leaaanne Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) i've been with my boyfriend for 19 months and we've literally planned out our lives together, like how we would like them to be. the last few months have been up and down, i'm actually surprised we're still together. in march, i was drunk and kissed his best friend. he forgave me. in may, he came clean about lying about not coming round, so he could play his games. this month, he told me that he wasn't as attracted to me as he was before. he says he still loves me though. what confused me most is that once i'd gotten over the crying and didn't feel hurt anymore (i have extremely bad mood swings) we almost ended up having sex. he said that seeing me upset made him realise what he had and that he didn't want to lose me, he compared his selfishness to other guys being desperate and him having something and kinda not really wanting it. then made up some crap about it not being attraction but effort to get up and come round. i've narrowed it down to a few things, but it still doesn't make sense because these things have been going on for a while.. my depression self-harm the fact i want a baby, really really badly, and i'm still not over a miscarriage that happened last year i'm not pretty enough i over-react i'm kinda suicidal or because i put on weight at first i thought there was another woman, but he's been through some rough patches with relationships, most of them were cheating on him. can someone help me or try to magically understand what the hell is going on? Edited June 16, 2011 by leaaanne
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 You kissed his best friend showing a preference for that guy over him. He won't be getting over that ever.
Author leaaanne Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 i'm not being funny, but what is the point in your posts? they're just stupid. i asked for advice, not for some idiot to tell me my boyfriend won't forgive me when i know that he has because he's still with me and he still hangs out with his best friend.
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Does his actions seem like that of a man who has forgiven?
Author leaaanne Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 not really. but the lying was going on way before now..
Janesays Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 No offense, but you really need to fix some of these issues with yourself and your relationship before you even THINK about bringing a baby into this world. A baby won't fix your problems and your child deserves to be brought into a stable, loving environment with emotionally healthy parents. Which is obviously not your current situation by ANY means.
Ouroboros Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It sounds too much like he is staying out of guilt. My only advice is to find another guy. This relationship is finished and won't be getting better.
SingVoice Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Yeah I think you really need to get some therapy for your issues. How can you expect your boyfriend to love you if you don't love yourself? And not to dismiss your issues....but yeah...I can see him not being attracted to you or not wanting to be around you if you are all depressed and a downer. He probably has no idea what to do to help you...and he would rather just avoid the situation.
rafallus Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 not really. but the lying was going on way before now.. So you have a crapload to work on. And it's still not guaranteed at all that it will work out - depending on his personality, his mind about you may be made up permanently.
MistaDynamic Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 The two most important statements in your post. They speak volumes. in march, i was drunk and kissed his best friend. he's been through some rough patches with relationships, most of them were cheating on him. Face the facts he's moving on but because of your suicidal depressing behavior he's afraid of leaving you. He biding his time waiting to figure out a way out to leave without you going psycho. Do yourself a favor and fix your issues and do him a huge favor and let him go.....break up with him.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Sorry- but you really have a lot of work to do on yourself before you can be a good partner for anyone at all - and especially before you can be a decent parent. Take care of yourself. You don't sound ready to be in a relationship.
John Michael Kane Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 You kissed his "best friend" and now you're depressed and want a baby? Go see someone and in the meantime, let your BF go. He needs to find someone better who won't cheat on him.
Damien Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 No offence to the OP (or anyone else) but over here in London this is pretty much how the story goes for the really young 'single moms'. By young I'm talking about girls in their late teens. I honestly believe you should follow everyone's advice here and work on yourself before anything else. It may sound harsh at first but think about it a little.
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