LadyFlame Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 I'll get straight to the point in the hope that someone can shed some light on my current situation because I have to admit it is annoying me. Recently at work this new guy started; in the beginning, I did notice he was checking me out - though he would never directly speak to me (he is a pretty loud person, though, I have to say) and I'm quite sure he said something about me to another colleague, because the said colleague decided to tease me about him, hinting with a wink that he had suggested something to him about me (but you know guys, they'll never reveal the crudeness of their conversation - and no offense to the guys out there ). Anyway, at this point I was with my ex boyfriend (who dumped me a couple of days later) and not interested in the new guy. When ex boyfriend dumped me, I started to feel a bit of interest in the new guy. HOWEVER! I spent a little time with new guy recently, chatting about this and that. He made it a point to tell me he was single (subtly, I imagine), though I didn't tell him I was "newly single." All this while still checking me out etc. The thing is, from yesterday, new guy has suddenly gone abruptly cold, deliberately makes a point NOT to ask me to go for a cigarette (yet invites everyone else) will continue to be loud in the office but deliberately not include me, plus the fact I get the feeling he's doing everything he can to avoid me. I am left baffled by this; I was under the impression we had had a pretty good conversation. So I'd appreciate some feedback, if you would be so kind. I don't know if he took a look at me and suddenly found me hideously ugly, or else if I said something and it repulsed him to the point I'm like some gruesome disease. Or if I'm reading to much into it, or if he finds me unfriendly because I'm rather quiet in the workplace and don't really chat to anyone ... It's all bizarre. One moment clearly attracted to me, the next very distant and avoiding me. Any ideas?
OpenBook Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Yes. He's being psycho. Ignore him and go about your Business As Usual. Do NOT let him dim your light. Hold it high and shine it on! Be cheerful, kind to everyone... and BUSY. His drama does not affect you. (God knows what's going on in his mind. Nobody could guess in a million years. But you don't need to "figure him out" anyway. They're all watching you for your reaction - or lack thereof. ALL the men in the office. Count on it. So play to win!)
Author LadyFlame Posted June 22, 2011 Author Posted June 22, 2011 Thank you for your response. I suppose that is a very real possibility, that he is just a psychopath.
spiderowl Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) He could just have lost interest altogether, in which case you'll barely be aware of him either. If he is doing it because of some imagined slight or because he thinks you haven't shown enough interest in him, then one would expect to hear him loud and clear and for him to keep bobbing into your eyeline in some way so that you can't fail to notice him 'ignoring' you. If he's doing this to get your attention (some do), then either he's decided you're not interested in him and he's gone cool because he's hurt, or he's playing some stupid push/pull game designed to encourage your interest (pull you in) and then ignore you or be too busy for you (push you away). This kind of behaviour can be disconcerting and may encourage you to pay him more attention than he deserves (if indeed that's what he's doing). Watch how he is with other women and whether he goes hot and cold on them too. Might be revealing. Edited June 23, 2011 by spiderowl
Author LadyFlame Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 Interesting, well just so you know, I have observed him with all the other women in the office and he is perfectly friendly and chatty to them, inviting them for cigarettes, making small-chat, not even asking me for help on something even though I sit right near him, and choosing to ask someone on the other side of the room! He's consistent with them; so this is why I can't help thinking I must have done/looked/behaved in something that's made him really hate me because he's going out of his way to avoid me!
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