scrc1 Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hey all at LS. It's been awhile since I posted anything here, and I wish I could say things have changed for me. In a way, I suppose they have, but overall I feel like I have been in the same wretched mess for months. I am at the point where I feel like I could some advice again, but if nothing else maybe my story will help somebody else reading. If you care to read about my deal, read THIS or check my posts I guess. So it's been nearly 8 months now since my girl and I broke up. It's been the most difficult time in my life, but I feel like I have learned a lot about myself and what's really important. I realized what she truly meant to me, and that I would do whatever it took to earn a second chance, and make the most of it if I got it. The breakup was in October, and we were living in separate cities. But all along we know we'd be seeing each other when she moved back here in May, where we worked together. I tried to give her space. She did indeed drop the "crumbs" where she would call me every week or so. Touching base. Making sure I wasn't with anyone else. This drove me completely mad. It went on for weeks and weeks. I couldn't move on, I wanted her back, but she wasn't doing anything about it. I'd go for what seemed like days without sleep, and was horrendously depressed. This was all still 5 months after the breakup. A word about "other people". I was so afraid that she was with someone else. It consumed me. It still does. I somehow felt like if I knew if she was sleeping around it would be easier for me to move on and get past it all. I heard rumors that she had been with someone since me. So after about five months or so, I ended up hanging out with another girl friend of mine, and we slept together. After that much time, I just needed to feel like a human again. I didn't regret it exactly, but it was pretty unsatisfying because I truthfully only wanted to be with my ex. I suppose I have been a "relationship guy" for a long time, and I tend to regard sex as more than just sex. Maybe I'm just a pussy that way. Sue me. I got that out of the way and didn't feel like I was going to die without ever getting laid again, but it didn't change anything for me as far as wanting my ex back. It didn't really surprise me that I still felt that way, it actually just strengthened my resolve. Finally, she came back to town at the start of last month. One of the first nights she was back, we saw each other out at a bar. She came up to me, and almost instantly, we left hand in hand. We walked down the street together at last, and it began to snow. It was surreal, like a dream. I felt like it was finally happening for me. Like every agonizing moment over the last months was worth it. We went back to my place, everything was going great. Things started heating up, but then she stopped us. She said it "wasn't fair." I didn't press for any explanations, and we just went to bed. I was still so happy. As good as that night was, things took a 180 the next morning. I drove her home, and she was really distant. I got the feeling like she couldn't believe she had let me work my way in like that. We didn't talk for a few days. When she started back at work, it was like it had never happened. About a week or two later, I asked her to go for lunch. She said yes, then cancelled on me the next day. Nothing was working right. I asked her to go to her favorite band's concert, but she muttered reasons why it might not be the best idea. I tried to calm down and let it happen. Instead, I went looking for trouble. She left her email open on a computer at work when I sat down. I wish I hadn't, but it was right in front of me to read. I found some correspondence between her and some other guys. She had slept with one of her close friends, but he had broken it off with her. There had also been something going on with an older guy while she was away. It was devastating to read. Honestly though, I asked for it, and at least I know the truth. It didn't strike me as hard as I thought it might. I think the fact that I had the dalliance of my own accounts for that. We had a talk where she essentially said that we weren't going to get back together - now or ever. That's essentially where we're at. I have pretty much withdrawn from her altogether now. I try to ignore her. I try to focus on other things, and keep myself occupied. I hang out with my friends, work on my studies. I've gone on a few dates with other girls. I try to forget her. I try everything I can think of... ....but its like trying to stop breathing. I love her. Selflessly, it seems. Even through all of this garbage, when I hear her voice down the hall it just lights me up inside. I can't stop wanting her, even after all this time, after all this hurt. I'm embarrassed to say it almost. I want her more than ever. I've been keeping my distance, acting cooly, maybe even standoffish. This doesn't feel good at all, but I don't know what else to do. She called me on it, wondering why I was treating her like that. And I made it clear that I wasn't really interested in trying to be just friends. For a girl who apparently doesn't care to have future with me, she sure seems to notice when I start ignoring her. I don't know what to do now. It can't go on like this. Come fall, we'll be in separate places again. I know what I want but it doesn't seem like she's interested. It's really hard to keep it together sometimes. Once again, I appreciate your advice and opinions. Thank you.
pd8mxq Posted June 9, 2011 Posted June 9, 2011 Hi there, I am sorry to hear that and I am two months behind you (brokeup 6 months). I feel the same as you about wanting the ex back. and knowing my ex is already dating someone else too. In terms of you, does she give you any indication at all about starting fresh? If not, just try to move on. Its hard but time heals. Do you feel as bad now as back in October, NOvember or December? If you are feeling better, this means time does heal and im sure u wil be fine. But if you are still feeling as ****, which could happen. Maybe the bext way to move on is to see a speicalist who could give u some really helpful advice. I know the ex probably still occupies you a lot in the head but if you two are meant to be, it will happen. It might not look like the case now but I am sure if u two paths cross again, it will happen and u dont even have to do anything. So right now, just walk ahead on yr own. One day, you might not feel the same anymore or one day, she might be there for u. Who knows. But we need to move on and live so pick yourself up, nothing more you should do about the ex now. Do it for you.
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