good-dude Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I am currently seeing a 29 year old woman that is beautiful and intelligent. However she has an abnormally close relationship with her step father. She absolutely hates her mother. The step father did not raise her. She met him at age 16, just 2 years from being 18. She told me that it took him 3 years to learn to knock on her bedroom door before entering. Which is a red flag to me because at age 16 this is a young woman that is blossoming and an adult male should know to respect her privacy immediately. It shouldn't take 3 years to learn to knock on her door. Which still happens. While on the phone with her at 12:30 am he readily walks in and out of her room while she's in her bed clothes, and he is dressed in his bed clothes as well. She is very intelligent. She has 3 degrees but can't find work in her field and is overqualified for many jobs to which she applies so she still lives at home. At age 21 he bought her a brand new Eddie Bauer edition Ford Expedition. This was a red flag for her mother who made him return the truck. He then got a Mercedes Benz for the mother to make up for it but she refused it because she was considered 2nd to her own daughter. They keep very incriminating secrets from the mother, which I can't describe in great detail at this time. He and she constantly call, text and facebook each other. One day I counted 11 calls to and from each other and this was not a one day thing. It happens every day. In her call log she has called him at 1:12 am after she got off the phone with me stating that she was going to sleep. At 1:12 am her mother and sister were sleep and he was downstairs on the couch (because he and her mother were going through a divorce). He has her facebook password. They share a bank account. He's not working right now so she pays his car note. She says that she believes she's just a "daddy's girl" but he has never wanted to meet me. A father that has a close father/daughter relationship with his daughter always wants to meet the guy that she is dating and spending her time with. Another red flag. If she's with me and she doesn't answer his call then when she calls him back he makes sarcastic remarks asking if she was having sex. Red Flag!!! Fathers don't make those types of rude sexual remarks to their daughters. So the step dude got a divorce from the mother whom she hates. She is moving in with him (she says that the younger sister is moving there too but I'm not sure because the sister gets along with the mother and was supposed to be moving in with their mother). She currently has a hotel room that she's living in with him because their apartment won't be ready for a about 10 days. I told her she could live with me for that 10 day period but she refused. She always immediately hangs up if I walk into the room and she's talking on her phone to him. The younger sister was 12 when she met the step dude and the younger sister doesn't have a relationship that is remotely close to that of the woman I'm dating. She makes me feel like I'm twisting things to make them sound perverse. Am I the one that's off target here?
Jetsker Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Wow, that is quite an odd situation. It's hard to comment on it beyond remarks and one sided advice because that's all we are getting is one sided. I'm sure if we talked to her that she would stare us in the eyes and tell us this is completely normal. I've been there before where I'll swear that I said "A" and the girl swears "B". I chalk it up to a mistake or communication error on my part and move on. However, it began to happen on a regular basis and because we were both so smart (maybe not 3 degree's but one haha) it started to become odd to me that two people that always on time and made all their appointments couldn't sync up. That is until I realized I was ALWAYS wrong. It was never her always me, and I started going crazy. The best advice I can give you, YOU are the SANE one. You can't make it this far in life and always be wrong. Even if she isn't doing it on purpose, she's making you second guess everything. Including red flags. They sound like red flags to me but I'm not there to see everything. Tread carefully and best of luck in every thing. J
Ruby Slippers Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Ew, that sounds pretty gross. I would not be comfortable dating someone in a situation like that. Their relationship will probably never really change, or if it does, it will probably take a long time. So you need to decide whether you can accept this or not. If not, move on.
youaretheone Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I would have the impression that they are also having fun in the bed. There should be something that is keeping her with him.
Chitowngirl Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I would not date someone in that situation.......
Dusk1983 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 They're clearly in love, they're not related, so it's not illegal. I just feel for you and the girl's mother.
Damien Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Yikes, that was painful enough to read as it is. I think you'll be a lot better off taking the advice that everyone else on here has said - run.
ascendotum Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 With every sentence there was another WTH situation with this girl and her relationship with her step father, along with the 3 degrees, living at home not working bit. Beautiful & intelligent are great attributes for a girlfriend, but this home life situation of hers would be swirling in my mind and distract me too much from really falling for her. You would be competing with her step-dad for her attention. Also I would have thought a 29 yo still living with the folks would welcome the break staying over at your place but obviously not. Too weird to stick around. I'd wager this daddys girl 'breezing in & out of her bedroom' bond they have, played a part in the divorce.
rafallus Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) It's pretty creepy to me. I'd be disturbed if a girl had a thing with stepfather, even if they are not related. And hating mother? Really? She almost sounds like Oedipus in skirt. I'd probably assume she is boning him, and proceed to mind**** them both in return. Like this: Stepfather: "Are you having sex with him?" Me: "Yes, she totally is. You should join us, you sexy beefcake!" She currently has a hotel room that she's living in with him because their apartment won't be ready for a about 10 days."Don't forget to use protection, having a baby with your stepfather would suck". I told her she could live with me for that 10 day period but she refused."Why? We can totally bring the stud of your step father for some hot action. He won't need to feel left out of fun." And on and on, until she wants to have nothing to do with you. It will be a blessing, believe me. Edited June 16, 2011 by rafallus
love4me2c Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 It sounds like this girl may have been molested by this man. What you are describing are classic symptoms. She is an adult now and she should put a stop to it, but it is kind of like those people that identify and love their captors. This is no good for you. I'd run for the hills.
milkmaterial Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 yah that is far too weird, i have a lot of girl friends who are close to their dads ..biological dads.. even not that close in a creepy sense .. are they living in the appalachian mountains
TooAccepting32 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 None of it's appropriate. Even if they aren't sexually active, I would still not consider there to be enough room for me in a relationship if someone else is their number one like that.... whether that's their father, mother, friend, ex, brother, sister, cousin.... you get the point. I've dated guys who had unhealthy attachments to mothers, friends, etc. I was always #2 or #3 and would be tossed aside when something was demanded of them by that person. Because that person had a hold on them. This is not healthy for you. All that being said, it does sound like a molester molestee dynamic, but at the end of the day you don't have to confirm that to know you're in an unhealthy situation anyway
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