fetish1980 Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Hello Loveshack. Guess it's time to visit the ol' journal again. Well, come to find out, i spoke to the ex last week and she told me that she never had her mail forwarded to her new place. I asked her why, and she just said, "I guess i'm just trifling!" WTF??? She came by to get her mail and was surprised, she looks like she lost some weight. She asked, "Can you tell i lost weight?" I told her yeah and congratulations. Over the lst 2 days, there's been some financial places calling me looking for my ex. They are unable to disclose the details but my guess is it must not be good. Fast forward to today. I finally mustered up the courage to ask that girl out from work who i've been crushing on for the past 3 months. I asked her to starbucks during the day and she kind of made fun of me. I guess i was trying to pick a place that would be calm and not alcoholic because i'm not sure if she's down with that just yet. But she went ahead and suggested a place to get margaritas. I already had 2 other dates planned yesterday (Just 30 min or less coffee dates), but i was running late for the 1st one. She upped and left after me being 8 minutes late (I know, shame on me). I did talk to her and have tried to call her back to apologize. The other one had to reschedule because she had to pick up her son. The girl from my job also said today was turning into a not so good day and we agreed to meet tomorrow after church. I feel a little bad for my tardiness on the 1st date and hope i get a second chance. But 3 dates just didn't happen inside of 1 day. How funny! I can't believe it's coming up on 6 months already since my split from my ex and i will be moving out of this apartment by the end of this month. I still get sad about it from time to time but i guess that's life. More time has passed since she moved out then it had been since she had lived here. How crazy! fetish
fetish1980 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 well girl from work cancelled on me again. i guess she had a valid reason though. I called her after church to see if everything was still on. She said everything was still on as planned. Then about 3 hrs later, just about an hour and 1/2 before the date, she texts me saying that she's waiting on her son's father to call her back because she had arranged for him to go over to his father's house today, and if he didn't call her back, she'd have to reschedule for another day. Well, about an hour and 1/2 later, i call her and she missed the call. Then i texted her just asking what the status was. She texted me back saying that she was on the phone with her son's father and said it looked like our meetup plans weren't gonna happen. She said she would call me if the status changed. I texted her back saying "No need to apologize. Your son comes first." A few hours later she responded "Thanks for understanding". Now i don't know about this, i don't think i should try again because it might come across as neediness, so should the ball be in her court? I'm still a little rusty to the dating scene after being out of the dating game for the last 8 years. I've been on several dates for the last 3 months and haven't even gotten to the kiss yet! But hey, i couldn't even get numbers at first. LOL fetish
sun_moon Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Yes, the ball is in her court, its up to her to come up to you and offer to reschedule. Your farther along than me, I havent even gotten an offer for a date but I do need to put myself out there more.
Graceful Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Hey fetish, Is the girl from work the one you have a bad crush on? If you really have a crush on her, but this is her second cancellation, then text her in a few days and just say you hope she and her son are well. Then say something like "just want to let you know the offer to go out for coffee (or whatever you were going to do) still stands any time. Drop me a note and we can set something up." or something like that. You don't just want to leave her hanging, do you? At the same time, I agree, that since she cancelled twice, it's up to her to put herself on the line to reschedule. Do you see her often at work? I think if you run into her at work and stop to chat, keep it light. If she changed her mind about going out, then that's life, at least you know you gave it a try. You're putting yourself out there, the path is not always going to be on level ground, you know? In any event, nice going. PS I don't know any guy who would ask more than 3 times. If someone cancels 3 times in a row, that's definitely the end of the line. The girl could then call, but if not, most men would not call again. well girl from work cancelled on me again. i guess she had a valid reason though. I called her after church to see if everything was still on. She said everything was still on as planned. Then about 3 hrs later, just about an hour and 1/2 before the date, she texts me saying that she's waiting on her son's father to call her back because she had arranged for him to go over to his father's house today, and if he didn't call her back, she'd have to reschedule for another day. Well, about an hour and 1/2 later, i call her and she missed the call. Then i texted her just asking what the status was. She texted me back saying that she was on the phone with her son's father and said it looked like our meetup plans weren't gonna happen. She said she would call me if the status changed. I texted her back saying "No need to apologize. Your son comes first." A few hours later she responded "Thanks for understanding". Now i don't know about this, i don't think i should try again because it might come across as neediness, so should the ball be in her court? I'm still a little rusty to the dating scene after being out of the dating game for the last 8 years. I've been on several dates for the last 3 months and haven't even gotten to the kiss yet! But hey, i couldn't even get numbers at first. LOL fetish
fetish1980 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 (edited) Hey fetish, Is the girl from work the one you have a bad crush on? If you really have a crush on her, but this is her second cancellation, then text her in a few days and just say you hope she and her son are well. Then say something like "just want to let you know the offer to go out for coffee (or whatever you were going to do) still stands any time. Drop me a note and we can set something up." or something like that. You don't just want to leave her hanging, do you? At the same time, I agree, that since she cancelled twice, it's up to her to put herself on the line to reschedule. Do you see her often at work? I think if you run into her at work and stop to chat, keep it light. If she changed her mind about going out, then that's life, at least you know you gave it a try. You're putting yourself out there, the path is not always going to be on level ground, you know? In any event, nice going. PS I don't know any guy who would ask more than 3 times. If someone cancels 3 times in a row, that's definitely the end of the line. The girl could then call, but if not, most men would not call again. Hey sun_moon and Grace, thanks for checking in. Yes, the girl at my full time job is the one i have the super hots for. I see her at work, but its very difficult because its usually just passing by in the halls. It really gets busy and the way a contact center is structured, you're always taking calls walk-in customers, and scheduling appointments. There's no time to even leave the desk unless its on lunch or breaks, or going to restroom. We have different break schedules so its hard to coordinate that. She also works in a different section, so we only have time to say "Hello!" because when i'm coming, she's going and vice versa. I just don't want to come off as desperate or needy. I don't get the impression that she's the type who i could ever leave hanging since i'm the one who initiates contact. But thanks Grace and you're right! I can be at peace knowing i gave it a try and didn't punk out. I figure i'll give it one more shot but i'm going to wait about a week or two. fetish Edited August 8, 2011 by fetish1980
JasonRules Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Fetish, Been a while; I don't understand why you're not having success with the girls. I've had no problem meeting up girls or going out on dates, but the obvious problem is that I'm still not available emotionally as I'm still in love with my ex. Nonetheless I will still go out with them. I try not to get too close to them because I don't want to hurt anyone either. In any case, I think at this stage you should focus your attention on one specific girl. You need to go out and date as much as possible. Use every date as a lesson. Learn what works and what doesn't. The more you date, the better (and more attractive you will appear to the ladies). I'm older than you, so I will give you this piece of advice. When it comes to women, it's not about how you look, but how you make them feel when they are with you. Make her feel good and you got her. Tease them, make jokes, but also be serious when you have to and don't be afraid to show your intelligence either. Looks will only get you so far. Also, be confident. It's better to be perceived as somewhat cocky than timid or a "nice guy". Nice guys only get the girl in the movies, but in real life it's a different ball game.
fetish1980 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) Fetish, Been a while; I don't understand why you're not having success with the girls. I've had no problem meeting up girls or going out on dates, but the obvious problem is that I'm still not available emotionally as I'm still in love with my ex. Nonetheless I will still go out with them. I try not to get too close to them because I don't want to hurt anyone either. In any case, I think at this stage you should focus your attention on one specific girl. You need to go out and date as much as possible. Use every date as a lesson. Learn what works and what doesn't. The more you date, the better (and more attractive you will appear to the ladies). I'm older than you, so I will give you this piece of advice. When it comes to women, it's not about how you look, but how you make them feel when they are with you. Make her feel good and you got her. Tease them, make jokes, but also be serious when you have to and don't be afraid to show your intelligence either. Looks will only get you so far. Also, be confident. It's better to be perceived as somewhat cocky than timid or a "nice guy". Nice guys only get the girl in the movies, but in real life it's a different ball game. Jason, Thanks for chiming in. How've you been? I was just wondering about you the other day as i haven't seen you on here in a while. I don't know what the success is that you're speaking of. If you're talking about success as in going out on dates, then i don't think i'm doing too bad. But if you mean success as in scoring, then you're right.. UNSUCCESSUL. LOL. As far as these dates this past weekend. I understand, sometimes s%%t happens. Especially if you have kids, which i have none. The date i was late for was my own fault. I didn't plan enough time to get there. The 2nd one, i've been out with her twice already and always thought of myself as fun, teasing, and the things that you mention. As far as the gold, the one at my job... well i'm taking it as something came up and it may or may not have been true. I got one more shot to find out because if it doesn't happen this 3rd go , I'm letting it go. You're right about looks only getting you so far but they do help. I know not to make the mistake of thinking that being good looking is the only quality a man or woman should have. Maybe part of my struggle is that now, I'm kind of going after the hotter females rather than settling. Not trying to sound shallow but its true. I'm still dusting off the cobwebbs of my dating skills seeing that i'm only 6 months out of an 8 year relaitonship. I still think about my ex everyday and still love her as you do yours. Moments when i get sad, lonely and missing her, i try to think about how bad she's done me and how selfish she was. I am kind of scared of the fact that its been 6 months already. She tried to get back together and I told her that i wanted to stay single. I know it was the best decision but sometimes i feel guilty because i turned down the chance of us ever getting back together. Did you ever get your belongings back from your ex BTW? fetish Edited August 9, 2011 by fetish1980
sun_moon Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Also, be confident. It's better to be perceived as somewhat cocky than timid or a "nice guy". Nice guys only get the girl in the movies, but in real life it's a different ball game. I'm sorry but if I meet a guy that is or appears cocky, I'm going to take my running shoes and run like HELL. If my last experience has taught me anything, its that usually over confidence and arrogance can be over compensating for low self esteem. I think nice guys are under rated, they are like the underdog. I would love to meet a nice guy that exudes this quiet confidence. Nothing turns me off more than an arrogant cocky man, it doesn't matter how hot he is. I agree looks don't rule, its how you treat the lady.
fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I've found that cockiness isn't attractive to women, neither is overly nice and sensitive. Women don't want that either. Women don't really know what they want. They think they may want a nice guy but are attracted to confidence. If i had my choice though, i'd choose cockiness. I consider myself in between and i think that's what women want. Even though there was a lot of crap i put up with from my ex, i don't think that i'm really the type of person who just takes crap off people. I was in a relationship with someone who i loved and with someone who i felt loved me at the time. fetish
sun_moon Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Hence, why i said quiet confidence. No body wants a doormat, no man nor woman.
JasonRules Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Jason, Thanks for chiming in. How've you been? I was just wondering about you the other day as i haven't seen you on here in a while. I don't know what the success is that you're speaking of. If you're talking about success as in going out on dates, then i don't think i'm doing too bad. But if you mean success as in scoring, then you're right.. UNSUCCESSUL. LOL. As far as these dates this past weekend. I understand, sometimes s%%t happens. Especially if you have kids, which i have none. The date i was late for was my own fault. I didn't plan enough time to get there. The 2nd one, i've been out with her twice already and always thought of myself as fun, teasing, and the things that you mention. As far as the gold, the one at my job... well i'm taking it as something came up and it may or may not have been true. I got one more shot to find out because if it doesn't happen this 3rd go , I'm letting it go. You're right about looks only getting you so far but they do help. I know not to make the mistake of thinking that being good looking is the only quality a man or woman should have. Maybe part of my struggle is that now, I'm kind of going after the hotter females rather than settling. Not trying to sound shallow but its true. I'm still dusting off the cobwebbs of my dating skills seeing that i'm only 6 months out of an 8 year relaitonship. I still think about my ex everyday and still love her as you do yours. Moments when i get sad, lonely and missing her, i try to think about how bad she's done me and how selfish she was. I am kind of scared of the fact that its been 6 months already. She tried to get back together and I told her that i wanted to stay single. I know it was the best decision but sometimes i feel guilty because i turned down the chance of us ever getting back together. Did you ever get your belongings back from your ex BTW? fetish Yes actually I did. She put my stuff in a plastic bag and sent over some guy to give me the things. The guy saw I was pissed she didn't have the decency to show up and he said "I'm just doing her a favor as friends". I didn't saw anything to him. Next, we got into a 3 hour argument, back and forth, over text messaging. Everything kind of blew up, all the complaints, resentment etc. Around 3AM she text me back, if you want to talk just call me. I was pretty pissed and wasn't in the mood to talk to her, so I said "It's late now, another time". Mind you I hadn't spoken to her in months. Next day, I was at the bank and saw I had a missed call. I thought it was my mom or something so I look at it was her. I don't call back. I hit the gym and when I'm done, check my phone again and boom another missed call and a text message from her with "I thought so..." So I replied back "If you thought I was at the gym working out and I missed your call, then you thought correctly. If you thought otherwise then you're wrong". And she sent me back a smiley face and that was it. Fast forward to next weekend and I never heard back from her, so I text her asking what did she want? She told me she wanted to talk to me because she was angry at the misunderstandings. That day we talked for a bit on the phone and caught up. It was casual, nothing major. I don't know what got into me, but I asked if she wanted to talk in person instead. She seemed reluctant so I left it at that. After our conversation was over she text me some more asking me some questions about working out etc. As we were texting back and forth I got into my romantic mood again and I said "To me you're the most beautiful woman both inside and out". She said "Thank you I appreciate it". Anyway a month goes by and I finally go back to the cafe where me and my friends all hang out and where I met her since she works there. I knew she wasn't working that day so I went. I talked to one of her friends. They were all surprised to see me since they haven't seen me in half a year. A few days later I'm moving out of my old place (thank God because it reminded me of her) so I'm clearing out things and I figured it's been almost 6 months. So I thought, I don't drink coffee anymore and had 3-4 packs of coffee and cocoa I brought with me from Costa Rica and she likes that stuff. So I text her and tell her I'm going to stop by the cafe before my side job at a night club real quickly to drop off some stuff. She says "You can just stop by and say hi, it's ok". I guess I figured in my mind I make one last attempt since I have nothing to lose at this point. So I get dressed, put the coffee cocoa in a bag, get her some of her favorite chocolate and two bunches of colorful flowers because she loves flowers and I loved giving them to her. So I show up and give her everything. When I walked in, she smiled and was talking to me normally. She was surprised that I brought her flowers and thanked me. We chatted for a bit, but I could tell from her body language (crossed arms) that she was either uncomfortable or defensive. She told me her girlfriend had told her I had stopped by and that they were talking about it. Anyway, I stayed for about 20 minutes and when I got up I said to her "Now give me a kiss so I can leave". She leaned over the bar and extended her cheek. I kissed her goodnight and left. I didn't hear from her again, so the following Thursday I text her asking her if she wanted to go out. She told me how do you go from this (texting me our fighting texts from over a month ago) to dinner? I guess she saved them, which is odd. In any case, to make a long story short we were going back and forth via text. She told me she's with someone else right now and in a relationship. Before she met me, she was in a relationship, but while she was dating me she never acknowledged any kind of relationship with me and she never said I was her boyfriend. And now she is in a relationship and that she cannot get over what happened with all the drama from back in December even though it wasn't my fault. The following day she called me and we talked for an hour. She told me she's in a relationship with someone else and that there is absolutely no way she would go out with me or give me a chance regardless if she were single or not. She said, she just can't get passed it and that she feels bad because she's hurt me, but she said she told me from the beginning she can't be in a relationship right now (even though her actions showed otherwise). I told her how I felt about her and our time together and didn't want to lose her because I was (surprisingly) still in love with her. She told me to move on and that she's not the girl for me and also that we have to stop communicating because her new guy knows about it and he's getting pissed/angry/jealous. She said she never was in love with me and to forget about her entirely. Also, that she thinks about me a lot and what I'm doing. Basically, I told her everything I felt that day and I didn't care if I appeared weak, pathetic, needy or anything. I told her that she would not find a man like me and that she doesn't see it now, but the aholes she meets after me will make her regret her decision. In the end she said that she thinks we should end our conversation. She said I wish you the best and good bye. I said "Goodbye...I love you". And that was it...
JasonRules Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 And just as an FYI. I don't plan on contacting or seeing her ever again after all the things she said to me. I am still in pain because I'm still in love with her, but at the same time I feel like she used me like a tampon simply to get over her ex and once she no longer needed me, discarded me promptly and all of a sudden has no problem being in a relationship now. I feel like I've been misled and wronged in so many ways even though I didn't do anything to her. Sometimes here we talk of karma. Well, ironically enough she told me that after she ended it with me she lost her dog which she got recently and she was sitting at home crying for many days. Looking for it frantically and posting reward signs for it. Eventually she found it, but it shook her up a lot. She ended up paying a $1,000 dollars reward for it on top of it. So I told her "We only appreciate things when we lose them. Only then do we see their value".
wilsonx Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Fetish, Been a while; I don't understand why you're not having success with the girls. I've had no problem meeting up girls or going out on dates, but the obvious problem is that I'm still not available emotionally as I'm still in love with my ex. Nonetheless I will still go out with them. I try not to get too close to them because I don't want to hurt anyone either. In any case, I think at this stage you should focus your attention on one specific girl. You need to go out and date as much as possible. Use every date as a lesson. Learn what works and what doesn't. The more you date, the better (and more attractive you will appear to the ladies). I'm older than you, so I will give you this piece of advice. When it comes to women, it's not about how you look, but how you make them feel when they are with you. Make her feel good and you got her. Tease them, make jokes, but also be serious when you have to and don't be afraid to show your intelligence either. Looks will only get you so far. Also, be confident. It's better to be perceived as somewhat cocky than timid or a "nice guy". Nice guys only get the girl in the movies, but in real life it's a different ball game. This is excellent advice on the nice guy thing but not 100% true. You can be a nice guy as long as you put YOU FIRST. You can always come first. If you are a nice guy and you take care of yourself first, then you will be fine in relationships. That means standing up for yourself and saying NO and meaning it. If you make a decision, don't apologize for it later on. Stick to it. As far as it being 6 months and you still having feelings for your ex, it takes time. The problem I have noticed is you are still in contact with her. End that ****. Stop texting her, stop calling her, block her phone number. She's moved moved on and you havent. The thing is, when that relationship is over or having problems, she will do the same cycle again of contacting you. You are on a string Jason and you need to cut it. Start focusing on the girls and not your ex. I mean I can watch myself get feelings for new girls but I have to pull away because they are not what I am looking for. Also stop trying. Just go out and have fun. Once you stop thinking about it, it will naturally happen Edited August 10, 2011 by wilsonx
JasonRules Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 This is excellent advice on the nice guy thing but not 100% true. You can be a nice guy as long as you put YOU FIRST. You can always come first. If you are a nice guy and you take care of yourself first, then you will be fine in relationships. That means standing up for yourself and saying NO and meaning it. If you make a decision, don't apologize for it later on. Stick to it. As far as it being 6 months and you still having feelings for your ex, it takes time. The problem I have noticed is you are still in contact with her. End that ****. Stop texting her, stop calling her, block her phone number. She's moved moved on and you havent. The thing is, when that relationship is over or having problems, she will do the same cycle again of contacting you. You are on a string Jason and you need to cut it. Start focusing on the girls and not your ex. I mean I can watch myself get feelings for new girls but I have to pull away because they are not what I am looking for. Also stop trying. Just go out and have fun. Once you stop thinking about it, it will naturally happen Wilson, After the things she said to me during our last phone conversation I would rather cut off my hands than contact her again. To be honest, I didn't expect myself to be in this situation 6 months down the road. I thought by now I wouldn't feel or care about her at all, but I would be lying to myself if I said I wasn't. I have dated quite a few women and have gone out. Due to all the working out and eating healthy I'm in the best shape of my life and many women have noticed, but I have yet to meet a woman which will intrigue me as such and make me forget about my "ex". I wish I could just turn off a switch and not feel anything anymore, but not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I recently moved to a different place and this has helped quite a bit as I'm in a new environment and have changed things around.
wilsonx Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Wilson, After the things she said to me during our last phone conversation I would rather cut off my hands than contact her again. To be honest, I didn't expect myself to be in this situation 6 months down the road. I thought by now I wouldn't feel or care about her at all, but I would be lying to myself if I said I wasn't. I have dated quite a few women and have gone out. Due to all the working out and eating healthy I'm in the best shape of my life and many women have noticed, but I have yet to meet a woman which will intrigue me as such and make me forget about my "ex". I wish I could just turn off a switch and not feel anything anymore, but not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I recently moved to a different place and this has helped quite a bit as I'm in a new environment and have changed things around. Thats awesome just keep doing what you are doing and it will happen. The second when you least expect it.
fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Jason, sorry to hear about that. I know its still difficult even after 6 months. I'm still going through relapsing pain and even get to second guessing my decision again and my break up will be the 6 month anniversary tommorow. I too thought i'd be much better off by this time, but instead i'm feeling like i did at month 2 and 3. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why but i've been having dreams about my ex and its almost as if time is being rewound back to the beginngin of the breakup. It doesn't help either that she made the tried to get back together 1 month to 1 1/2 months ago. Even though I'm pretty content now, i still miss her (the good times) like crazy. It hurts because i know eventually she's going to move on about her business and it's like i would've messed any chance of us reconciling. But i have to stay in perspective and rememember that i tried my best to keep the relationship going. She's the one who let it unravel. While i know that I wasn't perfect and did my share of things, I do know i was more committed to her and wasn't responsible for the demise of our relationship. And Jason. As far as your situation, I'm wondering what's up with her 3am texts and her attempts to call. Doesn't make sense to open up like that and then shut down so coldly later. Anyway, that was good that you still were able to declare your love her and be a man about it. I know the things she said hurt but at least you can say you tried. It will eventually hit her later. fetish
JasonRules Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Even if her current relationship fails or is having trouble I seriously doubt I will ever hear back from her. She told me that even if she were single again she would never consider me for a second chance. At this point, I've released myself from any thoughts of hope, reconciliation, or any possibility of getting together in the near or long term future. I gave it one last shot 6 months later and have no regrets. I said and did what I had to, in my mind, to try to make this work. Ultimately, it was her choice and her's alone and she will have to live with it.
JasonRules Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Jason, sorry to hear about that. I know its still difficult even after 6 months. I'm still going through relapsing pain and even get to second guessing my decision again and my break up will be the 6 month anniversary tommorow. I too thought i'd be much better off by this time, but instead i'm feeling like i did at month 2 and 3. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why but i've been having dreams about my ex and its almost as if time is being rewound back to the beginngin of the breakup. It doesn't help either that she made the tried to get back together 1 month to 1 1/2 months ago. Even though I'm pretty content now, i still miss her (the good times) like crazy. It hurts because i know eventually she's going to move on about her business and it's like i would've messed any chance of us reconciling. But i have to stay in perspective and rememember that i tried my best to keep the relationship going. She's the one who let it unravel. While i know that I wasn't perfect and did my share of things, I do know i was more committed to her and wasn't responsible for the demise of our relationship. And Jason. As far as your situation, I'm wondering what's up with her 3am texts and her attempts to call. Doesn't make sense to open up like that and then shut down so coldly later. Anyway, that was good that you still were able to declare your love her and be a man about it. I know the things she said hurt but at least you can say you tried. It will eventually hit her later. fetish I have no idea what the 3 hours of back and forth text messages and arguing was about or why the need to talk to me and her attempts to call me twice the following day even though she had not call me since March. I cannot understand it at all. The confident side of me interpreted this as she still cares or has feelings for me, otherwise why would anyone argue or fight with someone for 3 hours then ask to talk? I was blown away the following day when I had 2 missed calls by her. I thought a woman who is apathetic about a guy does not invest so much time and energy with someone. Another thing that surprised me is that despite that 2 months had passed by when I asked her out to dinner she sent me the texts of me asking for my stuff back saying "How do you go from this to dinner?". What I found strange is that she still had those text messages in the first place even though its been many months. To me it just didn't make any sense to keep text messages about a guy you have no feelings for (at least in my mind it doesn't). In any case, the point is that she told me she's with someone else new and that she said we cannot communicate anymore because he's been getting jealous, pissed, and angry because of this. While it hurts a lot and I'm having a very hard time forcing myself to not care and move on, I am giving up entirely. I did what I have to do to show her that what I felt was for real and that I was sincere and serious. No regrets whatsoever. My only problem now is that my feelings are preventing me from establishing any kind of meaningful relationship with someone knew. Almost every woman I have gone out with multiple times describe me as aloof, distant, preoccupied, something is missing, not warm, cold, I have a barrier put up, disinterested. With my "ex" though, I simply give up...
fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 i would ask you this by pm but i'm not able to pm under this new account yet. It may be a juvenile question but have you gotten lucky with any of these other women yet? If you've made it that far, i don't see why they would say all those things, but on the other hand, i know that's not everything. Your ex seems confused though. No one can predict the future but you're smart by not expecting to hear from her again. fetish
JasonRules Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 i would ask you this by pm but i'm not able to pm under this new account yet. It may be a juvenile question but have you gotten lucky with any of these other women yet? If you've made it that far, i don't see why they would say all those things, but on the other hand, i know that's not everything. Your ex seems confused though. No one can predict the future but you're smart by not expecting to hear from her again. fetish Yes actually I have had intimate relations with 5 women since then, but as you say for me this is simply an escape. However, these women want something deeper or more meaningful, whereas I pull the plug before I could even reach that stage because I do not want to hurt a woman emotionally if I'm not available fully. They are attracted to me so perhaps they switch their outlook to simply going out and having fun, but you can see that they want something more. As for the ex, I really don't know what to make of all of this. Confused she definitely is, but I'm just tired of tormenting myself. Especially now that she told me she is with someone else in a relationship so quickly. It kind of hurt me in a way, because we were dating for 7 months and she never once said we are a couple or in a relationship, but now she meets a guy and bam, she's already in a relationship in less than 2 months. And while I am sad and hurt, I feel played and in a way resent her because she led me to believe, through her actions, that she was interested in having a relationship with me. I haven't talked to anyone about how I've been feeling the past 2 months. This place is my only refuge.
fetish1980 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 You don't really know how she referred to you when you weren't around. It could've or could not have been. I'm not sure. But you don't need someone like her anyway who's going to believe lies that someone spreads anyway. She's too emotionally unstable. fetish
fetish1980 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 To journal: is it normal to still feel pain of a breakup after 6 months? I thought i was making so much progress and now i'm finding myself missing her again. My self esteem can't be this low. fetish
JasonRules Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 You don't really know how she referred to you when you weren't around. It could've or could not have been. I'm not sure. But you don't need someone like her anyway who's going to believe lies that someone spreads anyway. She's too emotionally unstable. fetish I agree with your assessment; she is immature, overly dramatic, and in my opinion makes a big deal out of little things. I will get over this with time and eventually reach a point where I simply don't care, but it will take me some time, that is certain.
JasonRules Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 To journal: is it normal to still feel pain of a breakup after 6 months? I thought i was making so much progress and now i'm finding myself missing her again. My self esteem can't be this low. fetish Fetish, I think what we're feeling is simply on it's "last legs". I believe once we overcome this relapse we'll be home free so to speak. I have found myself missing her at times; some days it's very strong and others its not as strong. Keep doing what you're doing; hit the gym, continue to date, focus on yourself, and try to put things in perspective. Your ex rejected you, then came back. Why would anyone do this? Was there another man involved? GIGS? Also, let's assume you did take her back. How do you feel about her dumping you? Is there a part of you that resents her for hurting you so much? Can you honestly say you would trust her not to do it again in the future?
Graceful Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 To journal: is it normal to still feel pain of a breakup after 6 months? I thought i was making so much progress and now i'm finding myself missing her again. My self esteem can't be this low. fetish Missing her is not really an issue, nor is it a sign of low self esteem. Try to imagine picking up where you left off when you split up. Her out gambling. Her being disrespectful. Her planning a "wedding" but having no clue how to plan a life and plan for a successful marriage. I could go on, but in short, can you actually say you want to be with her again? Missing her at this point is an emotional reaction to your desire to actually be over her and letting go, and you're still not ready to let go, possibly because 6 months isn't all that long after 8 years, and possibly because you're not involved with someone else that has convinced you there really is *love* out there for you, and possibly because you don't really harbor any bitterness for her, so you don't have a hard edge thinking back about time spent with her. It's also a sign that you're still grieving, and have lingering sadness over the breakup, as you would from any deep loss. Just remember: missing her is a bit of a security blanket for you. Your relationship was once your anchor and represented your future. So you miss that sense of stability, and that's still represented by your ex. I'd say that's really what you miss, much more than the person. But overall, try to stop dwelling on it. It's not worth it. You've already analyzed the living daylights out of the breakup, and frankly, there are no new discoveries to make. Just rehashing what you already know. Right, fetish?
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