Do some men just never get over an girl?

[linwood]

My last girlfriend before I married my wife 12 years ago is still not over it.

 

She had one serious relationship in that time and it was abusive, drunken, and dysfunctional.

 

Part of her problem may be she sees me almost daily as we`ve worked in the same place for the past 15+ years.

 

She`s not over it, she hasn`t moved on, not sure she ever will.

 

It`s sad really.

Edited May 11, 2011 by linwood

[vibessanilelg]

Если бы к Вам домой пришла любовница мужа и начала рассказывать о том, что Вы мало мужу времени уделяете,как поступите?) Крепость Бейнак, Дордонь Герцог форум большие сиськи онлайн видео большая попа порно картинки ясон толстые большие сиськи порно онлайн сйт знакомств мамба В тумане подростковое порно картинки страп секс что такое ошибка сценария Фестиваль Мода нудисты трахаются на пляже русское деревенское порно фото бесплатное порно онлайн секс вечеринки секс за деньги-асбест фильмы секс сцены видео мужикам кончают в рот порно гомики

[VicJay79]

Not on this site, but on MSN I do

 

 

Hey CollegeGuy,

 

You are a reddit'er :-).

[Flgirl44]

Hey CollegeGuy,

 

You are a reddit'er :-).

 

I don't always comment for no reason,

but when I do,

it's because im also a redditor. haha

[collegeguy_24]

Whats your MSN ;-)

 

Would you mind sending me a PM so I can reply it back to you? I can't access your private message function, and I don't want to post it out on here for everybody to read.

[Eve]

Collegguy, I cannot understand why you are stuck on someone who doesn't even sound as though they were even nice to you...

 

I can only think this is one of those 'you just have to get over it' situations. Sounds like a compulsion issue more than anything else.

 

I don't get it.

 

You must have an addictive streak in your personality somewhere.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[VicJay79]

Eve,

 

It's simple, and he isn't just the only guy that has this problem. The girls that often times hurt us the most, aren't always the girls that were the nicest to us, but the ones we let closer into our heart. Timing, location, and environmental factors are all also important in who we decide to let in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Collegguy, I cannot understand why you are stuck on someone who doesn't even sound as though they were even nice to you...

 

I can only think this is one of those 'you just have to get over it' situations. Sounds like a compulsion issue more than anything else.

 

I don't get it.

 

You must have an addictive streak in your personality somewhere.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[samsungxoxo]

Eve,

 

It's simple, and he isn't just the only guy that has this problem. The girls that often times hurt us the most, aren't always the girls that were the nicest to us, but the ones we let closer into our heart. Timing, location, and environmental factors are all also important in who we decide to let in.

Guess it'll take a long while for my ex BF to get pass this. Interesting how the brain of a man still in love functions..... pretty much similar to when we feel (when we're in love). I thought that as soon as most of you guys met other women after a GF breaks up with you... then you erase her from your mind. I thought we were the ones falling in love faster and having an long affect but I don't know now..... I guess it's about even...

[Eve]

Eve,

 

It's simple, and he isn't just the only guy that has this problem. The girls that often times hurt us the most, aren't always the girls that were the nicest to us, but the ones we let closer into our heart. Timing, location, and environmental factors are all also important in who we decide to let in.

 

I have to respect the depth of emotion contained with in your post.. however, I still think that the emotion is misplaced. Long term, I would say that if a person has had a disagreement or something with their partner then yes, I can understand the above because the person is still present.

 

If the relationship is no more then really one is revisiting feelings and hurts. If this continues for too long a person can set themselves up for a self fulfilling prophecy with further relationships.

 

No, part of maturity is to know which feelings to invest in and which to simply ignore. This is the same with so many other areas of life.

 

So my simple advice would not be to even pursue this with lots of therapy. The secret is to ignore the feeling and then plunge 100% into something. 100% into thinking about nothing is probably a good idea at first in order to avoid latching onto something else to do compulsively.

 

That is the bottom line. If one holds onto these things too long opportunities will be missed in the future. Also being stuck like that is monotonous, boring and overall lacks any self nurturing qualities.

 

I say stop that **** and do something else! I can't even tell you how fast life has gone by when I look back at now 39. I am SO glad I left behind my ex because strikingly, he STILL has not changed.

 

In reality if you want the good stuff, you have to be the good stuff.

 

So you two guys support one another, yeah, but don't prolong any of that negative stuff in each other.

 

You are in control of your heart and mind. If you let them control you, you are basically ****ed - male or female. Serious now. Number one rule in life...

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited May 13, 2011 by Eve

[Woggle]

It's not that men never get over a woman but many of us never really get over our first heartbreak. We tend not to open up our hearts to a woman easily so when we trust a woman enough to do so and she betrays that trust it is very hard to erase the scar.

[Eve]

It's not that men never get over a woman but many of us never really get over our first heartbreak. We tend not to open up our hearts to a woman easily so when we trust a woman enough to do so and she betrays that trust it is very hard to erase the scar.

 

Well, if this is the case and it continues into another relationship nothing good will come off it.

 

If my Hubby compared our love to that of his badly dressed, nasty, nasty bitch ex.. it would be an understatement to say that I would be offended. In fact I would probably end up not respecting him for simple reason that I don't deserve to be compared to her.

 

My Hubby dealt with his issues before meeting me and I respect him for this. I look out for things that make him feel secure and adored as part of what we have, not based on what some silly cow did in the past.

 

To ask anyone to do anything other than this is not love..

 

.. but I think some people think this mindset is somehow attractive .. I call it living in the past and would not start a relationship with someone in this state.

 

Nah, got things to do, new experiences to gather. I wanted someone who is able to be present and not have to woken up from their negativity every ten minutes. Life is too good and too short!

 

Colluding with such a mindset is not good. Hate to throw around generalisations but men do seem to collude with each other to their own detriment a lot lot lot. Women generally know that if another woman colludes with you in a negative vein, she probably wants your man for herself/doesn't mind seeing you fail.

 

Yeah, but what do I know? I suppose if a person is happy with the pay back of being in such a state, leave them to it. Most people do wake up eventually I hope.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Woggle]

It's not really about the woman but anger at how he feels she treated him. If there was one thing men will hold a lifetime grudge for it is betrayal and when he feels he was done wrong for no good reason it is very hard to get over it. In no way do I ever want my ex back but it still makes my blood boil when I think about what she put me through. That is why I try not to think about it.

[Eve]

It's not really about the woman but anger at how he feels she treated him. If there was one thing men will hold a lifetime grudge for it is betrayal and when he feels he was done wrong for no good reason it is very hard to get over it. In no way do I ever want my ex back but it still makes my blood boil when I think about what she put me through. That is why I try not to think about it.

 

Ok, I told my Hubby a bit off your story. Hubby said that the best thing to do is to find it in your heart to forgive her. He said, while you are feeling all the anger everything will feel like ysterday. Once you genuinely in your heart forgive her it will become history and you can move on in your relationship.

 

The forgiveness takes some deep soul searching though.

 

This is from a good man whose wife left him and their children and moved in with her neighbour lover.. next door... and took the furniture.

 

He said that it will be better for you because you do not have any ties with her. Once you have forgiven her, truly, she will just become a person from the past.

 

He said, life is short, yours could have been when you got shot. Now you have a second chance at life, live it. Forgive her and live your life to it's full potential.

 

He wishes you and your Lady well and said that he never even thinks about the ex now.

 

I say, the only true revenge is happiness.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[VicJay79]

Guess it'll take a long while for my ex BF to get pass this. Interesting how the brain of a man still in love functions..... pretty much similar to when we feel (when we're in love). I thought that as soon as most of you guys met other women after a GF breaks up with you... then you erase her from your mind. I thought we were the ones falling in love faster and having an long affect but I don't know now..... I guess it's about even...

 

 

Samsung,

 

Its easy to move from one girl to another, if you didn't love the girl you were with. Things are different when there were real emotions. Things are totally different when we fall in love.

[VicJay79]

It's not that men never get over a woman but many of us never really get over our first heartbreak. We tend not to open up our hearts to a woman easily so when we trust a woman enough to do so and she betrays that trust it is very hard to erase the scar.

 

Woogle,

 

You are 100% correct. After getting hurt, its hard to open up again, not to mention the insecurities that remain within us.

[VicJay79]

Eve said:

 

If the relationship is no more then really one is revisiting feelings and hurts. If this continues for too long a person can set themselves up for a self fulfilling prophecy with further relationships.

 

VicJay79 Responds:

 

Your right, dwelling on the hurtful past to much does cause problems. It is so hard for guys to not dwell, as a society we have been conditions to not be emotional and to man up. When we as men actually do get emotional about someone, drop our guard and get hurt we are unable at times to deal with the recovery. This is primarly again due to limited life experiences in this area.

 

 

Eve said:

No, part of maturity is to know which feelings to invest in and which to simply ignore. This is the same with so many other areas of life.

 

 

Vicjay79 Responds:

 

You are correct again. This comes through life experiences and understanding insecurities and places to improve on. Dwelling on the past and being unhealthy is a problem, and being able to move from that takes time.

 

 

Eve said:

In reality if you want the good stuff, you have to be the good stuff.

 

Vicjay79 Response: I have been trying to be the best person I can be... for me. What do you consider being the 'good stuff'?

 

 

I have to respect the depth of emotion contained with in your post.. however, I still think that the emotion is misplaced. Long term, I would say that if a person has had a disagreement or something with their partner then yes, I can understand the above because the person is still present.

 

If the relationship is no more then really one is revisiting feelings and hurts. If this continues for too long a person can set themselves up for a self fulfilling prophecy with further relationships.

 

No, part of maturity is to know which feelings to invest in and which to simply ignore. This is the same with so many other areas of life.

 

So my simple advice would not be to even pursue this with lots of therapy. The secret is to ignore the feeling and then plunge 100% into something. 100% into thinking about nothing is probably a good idea at first in order to avoid latching onto something else to do compulsively.

 

That is the bottom line. If one holds onto these things too long opportunities will be missed in the future. Also being stuck like that is monotonous, boring and overall lacks any self nurturing qualities.

 

I say stop that **** and do something else! I can't even tell you how fast life has gone by when I look back at now 39. I am SO glad I left behind my ex because strikingly, he STILL has not changed.

 

In reality if you want the good stuff, you have to be the good stuff.

 

So you two guys support one another, yeah, but don't prolong any of that negative stuff in each other.

 

You are in control of your heart and mind. If you let them control you, you are basically ****ed - male or female. Serious now. Number one rule in life...

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Eve]

I agree with the idea that it takes time to get over hurts but would also say that it is possible to decide how how long you are going to be hurt for. I think it is a process and the more you turn away from the hurt and do positive things the easier it becomes. My Hubby gave his ex two weeks to come home and says that he could have forgiven her everything because she was the only woman he had slept with and he still loved her. When she refused and in particular due to the way she refused, he knew he had to close his heart to her. So he did.

 

It took a while but he had to stop seeing her as the girl she was before and accept her decisions.

 

This to me is remarkable bravery and when he talks about those days I really admire how he focused just on the good around him and how he appreciated the people who came to help him out with the kids and those who helped him begin a new social life.

 

Overall, I say that society says a lot of stuff that does not really fully demonstrate the inner workings of a man or a woman. I think it is up to the individual to create their meaning and purpose and live by it. To Hubby the good stuff is to be a good Hubby, mate and Dad all the other stuff is secondary and he did not stop believing in this, even though really he was pretty ****ed at the time.

 

After a while I believe that all a person attempts to do for good, kind of drops down from their minds into their hearts and the moment cannot really be monitored or outlined when this happens, although I do think sometimes a person can sometimes spiritually be aware of this. It just does. Focusing on all the many things he loves healed him and also protected his core self from what could have been his destruction from utter heartbreak.

 

So, the 'good stuff' to me is the ability to be authentic, even when limited by life circumstances. Being yourself is enough. Being yourself is the key. This is what comes under attack anyway..

 

Anyhow, moving on as such allows a person to get to higher aspects of themselves that can only be gained in retrospect after overcoming the obstacle presented and it feels good to get there!

 

I hope any hurt becomes wisdom for you because it is more attractive. Choose the future instead of the past. This is how we gain experience enough to move on to different challenges. There is no other way.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Universe]

It's not that you can't get over a girl. You can. I've been there. I wasted two of the best years of my life longing for an ex-GF who wasn't coming back. But the problem isn't that you're in love and can't get over it. Your problem is that you're refusing to get over feeling sorry for yourself. I know it sounds harsh for me to say that. It was hard for me to hear that myself when I was in your shoes. But it's true. That's why so many guys finally do get over it as soon as they find another girlfriend. You don't have to feel sorry for yourself any more if you're enjoying a new love. You're happy with your new GF.

 

But sometimes, your new GF doesn't make you that happy. So you linger in that mode of feeling sorry for yourself and recall your ex in order to have something to feel sorry for yourself about. But it's not your ex that's making you feel bad. It's you. You make yourself feel bad so you can play the victim. "Oh - woe is me. How could she break my poor little heart when I was so good to her and loved her so much?" Well - it's not her fault you loved her. She's not responsible for you. She has her own problems. She has her own feelings. And if you're too busy worrying about how you feel towards her and not empathizing and respecting the way she feels, then why should she continue bothering with you? She wants someone who can make her feel good; not someone can't get over his own feelings.

 

And maybe a new girl won't make you happy. But your old girl won't either. Only you can do that. Only you can make you happy. Only you can make you feel good. And that's what you have to work on.

 

Something my shrink has been teaching me lately to help me deal with me feeling sorry for myself is self-talk. Basically, everyone has an inner-child, an inner-parent, and an inner-adult. Your inner-child is the one who feels things, is creative, and likes to indulge. The inner-parent is the care-taker and the inner-adult is the rational task-master.

 

Self-talk works like this (I'm new at this - so take this for what it's worth from a stranger on the internet, etc.): You're feeling sorry for yourself. So you sit your inner-child down and ask him what's wrong. He says how he's feeling. "I'm feeling _____ beacue of _____." Then you say, "I hear you are feeling _____ because of _____." Then you turn the child towards you and tell him that you will take care of it for him.

 

That's a super crude example of it. But that's the best I can do right now.

 

My main points are this. You're feeling sorry for yourself. It's normal and understandable, but childish. Do whatever it takes to grow up. All women will eventually leave a guy they perceive to be childish. They don't want to have sex with a child. They want to have sex with a man. So be a man and get over it. It's hard. It takes work. But it's worth it. You just have to learn to love yourself, respect others, don't take anything personally, and don't make assumptions about how other people feel.

 

And exercise is good too. Exercise as often as you can within reason.

[collegeguy_24]

I certainly do plan to exercise, among other things. I have goals in life, goals I will achieve with or without the ex.

 

I was upset about how she treated me sure. I mean telling someone for several weeks, even the day before they dump you that they love you and want a long term future with you is cruel and evil.

 

She has problems, when we were together she acknowledges it, her own mother says it as well. Her mother doesn't think my ex can go for long without a man. I think my ex is an addict. Not a sex addict, but she is addicted to the honeymoon stage of a relationship, cause the second things get real she bails. In fact, the second things got real for us thats when the problems started.

 

 

I know that now. I miss her sure, but I don't need her to be happy. I realize that now.

 

I do want her, and I want her in my life as a friend or lover, but if she can't grow up then I don't want her. She needs to accept responsibility for her actions instead of twisting stuff around to avoid responsibility.

 

She is turning 21 next month, I am 25 and will be 26 in October. Thats an age difference and maturity difference. I will always have feelings for her, will always love her, but at least I can say I tried. I tried for a relationship, and for friendship.

 

She never did. She bailed on both accounts, she wants men on the back burner so she can always have a replacement for the current one.

 

My pride will not allow me to be on the back burner. If she wants me, its because of who I am, of what I will become in the future. Not as a replacement for someone else.

 

 

Edit: She just untagged herself from our one picture together, and she blocked me on Facebook. How mature. She blocks me, yet she keeps herself tagged in photos where the guy who didn't treat her well at all, at least from what she told me.

 

Again, this hurts, a lot. That photo was all I had left of her. But you know what, fine. I'll move on, eventually karma is going to come back and bite her in the butt. She has to grow up eventually, otherwise the consequences she faces will be something she will regret.

 

(This is not a threat to her from me, just a fact of life.)

 

By the way, I know she is reading this. Your not going to ruin me, your going to only ruin yourself. How many men actually care for you the way I did?

 

Bet you can't answer that, considering your relationship history. But know this, I will always be here for you. In what capacity, thats unknown, but most likely friends.

Edited May 16, 2011 by collegeguy_24

[phepchuntee]

overnight nizoral ups cod in wv how to treat coccidioides nizoral in internet tablet cod accepted nizoral pcos nizoral antibiotics in internet pill no rx wisconsin us nizoral fedex de nizoral buy online where to get nizoral online visa fast delivery nizoral cream psoriasis order nizoral yeast infections in internet discount cod accepted kansas fedex nizoral without prescription nizoral no prescription overnight cod delivery nizoral online purchase nizoral saturday shipping idaho generic nizoral forum nizoral hair growth online buy nizoral florida nizoral prescription medication information ketoconazole shampoo dog cheapest buy nizoral online at id can nizoral 200 mg cause death claritin dose for dog claritin pancytopenia. foods to avoid while taking coumadin claritin loratadine colorado buy cheap discount online claritin buy claritin cod delivery claritin (loratadine) cod buy claritin in reliable online drugstore where to buy claritin online in the uk claritin in florida 2 tablets of claritin uy claritin for cash on delivery claritin fedex without prescription how to buy claritin on line get claritin durham online no prescription claritin kaufen online gottingen claritin drug interaction. buy claritin with no prescription needed buy claritin d where to get claritin claritin saturday delivery nizoral|ketoconazole wellbutrin bones