Make it obvious that it's a date, date and not just "hanging out".
Author hendersongirl Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Slight problem with the "date" option. Here in NZ we don't really "do" dates. It's quite a different culture. I suspect if I said "would you like to go on a date with me?" or similar she would just give me an incredulous stare, and ask if I had been watching too many American movies. Lol. I'll think about what the equivalent would be here. In some ways it is unfortunate, but here people just tend to meet at a party, go home together and are subsequently "in a relationship" unless there are some awkward words exchanged to the contrary. Alternatively, we make friends, flirt, and end up making out/sleeping together, leading to some awkwardness until they do it a second time, at which point they are definitely "in a relationship."
alexlakeman Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 Tell her you tried this great new wine and want to invite her over to try a bottle and see a chic flick later this week.. It will be you, her, bottle of wine, romantic chic flic, sofa, ac is turned cold so she has to snuggle against you; bang... and you close the deal.. If she backs off, the next day just "blame the alcohol" as all women do.. Besides, you always hear that all women are curious, lol...
Author hendersongirl Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Ok, that is a very good idea. I may be able to make (a version of) this work. Can't be my place; I have flatmates- kind of a mood killer. She has already invited me to hers though, we are (I think) doing it next week. Let's see how this goes. Also, I'm pretty sure she can't drink wine, for health reasons. Or any other alcohol. I'll find out before I take a bottle with me. Thanks... My mind is running wild with possibilities...
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