Loni Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Her H gaslighted her for four years while having an EMR. Four years. I can't say I blame her too much. Who can really say how they would react to that kind of shoddy treatment. No one can, not even you. I was simply pointing out that sometimes the cliche of the stalker OW is way off base. Sometimes it is the W that goes crazy and is the stalker. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 All discarded OW/OM who still have feelings for their xAPs are in some ways bunny boilers in their own psyches. I cannot tell you the discomfort this causes. But the film is just a metaphor for what goes on. It is horrible for the Glenn Close character, who is demonised. The WH has to kill her. The BW has her life and emotional life disrupted and her family terrorised. The film sets things up with simplicity, so there is no real call on the emotions as we move through. But its greatness is in its perfect metaphor for what happens when a spouse strays without good reason. It is a film of cultural archetypes writ large. It doesn't even bother with the problem of love. It was effective as well. Who wants to be a bunny boiler? What if the facets were slightly different? Like you broke up your own M and then your xAP didn't want to know? If you went around to shriek and cry, why you would be a bunny boiler. I wonder, what film is its opposite? Nope it was the BS who blew her away. Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 the internet was nothing like it is today way back when I was involved with a MM. No such thing as google! I don't get the need to stalk someone I guess it goes back to being not the 'chosen' one and to continue to try to immerse themselves into the MM's life. Had several ddays and in talks with xmm w she referred to loads on my Fbook profile. We have common friends and she even sent a message to her asking me to take something off my profile-had nothing to do with anyone and was a year after I ended things. I've looked at hers once way back when I first set mine up. Facebook is much like life-you show what you want to. I don't like games so can't be bothered! Link to post Share on other sites
Heart On Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) I thought it was unfair to villify her,Glenn Close, as a "bunny boiler" when he lead her on and then wanted her to just vanish as though she had no worth when he was thru using her. If she had 'BPD',for reacting to his games,then he was a Narcissist and he had it coming. I think it was the MM's fault for starting something he had no right to start. I never sympathized with him and thought his wife should have dumped him for cheating on her, not defended her "Man" as though he was some sort of victim. He came onto the OW. I actually sympathized with HER,not him and laughed at the things she did to make him squirm! I was rooting for her long before I found out just what it felt like to be in WAY deeper than she was and thrown under the bus WAY harder than she was! I was pissed to no end when he killed her. I take it Married people are just "allowed" to 'hit it and quit it' with anyone they chose without suffering any consequences? Like she said...."You can't just USE me DAN!" MM and MW who cheat,should take heed and think about who they use for sex and consider people as having feelings instead of objects of instant gratification. That movie depicted the extreme....but in reality,who has the right to lead someone on only to dump them unceremoniously and go home without suffering any consequences? Selfish people with entitlement issues? Edited July 3, 2011 by Heart On Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 He was no victim but do OW ever stop and think that a man willing to betray the woman he made vows to might not be a good relationship partner? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 He was no victim but do OW ever stop and think that a man willing to betray the woman he made vows to might not be a good relationship partner? Nawww. At least not a great number of them. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 (edited) He was no victim but do OW ever stop and think that a man willing to betray the woman he made vows to might not be a good relationship partner? I often joke about wishing that men came with warning labels, you just look at their back and see what the warnings and side effects are and then decide if you want to take them up on their offer or not. A MM currently cheating is just one literal example of a warning label. It's at least a red flag raised so that you can see the possible side effects and so forth before you proceed. You are more aware of his *possibility* than someone whom you have to totally figure out from scratch, or have to ask about their past ,which they can fabricate. His potential problem is staring you in the face in real time....you know what' going on through empirical evidence. It's not about can he change, will he be different, is he a bad person blah blah...he may very well be the greatest man on earth....maybe...but you can't ignore the warning or be shocked if he lives up to the warning label and you experience the negative side effects. Surgeon General's Warning is on alcohol and cigarettes...and married men cheating to be with you. You have been forewarned...*if* things go awry, then you can't say you had no clue.The info is there and of course people ignore it if they so choose...but it's there for you to use as you see fit, whether that means saying sorry not for me or yes I will take my chances. Edited July 3, 2011 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Married men pretty much come with a built in label. I can see women wanting to have fun with one but women who get all hurt because he treated them the way he treats all women don't get much sympathy from me. If a person sticks their hand in a piranha can you really call them a victim? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anna101 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Um, she killed pet rabbits, the only 'reason' she did it is because she was mentally unhinged! Link to post Share on other sites
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