vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Didn't you write threads about how you weren't sure how into your boyfriend you were? And 24 hours before you became exclusive, you offered NSA sex to another guy! That's seriously messed up. You even came on here and whined about how the guy you offered NSA sex to turned you down..... Is this really true? If so - ES - you should be ashamed of yourself and the what a hypocrite you are.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Didn't you write threads about how you weren't sure how into your boyfriend you were? And 24 hours before you became exclusive, you offered NSA sex to another guy! That's seriously messed up. You even came on here and whined about how the guy you offered NSA sex to turned you down..... Yes but, that piece of info is not relevant. In his universe the NSA guy doesn't exist. I am a good actress (my mother always tells me that). I played the part of the perfect girlfriend. In one of his texts that I omitted he said "I am really surprised by this. ES always seemed really happy and into me. I was the one that was unsure. It's hard for me to believe that she wants to break up." (this also answers Kamille's question).
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 My point is: he was unsure without knowing about NSA guy. So NSA guy is irrelevant to his doubts. Yeah, this makes me a hypocrite to you guys - but he doesn't know any of it. Even is NSA guy never existed - my bf would have STILL felt major doubts.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Yes but, that piece of info is not relevant. In his universe the NSA guy doesn't exist. I am a good actress (my mother always tells me that). I played the part of the perfect girlfriend. In one of his texts that I omitted he said "I am really surprised by this. ES always seemed really happy and into me. I was the one that was unsure. It's hard for me to believe that she wants to break up." (this also answers Kamille's question). Yea - well guess what sweetheart - in your universe you have no concept of true empathy and understanding. And in your universe - the NSA guy does exist and it's a direct statement to the kind of person you are and how much you seek validation because you are EMPTY INSIDE. That's right - EMPTY. You're also a crap actress because if you were that great - the two of you wouldn't be having issues.
rafallus Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Holy ****, you are awesome, wanna have NSA sex with me while your BF is away?
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I am a good actress (my mother always tells me that). Apparently, so is your BF. I played the part of the perfect girlfriend. Maybe at first, but that's really not true anymore now, is it?
Kamille Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (this also answers Kamille's question). What about the suggestion you talk directly to him about this, instead of dwelling on it and building it up in your mind? At one point ES, you're going to have to stop treating your boyfriend like he's the enemy and start treating him like a partner. You've both decided you wanted a relationship together, and if anything, his texts show he is committed to seeing it through. So now, your job is making your relationship stronger. Instead of what you're doing, which is throwing as many monkey wrench as you can in the wheels. And how do you make a relationship stronger? You open up, discuss your fears and see if a solution is possible. You give him the opportunity to explain himself, and potentially to reassure you.
denise_xo Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Yeah, this makes me a hypocrite to you guys - but he doesn't know any of it. You didn't know about those text messages either until recently. They didn't exist in your universe. Therefore it must follow that they didn't matter, according to your logic. So why do they matter now? Being in a relationship isn't about putting on a mask and being an actor. It's about maintaining honesty and clear channels of communication in a partnership.
Queen Zenobia Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Yes but, that piece of info is not relevant. In his universe the NSA guy doesn't exist. I am a good actress (my mother always tells me that). I played the part of the perfect girlfriend. In one of his texts that I omitted he said "I am really surprised by this. ES always seemed really happy and into me. I was the one that was unsure. It's hard for me to believe that she wants to break up." (this also answers Kamille's question). In this case you're not being "too idealistic", you're being "too selfish and self-centered". I can't believe how absurd this whole ordeal is.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 You didn't know about those text messages either until recently. They didn't exist in your universe. Therefore it must follow that they didn't matter, according to your logic. So why do they matter now? Being in a relationship isn't about putting on a mask and being an actor. It's about maintaining honesty and clear channels of communication in a partnership. Good point. I'm sure if he found out about this NSA guy she would sputter off some absurdity about how it shouldn't matter. Totally one-sided.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 What about the suggestion you talk directly to him about this, instead of dwelling on it and building it up in your mind? At one point ES, you're going to have to stop treating your boyfriend like he's the enemy and start treating him like a partner. You've both decided you wanted a relationship together, and if anything, his texts show he is committed to seeing it through. So now, your job is making your relationship stronger. Instead of what you're doing, which is throwing as many monkey wrench as you can in the wheels. And how do you make a relationship stronger? You open up, discuss your fears and see if a solution is possible. You give him the opportunity to explain himself, and potentially to reassure you. If she talks to him one more time (anything like their last little 12 hour jam session) he'll have hit rock bottom in this thing. No man wants to be a part of this and if he does....he has issues.
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Yea - well guess what sweetheart - in your universe you have no concept of true empathy and understanding. And in your universe - the NSA guy does exist and it's a direct statement to the kind of person you are and how much you seek validation because you are EMPTY INSIDE. That's right - EMPTY. Agreed. She declared LOVE LOVE LOVE for him only once HE told her that he was in love. As soon as she senses he might not love her anymore (or ever did), she rescinds her feelings. Her "relationships," and every thread, is an attempt to fill the emptiness inside. The problem is, no other person can make her feel good about herself - she's gotta find that on her own... And for some reason, she literally refuses to seek out her own happiness, and instead places that burden on others...
Art_Critic Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 What about the suggestion you talk directly to him about this, instead of dwelling on it and building it up in your mind? At one point ES, you're going to have to stop treating your boyfriend like he's the enemy and start treating him like a partner. You've both decided you wanted a relationship together, and if anything, his texts show he is committed to seeing it through. So now, your job is making your relationship stronger. Instead of what you're doing, which is throwing as many monkey wrench as you can in the wheels. And how do you make a relationship stronger? You open up, discuss your fears and see if a solution is possible. You give him the opportunity to explain himself, and potentially to reassure you. Kamille is right on with her post ES...
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 You give him the opportunity to explain himself, and potentially to reassure you. Why does he have to own this burden? Explain HIMSELF while she dent explain HERSELF? Reassure HER when she's not reassuring HIM? Why is her happiness his responsibility???
Kamille Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 If she talks to him one more time (anything like their last little 12 hour jam session) he'll have hit rock bottom in this thing. No man wants to be a part of this and if he does....he has issues. Good point. I wasn't imagining a scenario where she would ask him to account for his action (which might be what she would do), but rather one where she start opening up to him, instead of to us or to his friends. I want her to stop building a case against him and start actively building a positive relationship with him. When I have doubts about my R, no one can dispel them better than my SO. I still think she should be able to discuss this with him in a productive, relationship building way. "Hey, your friend told me you had doubts at the 2 point mark. It makes me feel vulnerable, but I just want to check in make sure your as into this as I am."
Jono85 Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Didn't you write threads about how you weren't sure how into your boyfriend you were? And 48 hours before you became exclusive, you offered NSA sex to another guy! That's seriously messed up. You even came on here and whined about how the guy you offered NSA sex to turned you down..... i'm not sure what's more sad, the OP, or the ppl spending time in her threads giving her advice..
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 After the grueling weekend that we just had (and we both needed 2 days to recover from it) - discussing this and having ANOTHER emotionally draining weekend just won't work. I simply can't talk to him about it - it would be the final nail in the coffin. I was actually more sincere with him. I told him straight up that I have doubts and that we should break up. He denied having doubts. What a mess
Star Gazer Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I still think she should be able to discuss this with him in a productive, relationship building way. "Hey, your friend told me you had doubts at the 2 point mark. It makes me feel vulnerable, but I just want to check in make sure your as into this as I am." As into it as she is? Are you following these threads? He's telling her he loves her, and she can't bring herself to tell him the same BECAUSE he doesn't feel that way anymore. So she'd be asking for way more than she's willing to give - her standard MO. His "love" validates her. She doesn't love him. Never did. They both had and have real doubts about this relationship, and they are so desperate to be loved that they're holding on to something that is sickeningly unhealthy. It just shouldn't be this hard. No relationship that starts off on a weekly if not daily rollercoaster like this can ever last.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Good point. I wasn't imagining a scenario where she would ask him to account for his action (which might be what she would do), but rather one where she start opening up to him, instead of to us or to his friends. I want her to stop building a case against him and start actively building a positive relationship with him. When I have doubts about my R, no one can dispel them better than my SO. I still think she should be able to discuss this with him in a productive, relationship building way. "Hey, your friend told me you had doubts at the 2 point mark. It makes me feel vulnerable, but I just want to check in make sure your as into this as I am." Yes BUT he already lied and told me that he is more into me than he was 2 months ago. Who is to say he won't lie again? I would have no way of knowing.
Ms. Joolie Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Mercy's sake, don't you want to be with him? Can't you let him decide for himself if he wants to be with you? Can't you be happy just enjoying a relationship without evaluating it?
denise_xo Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 After the grueling weekend that we just had (and we both needed 2 days to recover from it) - discussing this and having ANOTHER emotionally draining weekend just won't work. I simply can't talk to him about it - it would be the final nail in the coffin. I was actually more sincere with him. I told him straight up that I have doubts and that we should break up. He denied having doubts. What a mess I think the 'I was more sincere' statement is a matter of interpretation here. You have admitted that you snooped on him, and that there are various issues you won't tell him. He may not have had doubts at that exact moments that he said he didn't. These issues are not static. The only way you will find out is, as Kamille said, to talk to him. If you can't talk to him, then I'm not sure this relationship is sustainable.
vsmini Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 After the grueling weekend that we just had (and we both needed 2 days to recover from it) - discussing this and having ANOTHER emotionally draining weekend just won't work. I simply can't talk to him about it - it would be the final nail in the coffin. I was actually more sincere with him. I told him straight up that I have doubts and that we should break up. He denied having doubts. What a mess I told him straight up that I have doubts and that we should break up. So.....then break up. Now you won't talk to him because it would be the final nail in the coffin, causing you to break up. I thought that's what you wanted. Game player.
Ms. Joolie Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 i'm not sure what's more sad, the OP, or the ppl spending time in her threads giving her advice.. It's like a reality TV show, only worse... it's a forum.
Kamille Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 (edited) Yes BUT he already lied and told me that he is more into me than he was 2 months ago. Who is to say he won't lie again? I would have no way of knowing. If you don't trust him and you think he is manipulating you, then perhaps he isn't the man for you. If you can't discuss issues together - but can spend time perusing his texts with his friends-, then your relationship is a charade. Edited June 29, 2011 by Kamille
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 The thing is, I am in love with him now. Breaking up will hurt me majorly. I don't want to misjudge the situation and make a mistake that I will regret. I also don't want to invest more if he doesn't feel the same way. Yet, talking to him truly isn't an option right now. Perhaps in a few weeks time. I really need to space out these arguments
Recommended Posts