adam029 Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 ok here is how the story goes, i was on a caribbean cruise last september and i met an amazing girl we got along so well straight away, it was like i had known her for years and years....she is 23 from the mid west of america and i am 29 from australia...we parted ways after the cruise but i promised to come and visit her which i did not once but twice i visited her while travelling through and around america she was like no other girl i had ever met, funny, sweet, smart, down to earth and beautiful, perfect girlfriend material. The problem was that i was leaving soon, so we decided to stay in contact by any ways possible (eg phone calls, messaging, facebook and skype). so in love we were that she came over to australia for christmas and new years, it was the best time i have ever had in my whole life (3 weeks of happiness) my family and friends loved her...we spoke about her moving here to australia, getting a house together etc. so she went back to america, we were still totally in love even more, everything was going along smoothly but she was having troubles with her studies at university, getting really stressed. Then one day she messages me to say 'that we need to talk', my heart dropped, i spoke to her the next day and she told me she wasnt sure if she could do the long distance thing anymore, she hated not being able to do the couple things like go on dates, cuddle on the couch watching a dvd, then she decided to end it but she still told me that she loved me and still wanted to move to australia and wanted to call me all the time and text eachother. Then three days later she stopped calling and didnt answer my calls, finally spoke to her on facebook and she told me she needed space, i gave her the space she needed. Then finally she decided to break up with me officially via text messages, i was heartbroken and still am 4 weeks on, i cant stop thinking about her, she told me i was the love of her life, i dont wanto to lose her. I havent spoken to her since, i think its her choice to call me but i think she wont guilt is a big thing i think... The problem is i will be going back to america soon, i was meant to see her but now everything is different ive planned another holiday instead but should i text message her to see if she wanted to catch up for a drink or coffee while im in the same state as her? im only staying for one night anyone with any help or suggestions will be much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Boy, I really feel for you. It would shake me up too. How can someone say you are the love of their life and then call it off. She must have been so unhappy about being away from you that she could not deal with how it was affecting her everyday life. Having said that, why not just keep the door open, she can still have fun with others and lead life (studies and fun) but don't close the door with you. Could you deal with that kind of relationship? That way down the road if the time comes that you or her could actually move to be together you would still have a bond. If your love survives and you both find you want to still try for real then why not. Why close the door completely if you love someone deeply. We all react and handle situations differently so sometimes it is hard to understand why someone behaves the way they do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted June 19, 2011 Author Share Posted June 19, 2011 yeh its really hard to deal with, im really struggling....she is on my mind almost 24/7 from the moment i wake till the moment i go to sleep....the thing is i dont hate her as much pain she has caused me i cant hate her, she has her reasons to end it its something i cant do anything about it....i miss you her with all my heart....i wake up in the morning just hoping for a message from her or an email, i dream about her almost every 2nd night.... but for some reason i have this feeling that we will cross paths again, i dont know whether its me just holding on or a feeling that we are meant to be, im not sure....in the mean time i just have to try and live my day to day life to the best of my ability but there is an empty spot in my heart without her in my life...i hope the saying 'if you love someone sometimes you have to set them free, if they come back to you theyre yours' proves to be true.... Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Hey Adam.. my story although different is similar enough for me to want to post you. I met the love of my life while he was visiting my town. He lives in the same country but a long way away. He pusued me for a few months each time he was intown and eventually asked me out.. the best date of my life, we clicked, completed each others sentences and felt we knew each other our whole lives.. it was mutual... after 3 weeks apart, i flew up to have a holiday with him... again the best time of my life... we parted heartbroken and vowed to stay in touch.. daily contact, lots of mushy conversations etc.. (he doesn't do email and is completely computer illiterate, so no kype, fb or anything else)... we thought we'd see each other within a month but he picked up work that kept his weekends tied up.. after 4 months he started txting me indicating that he was booking a trip and couldn't wait to see me.. etc but didn't give me a date as he wanted to surprise me.. well i did get a big surprise.. he texted me in the morning of his visit, letting me know it was 'the day' i was so surprised, cos he walked in with his new GF!!! she knew all about me (but not that we had shared an intimate relationship) - and i didn't even know of her existence... and she was absolutely drop dead gorgeous!!! I would have fallen in love with her, lol!! I was crushed of course and puzzled by his reaction as he walked out to catch his plane, when he said, "call me tomorrow' and i said I don't think so.. he just couldn't fathom it.. i did contact him saying everything had obviously changed... and genuinely wished him well (we had agreed to not be exclusive during our absences, after it was clear the first few months had passed with no clear plan to visit each other) Long story short.. they came to visit several months later, his gf and i clicked very strongly... she was being a serious nag, and from the way he looked at me, i knew he still had very strong feelings for me... i even had a holiday with my son in his neck of the woods and as soon as he found out, he and his GF booked a room at our hotel.. a few months after this, i met a man who was wanted me to take our relationship very seriuosly...I had told him about my heart belonging to this LDR. and he questioned how I could possibly allow someone to treat me as second best... so i called up LDR and asked him if we were ever going to be together while we were still young enough to enjoy each other.. he didn't reply with what i wanted to hear, so i threw myself into my new relationship... after a few weeks, LDR arrived unannounced in my town... kinda to claim me, without claiming me... i think he wanted to see what his competition looked like.. He'd call me in the early hours of the morning and often pour out his heart telling me how he didn't know how to extricate himself from the woman he was seeing.. i told him he made his choice and he had to live with it, but we would always be the best of friends and that i always wanted his happiness (genuinely) - the calls and texts recently got more frequent and ardent and i let him know that my new relationship had hit the rocks due to the man having serious stuff to deal with... no hard feelings - life's just messy sometimes in the ensuing year or so since he visited with his GF our relationship deepened. :oI always felt he loved me.. that he had his own reasons for being with her (prolly cos he was missing me) i never was hysterical or demanding, just reminded him that we were meant to be together when the time was right, and kept the door open. I never gave up my life... i kept dating and when needed to, found sexual pleasure with others.. his decision to stay or go was not the foundation of my existence or happiness. it was obvious she was using him for financial security and 10 days ago she called it off with him .... he's been severely emotionally abused by her (which doesn't justify his cavalier attitude to my feelings..) and in 5 days I'm going up to visit him!! i'm so happy. we are right back where we were ... in synch and in love... he is the one!! mark my words.. stay posted Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 OMG, I sincerely hope this post is a joke, if not then good luck to you, you're going to need it, you sound well suited at least Hey Adam.. my story although different is similar enough for me to want to post you. I met the love of my life while he was visiting my town. He lives in the same country but a long way away. He pusued me for a few months each time he was intown and eventually asked me out.. the best date of my life, we clicked, completed each others sentences and felt we knew each other our whole lives.. it was mutual... after 3 weeks apart, i flew up to have a holiday with him... again the best time of my life... we parted heartbroken and vowed to stay in touch.. daily contact, lots of mushy conversations etc.. (he doesn't do email and is completely computer illiterate, so no kype, fb or anything else)... we thought we'd see each other within a month but he picked up work that kept his weekends tied up.. after 4 months he started txting me indicating that he was booking a trip and couldn't wait to see me.. etc but didn't give me a date as he wanted to surprise me.. well i did get a big surprise.. he texted me in the morning of his visit, letting me know it was 'the day' i was so surprised, cos he walked in with his new GF!!! she knew all about me (but not that we had shared an intimate relationship) - and i didn't even know of her existence... and she was absolutely drop dead gorgeous!!! I would have fallen in love with her, lol!! I was crushed of course and puzzled by his reaction as he walked out to catch his plane, when he said, "call me tomorrow' and i said I don't think so.. he just couldn't fathom it.. i did contact him saying everything had obviously changed... and genuinely wished him well (we had agreed to not be exclusive during our absences, after it was clear the first few months had passed with no clear plan to visit each other) Long story short.. they came to visit several months later, his gf and i clicked very strongly... she was being a serious nag, and from the way he looked at me, i knew he still had very strong feelings for me... i even had a holiday with my son in his neck of the woods and as soon as he found out, he and his GF booked a room at our hotel.. a few months after this, i met a man who was wanted me to take our relationship very seriuosly...I had told him about my heart belonging to this LDR. and he questioned how I could possibly allow someone to treat me as second best... so i called up LDR and asked him if we were ever going to be together while we were still young enough to enjoy each other.. he didn't reply with what i wanted to hear, so i threw myself into my new relationship... after a few weeks, LDR arrived unannounced in my town... kinda to claim me, without claiming me... i think he wanted to see what his competition looked like.. He'd call me in the early hours of the morning and often pour out his heart telling me how he didn't know how to extricate himself from the woman he was seeing.. i told him he made his choice and he had to live with it, but we would always be the best of friends and that i always wanted his happiness (genuinely) - the calls and texts recently got more frequent and ardent and i let him know that my new relationship had hit the rocks due to the man having serious stuff to deal with... no hard feelings - life's just messy sometimes in the ensuing year or so since he visited with his GF our relationship deepened. :oI always felt he loved me.. that he had his own reasons for being with her (prolly cos he was missing me) i never was hysterical or demanding, just reminded him that we were meant to be together when the time was right, and kept the door open. I never gave up my life... i kept dating and when needed to, found sexual pleasure with others.. his decision to stay or go was not the foundation of my existence or happiness. it was obvious she was using him for financial security and 10 days ago she called it off with him .... he's been severely emotionally abused by her (which doesn't justify his cavalier attitude to my feelings..) and in 5 days I'm going up to visit him!! i'm so happy. we are right back where we were ... in synch and in love... he is the one!! mark my words.. stay posted Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 we are well suited... and not a joke at all... sorry that you thought i would pour out my heart to have it ridiculed.. not cool.. but thanks for input Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 (edited) These are heart wrenching realities. True love "finding the one" should not be denied. Adam and Hestheone. I am pulling for both of you. Adam one day you will find the love of your life. It may be her it may be someone new. Just keep your heart open. Hestheone this time don't let go and take it to its real path. Edited June 19, 2011 by StandingO Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted June 19, 2011 Share Posted June 19, 2011 Sorry, but it was hard to believe this was true >well i did get a big surprise.. he texted me in the morning of his visit, letting me know it was 'the day' i was so surprised, cos he walked in with his new GF!!! she knew all about me (but not that we had shared an intimate relationship) - and i didn't even know of her existence... and she was absolutely drop dead gorgeous!!! I would have fallen in love with her, lol!!< And I don't understand why you didn't leave him and his gf alone, I also don't get why you would want to be with him after what he did to you! Sorry but it's just astounding. we are well suited... and not a joke at all... sorry that you thought i would pour out my heart to have it ridiculed.. not cool.. but thanks for input Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I did leave him alone. in the end he realised he had made a mistake.. she told me herself when we met the 2nd time that he was not the one.. and she admitted she was using him... i never tried to get between them.. i didn't pass on this information until he already made his decision that he'd made a big mess... i wonder myself why i'm prepared to risk it again.. we weren't exclusive afterall during our long absences... and life is messy... I always believe that in time if it was meant to be, then it will be... We're obviously not traditionally monogamous types which has it's own strength... we are together due to the strength of our feelings... not social pressure He made a mistake.. life goes on... love is strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 standingO thanks for sharing your thoughts.....im trying my absolute best to keep my heart open but at the moment all i can think about is her and thats what makes it so painful, i wish there was an easier solution....i thought i may have found the ONE but really if she was the ONE she would have found the strength and love to push through the really hard periods of an LDR, but who is to say she she might still be the ONE, maybe shes just mixed up and a little bit immature at the moment (she is 23 afterall) but as they say 'if its meant to be, its meant to be'...if its the right thing fate will find a way.... Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 Adam. She may have presure from other friends and family or desires/tempted to have experiences with other guys etc. All kinds of reasons. Basically she does need to experience more of life. So don't shut the door. The timing may not be right now but down the road it could be perfect. You should not forget her but for now try to move on. It will make you stronger. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 i dont think ill ever be able to forget her no matter how hard i try, she has made me realise how much i can care for a person and love someone, i think she has changed me forever....the thing is i am going back to the U.S.A in about 2 weeks (i was meant to go and see her but i have made other arrangements now) but i was wondering by the time i arrive in the states it will have been 6 weeks of NC, do you think it would be a good idea to just send her a friendly text message asking how she was? and if she wanted to catch up for a coffee while im in the same country? i think it couldnt hurt, i havent even contacted once since the break up... Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 Well, I went up to visit my LDR after his breakup with his GF... he wanted to meet all his friends (some i'd met before) . he met my childrens' grandmother, who insisted we have to be together.. so it's going well.. we've made plans to be together in a year and a half and have regular meetups now planned... without that it's too hard. after last year we almost didn't make it.. the moral of the story.. don't give up if you know it's true love.. Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted July 9, 2011 Share Posted July 9, 2011 Adam, by all means I think you should call her and see if she wants to meet up. Go for it. I hope the two of you can rekindle some magic. Hestheone, Yes I agree, never give up on true love Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 anyone who may be interested - my LDR love told me yesterday he's coming to my town this weekend.. i'm so excited as we had planned to meet up in another 6 weeks.. he's staying 4 nights .... and we can work more on our plans to be together in a year or so... true love!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 ok, for anyone who is interested (have a look at my last few posts) i didnt end up meeting up with my ex LD gf....she wanted to but she couldnt get a car to come catch up for dinner (it was about an hour away) but any how i found out that she is seeing another guy, which did hurt more than i expected but in saying that i dont feel rejected because the guy who she is seeing lives in the same town and me living across the other side of the world how does a guy compete with that.....as much as she loved me the long distance thing just got too hard but as she told me in our last conversation 'hopefully we do cross paths again in the future' but im not holding onto that hope, if we do see eachother again it would be good, if not, it just wasnt meant to be......time can only tell sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 so glad to hear that things have worked out for you... when you are making plans to be together the anxiety of not wanting to 'wreck' the mood with intense discussions can mean important discussions are sidetracked.. so good on you.. wish you all well in the future. i'm sure they will Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 (edited) Great news hestheone. I am very happy for you Adam. keep your head up high. I am not surprised she has another guy. This goes a long way to explain. Edited August 8, 2011 by StandingO Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 oh well that is her mistake because as time passes she'll realise the bad decision she has made and no doubt regret it..... Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Well the weekend (5 days) was great... a lot less romantic in the traditional sense and more just routine... family meals, uncomfortable stuff to deal with, dramas etc... building bonds in other ways... meeting up in 4 weeks!! and he wants me to bring my children... so that's pretty telling of his desire for commitment... Link to post Share on other sites
khrystyna Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Aw, i'm sorry to hear that Adam . Seems like she has no interest for you any more. But she'll be back once she realizes you have no more interest for her. Who knows, maybe she met someone else, she cuddles with ;(.Sorry to say it. But women are obvious when they want a guy in most cases.I understand her need for affection. Maybe she's not even ready for a relationship... You invested so much of yourself into this relationship , wow. What a man. But she'll contact you once you get over her.Especially when she realizes that that other guy who'll cuddle with her wont treat her as nice as you did... Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 yeh I know for a fact that shes seeing someone else but there is not much I can do, I wish I could but he lives in the same town and I live on another continent on the other side of the world.....if I lived close by it would be a completely different story... but yeh when I love someone I give them my whole heart because there is no point hiding ur feelings for someone you care for, they always deserve the best....and I know in my own heart I gave the most I could possibly could....since she is only young (shes 23) and still at uni when she moves out of her current bubble she'll realise the person she has lost... Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted August 15, 2011 Author Share Posted August 15, 2011 well everyone who has read my recent posts will understand my situation with LD ex gf.....broke up with me about 3 months ago due to the long distance was getting too much, in doing that she deleted me from facebook as well, which cut pretty deep but i understood because i couldnt handle seeing what she was doing everyday anyway.... i texted her a month agowhile i was in LA to meet up but she couldnt make it, it turns out that she has met another guy.... but today i woke up and checked my facebook and i notice that she has sent me a friend request, which is really really weird because she was the one who deleted me in the first place....the last couple of days have been good, my mood has picked up, im out having fun and enjoying meeting new ppl but now she has re-entered my life to a certain extent.....i dont want to accept her friend request because it will make things for me so hard and especially when im just getting over her....i might write her an email saying 'i think it would be better if we werent friends on facebook, things will get awkward (status updates, photos etc) especially if shes with another guy but who knows that could be all finished.....what should i do? anyone with some suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
StandingO Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 Adam - add her again but leave it a week or two. Just play it cool for awhile. Don't check in too often Hestheone - looking good for the two of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author adam029 Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 well i didnt accept my ex ld gf's friend request, there is no point, i want to move on with my life so this is the email i sent her.... hey Nice to hear from you again, how have you been? I do want to stay friends with you but i think it might be better for the time being that we don't use Facebook to communicate because, well for me, it's a bit uncomfortable seeing current updates of your day to day life, status updates and recent photos. It would be good to stay in touch thats for sure, maybe we can email and even text message each other. Ive put alot of thought into this and I do hope you understand. what do u think of my response? Link to post Share on other sites
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