I miss her...

[Andymack]

OK, my take on these questions

 

1. How do you feel about things?

 

Still feel devastated. I saw her at a bar yesterday night and she just froze like a rabbit in the headlights then left very quickly. I since found out she has been dating someone for about a month and that new hasn't really sunk in yet but I haven't eaten or slept since

 

2. How often do you think about it?

 

All day, everyday. I keep thinking about ways to win her back and us meeting yesterday was basically done on purpose as I knew where she would be and what time.

 

3. How long have you been NC?

 

About 12 hours. Before that 2 months, before that a week, before that 2 months and before that contacted her about once a month to try and get my stuff back (which she's still got)

 

4. Anything you would have done differently?

 

Not go on holiday with her after we split. Seriously bad move. We had arranged go on holiday with her sister her boyfriend and her parents and we split up about a week before and she basically begged my to go. I thought I could win her back. I didn't and as that reality dawned on me I was practically suicidal for the entire holiday and was walking around with a face like a smacked arse in front of everyone. Not the most attractive of looks

 

5. Other thoughts?

 

It might seem strange but I don't want to move on as it feels like I'm giving up. She is really beautiful and has an amazing personality and i really can't see myself being with anyone like her again. I have been trying to engineer "surprise" meetings to see her but she doesn't seem to want to talk. I feel I have to move on now she has a boyfriend but I really have no idea how to. I think while she was still single the door was still slightly open as i was told after one of the meetings which went well she still had feelings for me I was hopeful I could turn it round round but successive attempts have drawn a blank so I guess that's it

[9Lives]

1. How do you feel about things?

I wish my heart was still not connected to him. I wish I wasnt attached but I m working on acceptance which in this case is taking alot of time.

 

2. How often do you think about it?

Everyday and I am so happy to know that this must be normal to think about your ex. I think knowing this is going to help me alot. It doesnt mean Im not trying to move on, it just means I think about him.

 

3. How long have you been NC?

Since feb 2011 for good I believe and I try not to count the time. It is pointless to me.

 

 

4. Anything you would have done differently?

When he came back in feb not be so happy to hear from him. I know he was happy to hear from me too but I should have played it cool for a while. I think he was reaching out to me until he detected I wanted to get back together so to speak. It might sound weird but if you act like you are cool and they still like you, you have time to try to work it out.

 

5. Other thoughts?

It is absolutely pointless to send the letter. You might not think it is nothing but it will have a negative effect on you especially if she doesnt respond.

 

It is really best to let it go and deal with the emotions on your own. I wouldnt put myself thru any more pain. Take it from someone who does the dumbest things for pain and it does absolutely no damm good.

 

Just know no matter what, she is going to be on your mind for a while then eventually, it will stop one day.

[justletgox51]

1. How do you feel about things?

 

I feel much better than before. However, I still have feelings for him since I see him almost every day since we both go to the same school. Mind you, I'm still in high school so... Blah.

 

2. How often do you think about it?

 

How often do I think about the break up? Almost every other week or so... Although, I usually just picture things in my head that we're still together, except give shape him a better personality, which I know is wrong but it just means I'm still waiting/still have feelings... >_<

 

3. How long have you been NC?

 

We broke up in November of 26; right after our 11 month, and I kept chasing after him for about a month, and complete stopped right after our last conversation on Christmas day (basically him telling me what he was going to do for our one year anniversary, and telling me to let go.) From that moment on, I have been on NC for 5 months now... Sigh.

 

4. Anything you would have done differently?

 

If you're talking about after the break up- I would have just given him his space the moment he asked for his space, which was when he broke up with me. I should not have begged, pleaded or played the chasing game but I did because we have been in an on and off relationship and I was always the one chasing after him, after he'd break up with me and he'd usually get back with me. He did wanted to get back but right away changed his mind after hours of thinking, which I think is okay. His reasons were to focus on basketball, school and wasn't ready for a relationship. Oh well.

5. Other thoughts?

2 months after we broke up was his birthday, and I decided to not greet him. I realized he broke up with me to be out of his life and I listened to my friends' advice. I realized I'm thankful that he broke up with me because I go to a self-direct high school, meaning we have to learn things with minimal support from teachers (they just guide you to get on track with school work and stuff) and I was really behind. I still kinda am but I'm happier than ever before, and I'm trying my best to finish all my courses on time.

[J0N]

First off, I want to thank everyone for the great responses to my questions. It is actually quite comforting to know that most people are about where I am after 6 or more months. I don't feel like I was abnormally attached, I just really loved my ex.

 

I AM NOT SENDING HER ANYTHING. If she wants to reach out to me, she can do it on her own accord. This will probably happen when the Chicago Cubs win the World Series &/or when Hell freezes over...

 

It is funny how things work out. I was dreading my little sister's graduation because it was the last time that I could potentially run into my ex. It turns out that my little sister went to a friends cookout and was not at all interested in going to the actual ceremony. So I didn't have to go, THANK GOD! I would have gone if my sister went, even if there was a chance I would run into my ex.

 

So at this point (sigh) I do not expect to EVER see or hear from my ex again. I have no idea where she is going to or when she is leaving here, but I do know that we are both going different ways. I am moving in a week. My little brother introduced me to some nice girls who are also moving to where I am going. One was talking about setting me up with one of her friends, so I am excited. Hopefully soon I will be able to finally turn the page on this chapter of my life.

 

Goodbye Catherine...

 

I am sure I will still be sad for a while though, so I will keep posting here. The girls that I met last night say that it helps a lot when you meet someone new. We will see.

 

Thanks again for the support guys, I do not know what I would do without LS...

[Ajax]

I AM NOT SENDING HER ANYTHING. If she wants to reach out to me, she can do it on her own accord. This will probably happen when the Chicago Cubs win the World Series &/or when Hell freezes over...

 

 

This is a difficult and important place to get to. The last time I saw my ex was two weeks after the breakup. I told her I wouldn't bother her but that when/if she wanted to talk I'd be here. I spent months thinking that she might one day pick up the phone, but that day never came. When I finally came to the realization that I'd never hear from her, it was like losing her all over again. And then finding out she had a new boyfriend was also like losing her all over again.

 

Unlike you, however, there's still a chance I might see her in a few months. I'm in her cousin's wedding in October, and she may be there. I try not to think about it, but in all honesty, I do hope she's there and that she comes up to me and makes contact. There was a time when we were the most important people in each other's lives. It's sad to think that the next time we meet we'll treat each other as strangers. But then again... maybe we are.

 

I'm glad you didn't sent the letter. I do think that it was probably a very theraputic thing for you to write though. I wrote some letters to my ex that I ended up burning. It's good to get your feelings out like that.

 

As for these girls you met, good luck!

[IfiKnewThen]

ok i am seriously the odd ball out here. maybe that is because i wanted to empower myself and say the things i wanted to say and not fear it or let THAT feeling control me, by NOT doing it. not making contact. i swear i still fell to everthing there is a season and a time and a place. we cant know how things will work out. but if it calls to us to make contact, say goodbye , say something. do it. so i did it.

 

this does not make me better . i am NOT. i am a big screw up here and a sinner to boot. once upon a time, worse sins than others.

 

do what feel right for you jon.

 

 

for me it was making contact. (after time. i had things i wanted to get back. i had to to say some things on my mind. with discretion of course and not like a gang buster being offending. even though i wanted to tell him completely off. but i got to say some things. i got some apologies. maybe it was his passive agressive agreeing again. but i did it on my terms when i felt like speaking. i needed balance. i hated thinking of all the things i wanted to say and it stirring in me . or mourning so often. or wanting my things back. still waiting on those in the mail, i pray they show up soon.

 

i didnt like the feeling of bottled up feelings and feeling like he had my month, hands, & soul bound, gagged and tied.

 

 

i mean i did get to say something in the beginning. then i was on tip toe, you know , like when they get all cold on us and stuff...and we are waling on egg shelles. then i went no contact for 5 months. then the phone rang one day and i ignored it. then one day on my terms i wanted to make contact and i did. i didnt know what to expect and it wasnt great at first and then i made second contact with him and a weigh lifted. that doesnt mean....i wont feel blue again or cry again someday or whatever. but i allowed myself to do something. be proactive. and not give into that , what will he think- syndrom . or will i hate myself for talking?

 

i knew exactly what i wanted to do at the time...and NO regrets here. it actually HELPED ! but that was my time, jon. that was my season. only you know when youre ready. it was calling to me to call and i listened to my inner voice speak. i think it was wise at the time. and i can only hope and pray, things go as well in the future when i listen to that inner voice again.

[IfiKnewThen]

sorry its late i am over tired. all i am trying to say, is if you ever want to call her. just do it. it doesnt mean a reunion and it shouldnt. you dont have to be embarrassed or feel your went down points in being a man. thats all bologni. you are a man jon.

 

 

to really be in contol. do what you want. ( i mean without stepping on peoples toes) but listen to your heart and mind. there is great merit in NC. but it doesnt have to go on forever . or be right at break up ...or in the middle. its DIFFERENT for all of us. we have commonalities, yes. but there are different seasons for all of us. mine is different from yours. yours from mine. if and when you feel strong enough to call her and NOT make a big deal out of it, or expect anything in return do it. if you think its best for YOU (your life), not to call her, dont.

 

 

sometimes we shouldnt be in contact. sometimes its truly ok to try one time. or to pick up the phone if they call. sometimes no. sometimes yes. it can be healing. it depends on what youre prepared for and what is calling to you to do. that doesnt mean be a mindless fool. of course not. it just means taking contol one one or the other, being calm and asking yourself, is this the time for me to do this? can i live with it? and dont spook yourself either that you will go back to day one. you wont. i went back to day one for less than i day. but i woke up all clear. still the same strong person after 5 months NC. and then the second contact (just about my things..and getting them back) went even better. prayer answered. now i just pray it gets to me all safe and sound. the first round of stuff mailed back to me.

[J0N]

I completely agree with what you are saying about being in contact. I sat down yesterday and thought to myself "Would it benefit me to call or write her? Would this improve the situation? Would I feel better?"

 

At this time, I believe that the answer is NO. That is just ME though. I think with enough time, I would like to get back in touch with her, but only once I am truly over it and just contacting her to get back in touch.

 

I have decided, that IF SHE REACHED OUT TO ME. I would be pleasant, polite and listen to what she has to say. I am just not going to take the first step. I knew this girl well, and in a situation like this where is is a 'pseudo standoff' as to who is going to cave first, she will never make first contact. Even if it kills her, she wont do it.

 

So as far as me ever hearing from her again, I am not holding my breath. Maybe in a year or two I will reach out, just to see how she is, I just want to wait until I know it wont cause me a great deal of angst to do so.

[IfiKnewThen]

i can understand that jon. good decision for you, sounds like

 

 

this is so true: Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

 

there should be a wee bit more to this prayer though.

 

'and let me know lord, when to do things and when to hold back, when i know finally know the difference of what i can't change and what i can. help me make wise decisions that have good consequences and minimal fallbacks, setbacks or pain associated with it. and give me the strength along the way thats required for my circumstances, whatever they may be.

 

 

LOL i must bend God's ear a lot. i sure need him. hehe

[J0N]

I had a power failure last night so I was looking around on my phone online and I saw that my ex's condo that she was living in is now available for rent. So, she is now gone for good. I honestly don't feel all that bad about it, because I knew that this day was coming.

 

I must admit that I am somewhat surprised that she never reached out to me. I am leaving here too in a couple of weeks. But I still miss her, I hope that I meet someone new. At this point I feel like it is the final step in getting over my ex.