PhillyDude Posted July 4, 2011 Posted July 4, 2011 I have no intentions on anyone Gir to my facebook page that i'm dating. So I see nothing wrong with it
curlygirl40 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'm going to try to not contradict myself here and say this. I don't think it's a big deal for him to not add you as a friend. I don't add people I'm dating as a rule. I did it once very hesitantly and regretted it, so I learned that lesson the hard way. My whole life is on there. I prefer to have guys I'm dating get to know me the 'usual' way. Slowly. Not be able to go back 3 years and look at my status' and pictures and find things out about me that way. I prefer they peel back the layers slowly. Does that make sense? I have nothing to hide. If they want to get to know me, all they have to do is spend time with me and they will get to know me. Also it can cause problems of course where there shouldn't be problems. When you break up, what do you do then? Will they get jealous when a guy friend gets a little flirty? What happens if they start adding all of your friends? Will they start marking their territory even though you're not in an official relationship? These are silly, rhetorical questions, really, I'm just trying to make a point. From now on I won't add any guy I'm dating as a friend on Facebook unless I know (think, do you ever really know?!) they will be in my life for a long time. BUT!! Here comes the contradiction. I think he's being fishy here about something. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. So it's not a big deal to me that he wouldn't add you. It's a big deal that he's being so funny about it instead of giving you a simple, honest answer. Seems like he has something to hide. It could be innocent. An ex girlfriend who he's not ready for you to see, or for her to see you. Maybe he's afraid you're going to mark your territory and he's not ready to have his family start asking questions about you that he's not ready to answer. It could be simple. But he's being strange about his answers and clearly lying to you in the process. Best of luck
PhillyDude Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I'm going to try to not contradict myself here and say this. I don't think it's a big deal for him to not add you as a friend. I don't add people I'm dating as a rule. I did it once very hesitantly and regretted it, so I learned that lesson the hard way. My whole life is on there. I prefer to have guys I'm dating get to know me the 'usual' way. Slowly. Not be able to go back 3 years and look at my status' and pictures and find things out about me that way. I prefer they peel back the layers slowly. Does that make sense? I have nothing to hide. If they want to get to know me, all they have to do is spend time with me and they will get to know me. Also it can cause problems of course where there shouldn't be problems. When you break up, what do you do then? Will they get jealous when a guy friend gets a little flirty? What happens if they start adding all of your friends? Will they start marking their territory even though you're not in an official relationship? These are silly, rhetorical questions, really, I'm just trying to make a point. From now on I won't add any guy I'm dating as a friend on Facebook unless I know (think, do you ever really know?!) they will be in my life for a long time. BUT!! Here comes the contradiction. I think he's being fishy here about something. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. So it's not a big deal to me that he wouldn't add you. It's a big deal that he's being so funny about it instead of giving you a simple, honest answer. Seems like he has something to hide. It could be innocent. An ex girlfriend who he's not ready for you to see, or for her to see you. Maybe he's afraid you're going to mark your territory and he's not ready to have his family start asking questions about you that he's not ready to answer. It could be simple. But he's being strange about his answers and clearly lying to you in the process. Best of luck Well it was even more BIZARRE for a women to ask me to send her a FB request and we had not met face to face yet.
curlygirl40 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 I think other things come into play also. Sometimes it's an age thing, and sometimes it depends on how people use facebook. Some people aren't worried about their privacy as much. Some people are very protective. So I think people think that other people use facebook in the same way that THEY use facebook, and they might be wrong. I do think it's strange for people to friend people they haven't met yet, but if you read a lot on these boards you see it happens all of the time. Someone will start a thread about a person they are only e-mailing or texting with that they 'met' online, and they friended that person, but haven't met in person yet. I see it all the time and it's something I wouldn't personally do, but people do it. No hard and fast rule, I guess. Hee, hee. I said hard and fast. Sorry, I'm juvenile.
sfranks1492 Posted July 5, 2011 Posted July 5, 2011 Probably not something to get alarmed about just yet. What I would advise is that you determine if he truly follows through with deleting his profile. If he does not delete the profile I'd ask him about it. On the other hand, if you've only been dating a short period do you have the right to ask him about this? Have you declared that you are in a relationship and are going to be monogamous? If so, then you have a right to ask. Be careful not to pry too much or he may think you doubt or distrust him. And on the flip side, if he truly is interested in being with you he won't feel a need to be secretive or private. He will want you to get to know his friends. He may also feel the need not to break this tie to his past friends or relations because your relationship is still so new. I'd wait a while to see how things progress and then make a decision as to how to proceed. You simply need more time to get to know him and his tendencies before making assumptions. Good luck
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 6, 2011 Posted July 6, 2011 He said "I don't take that stuff very seriously " what do you guys think. Time to move on to the next guy!!
Author AnchorGurl Posted July 6, 2011 Author Posted July 6, 2011 Thanks for all the input. I really am trying to rationalize it but honestly it does not make any sense...he's so attentive, nice and kind but it's true that it only takes ONE thing to cause doubt and ruin a relationship. If this really isn't a "big deal" to him as he says then why not just add me? It's very perplexing and I have a hard time acting normal around him now
Eeyore79 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 It sounds like he's hiding something. My ex refused to accept my friend request, and he used every excuse under the sun - he didn't log in very often, he forgot his password, he was quitting FB, etc. It turned out that he already had a girlfriend and he was cheating on her with me - they were listed as being in a relationship on FB and he didn't want me to see.
Author AnchorGurl Posted July 7, 2011 Author Posted July 7, 2011 Thanks Eeyore..it just seems very weird to me...I don't know..it's hard to think he is doing anything wrong especially when things otherwise are so so great but I have been fooled before and don't want to be fooled again..the problem is..how does one prove it?
Eeyore79 Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 the problem is..how does one prove it? Just because he has his profile locked down, that doesn't mean his friends do. Assuming you can see his friend list, just click on their profiles and look for any photos or posts that are available to you, and keep your eye out for anything incriminating. I did that with my ex's friend list, and I found a post by him on his friend's wall that said "I'll be home for the weekend, Katie and I are definitely coming to your party on Sat night". He told me he was going home for his mom's birthday! So I trawled through the Katies on his friend list, and bingo! One Katie was listed as "In a relationship with Eeyore's boyfriend".
FinOuch Posted July 7, 2011 Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) I had a bad experience about a guy i dated who said he didnt have a Myspace (i dont think facebook existed at the time yet) and then suddenly said he has one and added me. Later on when he decided to disappear on me and i had no idea what happened, i got curious and started reading his comments and found out he still had a gf when he met me and told me he didnt have one!!! obviously, he was probably taking off his relationship status when he said that he doesnt have a myspace. that guy was the definition of a cheater and a player. And THAT is exactly why I WOULDN'T continue dating someone who refused to FB friend me. Especially after a couple of months! Edited July 7, 2011 by FinOuch
Author AnchorGurl Posted July 8, 2011 Author Posted July 8, 2011 Thank you Eeyore..that is exactly what I am going to do..I hate even HAVING to do this..but I have been burned before and I have to protect myself and not get hurt again...ugh
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 Wow... another Facebook related post. Is it just me or are 70 - 80% of the people that use it idiots? What is the upside of using Facebook again? A: Facebook saves time and effort for anybody who may be inclined to stalk you in the future. It accumulates all of your personal information and friend circles right in the same place. If you're a student, Facebook can practically offer your would-be stalkers your class schedule before you even see it yourself. So there you have it.
thatone Posted July 12, 2011 Posted July 12, 2011 (edited) Wow... another Facebook related post. Is it just me or are 70 - 80% of the people that use it idiots? What is the upside of using Facebook again? it's a gold mine of information. let me give two former dates of mine as examples... subject A, you can see that her mother's pics are always in a clean house, and the mother is well dressed and classy looking, then you look at the father and it's all corvettes and harleys and him holding a beer up for the camera. so that tells you that her mother married and had children with a low class type and then ditched him later, and lo and behold! daughter is screwing her bartender boss at work for a few years and the only reason she dates is to try to make the boss jealous. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. subject B, at a glance is quite a catch. almost finished with a graduate degree and working to support herself at the same time, attractive and posts her workout routines on facebook, etc. ex husband is a professor so you assume that maybe husband screwed a 19 year old student and that's how she wound up single? only problem with that story is the ex husband's pics are all very professional, nothing but lecture pictures, graduation ceremonies, award dinners, alumni functions, etc. every man she friends on facebook that isn't in the same city/employer as her, on the other hand, is the same type: no job listed, lots of tattoos, piercings, shirtless pics, etc. come to find out the husband wasn't screwing around, she left him to screw around. surprise surprise, it's obvious by the pics on every new male 'friend' she adds. how many women in your lifetime have you misjudged that you could have caught on to sooner had you been able to see her family and friends being complete as*hats beforehand? and the best part is none of this requires snooping, per se, since the default setting on facebook lets "friends of friends" see pictures and conversations. use it for what it's useful for. Edited July 12, 2011 by thatone
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