johnny224 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Hello all, New to the forum and i'm hoping i can get some good advice. I've been dating this girl for three months and things have been going excellent, we're both in our mid 20's and have just crossed over into the official boyfriend/girlfriend zone. We both see this relationship going long term. Now i have had one red flag pop up when she went to a sports event with a guy friend last month. She told me she was on the fence about whether to tell me she went or not...but she did on her own accord so I have to give credit where its due. I didn't get mad or jealous but did tell her i wasn't comfortable with that and wish she could give me some reassurance if it would happen again. Fast forward to this week-3 months into relationship...I called her today to have our nightly catch up and she said one of her friends invited her to a gala dinner and she went today. Naturally i asked what friend and it turned out to be a guy. Different guy than the guys she went to the sporting event with, but a guy nonetheless. Immediately i was feeling jealous but didn't make it known. So i asked her what she was doing now and she said she stopped over at her friend dereks apartment and was having drinks with 3 other guys. I have met derek and my intuition has prompted me to question his motives. She has told me that they went on a trip in the past with another couple. She has said in the past that she told him she wasn't interested when he tried to date her. I don't have any reasons not to trust her but something doesn't feel right here. Do i have the right to be jealous or feel like she isn't respecting our newfound boyfriend/girlfriend title? I feel that if i don't say anything then this will continue to be a problem for me and our relationship, what should i do? Thanks
BCCA Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 The first issue I see is that it took three months for you two to actually be bf/gf. That's kind of a long time of dating someone to decide to be exclusive. Generally, if you've dated a girl for 4-6 weeks and had sex with her, she's going to wanna know you're not out screwing other girls on days you don't see her. Every relationship I've ever been in, once we started sleeping together the girl made it known she wanted to be excludive. I don't know what the situation is there, but 3 months of dating is a long time to be exclusive. The next thing is that she went out with a dude without telling you first, then said she thought about not telling you. The reason she thought about not telling you is because anyone would feel a little annoyed if their partner did that, and its disrespectful. Also, hanging out with a guy that she knows is trying to get with her is also a really disrespectful thing to do. Bottom line, I have serious concerns about how into this relationship she really is. She's been kind of a lousy gf, IMO. I'd take a hard look at what you're getting out of this, and at what cost.
Author johnny224 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 We became bf/gf after 2 months which was right around when we first slept together but I see what your saying. I know she is aware that hanging out with different guys isn't respectful to me but she does it anyway. We've already been on vacation and talk about our future together a lot. I know she's into the relationship but seems like shetill wants to do what she did when she was single at my expense. I am taking a hard look at this relationship because I'm already losing sleep over this! How do I tell her she can't have her cake and eat it too,without seeming to controlling? Thanks for the response bcca
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