Do old fashioned (single) men still exist out there?

[AngelDollFace]

I am 32, pretty (I am told), intelligent and fun. I seem to date a LOT of jerks though. They always seem nice at first... too perfect almost. Then I date them for a few years and they turn out to be cheaters or scary control freaks-

 

My question: Are there still single men out there in their 30s who have Christian morals and make enough money to support a wife and children? I want to raise my children myself. I don't want to be faced with choosing between paying attention to a career or my children. I am not a gold digger. I just want to live comfortably, keep a tidy house, spoil my husband and be a great mother. 40 years ago this is was how things were. Women who wanted to stay home weren't considered to be lazy. It seems all the men I know are underemployed and don't really care to be doing better. They expect women to do everything around the house and raise the kids and make all the money. That isn't the life I want.

 

Words of encouragement anyone? I am losing hope? Where have all the old fashioned good men gone

[Darren Taylor]

If you're dating a lot of jerks(your words, not mine) the common denominator is you. I can easily flip this and ask where the old-fashioned women are. If you want a good man, you need to be a good woman. The men you date can easily see through you and tell that you have a lot of emotional baggage.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I am too young for you, and still trying to figure out my life. I also don't have an income right now, so I am not right for you.

 

But I am an old fashioned Christian man, so my values would work for you. Unfortunately, it seems like I don't meet all your standards.

[GirlnamedAngel]

If you're dating a lot of jerks(your words, not mine) the common denominator is you. I can easily flip this and ask where the old-fashioned women are. If you want a good man, you need to be a good woman. The men you date can easily see through you and tell that you have a lot of emotional baggage.

You're an idiot. A major idiot. Wanting to be a stay at home mom doesn't mean she has emotional baggage. Sure she has been in some bad relationships- but most people have. I am not really sure how you took what she said and translated it into being something bad rather than an insightful question.

 

Angel,

 

My brother is one of those guys. He actually just got married just last year. He waited for marriage and had a well established career. He is 29. He and his wife are very happy and in love. She works now but she will stay home with their children when the time comes.

[ladyinlimbo]

Well not sure if this well help but there's a Christian dating site for singles that I've used in the past and there are a lot of men on there looking for what you describe you're looking for. http://www.christiancafe.com I believe they have a free 7 day trial (or maybe it's 5 days?) but a few more days if you upload a pic. I personally didn't really find anyone local on there (I live in a more remote area) who I felt much of a connection with. I am also divorced and a lot of men on there are very vocal in their profiles about wanting only to meet women who have never been married before (which I found judgmental and it irked me), who are looking for women who want what you want..and for me, I am no longer at the age where I want to have children and I have a great career I've worked hard to establish and I'm not about to give it up to be a housewife..not that there's anything at all wrong with that but as someone who won't be having kids, that doesn't make sense. Most men on there seem to want a woman in your age group who is looking to settle down, have children, the white picket fence, be a stay at home wife/mother. So I think you might have some success there. I just didn't fit the common demographic. Good luck.

[Darren Taylor]

You're an idiot. A major idiot. Wanting to be a stay at home mom doesn't mean she has emotional baggage. Sure she has been in some bad relationships- but most people have. I am not really sure how you took what she said and translated it into being something bad rather than an insightful question.

 

 

You have no right to be giving me an attitude. The OP said herself she has been with a lot of jerks. Having a bad relationship or two is one thing. To be with a lot of jerks(her words, not mine) means she does have baggage. She isn't good at choosing mates and it's going with her throughout her life.

 

I answered her question and got right to the point. If you want old-fashioned men, you need to be the same way as a woman.

[Woggle]

I don't doubt your sincerity but other women have pretty much ruined it for women like you. A man taking on a role like this is pretty much playing russian roulette with his life. If she all of a sudden becomes unhappy and wants out he can have his life completely ruined. There will be more good old fashioned men when there are more good old fashioned women. Blame women who chew men like this up and spit them out for the current state of affairs.

[carhill]

Old fashioned good men generally don't 'shack up' in an unmarried state. That's a parameter you can easily monitor and filter for.

 

I liked this comment in the linked thread, made by a man. It was very reflective of my feelings in my 20's and 30's:

 

'But too many women love jerks, maybe I can get some pointers from your man so I can find a gf too.'

 

During those years, many years ago, I recall only too well the windburn I felt from the gale force of multitudes of women blowing by to get at the 'real men', one of whom you outlined in that thread. It was truly disheartening. In the end, regretfully, I did have to become at least a goodly bit of that kind of a man to attract any sort of potential mate. A sad end to twenty years as an old-fashioned good man who would have been happy to support a family, as my father did ours.

 

Good luck in your search.

[Jazzari]

The gravy train ended forty years ago. Time to hop off, sister.

Being a full time housewife, raising children and taking care of your husband is far from a gravy train. It's much easier to be single, run around having a good time without strings and not have to pick up after anyone. But in my opinion, the former is far more rewarding.

 

I think alot of problems today stem from the lack of a strong family unit. I'm all for choice and I'd never take that away from anyone. I just wish more people chose (and were financially able) to put family first.

 

Best of luck Angel. I hope you find a good man who wants the same things you do.

[ladyinlimbo]

The gravy train ended forty years ago. Time to hop off, sister.

 

I think it's unfair to refer to what she's looking for as the 'gravy train.' There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home Mom. Too many couples today are fixated with big house and fancy cars such that they have kids then stick them in a daycare only to essentially be raised by 'strangers.' Running a home and raising children well isn't exactly a walk in the park - it's a job in itself, I think. It's sad that there's this perception that a woman wanting to marry, have a family and be a stay at home Mom is merely someone looking to ride the gravy train. If a couple agree to this and can afford to do this, why not?

[Jazzari]

I think it's unfair to refer to what she's looking for as the 'gravy train.' There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a stay at home Mom. Too many couples today are fixated with big house and fancy cars such that they have kids then stick them in a daycare only to essentially be raised by 'strangers.' Running a home and raising children well isn't exactly a walk in the park - it's a job in itself, I think. It's sad that there's this perception that a woman wanting to marry, have a family and be a stay at home Mom is merely someone looking to ride the gravy train. If a couple agree to this and can afford to do this, why not?

You said that much better than I did. I agree.

[frizzo]

Why in the world would a decent man want a woman who has shacked up and is too old to bear him more than two children at best?

 

You want to know where men willing to pay through the nose to support a woman staying home are? Gloria Steinem and her ilk killed them all.

 

A man would have to be an utter idiot with a masochistic streak six miles long to get married these days. He can work like a pack mule for decades and any time cupcake decides she's bored, he loses everything including his kids. He has his future income stolen in the form of alimony and child support, and no one cares. Why on Earth would ANY man sign up for that?

[Fondue]

More and more men are realizing the current state of marriage is for the lack of better phrasing: AGAINST THEM.

 

Besides, having that classic wife lifestyle is also way to old school. Many families now are reliant on both spouses working to maintain a comfortable lifestyle.

 

What I'm reading is that you want a man that is not only rich, but is an ace in every category as well, to treat you like a queen. Goodluck finding that. In today's day/age, that's like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

Lucky for me, I'm choosing the lifestyle of a man whom will never get married nor have children. I just turned 24 last month, have an adult, well paying job in NYC that's capable of supporting a comfortable lifestyle and I choose not to be dragged down by a woman. Hopefully more men follow suit with this. I wouldn't EVER want to be with a woman who expects to stay at home and be a housewife.

[Jazzari]

Why in the world would a decent man want a woman who has shacked up and is too old to bear him more than two children at best?

 

You want to know where men willing to pay through the nose to support a woman staying home are? Gloria Steinem and her ilk killed them all.

 

A man would have to be an utter idiot with a masochistic streak six miles long to get married these days. He can work like a pack mule for decades and any time cupcake decides she's bored, he loses everything including his kids. He has his future income stolen in the form of alimony and child support, and no one cares. Why on Earth would ANY man sign up for that?

I know!! Can you imagine having to help support your own child? How unfair is that? And all you did was bang the underage babysitter a few times.

 

There is nothing more rewarding than a happy marriage where both partners love and respect each other. Yeah, it's worth the risk. The risk that BOTH partners take.

[Woggle]

I know!! Can you imagine having to help support your own child? How unfair is that? And all you did was bang the underage babysitter a few times.

 

There is nothing more rewarding than a happy marriage where both partners love and respect each other. Yeah, it's worth the risk. The risk that BOTH partners take.

 

You know that is not the cause of every divorce. It's more like he has to work his butt off to provide for his family which he doesn't complain about but then she gets bored and finds some jerk on facebook to have an affair with. Eventually she leaves him for this guy but he has to pay her through the nose and gets to call his kids once a week if he is lucky.

 

Not all women do this but it happens enough to make men cautious.

[Jazzari]

You know that is not the cause of every divorce. It's more like he has to work his butt off to provide for his family which he doesn't complain about but then she gets bored and finds some jerk on facebook to have an affair with. Eventually she leaves him for this guy but he has to pay her through the nose and gets to call his kids once a week if he is lucky.

 

Not all women do this but it happens enough to make men cautious.

There are risks for both. I don't think it's more dangerous for one gender over the other.

 

I was divorced (irreconcilable differences) and didn't get one single penny. Not even the money I had earned during our marriage. It doesn't always go the woman's way financially.

[Woggle]

Disgusting.

 

Only in 6% of divorces are there verifiable cases of abuse or bad behavior. The other 94% are women who "aren't fulfilled" and who decide to cash out, taking everything with them and leaving their husband a virtual slave, who pays half his paycheck to her for the rest of his miserable life.

 

With your comment above I can see what you really think about men and marriage, though; so I won't waste any more time on you.

 

To be fair she seems to be one of the good ones. I have never seen her be anti-male but women don't know what it is like. Sure they get hurt in a marriage as well but they have legal protection while a man who is betrayed has to salt rubbed in the wound by the family court system.

[Jazzari]

Disgusting.

 

Only in 6% of divorces are there verifiable cases of abuse or bad behavior. The other 94% are women who "aren't fulfilled" and who decide to cash out, taking everything with them and leaving their husband a virtual slave, who pays half his paycheck to her for the rest of his miserable life.

 

With your comment above I can see what you really think about men and marriage, though; so I won't waste any more time on you. Needless to say, you are exactly the reason why men see marriage as a fool's proposition, and in that regard it is good to get your nasty input here, as a warning to the teenagers and younger men who might read this.

Saying that a man will cheat on his wife is so much worse than the accusation that the woman is the cheater? Seriously? And obviously, my comment was meant in humor. (hence the haha face)

 

And did you miss this part of my post? You know, the serious part without the haha face?

 

There is nothing more rewarding than a happy marriage where both partners love and respect each other. Yeah, it's worth the risk. The risk that BOTH partners take.

[Jazzari]

To be fair she seems to be one of the good ones. I have never seen her be anti-male but women don't know what it is like. Sure they get hurt in a marriage as well but they have legal protection while a man who is betrayed has to salt rubbed in the wound by the family court system.

I can't say I know what its like since I'm not a man. But my bother was cheated on, she stole all his money, car and was a demon from hell. So yeah, it happens. I've also seen women who were ripped apart by a cheating husband and left with nothing.

 

All I'm saying is that there are risks to both men and women. I personally think its worth it. My first marriage sucked. It lasted a year and I was taken to the cleaners. My second marriage was wonderful and lasted 18 years. So my experiences have gone both ways. I choose to believe in the second and I'm willing to take the risk try again.

 

And thanks for noting that I'm not anti-male. I'm not at all. I think guys are great and I'm sorry I appeared otherwise.

[Fondue]

 

There is nothing more rewarding than a happy marriage where both partners love and respect each other. Yeah, it's worth the risk. The risk that BOTH partners take.

I'm a logical/statistical person. That's just my style, I calculate everything.

 

With the current rate of divorce (of which, statistically 66-75% are initiated by women) it seems like taking a gamble of getting into marriage for a hope of having a happy, long lasting relationship is not worth it.

 

Why? Because if that divorce DOES happen, MORE THAN LIKELY (again, not in all cases, but in more cases than not), the man absolutely loses out. That's just the way it is.

 

Alimony. Child Support. Even if the child is NOT yours, if your name is on the BC, you're paying child support. Splitting of the "stuff." Who gets what? Women typically get more of it.

 

And much more of that crap. It simply isn't worth it anymore. If a man should get married, then my suggestion is to NOT sign the marriage "contract," nor sign the birth certificate unless you are 100% sure (after paternity test) that the child is yours. So that way, if you guys split up, you just split. You would only have to pay child support (or her, if you get custody).

[Jazzari]

I'm a logical/statistical person. That's just my style, I calculate everything.

 

With the current rate of divorce (of which, statistically 66-75% are initiated by women) it seems like taking a gamble of getting into marriage for a hope of having a happy, long lasting relationship is not worth it.

 

Why? Because if that divorce DOES happen, MORE THAN LIKELY (again, not in all cases, but in more cases than not), the man absolutely loses out. That's just the way it is.

 

Alimony. Child Support. Even if the child is NOT yours, if your name is on the BC, you're paying child support. Splitting of the "stuff." Who gets what? Women typically get more of it.

 

And much more of that crap. It simply isn't worth it anymore. If a man should get married, then my suggestion is to NOT sign the marriage "contract," nor sign the birth certificate unless you are 100% sure (after paternity test) that the child is yours. So that way, if you guys split up, you just split. You would only have to pay child support (or her, if you get custody).

I wonder about who initiates the divorce. In mine, I initiated it because he felt it was the "gentlemanly" thing to do. The man lets the woman initiate to allow her to save face. It's the same with couples who date. The man often lets the woman be the one to "break up" even if he is the one who wants it.

 

Do they even award alimony anymore? It seems odd to me. Like I said, I got nothing in mine. Not even the personal possessions that were mine, lol! But I admit, he had me so scared that I didn't fight for it much either.

 

One other thing to consider is palimony. How do people who want to avoid entanglements handle that?

 

Have you ever considered a prenup?

[Woggle]

People initiate divorce for many reasons but the walkaway wife thing which is an epidemic today is enough to scare any man.

[musemaj11]

So you are saying you are going to just waste tax payers money that funded your education?

[ladyinlimbo]

People initiate divorce for many reasons but the walkaway wife thing which is an epidemic today is enough to scare any man.

 

What about successful women who stand to lose a lot, too, should they marry and end up in a divorce? Without meaning to sound arrogant, there are many of us who have worked very hard from an early age to support ourselves, make a good living, own a nice home, have a retirement and pension plan in place. We also stand to lose a lot should things go south. Here in Canada (not sure about the U.S.) if you live together (common-law) and split, the same rules apply as if you were married and divorcing. Do I want to take a chance and lose my home or half of the equity in it? Or potentially have to pay alimony because the chances are good my future husband will make less than me? It's not just men who are at risk.

[Woggle]

So you are saying you are going to just waste tax payers money that funded your education?

 

That was uncalled for. Being a stay at home mom is a very honorable and respectable choice in life. Guys can't complain that there are no traditional women and then devalue the meaningful work that they do. The problem is that too many women have used up and spit out men in the provider role and that is why there are afraid to take it on.