Nina111 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Guys I'm in desperate need of some advice and I would really appreciate your help. I have a bf of 1.5 years. Things between us were on and off at times but I really love him. Getting straight to the point, I quit my job. I got a job in a branch that's really far from home and I quit it after going to work for around 2 weeks. It took me around 1.5 hours to travel one-way and I was expected to be at work around 8 am, leave around 6 - 6.30 pm and the pay wasn't much so I felt like as if the whole thing is crazy and I just quit. I did tell my bf that I might quit it a couple days back, though he thought I was just kidding. Anyways, now it's been over a week and he hadn't contacted me in any way. In my relationship I'm the one who always makes the first move and after staying patiently for 3-4 days i tried calling him, NO ANSWER, text him, NO REPLY. I got so mad and I asked my friend to call him and check out what's the issue. My bf DID answer my friend's call though (guy friend). He had told my friend that I should learn a lesson for quitting my job or something and that I behave immature (which I don't except at times with my besties. He calls it flirting if I talk to a guy) and that I should start to understand that life is hard and it's not a fairytale and blablabla. Anyways the point is, I am searching for another job, for something better actually and the thing is I don't understand why my bf should be mad at me that I quit my job. I mean it doesn't affect him in any way. Not that we are living together or something. It's over a week and he hasn't responded to me in any way. He knows that I'm hurt and that I miss him so much. But one thing is that I never regret quitting that job. I don't know what to do. I'm exhausted with this whole thing. I mean shouldn't he be there for me at times like this when I'm already miserable with my life going nowhere rather than him adding up into it?? Shouldn't a good bf be there to say that "don't worry it'll all be okay, you can find a better job than that" rather than just ditching me like that? Is this whole relationship even worth it??
Rinnix Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 It sounds like he used the job as a poor excuse. Has everything been fine otherwise? Has he been distant prior to you quitting? It's also not his job to "teach you a lesson." His actions are indeed ridiculous. (If the issue is just about your quitting, which seems unlikely to me.)
Author Nina111 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 We've ALMOST broken up a couple times before but we find ourselves back together soon. He's not the "attached" bf kind, he gives me some space, but there are days that we don't contact each other at all. As far as I remember for the entire 2 weeks I worked he was all nice to me and very caring. When I told him the quitting part (through the phone cos we hardly meet these days since he's kinda busy with his last semester at college. It's been around 4 months since we last went on a date.) he just blabbered something and hung up and that was it.
Cee Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 It's been around 4 months since we last went on a date. Are you saying that you haven't seen him for 4 straight months? Does he go to college in another city or country?
FrostFire Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 If one quits their job because they either got bored or it was too hard then that is immature. Life is hard welcome to independence. Now the 1.5 hour commute with crap pay is an entirely different story though. It seems justifiable to dump a job that is taking more out of you then the rewards (salary). You're doing the right thing in finding another job and going about it very maturely. However, where you aren't handling things maturely is your relationship. He had told my friend that I should learn a lesson for quitting my job or something and that I behave immature (which I don't except at times with my besties. He calls it flirting if I talk to a guy) and that I should start to understand that life is hard and it's not a fairytale and blablabla. If this doesn't speak volumes to you of him moving on then I don't know what will. I'm exhausted with this whole thing. Is this whole relationship even worth it?? Nope, not worth it. You're being treated like **** and this guy can go **** himself. Life is too short to waste on disinterested guys. You should be exhausted as you seem to be putting more of an effort into seeing him than he has you. He's not interested in you and is bored with you. This can clearly be seen in the things he said to his friends. Dump this jerk.
Author Nina111 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 No, I see him around twice a month but that's just briefly. What I meant was we haven't hung out for around 4 months. You know, go for dinner, or a movie. No outing. I meet him at college briefly. It's around 1 hour drive there.
Author Nina111 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Hey thanks FrostFire. Yeah, I guess you're right. I do feel that he's not making an effort to keep me in his life. He seems to be trying to control me. And the worse part is that when he misses me he would call me or drop a text to which I would promptly respond. But when I'm sad and lonely I feel like he's never there to even listen to me. He always has these believable excuses.
FrostFire Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 And the worse part is that when he misses me he would call me or drop a text to which I would promptly respond. Which is polite and would seem proper to you. However, if done all the time it becomes immature and clingy. I have undergone this whole scenario so I'm speaking from experience. It's cute at first but constantly always being available makes you a turn-off. There's no challenge in chasing or gaining your attention. But when I'm sad and lonely I feel like he's never there to even listen to me. He always has these believable excuses. Learn something from what you're saying and you will go far in life. If a guy treats you like this then treat them right back the same way when they try gaining your attention. The shoe will be on the other foot and then we'll have to listen to a guy come here crying about how his girlfriend doesn't pay enough attention to him when he texts her.:p Just reverse the role right back on the guy and go about living your life. Your boyfriend seems like he is pre-occupied with his college and that is his choice. It's also his choice if he wants to take some time out of one his days to spend with you. The fact that he hasn't done this I think clearly shows he's lost interest in you. It's best to move on.
iJester Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 He may call you his girlfriend, but you're really just a smash piece for him.
confused192 Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 I agree with Rinnix...it is certainly not his job or his place to teach you any lessons. I too have actually quit a job that I knew wasn't right for me without having another job lined up. The guy I was dating was incredibly supportive, similar to how you mentioned you thought your bf should have acted, and he told me that I was awesome and talented and would find another job in no time. That's how it should be.
vsmini Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 If he's trying to teach you the lesson that life is difficult and you should see your job responsibility through...I don't see how him going No Contact on you is going to teach you the lesson ???? Who made him the mighty teacher of lessons? I agree with what others have said - I think he might just be using this as an excuse to finally cut contact with you. It's cowardly. Based on what you've said in your OP it doesn't sound like there is much of a truly quality relationship to salvage anyway. Let him keep up NC and do the same with him.
Author Nina111 Posted June 16, 2011 Author Posted June 16, 2011 Wow guys thank you so much for all of this. I gotta move on. Now that I think of the relationship I had with him it's not all candy floss.
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