P&R Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 What is the significance of sex in a relationship? I ask this because I'm afraid to take the next step... I've been in a sexless relationship for 8 months now. We're both virgins. I tried taking the next step, I tried to go down on her and it didn't end well. She asked me what significance I placed on it and I said I believe it's a bonding experience and the ultimate expression of love. She then told me that is exactly what her friend said. Background on her friend... he used to be innocent, and quite charming but he turned into a drugie and player who tries to nail everything on two legs. She told me I'm young and I need time to figure things out, and that we're only going to get one first time... I can understand if she wasnt ready but a couple of things she said made me a bit angry, and a little sad at the same time. Especially since I was compared to that friend.... It's almost like she's expecting me to become like this person.... Doesn't make me feel good and it makes me question the value I'm putting on sex.
Finch Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Keep in mind that she may have at first trusted this friend and his opinions and is now questioning the things he said because of his shift in lifestyle. While comparing you to him is unpleasant, it speaks more to her disillusionment with people's opinions on sex than it does about you. Try to take it in stride. That being said, I think sex is what you make it. It can be for pleasure and fun, for release and relaxation, and yes it can be for bonding and intimacy. In a good relationship sex can be all those things and more. Sex can make you feel loved, admired, and safe. It can also allow you to play out fantasies and explore your body and your sexuality. I believe sex is very important in a relationship. Not just for the sake of pleasure, but because it also shows that you trust the other person and are willing to be intimate and vulnerable with them. If you are both virgins then don't rush this. The time has to be right for both of you if you want the experience to be positive. If she's feeling hurried or pressured it won't be any fun for her. It's true you only get one first time, but sex also has a learning curve to it - it tends to get better as you get more practiced at it. Sex gets also gets better the more relaxed and comfortable you get, and it improves as you learn more about yourself and how to help please your partner.
thatone Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 you gotta reassure her that you're not that guy, and everyone makes their own decisions, there is no correlation to his choices and hers.
Author P&R Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 Keep in mind that she may have at first trusted this friend and his opinions and is now questioning the things he said because of his shift in lifestyle. While comparing you to him is unpleasant, it speaks more to her disillusionment with people's opinions on sex than it does about you. Try to take it in stride. That being said, I think sex is what you make it. It can be for pleasure and fun, for release and relaxation, and yes it can be for bonding and intimacy. In a good relationship sex can be all those things and more. Sex can make you feel loved, admired, and safe. It can also allow you to play out fantasies and explore your body and your sexuality. I believe sex is very important in a relationship. Not just for the sake of pleasure, but because it also shows that you trust the other person and are willing to be intimate and vulnerable with them. If you are both virgins then don't rush this. The time has to be right for both of you if you want the experience to be positive. If she's feeling hurried or pressured it won't be any fun for her. It's true you only get one first time, but sex also has a learning curve to it - it tends to get better as you get more practiced at it. Sex gets also gets better the more relaxed and comfortable you get, and it improves as you learn more about yourself and how to help please your partner. She did trust this friend. He is in her close, inner circle of friends and they've been friends for years. It seems when I talk to any of her friends in her inner circle of friends they always take a shot at him. I almost feel sorry for the guy, you reap what you sow, I guess. She says sometimes it's like they keep him as a friend because of the memory of the person he used to be. She prefaced it with why he's fun to hang out with but... I do not like being compared to this person. I can live without sex but being compared to this guy hurts.
musemaj11 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 People put too much importance on sex. To me sex is something natural like eating or sleeping. I value more the connection I have w someone when we are doing daily boring things together.
rafallus Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I tried taking the next step, I tried to go down on her and it didn't end well. She asked me what significance I placed on it and I said I believe it's a bonding experience and the ultimate expression of love. She then told me that is exactly what her friend said. Background on her friend... he used to be innocent, and quite charming but he turned into a drugie and player who tries to nail everything on two legs. She asked you in the middle of the act? People put too much importance on sex. To me sex is something natural like eating or sleeping. I value more the connection I have w someone when we are doing daily boring things together. Indeed. How old are you both?
Nexus One Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 (edited) How old are you both? And are you still in school? (genuine question) I only say this as I've been following your threads and know the background a bit. She told me I'm young and I need time to figure things out Translation: She's telling you she wants to lose her virginity to another guy. In my opinion it seems like she's f*cking with you, but not in the right way. She has you for her weekly few hours of emotional nourishment. You could tell her: "You've only been willing to see me for a few hours per week/month, you spend more time with your male friends, you don't want to have sex even after 8 months into the relationship. You have me questioning your dedication, your loyalty, your willingness to be with me and the importance you put into our relationship. So I'm ending it here." Then you get a job and start doing sports and you look for a woman that wants to be with you. Edited June 24, 2011 by Nexus One
GivenUp0083 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 What is the significance of sex? To reproduce and continue the human species....?
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