"Bunny Boilers"?

[Tenacity]

I am watching the movie "Fatal Attraction" right now, as it just came on the channel I was watching. It's been a long time since I've seen that movie (before my A).

 

I had forgotten a lot of the details of the movie, but now it seems strange to me. What possesses a person to become so obsessed over another person when there isn't even an EA but only a casual PA?

 

These two had dinner and basically 2 days/nights together, and she became obsessed with him based on that? Before that she came off as an independent, successful professional. She didn't even really initiate the A; he is the one who asked her out for the initial drink.

 

Every time I have heard the term "bunny boiler" I have been thinking of a person who was seriously involved with an attached person emotionally (and perhaps physically) and was thrown under the bus by them. But when an EA didn't even exist? How does someone like that end up boiling bunnies?

[Emme]

I couldn't help but laugh. Fantastic movie.

 

 

These two had dinner A man has shown interest in me. He took me out to wine and dine.

 

 

and basically 2 days/nights together He hasn't left to go home to anyone else so he's mine. He's a free man.

 

 

and she became obsessed with him based on that? Yes! because the b*tch was crazy. Plus the mind sees what it wants to see.

 

 

 

Before that she came off as an independent, successful professional. Yes she was. Doesn't mean she wasn't an emotionally unstable person.

 

 

She didn't even really initiate the A; he is the one who asked her out for the initial drink. He initiated so there for he is interested. It's all about the mind. The way one sees the picture. Everyones perception is different. For example... most women who remember going to clubs or bars. A guy would buy you a drink and for the rest of the evening that man actually believed you belonged to him. He bought you a drink so you can't talk to man... dance with another man. It's just the way the mind works.

 

I don't recall all parts of that movie but wasn't she pregnant. Another biggie. He had unprotected sex with her. Some women equate that with love.

[waytogo]

I am watching the movie "Fatal Attraction" right now, as it just came on the channel I was watching. It's been a long time since I've seen that movie (before my A).

 

I had forgotten a lot of the details of the movie, but now it seems strange to me. What possesses a person to become so obsessed over another person when there isn't even an EA but only a casual PA?

 

These two had dinner and basically 2 days/nights together, and she became obsessed with him based on that? Before that she came off as an independent, successful professional. She didn't even really initiate the A; he is the one who asked her out for the initial drink.

 

Every time I have heard the term "bunny boiler" I have been thinking of a person who was seriously involved with an attached person emotionally (and perhaps physically) and was thrown under the bus by them. But when an EA didn't even exist? How does someone like that end up boiling bunnies?

 

You just brought back such a memory for me, thank you I haven't seen that movie in so long. Back on topic, independent & successful in business is 1 thing. The character has a tremendous void and is not stable otherwise as Emme said. That was an intense movie. You've made me want to seek it out to watch again.

[MissBee]

I don't believe I've ever watched that....but I did watch that lesser acclaimed movie Obsessed, with Beyonce and Idris Elba

 

Same type of principle...chick from work, he had neither an emotional nor physical affair with her and she became obsessed with him.

 

Some people are emotionally disturbed and have very deep seated issues and the things they choose to act out often have little bearing in logical reality.

 

This reminds me of the "Bittersweet Party" thread in which the idea was brought up of some women taking casual and very meaningless things a man says and then begin building sandcastles in the sky with it, thoroughly convinced it is a whole other thing (often more) than what it really is. Having certain issues color your worldview and interactions often, turning benign things into things of epic proportion.

[whichwayisup]

I will get flack for saying this, but I see many AP's writing their own fairytales with little to base it on. I think the movie, while extreme, is right on the money with regards to the inequity.

 

I know I'm generalizing here but many women get attached very quickly and go looking for what this and that means.. Not only in affairs, but during dating and liking an available guy too.

 

A woman who is insecure, hasn't had a lot of experience in relationships or just falls easily for a guy is probably more prone to fantasizing and believing what she's built up in her head about the MM and his intentions than what it truly is.

[MissBee]

I agree that it is about what the mind wants to see. Although this movie was based on a woman with classic Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms which would completely exacerbate the situation, it's a fine example of how one sided these A's can be. How the intent of one can be so grossly misconstrued by another.

I will get flack for saying this, but I see many AP's writing their own fairytales with little to base it on. I think the movie, while extreme, is right on the money with regards to the inequity.

 

I concur.

 

I was at a meeting the other day and the topic was about friendship relationships and how you'd classify them using certain preset metaphors. It got to discussing what kind of friend you are and how you think your various friends would classify you and it was pointed out that how you think someone thinks of you may not be the same as how they do in fact think of you. You may very well think they think you are this type of friend but be surprised to find out that from their vantage point and perception, you are a whole other type.

 

You can of course guess at it sometimes and be accurate but it is interesting to realize that other people's perceptions of your relationship with them may not be the same as yours. Hence, communication and grounding things in reality are important, so that all parties involved are on the same page. I think that is a problem in a lot of relationships, platonic, romantic or otherwise, not being able to step outside ourselves and check with the other about what's really going on, what is really felt, how the other person sees things and is it in sync with your views and are you walking on the same path or just walking on two different paths but in both of your minds and projections, you think things are on the same page. I think this is the problem with marriages falling a part too...couples living separate lives and in separate head spaces oblivious to the reality of the other, never checking in to see how things are outside of their own perception of it...thus your goals, feelings, reality in the relationship become estranged from the other's.

[waytogo]

I don't believe I've ever watched that....but I did watch that lesser acclaimed movie Obsessed, with Beyonce and Idris Elba

 

Same type of principle...chick from work, he had neither an emotional nor physical affair with her and she became obsessed with him.

 

Some people are emotionally disturbed and have very deep seated issues and the things they choose to act out often have little bearing in logical reality.

 

This reminds me of the "Bittersweet Party" thread in which the idea was brought up of some women taking casual and very meaningless things a man says and then begin building sandcastles in the sky with it, thoroughly convinced it is a whole other thing (often more) than what it really is. Having certain issues color your worldview and interactions often, turning benign things into things of epic proportion.

 

The bold is an excellent comparison.

 

If it's your interest, do seek 'Fatal Attraction'. We watched 'Obsessed' recently. It so paled by the movie that may have inspired it. It also explains the bunny boiler very well

[MissBee]

The bold is an excellent comparison.

 

If it's your interest, do seek 'Fatal Attraction'. We watched 'Obsessed' recently. It so paled by the movie that may have inspired it. It also explains the bunny boiler very well

 

 

Will do.

[Tenacity]

Yes... if you haven't seen this movie, or haven't seen it since having an A, watch it. It was very odd to see it, and even relate to some of what the OW was going through (even though she was clearly seriously disturbed).

 

To me, what was very scary about it was how 'normal' she acted until the guy went to leave back to his own life after the weekend together, and then she went off the deep end. How easily that could happen in real life. You just never know what can happen.

 

Yes, she does get pregnant in the movie, but she goes nuts way before that is apparent.

 

The one thing I noticed is that it is very easy to feel sorry for the MM because of having to deal with this psychotic woman who becomes obsessed with him and his family... but you have to remind yourself that he DID screw around and get another woman pregnant. His W forgave him without a lot of effort, I thought.

[whichwayisup]

One scene other than the actual bunny boiling scene, was when she took the kid out and they went on the rollercoaster together. So creepy.

[MissBee]

One scene other than the actual bunny boiling scene, was when she took the kid out and they went on the rollercoaster together. So creepy.

 

This reminds me of a poster who said her MM texts her pics of his kids at soccer practice, dance and other activities.

 

OH HELL NO! Somehow I can't get down with that....my husband sending pics of my kids to his OW behind my back....for all I know she is crazy, sending the pics to herself then photoshops herself into my family pics

 

If you gonna carry on with affairs...leave my babies out of it!

[waytogo]

Yes... if you haven't seen this movie, or haven't seen it since having an A, watch it. It was very odd to see it, and even relate to some of what the OW was going through (even though she was clearly seriously disturbed).

 

To me, what was very scary about it was how 'normal' she acted until the guy went to leave back to his own life after the weekend together, and then she went off the deep end. How easily that could happen in real life. You just never know what can happen.

 

Yes, she does get pregnant in the movie, but she goes nuts way before that is apparent.

 

The one thing I noticed is that it is very easy to feel sorry for the MM because of having to deal with this psychotic woman who becomes obsessed with him and his family... but you have to remind yourself that he DID screw around and get another woman pregnant. His W forgave him without a lot of effort, I thought.

 

Hey Tenacity, in memory, I thought GC/BB wasn't really pregnant; but using that as leverage. I need to re-watch this 1. The friend I went to the theature to see this movie was M & she took a sympathy for Douglas that surprised me. I was of your stance, sure he said he was sorry but he did invite all of this. She was really pregnant? I could have sworn that was 1 of her ploys. Lets not give too much away. MissBee doesn't need any plots spoiled:D

[Loni]

In my case I was the one stalked, followed staked out and videotaped. My children were too. I had to get the kids school up to speed out of fear for my childrens' safety. The wife in my situation became unhinged and still is to a great degree.

[MissBee]

In my case I was the one stalked, followed staked out and videotaped. My children were too. I had to get the kids school up to speed out of fear for my childrens' safety. The wife in my situation became unhinged and still is to a great degree.

 

Smh I can only imagine....

 

One reason I can't do a MM, don't want to be a stepmother if I can avoid it and am wary of men who talk about "crazy exes" who still love them....I am not interested in the drama of having an unhinged and irate woman on my case. Pass.

[cheergirl]

I know I'm generalizing here but many women get attached very quickly and go looking for what this and that means.. Not only in affairs, but during dating and liking an available guy too.

 

A woman who is insecure, hasn't had a lot of experience in relationships or just falls easily for a guy is probably more prone to fantasizing and believing what she's built up in her head about the MM and his intentions than what it truly is.

 

Guys do this too...

[wheelwright]

All discarded OW/OM who still have feelings for their xAPs are in some ways bunny boilers in their own psyches.

 

I cannot tell you the discomfort this causes.

 

But the film is just a metaphor for what goes on. It is horrible for the Glenn Close character, who is demonised.

 

The WH has to kill her.

 

The BW has her life and emotional life disrupted and her family terrorised.

 

The film sets things up with simplicity, so there is no real call on the emotions as we move through.

 

But its greatness is in its perfect metaphor for what happens when a spouse strays without good reason.

 

It is a film of cultural archetypes writ large. It doesn't even bother with the problem of love.

 

It was effective as well. Who wants to be a bunny boiler? What if the facets were slightly different? Like you broke up your own M and then your xAP didn't want to know?

 

If you went around to shriek and cry, why you would be a bunny boiler.

 

I wonder, what film is its opposite?

[whichwayisup]

Guys do this too...

 

Not as much as women do. Men can very easily separate love and sex, many women can't.

[Woggle]

Men who cheat deserve women like this. I don't know why some women do this to themselves. I remember hearing about that astronaut who wore diapers so she can reach her MM quicker. What is it about these guys that cause some women to lose all sense.

[MissBee]

Men who cheat deserve women like this. I don't know why some women do this to themselves. I remember hearing about that astronaut who wore diapers so she can reach her MM quicker. What is it about these guys that cause some women to lose all sense.

 

Oh yea...I think I watched that on MSNBC...that woman was a straight lunatic!

 

I don't think it was anything about the guy that caused her to lose all sense....I think that was her natural tendency and something latent within her got sparked because of the situation; it pushed all the right buttons for her and her pre-existing issues.

[fooled once]

I am watching the movie "Fatal Attraction" right now, as it just came on the channel I was watching. It's been a long time since I've seen that movie (before my A).

 

I had forgotten a lot of the details of the movie, but now it seems strange to me. What possesses a person to become so obsessed over another person when there isn't even an EA but only a casual PA?

 

These two had dinner and basically 2 days/nights together, and she became obsessed with him based on that? Before that she came off as an independent, successful professional. She didn't even really initiate the A; he is the one who asked her out for the initial drink.

 

Every time I have heard the term "bunny boiler" I have been thinking of a person who was seriously involved with an attached person emotionally (and perhaps physically) and was thrown under the bus by them. But when an EA didn't even exist? How does someone like that end up boiling bunnies?

 

Unfortunately I think many discarded OW go through similar reactions, obsessively checking his / wife's Facebook, calling / texting, wanting to know details of their life. Heck some OW do it while IN the affair.

 

I couldn't help but laugh. Fantastic movie.

 

 

These two had dinner A man has shown interest in me. He took me out to wine and dine.

 

 

and basically 2 days/nights together He hasn't left to go home to anyone else so he's mine. He's a free man.

 

 

and she became obsessed with him based on that? Yes! because the b*tch was crazy. Plus the mind sees what it wants to see.

 

 

 

Before that she came off as an independent, successful professional. Yes she was. Doesn't mean she wasn't an emotionally unstable person.

 

 

She didn't even really initiate the A; he is the one who asked her out for the initial drink. He initiated so there for he is interested. It's all about the mind. The way one sees the picture. Everyones perception is different. For example... most women who remember going to clubs or bars. A guy would buy you a drink and for the rest of the evening that man actually believed you belonged to him. He bought you a drink so you can't talk to man... dance with another man. It's just the way the mind works.

 

I don't recall all parts of that movie but wasn't she pregnant. Another biggie. He had unprotected sex with her. Some women equate that with love.

 

Good post!

I know I'm generalizing here but many women get attached very quickly and go looking for what this and that means.. Not only in affairs, but during dating and liking an available guy too.

 

A woman who is insecure, hasn't had a lot of experience in relationships or just falls easily for a guy is probably more prone to fantasizing and believing what she's built up in her head about the MM and his intentions than what it truly is.

[spice4life]

Unfortunately I think many discarded OW go through similar reactions, obsessively checking his / wife's Facebook, calling / texting, wanting to know details of their life. Heck some OW do it while IN the affair.

 

 

 

Good post!

 

I've read that many do and some even befriend the wife and will do things with her husband with the wife in the next room. Pure craziness! I never had the desire to do any of those things and never did. I googled him one time way back in the early part of the A because I was being gaslighted and wanted to see if he was, in fact, married. It wasn't to stalk him at all though. Why in the world would someone want to torture themselves by stalking someone.

 

Some people just have character disorders that lead them to doing crazy stuff like this.

[Glinda]

The wife in my situation became unhinged and still is to a great degree.

Her H gaslighted her for four years while having an EMR. Four years. I can't say I blame her too much. Who can really say how they would react to that kind of shoddy treatment. No one can, not even you.

[alexandria35]

Men who cheat deserve women like this. I don't know why some women do this to themselves. I remember hearing about that astronaut who wore diapers so she can reach her MM quicker. What is it about these guys that cause some women to lose all sense.

 

 

Oh I remember that! That one was crazy as a loon. She was married, the object of her affections was a single man. She thought he was seeing another woman (he says he didn't have a romantic relationship with the astronaut, she also said there was no affair but she believed they were in love) so she bought a BB gun and some pepper spray, put on a diaper and proceded to drive 900 miles to attack her rival, the OW. Crazy as a loon I tell ya.

[alexandria35]

Her H gaslighted her for four years while having an EMR. Four years. I can't say I blame her too much. Who can really say how they would react to that kind of shoddy treatment. No one can, not even you.

 

I agree. Four years of deceit? Thats disgusting. There is no excuse for treating someone like that for that long, no excuse whatsoever.

[fooled once]

I've read that many do and some even befriend the wife and will do things with her husband with the wife in the next room. Pure craziness! I never had the desire to do any of those things and never did. I googled him one time way back in the early part of the A because I was being gaslighted and wanted to see if he was, in fact, married. It wasn't to stalk him at all though. Why in the world would someone want to torture themselves by stalking someone.

 

Some people just have character disorders that lead them to doing crazy stuff like this.

 

the internet was nothing like it is today way back when I was involved with a MM. No such thing as google!

 

I don't get the need to stalk someone I guess it goes back to being not the 'chosen' one and to continue to try to immerse themselves into the MM's life.