mogul Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Lets say you are "casually" dating or a fwb situation. You have been seeing the person for a little over a month. If you are jealous as to whether the other person is hooking up with others, does that mean you care about them? You enjoy their company, go out, more than just amazing sex, and you connect well. I have been hanging out with a girl that I enjoy spending time with and talking to. However, the fact that we started off casually and know so much about each others "promiscuous" past I don't see her as relationship material. I know that I will not allow myself to date her, yet I don't treat her as just a fwb. I have other fwb where all we do is strictly sex, yet with her, we go out among other things. Knowing that I have no intention of seriously dating her, I enjoy the set up we have, yet I am often times jealous when I hear things from her past or if I know she is going out clubbing and more than likely getting approached by other guys. Why is that? Does this mean I like her or what? Should I continue the fwb arrangement? Never have I been the type to easily get attached.
carhill Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 IMO, with FWB, such emotions are fear that what you want will end. The 'want' is sex. Something about sex with that person sets them apart from the billions of others on the planet and you want that. Fear is a strong motivator. Another example is you can love the sex you and the person have together without caring for the person (as a human) themselves. You love the sex. The person is interchangeable. The more options you have, meaning the more easily that person is interchanged, the less fear; the less 'jealousy'. No advice on FWB. I don't believe in nor practice casual sex.
Author mogul Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 IMO, with FWB, such emotions are fear that what you want will end. The 'want' is sex. Something about sex with that person sets them apart from the billions of others on the planet and you want that. Fear is a strong motivator. Another example is you can love the sex you and the person have together without caring for the person (as a human) themselves. You love the sex. The person is interchangeable. The more options you have, meaning the more easily that person is interchanged, the less fear; the less 'jealousy'. That is the thing carhill. I have other fwbs at the moment and meet people on a weekly basis. Yet with her, I look forward to when she'll call, how to respond to her texts etc. To me, sex is just sex. I will not go out of my way for it. With my other fwbs, they started out as people I casually dated and saw potential in. When we no longer felt that connection, we took out the other aspects and left it at strictly sex. I'm not really the jealous type. Rarely do I get jealous in regards to dating. Only time I ever get jealous or care would be during serious, committed, long term relationships. Most recent being my ex of over 2.5 years. I really have no reason to be jealous with this girl, we haven't established anything. I don't know what it is.
carhill Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Another potential is you're picking up on a part of her psyche. Is it possible she's not as 'cool' with this FWB thing as it appears on the surface? There may be something about her which is different than women in the past and perhaps more transparent to your subconscious, even though consciously everything is very compartmentalized. Perhaps what you're perceiving as your own 'jealousy' is really your spidey sense picking something up that's out of the ordinary. I've had that experience before, though not involving FWB.
Author mogul Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Another potential is you're picking up on a part of her psyche. Is it possible she's not as 'cool' with this FWB thing as it appears on the surface? There may be something about her which is different than women in the past and perhaps more transparent to your subconscious, even though consciously everything is very compartmentalized. Perhaps what you're perceiving as your own 'jealousy' is really your spidey sense picking something up that's out of the ordinary. I've had that experience before, though not involving FWB. At times I feel she is surprisingly more "cool" about the whole fwb arrangement than myself with out any emotions or being attached, and other times I feel she does like me and playing games. Does anyone else have any insight or experience from this? This is the first time outside of a serious relationship that I have felt any jealousy what so ever. Is it as simple as jealousy meaning I care about her as a person and the potential for more?
vsmini Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 No - it does not mean you care about them. It means you don't like that it's not happening to you. Jealousy is all about YOU - not about caring for other people. If you're jealous then it means you feel like you are missing out on someone. Has nothing to do with true caring.
Author mogul Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 No - it does not mean you care about them. It means you don't like that it's not happening to you. Jealousy is all about YOU - not about caring for other people. If you're jealous then it means you feel like you are missing out on someone. Has nothing to do with true caring. Have you read my post? I have the ideal set up with her. We are in a fwb situation, I see her whenever I want, we connect well and we are don't have a title. I have everything I want from her, yet I'm jealous at the fact that she may decide to see others as well. Irrational, but true.
Houndsoflove Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Have you read my post? I have the ideal set up with her. We are in a fwb situation, I see her whenever I want, we connect well and we are don't have a title. I have everything I want from her, yet I'm jealous at the fact that she may decide to see others as well. Irrational, but true. You're jealous because you want to feel special. She's more cool with your setup than you are, you want her to want something more, and she doesn't. It's an ego thing.
vsmini Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Have you read my post? I have the ideal set up with her. We are in a fwb situation, I see her whenever I want, we connect well and we are don't have a title. I have everything I want from her, yet I'm jealous at the fact that she may decide to see others as well. Irrational, but true. Of course I read your post. I still stand by what I said: Jealousy is no indication of you caring about her. What makes you think it does?
vsmini Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 You're jealous because you want to feel special. She's more cool with your setup than you are, you want her to want something more, and she doesn't. It's an ego thing. Yep. ^ what they said.
Tayla Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 vsmini nailed it, despite the OP nailing down any female of his choice. Sad that one can disassociate with such an intimate event, yet some folks are wired with a short in their hearts....
Author mogul Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 You're jealous because you want to feel special. She's more cool with your setup than you are, you want her to want something more, and she doesn't. It's an ego thing. You know what, you're probably right.... I'm quite bothered at the fact that she is completely ok with just fwb and isn't pushing to be more exclusive in regards to sex. I already know in my head I will never pursue anything more serious with her, yet I get jealous if she mentions other guys or if I think she is hooking up with others. Regardless, a part of me is confused why I'm jealous since I've never care about any of my other fwbs. The other part is telling me that I need to get over this before I sabotage a great arrangement with someone who I actually enjoy spending time with other than just sex.
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