! Im at my wits end..dont know i really like this guy?

[valentinesxxx]

I met a guy through FB last year. He was messaging me through xmas and new year. He asked me how my xmas was and told me that on new years he had been looking for me in a club i normally go to, but didnt see me. We carried on messaging through january and then at the end he asked me for my number. He textd me and called me to ask me out. We eventually met up during the week he picked me up in his car and he we sat and talked for hours laughing and joking. he was affectionate kissing my hand, hugging me and pulling me close. i had to tell him at one point that i felt uncomfortable as we did not know each other well enough. i asked him what he liked about me, and he told me he had been watching me for a years and mentioned a club i used to go to 10 years ago..(im now 33, i think hes a few years older).

 

At the end of the date he said he wanted to take me out for dinner the next night. i said i couldnt as i had not made arrangements for my children and we left it at that. The next day i checked FB and unbeknown to me he had left me a message at 01.41am that night after he dropped me home asking me if i enjoyed the night. i replied that i had a good time spending time with him. The nxt night he text me again, but i ignored it as i was too tired from work. He then text me the following day asking me if i was O.K i replied yes, and asked him if he was too but he didnt reply, which i thought unusual. so i called him dont know why (never really got an answer as to why he didnt reply). our date was on the monday night so friday comes and i call him about a club out of town that i would like us to go to. he told me he was unsure of his plans & would let me know later. He doesnt call back so i call him again and he says he cant go to this club, so i suggest he come round. He says yes, but doesnt show. i call him several times after that and leave several messages revealing my frustration at this and he doesnt reply. i let the weekend go by and i hear nothing so the following week i send him a firm message on FB telling him i do not play games, and either hes going to be there for me or not. He replies 2 days later asking 'Why i would say that? i reply 3 days later stating my frustration at not knowing where i stand and why he hasnt called me at the weekend. he replied the same day saying he didnt purposely not call to be spiteful but got caught up...(huh) still none the wiser...anyway i message him the next day saying 'i 4give him' (not wanting it to look as though its bothered me that much). he doesnt reply. i then message him again 2 days later saying 'take care x. a week later he replies saying 'he is O.K away on holiday'. i message him the next day saying 'im so jealous' wish i was away too'(general not specifically with him). no reply. 10 days later i message him again 'hope your enjoying your holiday with family and friends..pack sum nice weatha in your suitcase for me'.

 

When he came back he contacted me. he told me that he really missed me. he wantd 2 see me urgently and asked me to meet up with him when i finshed work. i said i would but knew I couldnt due to childcare committments. so i text him later that evening that work was very busy. he ‘replied it was cool’.

 

several days later he then continued to pursue me. he asked me why i couldnt see him during the day and i told him that as i have children and work full-time its difficult. as it was the weekend i told him i would meet him later that night.

 

 

 

It was late at night and id been to a concert with friends. we met up and he asked where we should go. As it was around 2am in the morning and most places were closing at that time, i suggested we just go for a drive, see wheres open and talk for a while. i knew he couldnt come back to my place due to my children at home. we chatted for a short while together and he began to drive i didnt know where we were driving to, and unbeknown to me, he took me back to his place. i had a bad feeling when i realised we where he had taken me as i knew what could happen but i didnt speak up. we became intimate and during and after our intimacy i withdrew from him as i felt really uncomfortable. i knew i really liked him, and thoughts goign through my mind were that i was making a bad mistake, and what he would he think of me? he sensed this, so it wasnt all that good. when we finished he said ‘well at least weve got that out the way’. we talked and really wanted to get close to me, & cuddle me, and for us to lie together but i felt really uncomfortable and pushed him away. we fell asleep and around 6am he drove me home. he told me to text him that im o.k but i didnt.

 

 

 

The next day he text me ‘happy mothers day’. For around the next three weeks he kept in contact by text weekly every monday morning. On one occasion i ignored his texts for 2 days as started to wonder why he was only texting me weekly and what he was doing for the rest of the week. i also didnt want him to think i was waiting around for him. he then stopped texting. so i text him that night. he asked me why i wasnt answering his texts, i replied that i was, so he called me straight away. i asked if i could see him. he said yes but an hour later didnt show and didnt answer his phone when i called. i text him the next day but his replies were realy limited so i left it alone for several days. during this time i would text him that i was missing him.

 

The following week i texted and he didnt respond so i called & suggested we go to the cinemas. he told me we would, planned a time and ‘yes’ you guessed it he didnt show or call. i didnt hear from him then for another week. A week later i texted him late at night that i was really missing him. he replied saying he really wanted to see me. i agreed reluctantly as it was really late, and i had work the next day. i knew what he may have been after so i made sure we stayed & talked in the car. He raised the subject about the last time we met. he asked me questions about the sex, to which i was too embarresed to answer, so i pretended i didnt remember. i told him several times, that i felt that night should not have happended. i told him that i felt i should of got to know him first. he replied that we need to see it through together, whilst holding and squeezing my hand, continuing to be very afectionate. i told him that i wanted out next time to be ‘special’. i asked him questions about family, and work to which he replied. i also asked him when we were going to go on dates to concerts and the cinema in quite a firm tone. i quiered with him that i also expected to receive benefits, not just him. he smiled jokingly replying that we would. during that time around 1am he recived a text message and it was though he had a sense of urgency. i then realised he had three phones. i got out of the car, remembering he vaguley asked why he didnt get a kiss, to which i slammed the door. 4 days later he called, but i missed the call, and called him back he didnt answer. the next day he called me. we talked for a while, me doing all the talking. i tried to explain that i was very shy during us being intimate as i felt like i hardly new him, amongst other things. he wasnt very responsive. ‘told me i was talking big talk as usual’. i texted him the next day to ask him a question whereby i only text ‘WHY’. he replied ‘why what’ i told him it did not matter as he probably would not give me an honest answer anyway. he then text me again ‘what is it’. i replied ‘it can wait’.

 

i then let things cool down and never heard from him again for the rest of the week. he never text me as usual on the monday. i then became anxious and texted him a message about how i was feeling about the whole situation and how i felt pursued, and then used, i thought we were cool and that i cared about us. he called the next day and arranged to meet, but i realised i had an emergency come up at that time so couldnt meet. he told me we would meet later and he would call but never did. two days later i sent him another but this time ‘annoyed’ message that i didnt understand what was going on anymore and i would prefer he not call or text me if he cant talk to me about what is going on. i told him i was finished with him, and it was over. A couple of hours later he called me back, but i put the phone down on him, as i just thought he would feed me some ‘bulls**t excuse, that i knew i wouldnt want to hear.

 

After i put the phone down on him. We had no contact for 12 days. during this time it was my birthday for the bank holiday weekend. He knew i was going away for the weekend with my girlfriends out of town, so i made sure i texted him at the beginning of that week the details of the hotel id be stayin in. he knew i had this weekend planned from the start and kept telling me he would be joining me. i really didnt believe him, so played it as though i didnt want him there, but give him the benefit of the doubt anyway by texting him the details nearer the time. he didnt call or wish me happy birthday. i even thought he would make it a surprise and make the effort unannounced...but nothing. it was agonising not hearing from him, although i desperately wanted to call him, but as id cut him off the phone earlier that week, i didnt want to embarrass myself by calling him in case he did the same to me. i missed him so much.

 

after 12 days he called. was very nice to me over the phone, pleasant sounded interested. asking me about work, the usual. although i mostly do all the talking. i told him that i had missed him so much, and i didnt know whether i should call or text him anymore. he told me to call him after work and we would meet together.

 

well i fell for it..called several times no answer...tried to withold my number...used different numbers nothing... not heard from him since... sent several texts..i asked him why he wont be upfront, i didnt appreciate that hes a grown man behaving this way (im 34 hes late 30’s), telling me to call and not answering, that he wins..that i liked him and cared and always have done despite whats happened between us, that he hurt me and i miss his hugs, apologised for disrespecting him and putting the phone down, that i would rather him dislike me for who i am, than who im not....nothing...

 

we saw each other the other day and im pretty sure he avoided/ignored me

 

 

did he do this to me to get his own back?

 

 

was he into me or was i just used?

 

why did he call me after 12 days no contact, to do this?

 

He’s a realy, handsome, gorgeous guy, ..i thought i was trying to protect my emotions. im really ill. cant eat, cant sleep.:sick:i

[lovefiction]

I am really sorry. The thing is it sounds like he used you. From the beginning it seemed he had too many secrets and inconsistencies to deserve so much attention. It actually sounds like he is married or a really big player.

 

Why would he need more than one (two at the most) phones?

 

Nobody deserves to be treated this way. How many times did he say he was going to call and then never did, or meet up and never did. I dated a guy who was 38 (I am 33) who was flaky - he would call and then all of a sudden he would stop calling - he was very childish in his perspective of relationships, almost selfish - it was all about the chase. I guess age is not a sign of maturity in men.

 

The best thing to do now is to forget about him and move on. Do not answer his calls or messages or the cycle will just continue. Talk to a friend or post here instead of calling. When I stopped dating the guy I mentioned I started dating a few other guys and decided that I would really see what my choices were before "falling" for any one guy. He still called (since the chases was back) and I would talk to him casually but I never went out with him again... The dating really helped...

 

Good Luck...