Friends abandoned me

[Cerpin_Taxt]

I did something pretty stupid this weekend. I was hanging out at my neighbors house with couple of friends, drinking, in the driveway. We were hollering at cars to slow down because people tend to go too fast through our little neighborhood. I was a little drunker than I thought I was and ended up throwing an empty beer bottle at a guys car and hitting it. Needless to say the guy called the cops. It all ended up with no charges and me not being arrested. The guy and I are sorting out the damages on our own.

 

However, once the guy started calling the cops all my neighbors and a friends disappeared. I've only known the few neighbors that were hanging out for about two years but two of the other guys hanging out with us were supposed to be really good friends of mine. The all vanished. It feels a little messed up that they left me alone like that. Even the guy whose car I hit said it was a little messed up. Am I just over thinking it? Would you have left a good friend like that? If for no other reason than to take my keys and phone and find out where I was going if I got arrested.

[carhill]

There are good-time friends and there are real friends.

 

Only advice would be to find some different friends and drink less.

[spiderowl]

I don't know about leaving a friend in that situation, but I would have been very shocked she behaved like that, drunk or not. I may well have decided at that point that she was not the sort of person I'd like to be friends with. I'm probably harsher than most, I don't know.

 

At the very least, I would have left her to deal with the police - after all, she got herself into that mess so she should get herself out of it.

 

I guess that sounds unsympathetic but I have no sympathy with violence of any kind, except where it is essential in defence of self or another innocent person.

[Cerpin_Taxt]

I don't know about leaving a friend in that situation, but I would have been very shocked she behaved like that, drunk or not. I may well have decided at that point that she was not the sort of person I'd like to be friends with. I'm probably harsher than most, I don't know.

 

At the very least, I would have left her to deal with the police - after all, she got herself into that mess so she should get herself out of it.

 

I guess that sounds unsympathetic but I have no sympathy with violence of any kind, except where it is essential in defence of self or another innocent person.

 

I'm a shocked that I acted like that. I would imagine they were too.

 

I've apologized for my behavior and actions to the few that I needed to apologize to. So far everyone is telling me to not worry about it and that we all do stupid things from time to time or get drunk and make mistakes. Don't let it ruin my life, etc.

 

When I stand back and look at it I wouldn't have left my friend like that. It's not what I would have done to the people I care about. Unless it was a habitual thing, but if that were the case I wouldn't have been hanging out with them in the first place.

 

I'm guess I'm just still confused or upset with myself over the whole thing and my friends abandoning me is just one more part of it. I've realized that it's time for me to change my situation.

[Cerpin_Taxt]

There are good-time friends and there are real friends.

 

Only advice would be to find some different friends and drink less.

 

That's exactly what I've been doing. Thanks.

[Star Gazer]

I don't know about leaving a friend in that situation, but I would have been very shocked she behaved like that, drunk or not. I may well have decided at that point that she was not the sort of person I'd like to be friends with. I'm probably harsher than most, I don't know.

 

At the very least, I would have left her to deal with the police - after all, she got herself into that mess so she should get herself out of it.

 

I guess that sounds unsympathetic but I have no sympathy with violence of any kind, except where it is essential in defence of self or another innocent person.

 

I totally agree with this, and I doubt I'd afford "the friend" another opportunity. Sorry.

[dangerstranger]

I wouldn't stick around to support a friend acting like that either.

You have to realize what you did probably scared the crap out of them.

[Lil1]

I agree with carhill, there are friends you just hang out with and there are real friends who have your back no matter what. If a real friend of mine did what you did I would be more worried for you than anything. Afterwards I would be angry with you for acting a fool. I would not abandon you though, especially with the police involved, that's just not right. **** happens when people drink (I've had some crazy experiences myself in which, had it not been for my real friends I would have been in serious trouble!). However I would definitely not be too keen on drinking with you if this sort of behavior was habitual. It's a harsh lesson to learn who your real friends are in situations like these but we all go through it. Live and learn:)

[Cerpin_Taxt]

I just want to stress one more time that this is, in no way, a habitual thing for me. It's the first time in my life I have ever done anything like this. I wouldn't be questioning it at all if I did this often or even more than once.

 

I'm not even really worried about my friends any more. If I can be friends with two of them for ten plus years and they abandon me when the cops are called after messing up once, then they aren't the kind of friends I need in my life any more. I've been there for them in the past when they did stupid stuff. A person that won't stand by a friend through thick and this is no friend at all.

 

What's worst of all, those friends and neighbors were hanging out that night, vanished when the cops got called, and texted me two days later to hang out again.

 

This whole thing has caused me to re evaluate my life, my friendships, my drinking, my mentality, etc. I've also slipped into the worst depression I've been in for years. Once that's over, I'm changing stuff.

 

Thanks for all the feedback from everyone. I like getting a diversity of opinions.

[spiderowl]

I think the other poster is right in that you probably scared your friends. they probably thought 'Whoa, wait a minute, she's got some issues but I never thought she'd do this kind of thing'. They probably had no idea how to react and opted out. I just can't imagine any of my friends doing this when drunk unless they were threatened by someone violent or any of our groups was attacked or threatened.

 

I just wondered what you thought your friends should do? Stand there with you and tell the police you didn't usually do this? Maybe they thought you might turn on them next. If a friend of mine did this, I'd think he was out of control. Out of control is scary! I might think later on 'Oh, he was very drunk and maybe something upset him', but I'd still be wary and wonder when this was going to happen again.

 

Rather than dumping the friends who didn't stay with you, why don't you have a talk with them and see what they thought you were doing? Maybe explain it was very out of character and see what feedback you get? You'd need to be brave and listen though. I feel that in a way this is the culmination of more than you suggest and that it is not as out of character as you say. You and your friends were hollaring at passing vehicles so you weren't sitting and letting people pass peaceably anyway. That in itself is an aggressive act and your friends were complicit in that, if what you say is true. I suspect that it's easier to dump friends that face up to the fact that you behaved in a violent way which went beyond their boundaries which appear to have extended to shouting only.

Edited June 12, 2011 by spiderowl

[dangerstranger]

I agree with Spider, It's worth talking to your friends about.

 

It really would scare me if a friend acted that way- even moreso if it was out of character for them.

 

Talk to your friends, don't write them off. Don't make any major decisions, especially if you are in a depression fog.

[Eddie Edirol]

No one wants to be friends with someone that looks like they are developing a problem. Thats why they bailed on you. Even if its only once, people know that you cant help people when they are breaking down (or appear to), they have to help themselves. Everyones got their own problems to take care of, dont give them reasons to believe that you are developing new problems that they have to "stand by you" for. Its selfish and immature. Just stop drinking so much and be normal. For all they know, they guys car you hit might have had a gun, or been crazy. I dont have benefits right now, if that guy decided to use his car against you as a bowling ball, I cant afford to get hit with you because youre actin a fool. Their abandoning you isnt their fault, its yours.