joshislost Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Hey all LSers, So my ex decided to contact me idk if she's sincere or trying to bring me down. Chances are the latter of the two. Here's what happened a couple months ago: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264783/?highlight=joshislost I actually fell hard and broke nc and saw her last month told her I just wanted to be friends and we hung out. Basically we got a little drunk and she told me she "Loved me" and gave me ***** on why i wouldn't say it. I eventually did. We also kissed, I told her "Friends don't do this" to which she responded "You know we can never be friends." Night was going well. She asked what we were and she suggested that we were "Ex's trying to work things out" I was fine with that. She also made me a promise to cancel the guy she was hanging out with the next day to hang with me. Next day roles around she texts and I was up for tonight, she told me she had plans. I told her she said she promised she'd cancel. She said she would and to come down. So i drove 40 miles to see her. When I got there she hadn't canceled the plans and said she wasnt going to "drop her life with another guy for me" needless to say it blew. Next day she starts giving me ***** about how she just wanted to be friends and not to say the L word and such. I told her listen I'll just be your friend, no pressure we can hang out as friends and grab some dinner, no moves or anything. She completely disappeared and never responded. 1 month later of NC (yesterday) I get a text from her. I stupidly respond kind of shocked actually. Told her my life was great. Her's was also. Apparently that guy that she dated proposed to her after 1 month with a ring. She told me she was thinking about me, we were supposed to get engaged this month if things had gone well. Basically the guy gave her the ring at 3:33 which is my fav. number. Also when she got home our first song was playing. Very odd coincidence. She told the guy she'd "think about it" still has the ring and hangs out with him. I fell and said I'd like to hang out sometime, she said thursday. I made myself busy and said only Tuesday (today) or Weds. work for me. She said she had a hair appt. today and Weds. had to go to the DMV and Child Services for her dead beat baby daddy. (Mind it I helped raise this child from birth). She said she would be to stressed to go out weds. eventually we never set a date and moved on to talking about her child. I tried to wrap up the convo and say @ 9pm Listen I gotta run. It was great talking to you and I'd like to talk again. Text me tomorrow after your hair. She responded "Alrighty ttyl" Today nothing at all. Am I being played? This blows balls. Like wtf did I do in my past life to deserve this. Just when I start to move on she brings me back in. I want to say she might be playing the game with me, should I text her tomorrow about hanging out/just tlking? Was she just bored and wants to keep me in check? Or does she actually miss us and thought of us with the ring and wants to rekindle the light?! Thanks LSers for all your help.
allie_lgh Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 to me it seems as though she wants the best of both worlds. you're being played. If you were important or important enough to her, she would have said no to the ring and made you a priority. She didn't, and it may be hard to see that or to accept that. You chasing after her and texting/calling to make plans and talk is only going to show her you will always be there and be willing to be there on menial breadcrumbs that she throws your way. Instead look into becoming a stronger and happier you, you'll find someone who will want to see and talk with you as much as you do them. Chasing is for dogs, so leave it outta your life.
poorguy Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Not only is chasing for dogs, its for dogs who dont know better!!!! Cut her off
miss jennifer Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 yeah, its sounds like you're being played. it's the classic case of "she likes you too much to let you go, but not enough to be (exclusively) with you."
Author joshislost Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 to me it seems as though she wants the best of both worlds. you're being played. If you were important or important enough to her, she would have said no to the ring and made you a priority. She didn't, and it may be hard to see that or to accept that. You chasing after her and texting/calling to make plans and talk is only going to show her you will always be there and be willing to be there on menial breadcrumbs that she throws your way. Instead look into becoming a stronger and happier you, you'll find someone who will want to see and talk with you as much as you do them. Chasing is for dogs, so leave it outta your life. yeah, its sounds like you're being played. it's the classic case of "she likes you too much to let you go, but not enough to be (exclusively) with you." Not only is chasing for dogs, its for dogs who dont know better!!!! Cut her off Thank you guys for the response I learned a valuable lesson thru the past 22 days that we ended up getting back together because i was stupid and let her come back in. I ended up giving in as our 2 years were approaching. We seemed to be doing so great. She gave the guy his ring back and we seemed to be doing great. She would during our time together these past 22 days receive random texts at 2-3am in the morning when we were together. I confronted her about it but she said not to worry and that she loved me. I paid no mind to it but noticed she'd always keep her phone a distance from me. Like hide it when she got a text. Kinda sketchy when I confronted her about it, but I tried to trust her and paid no mind to it. We went out to dinner last night and we drank a little. She wanted her aunt to watch her son for a little longer and asked if she could use my cell because she had left hers in my car. I gave her my cell where she took it to the bathroom and started going thru old texts. She never called her aunt her sole purpose was to search my cell. She stormed out of the bathroom and accused me of talking to a girl on valentines day WHEN WE WEREN'T DATING. It was a friend of mine in Louisiana and I wanted to send her some flowers. I havent talked to her since, and never ended up sending the flowers. She broke up with me for that fact. That I didn't tell her about that. While she supposedly told me about everything she did in the 5 months we were apart. I highly doubt that, but told her I didnt tell her for the sole reason that this girl is in LA and I never sent the flowers. Which she clearly saw thru the text messages. I confronted her and asked her why I can't ever even touch her phone, and she claimed it was none of my business. Anywho it gets worse. She broke up with me because I'm a "liar" because I didn't tell her about that. I asked her what she did on vday where she responded got flowers choclates and got laid. That pissed me off but I kept my composure. She then started to beat me in the car. She sat in the back seat as i brought her home. Hitting me off the head and then pounding on my shoulder. I don't hit women but I wanted to so bad. She then started texting other guys setting up dates for the weekend. It was an attempt to piss me off. Then she called some guy and was flirting with him on the phone. She lives about 40 miles away and started going thru a tantrum where she didnt want to go home and wanted to jump out of the car on the highway. I wouldnt pull over due to being on the highway she then repeatedly hit me with her foot in my face. That was the last straw i pulled over off an exit and her uncle came and pick her up. She was being verbally abusive saying random things. and telling me Im ugly. and other random things. People told me I should press charges, but I didnt. I don't want her to lose her son and I will always care about her and her son. She told me she wanted to marry me but then pulls something like that. Tells me that she wants to be with me forever then does this. I don't want to be hurt again, i still care about her and her son a lot. Kind of kills that she did that I told her that but she wont apologize, we werent even together it makes no sense. Seems like she did it to date another guy. It kills but I am here to say LSers please be careful when you give ur ex a second chance. It could be a really bad mistake. That could possibly land u in a heap of a mess like my night could have been. Please be cautious on an ex that u offer a second chance. I wish I could learn
poorguy Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 My god man. That sounded like a nightmare!!! Yeah F her and F the whole relationship. Hopefully the other dude will resweep her off her feet or something. I wouldnt have hit her either but I would have physically removed her from the car and she would have had a nice walk home....alone
Popondetta Posted May 29, 2011 Posted May 29, 2011 Seriously there's no excuse for that behaviour! It's none of her business in the first place what you've been up to whilst broken up with her. She just sounds completely crazy,childish and insecure. The good thing is that since she's behaving like a child with a tantrum you will get over her a lot quicker! Who wants a ranting woman like that!? I can say with a 100% certainty that you'll find someone MUCH BETTER!! It's just sad that she has a child...
Author joshislost Posted May 29, 2011 Author Posted May 29, 2011 Seriously there's no excuse for that behaviour! It's none of her business in the first place what you've been up to whilst broken up with her. She just sounds completely crazy,childish and insecure. The good thing is that since she's behaving like a child with a tantrum you will get over her a lot quicker! Who wants a ranting woman like that!? I can say with a 100% certainty that you'll find someone MUCH BETTER!! It's just sad that she has a child... Her claim was she told me everything that happened with her, why couldn't she tell me that. Nothing ever happened I never sent flowers and the girl lives over 1500 miles away. Needless to say I shouldn't have to explain all that. Seems like she was picking a fight. What sucks is I really love this girl and can't seem to get over her. She is willing to go to a counselor but not willing to put in any effort into us. My god man. That sounded like a nightmare!!! Yeah F her and F the whole relationship. Hopefully the other dude will resweep her off her feet or something. I wouldnt have hit her either but I would have physically removed her from the car and she would have had a nice walk home....alone I wish i could throw it away easily fact is I have helped raise her child and now it's like im not throwing away a relationship, but also throwing away a family. It kills like I want her back but I have a feeling she will destroy me.
mmiller5373 Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Thank you guys for the response I learned a valuable lesson thru the past 22 days that we ended up getting back together because i was stupid and let her come back in. I ended up giving in as our 2 years were approaching. We seemed to be doing so great. She gave the guy his ring back and we seemed to be doing great. She would during our time together these past 22 days receive random texts at 2-3am in the morning when we were together. I confronted her about it but she said not to worry and that she loved me. I paid no mind to it but noticed she'd always keep her phone a distance from me. Like hide it when she got a text. Kinda sketchy when I confronted her about it, but I tried to trust her and paid no mind to it. We went out to dinner last night and we drank a little. She wanted her aunt to watch her son for a little longer and asked if she could use my cell because she had left hers in my car. I gave her my cell where she took it to the bathroom and started going thru old texts. She never called her aunt her sole purpose was to search my cell. She stormed out of the bathroom and accused me of talking to a girl on valentines day WHEN WE WEREN'T DATING. It was a friend of mine in Louisiana and I wanted to send her some flowers. I havent talked to her since, and never ended up sending the flowers. She broke up with me for that fact. That I didn't tell her about that. While she supposedly told me about everything she did in the 5 months we were apart. I highly doubt that, but told her I didnt tell her for the sole reason that this girl is in LA and I never sent the flowers. Which she clearly saw thru the text messages. I confronted her and asked her why I can't ever even touch her phone, and she claimed it was none of my business. Anywho it gets worse. She broke up with me because I'm a "liar" because I didn't tell her about that. I asked her what she did on vday where she responded got flowers choclates and got laid. That pissed me off but I kept my composure. She then started to beat me in the car. She sat in the back seat as i brought her home. Hitting me off the head and then pounding on my shoulder. I don't hit women but I wanted to so bad. She then started texting other guys setting up dates for the weekend. It was an attempt to piss me off. Then she called some guy and was flirting with him on the phone. She lives about 40 miles away and started going thru a tantrum where she didnt want to go home and wanted to jump out of the car on the highway. I wouldnt pull over due to being on the highway she then repeatedly hit me with her foot in my face. That was the last straw i pulled over off an exit and her uncle came and pick her up. She was being verbally abusive saying random things. and telling me Im ugly. and other random things. People told me I should press charges, but I didnt. I don't want her to lose her son and I will always care about her and her son. She told me she wanted to marry me but then pulls something like that. Tells me that she wants to be with me forever then does this. I don't want to be hurt again, i still care about her and her son a lot. Kind of kills that she did that I told her that but she wont apologize, we werent even together it makes no sense. Seems like she did it to date another guy. It kills but I am here to say LSers please be careful when you give ur ex a second chance. It could be a really bad mistake. That could possibly land u in a heap of a mess like my night could have been. Please be cautious on an ex that u offer a second chance. I wish I could learn Dude, this story sounds very similar to mine, and all I can tell you is that you need to go complete NC with her. This girl has got some serious issues and if you don't go NC now... she'll keep dropping you breadcrumbs until she finds someone else. It'll be much harder for you later on because you'll have more time invested in her. Run now, dude. My ex girlfriend and I broke up at about the 2 year mark. We were having a lot of fights and I felt like she just wasn't "there" anymore. She dropped breadcrumbs for weeks, but I ignored them because I wanted to date around a bit, but all that did was made me realize I still loved my ex. I went after her, but she wanted no part of it. Weeks later, I started getting "I miss you" texts from her, and I fell for it. Such a shame too. I thought it meant she cared, but all it really meant was that she was too afraid to let me go. We ended up getting back together, but within a few days I noticed a change in her behavior. She wasn't calling as much and she seemed distant. I told her I was coming to her house to see her and she said she wasn't home. I drove to her apartment anyway, and saw that she had parked her car 5 buildings away from her apartment building. She probably figured I wouldn't notice her car and would think she wasn't home. I texted her and told her I knew she was home and that she was lying. She came running outside in a teared frenzy. She said that the night before, while she was at my house, she got into my computer and my Facebook was logged in so she went through my personal messages and read a message to an old high school friend. The message talked about our problems, the breakup, and my dating life while we were broken up. She flipped out, going on and on about how I'm a liar, how I cheated on her (we were broken up), and how she thought I was a different person now. I was pretty pissed off that she went into my Facebook and honestly, she was making a loud/crazy scene, so I just wanted to get out of there. She grabbed my car keys and stormed off, demanding an answer as to why I cheated on her (again, we were broken up for weeks). I asked for my keys back, she said no and started hitting me, smacking my shoulders pretty hard while she was crying. I finally told her I would call the Police if she didn't give me my keys back. 2 weeks later, we both apologized and got back together again. Stupid on my part, I know... because truth be told that she was the one cheating on me all along. She was seeing another guy while we were broken up, though she never told me about him. And when we finally got back together for the last time, she was still seeing him!!! Can you believe that? What a mindf***. In the end, she ended up leaving me for the other guy. So again, my advice is, go NC and move on. I was used as an emotional tampon for about four months, dude. This chick ain't worth your time anymore. She ain't worth the pain.
DustySaltus Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 Josh, check this site out: bpdfamily...it will answer many of your questions. Trust me, I lost thousands on a ring as well....
flitzanu Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 hmm, she kinda sounds like a cunt. you're better without that lunacy in your life. just walk and don't look back dude.
Exit Posted June 2, 2011 Posted June 2, 2011 She likely went through your phone and came raging out about it at you so she could find a way to place all the blame on you. She's been getting attention from other guys, been doing whatever she wants, but she can't stand to look in the mirror and accept that is why things between you two are just getting worse and worse. So she asks to borrow your phone, takes it to the bathroom, finds some old stupid text about someone in another state with maybe some mild flirting on Vday, and she goes "BINGO!". She found a way to make you look like the bad guy. This probably had very little to do with her actually wanting to make you feel bad, it was all about her needing to make herself feel better. She found the most insignificant little opening where she could accuse you of being interested in someone else and she ran with it. She was trying to compensate for her own guilt. And yes there is a reason why you can't even get anywhere near her phone yet you're okay letting her use yours. I know it hurts terribly but I would suggest moving on from this one.
Author joshislost Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 Dude, this story sounds very similar to mine, and all I can tell you is that you need to go complete NC with her. This girl has got some serious issues and if you don't go NC now... she'll keep dropping you breadcrumbs until she finds someone else. It'll be much harder for you later on because you'll have more time invested in her. Run now, dude. My ex girlfriend and I broke up at about the 2 year mark. We were having a lot of fights and I felt like she just wasn't "there" anymore. She dropped breadcrumbs for weeks, but I ignored them because I wanted to date around a bit, but all that did was made me realize I still loved my ex. I went after her, but she wanted no part of it. Weeks later, I started getting "I miss you" texts from her, and I fell for it. Such a shame too. I thought it meant she cared, but all it really meant was that she was too afraid to let me go. We ended up getting back together, but within a few days I noticed a change in her behavior. She wasn't calling as much and she seemed distant. I told her I was coming to her house to see her and she said she wasn't home. I drove to her apartment anyway, and saw that she had parked her car 5 buildings away from her apartment building. She probably figured I wouldn't notice her car and would think she wasn't home. I texted her and told her I knew she was home and that she was lying. She came running outside in a teared frenzy. She said that the night before, while she was at my house, she got into my computer and my Facebook was logged in so she went through my personal messages and read a message to an old high school friend. The message talked about our problems, the breakup, and my dating life while we were broken up. She flipped out, going on and on about how I'm a liar, how I cheated on her (we were broken up), and how she thought I was a different person now. I was pretty pissed off that she went into my Facebook and honestly, she was making a loud/crazy scene, so I just wanted to get out of there. She grabbed my car keys and stormed off, demanding an answer as to why I cheated on her (again, we were broken up for weeks). I asked for my keys back, she said no and started hitting me, smacking my shoulders pretty hard while she was crying. I finally told her I would call the Police if she didn't give me my keys back. 2 weeks later, we both apologized and got back together again. Stupid on my part, I know... because truth be told that she was the one cheating on me all along. She was seeing another guy while we were broken up, though she never told me about him. And when we finally got back together for the last time, she was still seeing him!!! Can you believe that? What a mindf***. In the end, she ended up leaving me for the other guy. So again, my advice is, go NC and move on. I was used as an emotional tampon for about four months, dude. This chick ain't worth your time anymore. She ain't worth the pain. Bud, I am truly sorry to hear what happened to you. Some chicks including your ex can be really messed up in the head. I feel she sounds a lot like my ex. How did you go cold turkey? Did you convince yourself that you deserve better or? I hope you found a girl or are in the process of finding a girl a million times better because we deserve it. Josh, check this site out: bpdfamily...it will answer many of your questions. Trust me, I lost thousands on a ring as well.... WOW Dusty! This describes her to a T. I am forever thankful for this post. I didn't know about that disorder. Did you date someone with bpd? She likely went through your phone and came raging out about it at you so she could find a way to place all the blame on you. She's been getting attention from other guys, been doing whatever she wants, but she can't stand to look in the mirror and accept that is why things between you two are just getting worse and worse. So she asks to borrow your phone, takes it to the bathroom, finds some old stupid text about someone in another state with maybe some mild flirting on Vday, and she goes "BINGO!". She found a way to make you look like the bad guy. This probably had very little to do with her actually wanting to make you feel bad, it was all about her needing to make herself feel better. She found the most insignificant little opening where she could accuse you of being interested in someone else and she ran with it. She was trying to compensate for her own guilt. And yes there is a reason why you can't even get anywhere near her phone yet you're okay letting her use yours. I know it hurts terribly but I would suggest moving on from this one. Yep she was fishing for an excuse, but yet would never let me touch her phone or would get uptight anytime i asked. Clearly a sign, I do miss her dearly, but haven't contacted her, and no lie it really sucks. hmm, she kinda sounds like a cunt. you're better without that lunacy in your life. just walk and don't look back dude. I have just hope I don't break again. I gotta stay strong this time around. From what she's done in the past I could end up in a lot of trouble if she were to do something crazy
mmiller5373 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 Well, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of after she broke up with me (begging, crying, calling). Eventually, she stopped responding. And at some point I realized there was nothing I could do, so I went NC completely. That was 7 months ago. Haven't heard from her and don't expect to hear from her in a very long time. As I look back now, I see her for the person she really is. I have no idea why I let myself become so desperate. She's not even worth it. I've been dating, but haven't found anyone yet.
flitzanu Posted June 16, 2011 Posted June 16, 2011 Well, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of after she broke up with me (begging, crying, calling). Eventually, she stopped responding. And at some point I realized there was nothing I could do, so I went NC completely. That was 7 months ago. Haven't heard from her and don't expect to hear from her in a very long time. As I look back now, I see her for the person she really is. I have no idea why I let myself become so desperate. She's not even worth it. I've been dating, but haven't found anyone yet. chances are if you ever see her again, you'll be looking down on her after she's fallen off her pedestal she's believing she is on. most do. eventually.
Lemontang Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Ahhh dude. I leave for a few months, come back and find you get yourself into this? Seriously after everything she put you through? (Bro slaps the F'ck out of Joshislost). I feel for you man, I truly do. At least you can finally wheel smoke and mono the F'ck out of there on your bike knowing you gave 200%, when it really should have been 100% each. lolz on the phone though, mine would go through as you know and bark on about not just female friends, but female clients & work colleges of mine and delete them. Yet I'd never go through her phone, and the time I did was just before the end of the relationship anyway, when things weren't adding up anymore (she was good at covering her tracks I'll say that). Well on a positive note, you pretty much answered the likely scenario if I got back with my old ex (Let the experience of one teach many). With her kid aside if I can't be her priority then I'm just an option...and to think there was a day I'd have even accepted that, even if it was to help bring up a kid that wasn't mine. Thankfully I grew up, realised how stupid it was and moved on. Also don't just go NC on her go a step further. Block her number, email, facebook. If you have mutual friends and she comes up in conversation, shut it down by blatantly telling them you have no interest in hearing about her. I do this with mutual friends of ours, even one of her sisters I run into often tries to fill me in about her. Most have since got the point and don't bring her up any more, which only helped all the more in moving on. You've got a big heart dude, no question about it but as much as we remember how much we loved something. Sometimes revisiting it again is like a cartoon show from our childhood that we had fond memories of, only to watch it many years later and go "I seriously watched that sh@t?"...I think you get my drift by what I mean. Now go take a holiday, and spend some time on yourself. I'm finally off to Taiwan too in August after pushing the motorcycle tour from May...we've got two spots open...hint, hint.
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