My Journal... to getting my life back!!!

[fetish]

There's this girl at my job that just started about a couple of months ago. kind of got my eye on her a little. Everytime I see her i miss my ex even less. I've chatted with her a couple of times just conversating about some people at the job, but now, they moved her to a a different part of the building and rarely see her anymore. I'm not ready for a relationship again, probably for a long while, but i kind of dig her.

 

But that old saying "You don't s%%t where you eat comes to mind!"

 

I've heard to never get involved with people you work with. What if they get offended and report it? But if i can ever catch her at the right time, I'd like to ask her outside of work for some friendly conversation and maybe.. who knows?

 

Jason, what's the longest relationship you've been in? You seem to be able to move on pretty quickly? I tried being friends to her at first because she said she wanted to remain friends. i realized that she was still wanting to do the same things we used to do in the relationsihp. i can never be really friends to her at this point and then do things that has my mind confused and trick back into a relationship with her again. Our relationship is over.

 

Geegirl, that's excellent, beautifully put. If anything i should be feeling guilty of is depriving myself new growth and opportunity. She's already had too much of my life and love and showed she didn't know what to do with it. I don't care if she does have "daddy" issues. That's not my responsibility.

[fetish]

Bluelinefood,

 

thank you for visiting and replying to the thread but i have to ask... What does this have to do with anything?

 

If you're using this thread to promote something, please take it elsewhere.

 

thanks

 

-f-

[geegirl]

I met my ex at work too. He was three doors down the hallway. We tried to remain friends for a long time in fear of the "don't poop where you eat" but it was hard. Fortunately, 4 months into the R, he was offered a great job somewhere else by a friend and the same happened for me. I can't imagine how I would have felt after the cheating and break up, going back to work and seeing him. Blech.

 

At least she works in another area in your building and you rarely see her instead of 3 doors down. Yikes!! That helps put some space between you.

 

I'd say if you know your boundaries and can stick by them, then get to know her as a friend. Nothing to report unless you do something inappropriate. It's harmless hanging out and it's mutual.

 

I believe it's a good sign when you find yourself having interest in other women. I know when I broke up, I would go to the gym and guys would flirt but inside I'd be going, "****ing ass, probably has a gf at home, cheater!" or the universal, "I hate men"...I didn't want to look at a guy because all I saw was him.

 

Now, I'm attracted, I flirt, I'm interested and it's a sign that he's losing his grip on my heart. I don't want an R or to be involved with anyone, I just like what I see. I just want to have a relationship with ME! For me, that's a great sign of progress!

[fetish]

Well i took geegirl's and signed up fo meetup.com last week. I got a meetup message yesterday for some lounge tonight at 9:00p. I think i'm going to go. I'm just trying to get every waking thought of my ex out of my head. I don't know why but today, i've still been noticing some small waves of depression. Maybe because i didn't really respond to her request to meet up this weekend and that guilt is trying to creep back in, I don't know. Anyway, this meetup tonight I think will be good for me.

 

 

Thanks for that geegirl. That makes me feel better. Problem is we both work in call centers where everybody answers calls so they got some pain in the butt rules. They monitor every second you're off the phone and there's people scoping over us visiting eachother. It doesn't help that we have to stick to treadmill schedules and our breaks are at different times. I rarely even see her come into the break rooms or even the rest rooms anymore. But I guess figuring out how to maneuver around that one is up to me. You must work in a strict office environment where you guys have your own offices. I hope to be there one day!

Edited May 13, 2011 by fetish

[geegirl]

That's great Fetish. You have to force yourself. I signed up for so many activities on that site and always ended up staying home. It was hard. He was always on my mind and most times I just wanted to stay home and mope. If I went out, every guy reminded me of him. It will fade. I promise.

 

The creeping feelings will come. And if you can let the weekend pass without giving in, you'll feel so much better and it will be a boost to your efforts in going NC. You can break NC and see her but think of the AFTERMATH you will have to go through. Besides, if she had something significant to tell you, she would have said by now. "Missing you" is not enough for you.

 

If the meetup today sucks, keep going. Don't stay at home. Be around people. Stay distracted. Some meetups were disappointing to me and some were fun. Sign up for as many events you find interesting. It will sometimes surprise you. As my mom says, "In life, you must always go for the buffet!"

 

Yes, our office rules were very strict. We used to take "elevator rides" to get some smooches in! In a way it was fun and exciting. Sigh.

 

Give us an update about your meetup. Try to sign up for other things aside from club type, happy hour events. Spread yourself out. Maybe look for music inclined meetups/get togethers. You need to also find ways to start friendships aside from just looking for distractions -- female that is!

[fetish]

Well i went out tonight and it was a typical lounge/bar/dancefloor scene. It was nice atmosphere. Met a couple of new people but only was able to get numbers from guys (no not like that ). I didn't trip, i do need some guy friends. There was a woman who was talking to me all night and even asked me to dance. When i got ready to go, i asked her if i could call her and got shot down. She told me "no" but i'll see you at the next meet up. There was another girl i had a nice little conversation with for about 10min, asked her for her number or e-mail again. ***Boom**** shot down again. I am definitely just going to take to take a break from trying to get numbers cuz its just not working right now. Again, what worked before at 17- 23 is not working at 30. I realize i'm rusty to the dating scene right now but its going against everything i'm trying to do in focusing on myself which brings me to my next point.

 

Geegirl, you hit the nail on the head. Women are a distraction to improving myself right now. I'm trying to build my confidence and self esteem back up. Like you said in another post i'm still emotionally wounded shows that i'm not ready to take rejection too well. It's just when i see an attractive girl, something in me tells me to approach her. I know if i say nothing, i'll get nothing. I just want to get my ex out of my head but i am taking interest to other women at the same time.

 

Music/songwriting meetups was the first thing i signed up for but no one has planned a meet up for that yet. Maybe i could plan one once i figure how. This is the first one i got and it was for a bar/lounge and tonight, the music was so loud to really be able to hold a conversatation with anyone.

 

I forgot to ask you gg, you like Grandmaster Flash? so you got a little soul in ya huh?

[Graceful]

Hola, Fetish!

 

How's my world weary friend? Just kidding, but honey, you need to lighten up. Okay?

 

Now listen to me for a sec will you please.

 

There's the old saying, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So there you go. You went out, and you proved to yourself you can socialize and have a halfway decent time. You also got to see what it's like to just hang out for no reason other than to get out of the house and stop hiding. That's reason enough to go out right now, and more than a lot of other people would (or have) done after a breakup such as yours.

 

Now this is going to sound a little "off" I know, but here it is: don't take anything personally in these social situations. Do not, I repeat DO NOT take it as a rejection if someone does not want to give out her phone number or email addy.

 

It's a crazy world, you know, and I'm not so free and easy giving out my phone number or email addy. See that other people go to these meetups for the same reason you did -- to socialize and get out of the house and check out what's going on. Just go for the sake of going, that's why they're going, too. If you don't get a phone number, you know what? SO WHAT. I can guarantee that girl is not giving her number out to ANYONE, not just you. So stop taking it like rejection, just move on and forget about it.

 

And I recall telling you anyhow that dating is the least of your worries right now. Go out, look around, get your radar going, start figuring out what you like and don't like, and then little by little zero in, and then you'll at least think you're hitting on the right targets (so to speak). It's certainly nice if someone is friendly toward you for starters.

 

It's just when i see an attractive girl, something in me tells me to approach her. I know if i say nothing, i'll get nothing. I just want to get my ex out of my head but i am taking interest to other women at the same time.

In the meantime, I actually like the sound of this! Again, nothing ventured nothing gained. It's a balancing act. Just don't take any rejection personally, that's the key. I mean, how can you take it personally if you talk to someone for 10 minutes and they don't want to exchange contact info? They don't even know you!!

 

I used to belong to a meetup group (of sorts) on music events. Someone would send out a message to attend a show or concert and we could sign up for tickets. I went to a lot of them, made some friends (everyone was soooo nice, and I had a good time at every event), and felt comfortable after going to the first event. Most of them were in a cafe or small venue, but we also went to a few major concerts, too. I never would have gone to any of these concerts if it has not been for this group, and after I got going with this group and was having lots of fun ... I met my ex, of course. When I least expected it. So there you go. Just live your life. Do what's fun for you. Wake up to what you enjoy on your own, not because of someone else.

 

One last thing, and I have to bring this up:

 

Well update, I had to break NC today, our phone service (cell phone) service was interupted today because of a payment she made that got returned. I still have my cell phone under her verizon shared employee plan. I had to pay past due amount to restore it so i could have phone service.

What the ......??? Why are you on the same phone service with your ex?? Get off of it! What do you mean shared plan? Call them and get off of it. And if you have to get her to do it, then yes, break NC and tell her you need to get off of it. This is just one more reason that you are staying tied to your ex. I mean, really, your cell phone service depends on her? That's just not good.

 

But I don't want to end on a sour note, fetish. So please know that it appears you are putting effort into your recovery process and that tells me you're going to make it --- not right away, maybe --- but in due time. The right outcome is waiting for you, it's just a matter of time. Take care, my lovely friend.

[greystone08]

An esteemed member on here suggested i start a journal on LS on my journey to moving on with my life. I also have been keeping a personal journal, but it always helps to keep a journal where other's opinions and ideas can be shared. I will be updating this whether there's replies or not, but I really hope to hear them.

 

It's been 3 months since my breakup with the girl I was with for 8 years and had plans to marry. At first, it felt like all my life was sucked out of me especially when i saw her change her relationship status on fb.

 

When she moved out of the apartment, the pain in my chest spread all the way to my lower gut to where I couldn't really eat. My confidence and self worth just seemed to take a nosedive and couldn't find my meaning back. I literally felt like a fish on land.

 

I've stayed in the gym for the last 3 months, been seeing a counselor, reading self esteem and dating books, watching funny shows, getting started with songwriting and music again, just trying to regain my life back.

 

For a while i was doing real good. Saying F**k her, don't need her, I'm better off without that bloodsucking addict. I've been NC for about 2 weeks.

 

 

Haven't posted on LS in a good little while but the bolded part really stood out for me. Made me laugh. I was with in addict once and these types of people do suck the life out of you!

 

Good advice from everyone on here. Graceful, geegee, and JR have been giving some good pointers. Now's the time to regain your life back. Yeah it sucks because it takes a blow to your self confidence a little, but in time, you'll gain it back. Just know, even though your self esteem took a blow, just know it doesn't rely on her or on other people, or especially if a girl gives you her number or not.

[geegirl]

Well, ex broke NC last night. Sent me a text about my crutches (knee surgery) that I left in his garage. Those things were sitting in there for 1.5 years and at 11PM he sees it fit to ask me if I still want them and that he will hold on to them if I should ever need them again. It took me by surprise but it didn't affect me. It would have 3 months ago but I'm just numb. Just wanting you to know that if you give NC a chance, you will find your balance Fetish. Don't give up. I thought I would feel bad but it's almost silly at this point.

 

Good! Get numbers from guys. Widen your circle. Through friends, you get to socialize more, meet more people, etc. Don't feel rejected when a woman doesn't give you her number. I don't give my phone number out especially to guys at these meetups because I'll most likely see them again at more meetups. It's all a learning process. I know if you see an attractive woman you're eager to get close to her because she will take you away from ex and that is what you want to have more than anything in this world and when you don't get your opportunity, you come crashing because you've placed this expectation. Don't have expectations. Don't go in it wanting to be rescued. If you don't get a number, it's fine! The few times I do give my number out to someone I am attracted to, BAM, they don't call me! It's a little ding to the ego but I am so busy getting out and meeting people that I know there's so much out there to let something like that affect me. Just go out, practise on your dating skills, find that confidence again to put yourself out there and take come what may...you are just getting out there, so don't take things like not getting a number discourage you. Maybe concentrate on just meeting people, networking and making friends and not so much the pressure and expectation to try to make a deeper connection with someone.

 

That's an idea! Starting your own meetup. My girlfriend has her own meetup and it keeps her so busy. Most of all, she has developed a wide group of business contacts and also has made many new friends. I don't know how she does it, but it keeps her so active. I went to a Singles Happy Hour meetup last night and was attracted to a few guys and it somewhat made me feel sad that it was not my ex but it was good to feel myself gravitate to others. Good signs.

 

Yep, at the time it was Grandmaster Melle Mel and the Furious Five. I used to have a breakdance group. All girls. I used to be called Slicky C! More than 20 years ago!

[fetish]

Hola, Fetish!

 

How's my world weary friend? Just kidding, but honey, you need to lighten up. Okay?

 

Graceful,

 

My good friend. How are you?

 

World weary huh? I really don't mean to come off as pessimistic and i've been trying to work on that. That was the purpose of this journal, to document the progress: gym, meetups, as well as the struggles in coping. There's some days i feel like i'm at the top of the world. Well others, i feel like i'm slipping backwards. I didn't want to keep starting threads with the same ol "boo hoo"!. I always knew i'd be hurt by us breaking up but am a little disappointed in myself because i didn't think I would take it this hard. I always thought of myself as a strong person and i've been feeling the exact opposite. But then again, i can't forget the days when I feel great. After a good gym workout or watching a funny movie, or just buying some new clothes. I am doing much better than i was.

 

As far as the cell phone service. Yes, you're right. I asked her back in March if we wanted to move my phone line to a regular customer account, she said "no", we can keep it like it is. She gets 4 employee lines and we're all under a shared plan which is 50% off for her being an employee. I've been using some of the $$$ she's been depositing in to the joint account to pay for it. I've had this same number for over 2 years and finally been getting some calls for some job interviews, so I may have been a little slow on converting it to my own.

 

I have been thinking about it though and do plan on getting my own line very soon where i'll be paying full price, but i was kind of waiting on this lease to run out where i'm paying for the 2 bedr we had. It ends at the end of July and really thought about it because she could check my calls if she wanted to. I'm going to be tied to her regardless for the next 35 months because she's still driving the car around I cosigned! I'm still checking into that too.

 

Always a pleasure to hear your advice. You been with me on this since the beginning and have really been great at identifying my situation. I'm working on not being the "world weary" or cynical. The thing is, i'm usually not even this kind of person, but on the other hand i'm finding that a person is really defined by their trials and tribulations, so world weary may be who i am after all?

 

Well, ex broke NC last night. Sent me a text about my crutches (knee surgery) that I left in his garage. Those things were sitting in there for 1.5 years and at 11PM he sees it fit to ask me if I still want them and that he will hold on to them if I should ever need them again. It took me by surprise but it didn't affect me. It would have 3 months ago but I'm just numb. Just wanting you to know that if you give NC a chance, you will find your balance Fetish. Don't give up. I thought I would feel bad but it's almost silly at this point.

 

Wow. geegirl, sounds like your ex is really trying to find whatever reason he can to contact you. He probably really is missing you and wants you back. Good to see where NC will get you. You definitely came out of a tough situation and you're now in control of the situation. That's inspiring.

 

Good! Get numbers from guys. Widen your circle. Through friends, you get to socialize more, meet more people, etc. Don't feel rejected when a woman doesn't give you her number. I don't give my phone number out especially to guys at these meetups because I'll most likely see them again at more meetups. It's all a learning process. I know if you see an attractive woman you're eager to get close to her because she will take you away from ex and that is what you want to have more than anything in this world and when you don't get your opportunity, you come crashing because you've placed this expectation. Don't have expectations. Don't go in it wanting to be rescued.

 

Bingo, I think that's where i go wrong and where i may have misinterpreted JasonRules post where he was saying the best way to get over your ex is to find someone new. It's been 3 months and i think i'm still just not ready. I too feel a little bad that it's not my ex i'm getting attracted to too. It's wierd, It almost feels like cheating a litttle, without actually being together!

 

 

greystone08. i appreciate your input too. Good word.

[geegirl]

Wow. geegirl, sounds like your ex is really trying to find whatever reason he can to contact you. He probably really is missing you and wants you back. Good to see where NC will get you. You definitely came out of a tough situation and you're now in control of the situation. That's inspiring.

 

Bingo, I think that's where i go wrong and where i may have misinterpreted JasonRules post where he was saying the best way to get over your ex is to find someone new. It's been 3 months and i think i'm still just not ready. I too feel a little bad that it's not my ex i'm getting attracted to too. It's wierd, It almost feels like cheating a litttle, without actually being together!

 

I take his contact very lightly now. He keeps in touch will all his exs. It's his lifeline. He is a different breed. Before I would be running in circles when he sent something like this, now, it means nothing but just fishing.

 

I feel the same way too sometimes. Wishing my ex was with me and all that. But it is what it is Fetish. No way around it. No alternative but to move on from them and do whatever it takes.

[geegirl]

I did want to ask you how you are feeling now that you made it through the weekend without contacting her/giving into her wanting to see you Sat/Sun.

[fetish]

Hey geegirl,

 

Part of me feels really great that i forced myself to doing something i'm not used to, as you mentioned would be a struggle. The other part of me feels pretty low and i'll tell you why.

 

I had an interesting conversation with my father, the day she sent me the text and he was saying, "I'd keep her around. At least it's something to do. I wouldn't cut her out, just don't fall in love. In the meantime, you could be dating other women" I had to remember the NC rule and be strong on that because my deep emotion i still have for her was really wanting me to take his advice and go ahead and see her.

 

Today, he asked me if i had talked to her and i told him about some religious text she sent me a couple of days ago. Our conversation was pretty interesting as follows.

 

Dad: "You ought to call her and just say, " You seem to be handling this breakup pretty well! I just want to know what are you're doing?"

 

Me: I told him that i'm not going to be able to get over her if i keep doing things like that.

 

Dad: "Well, you know the situation now. You know you're not trying to fall in love, you just want to put her on the spot and get her to explain the real reason why she wants to see you after she moved out!"

 

I told him, "I can't really put on a front right now seeing i still care. You can do things like that without getting emotional. That simply isn't going to work for me."

 

And its true. My Dad can go out with a woman, doesn't matter how long and then they break up and he can easily move on and forget about her. When he and my mother divorced when i was 14, he had a new fling within 2 1/2 months. I wasn't so sure about his suggestion because that goes against everything i've been learning about NC. However, i do see what he's saying. After my ex moved out, she still wanted us to do things like we were still a couple and i basically became a booty call. So he's saying to play her just for sex.

 

So i asked my mother on what she thought about what he said. She basically said that i look more respectable by not letting her know i care, and with a manipulative woman like her, it's driving her even more crazy that you're not giving in to her the ways she wants. She also added by remaining casual and obsolete, it took her by surprise and caught her off guard. She now knows she underestimated me.

 

All in all, I was a little confused. I had 2 conflicting viewpoints. Sometimes i wish i had more of my Dad's traits because one thing about him, he moves on. I think women ultimately find that attractive. I've also seen where his girlfriends usually try to contact him eventually long after he moves on, and if they don't, he doesn't care. As for my mother, she's probably harboring some old deep feelings of behavior similarities between my Dad and my ex, and she may be basing her opinions off that.

Edited May 16, 2011 by fetish

[fetish]

well today,

 

i noticed that nc has a way of making you feel like you did in the beginning. like throwing up and losing appetite.

 

Still trying to shake some of those points my Dad made out of my head which is making this whole thing harder since after all, she did reach out. I'm trying to hold on to this strong not to break.

[geegirl]

I realized through this process that you can't listen to everyone. You have to listen to your own voice. Everyone is built differently. Every situation is different. Your father is not in your shoes nor is he feeling the hurt you are going through. If you were not emotional about her, then you would treat the situation differently, but you are emotional and you are hurt. When you are feeling this way, the only way to gain clarity and indifference is to step away from your source of hurt and pain.

 

Your father is speaking from indifference. He can tell you to do this and do that and stand here and sit there but at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself what is going to work for you.

 

If she had anything of substance to tell you in hopes of wanting to work on this, she would tell you that instead of "I miss you. Can I see you." She sees you and what do you think is going to happen after that? She'll get her fix and she'll walk away and what happens to you? Step back and imagine it. Feel it.

 

Play her for sex? Again, your father is looking from a place of indifference. You need to figure out how you will feel if you slept with her and then she behaved like you were just F*** buddies with no real commitment/relationship. If that is enough for you, then go ahead and do it. If it's not what you want, then you know what you need to do.

 

Don't let anyone sway you. You stick to what you know is right for you. You are not your mother or your father. You are built differently. You love and hurt differently.

 

Yes, Fetish...she did reach out. But what was the "content" of her reaching out? My ex reached out. Does that mean anything?

 

If she reached out and said, "Fetish, I am missing you and I want to talk. Maybe it was a mistake." Something to think about. If she was in any way wanting you back or was wanting to give you anything significant, she'd be saying much more than just a text 5-6 days ago. I truly believe that when someone wants you back, they will come for you.

 

Sometimes I think you have to take one more blow before you give up hope. You have to decide whether you want to continue with your journey along with some discomfort or start back at where you were, NC day 1.

[geegirl]

well today,

 

i noticed that nc has a way of making you feel like you did in the beginning. like throwing up and losing appetite.

 

Still trying to shake some of those points my Dad made out of my head which is making this whole thing harder since after all, she did reach out. I'm trying to hold on to this strong not to break.

 

Of course. It is normal. I still feel pangs of anxiety and puking sometimes. Your dad fed you what you wanted to hear. So now you are holding on to that and trying to make sense and justify it so you can reach out. It's up to you. Like I said, sometimes you need one more blow before you realize and decide that NC is for you and no one is going to make you think or do otherwise.

[fetish]

hey geegirl.

 

thank you for that advice. I've maintained and stayed NC. She actually did send me a religious text message on friday the 13th talking about the wrath that's coming or something like that. Still maintaining.

 

I'm not so sure if my Dad told me what i wanted to hear. I don't need someone feeding me any more guilt than i halready have by doing this. I didn't want to feel like i should be keeping her around as something to do. I think my mom's viewpoint was more what i wanted. She said, "If you ask her questions about how she's handling this breakup and what not, it's going to make you look like you care!" Plus, I was wondering it was a woman's viewpoint. Maybe she knows more on how to handle manipulative women like my ex. But i wasn't sure if she was just basing her opinions based on the similarities she saw between my ex and my father.

[geegirl]

If she believes wrath is coming, she better quit the gambling and drinking and start praying to Jesus. Ignore. It's nothing but a text with meaningless words.

 

You know how you handle a manipulative woman, or a manipulative person in general, you stay away from them. If you identify that she is manipulative, you don't need advice on how to handle them. You keep as far away as possible. You know her actions are manipulative so don't you once feel guilty that you are not giving in to that kind of behavior.

 

Your ex and your father are two different people. No one can decipher their actions or find conclusions. Your focus is to look at your own actions, control them and understand what is best for you.

[fetish]

it's funny you said that. she just sent me a followup up to that wrath message on how she's trying to get closer to GOD and all that.

 

I'm not sure if she's really a drinker, but she lovved the casinos and the gamerooms (mini casinos). She loved them so much that she was willing to give up on us.

Edited May 16, 2011 by fetish

[geegirl]

it's funny you said that. she just sent me a followup up to that wrath message on how she's trying to get closer to GOD and all that.

 

I'm not sure if she's really a drinker, but she lovved the casinos and the gamerooms (mini casinos). She loved them so much that she was willing to sacrifice our relationship

 

My ex was the same. The times when he lost me, he'd tell me he was going to church and trying to become a better person but it was all bs. If she is wanting to get closer to God, she doesn't need to announce it every two seconds or say it to try to sway you into thinking she is a changed woman.

 

Well, she gave up on your relationship for the casinos. And maybe it just wasn't the casinos. Maybe she was/is just not ready for a relationship period, whether gambling or not.

[fetish]

I think you're right. What's wierd is it took 8 whole years for her to realize this. She'd the one who suggested the relationship in the first place. She always complained that i hadn't proposed the first five years of our relationship. I finally did and all she could do was talk about a wedding, but she didn't do the work, just talked. She didn't have any solid plans or the skills to save for a wedding. When i suggested the Court house, she refused. It was clear to me that getting married wasn't really what was important, it was having a wedding.

 

She was really trying to pressure the wedding last year. Even went as far as to printing out invitations and getting ready to mail them. I slowed her down and told her "I'm not getting married until we do some premarital counseling!" I just knew we had unresolved issues such as: gambling and lack of communication issues.

 

Truth is, i probably wasn't really ready to marry her. I knew her addictive tendencies as i observed her where she would lose control and overspend in the casino. Then the nightly gameroom trips in the last few months of our r/l. She didn't want to give that up, couldn't compromise on it, and when i'd try to bring it up, she'd blow up.

 

And as far as what you said about having to suffer one more blow? God, i sure hope not. I really hope to not have to go through any more emotional distress right now.

 

So it's been 4 months for you and your ex. Your ex tried the same thing huh? Was that one of his desperate ploys to get you back?

Edited May 16, 2011 by fetish

[geegirl]

Maybe she was caught up with the novelty of getting married. Never even thinking far beyond that in the sense of what is required post hoopla. I know my girlfriend was having so many issues with her boyfriend but was so caught up with the idea of being married that she was failing to look past the frills and fancies. Now she is married for two years and is miserable. The signs were there when they were dating but she 1) thought marriage would fix it 2) too caught up with the idea of being married 3) clock was ticking 4) she felt she couldn't find better 5) wanted the white dress, ring, picket fence, etc. all the time failing to realize that their foundation was so weak, which is key in a marriage. They're going to counselling now but it's not working.

 

My ex tried many ploys. He was sweet as honey, promised me moon and stars. Even suggested going to counseling. Wanted to go to church with me. Pretended to be the good, clean cut guy until I saw him with the bar fly having sex in his driveway. Told me he was renovating his house for us. Told me he would not let me go and wanted to grow old with me. Blah blah. During NC, my best gf passed away. I went to the funeral. I was devastated. At the wake, I found out that while we were together, he was sleeping with the woman who sold him the house. The woman that sold him the house was my deceased friend's relative. She was sleeping with him while I was with him, in that same bed, in that same house. I want to puke just talking about it. The truth always reveals itself. I broke NC that one time to confront him. And he said it was all a lie. But the pale look on his face was enough to confirm he was a lying cheating bastard.

 

Sometimes I can't believe that I am surviving this and breaking through to the other side.

 

If they really wanted you back, you'll see it through action. Words mean nothing. They're cheap, infact they're free.

[fetish]

Wow geegirl, you really are a G!

 

Did you need counseling or support groups or anything? That was three extremely tough things to have deal with at once.That is amazing how far you've come. And now, you're an active member here on LS, offering your support and advice to others, and you seem happy.

 

That truly is motivation for me to know that after all that you've been through, you're still pushing forward. That makes me know i can pull through this little bit of trauma. No one ever said it was going to be easy!

 

Man, i'm sorry you had to go through all of that, especially your girl passing.

[geegirl]

Wow geegirl, you really are a G!

 

Did you need counseling or support groups or anything? That was three extremely tough things to have deal with at once.That is amazing how far you've come. And now, you're an active member here on LS, offering your support and advice to others, and you seem happy.

 

That truly is motivation for me to know that after all that you've been through, you're still pushing forward. That makes me know i can pull through this little bit of trauma. No one ever said it was going to be easy!

 

Man, i'm sorry you had to go through all of that, especially your girl passing.

 

I became sick. My hair was falling out, I became rail thin, I was wanting to die. The break up, seeing him with that woman, losing my friend and finding out he was cheating at her funeral...all at once. I don't know how I made it.

 

I started therapy and I was seeing a good therapist. She gave me goals to work towards. I had homework and it made me sit down and literally do the work. I went to church and delved into bible study and it was a form of therapy. I made a conscious effort to change my thought patterns. Everytime I started thinking, I'd refocus my thoughts. Started going to meetups and meeting people with no expectations but to just channel my focus on others and activities. It's still hard. There are days I cry for the loss of what was. There are days I feel it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I guess it will take time. Yes, no one said it would be easy. If it was easy, there would be no broken hearts!

 

Thank you Fetish! I'm glad to share with you. Don't trivialize your feelings or compare them. Eight years is a long time with someone. You build hopes and dreams and you love with all your heart. And when it comes crashing down, that intensity is only felt by you. It's your own trauma. I feel for you and I know how hard it is. But you're getting stronger, little by little. The fact that you got through the weekend, speaks volumes!

[fetish]

Well today,

 

I'm trying to get mentally prepared for a job interview at 3pm. I've realized that i think about my ex and find myself going over things when i don't have enough to do. My ex mainly pops up in my head in the mornings when i first wake up and just think, I'm starting a new day. The length of time since we've been together is growing day by day. It sometimes depresses me because the part of me that's not over her yet is not ready for her to be out of my life completely.

 

It's kind of hard to control your thoughts. I'm wondering if i might have a little OCD going on since she enters my mind frequently, but have to remind myself and train myself to not think about it.

 

Geegirl. Did your hair grow back? I've been realizing that i've been stressing and i've started to notice some thinning patches in my hairline. My Dad still has a full head of hair. It would suck if i went bald