bellaa Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 In need of serious help! I'm sick and am currently on medication. I have a scheduled operation which may result in serious brain damage or death. If i don't have the operation my condition may worsen or it may ease in a few years. I'm in a year long serious relationship and i know my boyfriend is hurting alot inside. I've considered leaving him many times to avoid him having to go through this with me but he refuses to leave. I don't want him to be hurting and i want him to be more okay with this. I can't picture him crying or mourning me anymore, it breaks my heart. Is there anything we can do individually or as a couple to make this process not as hard? I love him with all my heart.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 Tell him he's dying too. Just differently. Nobody's exempt. From Mother Teresa, to Hitler, everybody goes through it. people need to understand that dying is as much a part of being alive, as breathing is. Every breath -regardless of our health and current condition - is one breath less. If it wasn't for this condition, and risky operation - you'd still die anyway. Sooner or later, with or without additional factors, you will die. As will he. As will I. Tell him that there is one way to prevent this: he has to get a grain of pepper for you, but he can only get this grain of pepper from a household, or a person, who has never been touched by the death of someone they know. It's a thought....
Author bellaa Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 I agree with what your saying. I've come to terms with it but it's hurting him and i know it every time it's mentioned. Is there anything we can do together to ease the emotional pain? Going somewhere? Doing something particular?
oldguy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 you can be together and share this with each other, your fear, anxiety, everything. that what being a couple is. theres a few good lines in most traditional marriage vows; "in sickness & in health, in good times & in bad...". thats what being in a relationship is about, being there. its understandable that you want to protect his feelings but he sounds like a straight up sort of guy who obviously loves you too, so don't push him away, share with each other & best of luck to you, the both of you.
Author bellaa Posted June 17, 2011 Author Posted June 17, 2011 you can be together and share this with each other, your fear, anxiety, everything. that what being a couple is. theres a few good lines in most traditional marriage vows; "in sickness & in health, in good times & in bad...". thats what being in a relationship is about, being there. its understandable that you want to protect his feelings but he sounds like a straight up sort of guy who obviously loves you too, so don't push him away, share with each other & best of luck to you, the both of you. Even though we're not married i guess that can be applied. I was thinking about taking a holiday with him. Not too long, 1week. somewhere we can be alone and spend some quality time together. But i am too scared to get him too used to spending heaps of time with me but at the same time i want to spend every second with him. It's so hard! We seem to get into fights way too often now and we just end up crying and being angry in the end.
welikeincrowds Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 He is an adult and he can make his own choices. It is not your place to tell him whether or not he is allowed to love you, regardless of your circumstances. It is your choice to leave him, but be aware that it would ultimately be for a personal reason -- to alleviate your own guilt over your having an illness -- and not for his behalf. I'd rather that you frame your consideration of this problem as a selfish issue -- how much of your conflict has to do with your own feelings and internal struggle. I hope I am mistaken and that you do not feel that your illness and the difficulties it causes are your fault, or something you can be blamed for, and that you know that you are not selfish for desiring the love of your partner when you are in need of support. I am glad you posted here.
oldguy Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 you may not be married but you are in a relationship so the reference applies. it just sounds like your both scared & your both trying to spare each other rather than comfort each other by being open about your fears. start by talking to each other about your feelings. i think the "where" you can go is to each other & what you can do together is take comfort from one another.
oaks Posted June 17, 2011 Posted June 17, 2011 For an operation with such serious risks, you should be able to get specific advice on how to deal with these consequences from your medical team or from the hospital. Good luck with the surgery.
Recommended Posts