AnchorGurl Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Sorry if this sounds silly but this is a real concern I have.. I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now and things seem to be going well. About 3 weeks ago I sent him a friend request on facebook and he never added me. I figured he probably didn't check much but then I noticed that he would change his picture every week or so so I know he has been checking... Today I finally asked him straight out why he didn't add me and he said "Facebook is not a good way to communicate with me. I hardly ever use it and checked it for the first time in weeks just yesterday...I am closing my account..besides I am bored with it and like my privacy" I have no problem with that answer except I would be lying if I said it didn't concern me a little. He obviously checked it enough to change his picture three times and also he saw my friend request but decided to simply ignore it and not even mention anything to me. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but something is nagging at me..any advice?
motive2002 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Your nagging feelings seem to be well founded. Sounds like the guy has either something to hide, or he's hiding you from someone else. If he changed his profile pic three times, and said he only logged in once, that's a lie. Just from what you wrote, I think is really is hiding something. I'm not sure what advice I could give you on what to do next. Sorry I couldn't be more help.
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 You should run and not walk dear sister from this weasel, he is a slimy reptilian messing with your head. You seem good hearten and kind, they feed off of you and smell you for miles. Tell him you don't see a future together and wish him good luck.
Author AnchorGurl Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 UPDATE He knows I am upset so he just said "It's in the process of being deleted and we can move on" This makes me feel slightly better but it still seems so strange to me..so even if you are deleting it...can't you still add me for now? Anyone else agree?
RedRussian8080 Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 I agree, he is in a PANIC mode, right after "He knows I am upset " He will try to please and appease you...DON'T LET HIM!!! Stay strong and dump him if he cares he will come back to you in time.
Lucky555 Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Seriously tell him you think it is very weird..it takes two seconds to delete it. There is no process!!!!! You just select delete account. This guy is hiding something and tell him off. Say dude " there is no process, please don't lie to me it's not good for dating. He was in panic mode for sure! Just set him straight.
TuffCookieX Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He's not going to delete it, he's going to block you so you stop questioning him. He doesn't want to add you because he has A LOT to hide. Please run far away.
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Just playing devils advocate here.. Maybe he isn't available.. meaning the people on his facebook are all friends of his current GF... If I had to guess why he doesn't want you to be his FB friend and he is dodging you on it.. he is hiding something.. an EX maybe.. A current GF or a friend on FB that he is grooming to date. JMO
alexlakeman Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 My FB is private and for friends only.. I am not going to "friend" every gf I end up dating...
veggirl Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He is either going to block you, or delete THIS account and set up a new one.
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 My FB is private and for friends only.. I am not going to "friend" every gf I end up dating... If I had been dating during the FB era I would employ just what you are doing.. No way would I ever friend a girl that I was just dating and not in a committed relationship with... the stuff on FB is personal.. many times too personal for someone you are casually dating. Although Alex.. in the OP's case he has been lying to her, if he didn't friend women he was dating as a rule then he would just tell her that...
AutumnB Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 My FB is private and for friends only.. I am not going to "friend" every gf I end up dating... Indeed. This makes perfect sense.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now and things seem to be going well. Underneath it all things are clearly not going well. This guy is lying to you and you continue to buy his stories. He wouldn't even have a Facebook account if he fully respected you.
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 He wouldn't even have a Facebook account if he fully respected you. Where does that stem from ? Are you to say that I don't respect my wife because I have an account ? and she doesn't respect me because she has one ?
Lilmisus Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 Well I don't think it's a big deal that he doesn't want to add you and is opting to just delete his account, I think it's definitely a big deal that he is choosing to lie to you about it and is trying to sweep the problem out of sight by saying "I'm going to delete it..forget about it!" If he's going to lie to you about something as simple as how often he's logged onto Facebook, then what else is he willing to lie to you about? Trust is very important when dating, and already the trust seems to be gone from your "relationship." Dump him, if for no other reason than he lied to you about something so petty - which spells horrible things for the future. Question though: have you met any of his family or friends? Could he really be trying to hide you from the rest of his life? Or...is this really just "that simple" of a situation to him to where it's not a big deal at all in his mind?
marigo Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 I do think it's weird that he wouldn't add you on facebook and didnt tell you about it and then he goes off telling that he's going to delete his account. I understand that he may have personal things in there and it's on private and for friends only but if he is dating you (to me you're considered to be even more than a friend), so it shouldnt be a big deal to add you on facebook. I had a bad experience about a guy i dated who said he didnt have a Myspace (i dont think facebook existed at the time yet) and then suddenly said he has one and added me. Later on when he decided to disappear on me and i had no idea what happened, i got curious and started reading his comments and found out he still had a gf when he met me and told me he didnt have one!!! obviously, he was probably taking off his relationship status when he said that he doesnt have a myspace. that guy was the definition of a cheater and a player. Now its up to you if ur gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, but definitely be careful.
Author AnchorGurl Posted July 2, 2011 Author Posted July 2, 2011 After reading all of your messages I decided to confront him "I just have to ask...is there someone you don't want knowing about me or something you don't want me to see" His response "NO! I can't believe you are getting all bent out of shape over Facebook? I don't care or have to know what you are upto every second? Sounds a bit paranoid and insecure to me. It's starting to piss me off." Also keep in mind this is our FIRST FIGHT or issue we have had in two months...everything else has been fine. But I have not met his family or anyone really close to him so I don't feel like I was wrong in asking Then he said "I have been nothing but nice to you ..I think I deserve a little credit here" From me "I always show my appreciation for the things you do..I just find it a little strange that's all" He said "I meant I wouldn't think it was weird if YOU didn't invite me to be your facebook friend. I don't take that stuff very seriously..I like the way we communicate just fine..I get to see you and we text all the time..I don't want to fight over something so silly..if this is our biggest problem, I will take it" So that is that... I guess I do still find it strange but, I don't want to keep nagging over the same thing...I don't know...what do you guys think.
Art_Critic Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 But he still didn't friend you after all that and he did not back down.. there must be something pretty damaging on his wall.. He has every right to not want you on his FB and you are only dating.. but jezz.. he is also hiding something..100-1 he will clean up his wall... JMO
oaks Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 In general, I don't think that adding people you're dating is a great idea until it becomes some sort of committed relationship, and I think that most Facebook related "relationship" problems can be solved by being less immature, and most of the time Facebook just isn't that important but... In this case he seems to be acting more defensively than expected (and he thinks that you're making more of this than you should - see previous paragraph). I wonder if there's something on his facebook wall that you shouldn't see or if there's something that he thinks you won't like when you see it (like photos of him and some ex from before you and he got together, which shouldn't be a problem but he might be worried about it). So, it might be that he's acting weird because of a non-issue, but maybe not. You've been "dating" him for 2 months. What do you mean by "dating"? I'm not sure if you mean you're in an exclusive relationship with him or not.
Star Gazer Posted July 2, 2011 Posted July 2, 2011 "NO! I can't believe you are getting all bent out of shape over Facebook? I don't care or have to know what you are upto every second? Sounds a bit paranoid and insecure to me. It's starting to piss me off." This is SCREAMING proof that he DOES use FB all the time... Just sayin'. That, and changing his picture 3 times recently. He has no intention of deleting it. He either has stuff on there he doesn't want you to see, or doesn't want others seeing you. Don't be surprised if he blocks you from being able to see him, or changes his privacy settings so that he cannot be found at all...
Author AnchorGurl Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Agreed that something weird is going on here...by dating I mean we have not made it official but that we spent a lot of time together and see each other all the time... I know facebook seems silly but it's the world we live in now and it seems very weird to me that something as simple as him adding me has become such a big deal. I just don't get it
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