joshislost Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 My ex was a @$$ to me, basically I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. She meant a lot to me thou and I'd basically do anything for this girl. She cheated on me and treated me like cr*p. Anyways been nearly a month that she went out with another guy on our anniversary. Which was bull. I haven't spoken to her for about a month since then, last night I get an email saying: -Listen I am going to be selling the ring you got me (cost me like 500 bucks) on Wednesday. If you want it I will sell it to you instead of pawning it off. Just let me know... WTF isn't she supposed to just 'return' it? What would you do? A. Don't respond leave her alone, let her do as she pleases B. Buy the ring back C. Tell her gluck selling the ring and hope the money brings her all the happiness in the world. Also open to suggestions :thumbsup:
january2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 (edited) I vote "A". Ignore her. In my opinion, her actions are tacky as hell and very bad form. You spent money on the ring, why should you spend anymore money on it by buying it back from her? And why should you give her money for something that you gave to her in the first place out of love? I'm sorry that you're dealing with this but it seems this girl is very disrespectful. Thankfully, she's not your problem anymore. Edited February 12, 2011 by january2011
Cee Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 That goes in the Hall of Fame of disgusting ex behavior. I would ignore her and build social support with the story. Go to all of your trusted friends and tell this story. Over and over. At first, tell the story one-on-one to your BFF to get your deepest feelings out. Then start to tell the story as a way to blow off steam. This story is so bad that your friends will support you and also be funny about it. Eventually, this story will become funny, as many tragic ones do. She will probably get a nickname because she's a Hall of Famer, like "ring girl" or something. You'll hone the story to make it even funnier & then people will ask for you to tell it. Most important, it will be one of the great stories in your life because it will remind you how grateful you are to be rid of her. And she will be so far back in your rear view mirror, you won't care. Vent, vent, vent. The more you talk to the sane people in your life, the less you'll be tempted to respond to her.
Author joshislost Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 January, Thanks I am going to try and ignore, truth is I miss her for what reason i have no idea she basically treated me like crap and I kept coming back. Idk what's wrong with me. Cee lol, I have a feeling I am going to be telling this story a lot in the upcoming days. I do miss the ring, but part of me says it's only a material object, it also means to me something special we shared. Kind of like I gave her everything and anything she ever wanted yet to just get that back thrown in my face. It kills. Any other opinions guys and gals?
K.K. Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 See... that's why this whole 'love' thing is a curse. In our heads, we KNOW this ex whatever of ours is a completely inhumane person. But our hearts won't let go. It's almost out of our control. God it sucks. I feel for you. She sounds horrible. What a way to add insult to injury. Not only dumps you but wants you to buy the ring back. Bitch should have GIVEN it back to you. But ya know, a morally bankrupt person just doesn't think that clearly. I'm sorry she did this. If I were you, I'd tell her that since it's a promise ring and she no longer wanted your promises, that she should voluntarily give the ring back. If she says no (which she will) then I would tell her to ram it up her ass!!!
gator12 Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 That is just disgusting... to sell it back to you. WTF, you are waaaaaaaay better off without her. I say don't respond, let her do with it what she will. She's the one with a complete lack of character. You need to heal, she doesn't sound like a good girl just judging by her character, you will find a girl who is worth that promise ring. -Gator
spackle Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 for one, a gift is a gift, if it were mime I would do whatever I wanted with it but to offer to sell it to you is out of order. If someone did that to me I'd probably tell 'em to shove it up their arse for all I care.
Leviia Posted February 12, 2011 Posted February 12, 2011 Seriously, don't respond to her. Nothing at all. Don't give this girl another minute of your precious time. That was low and my ExH did A LOT of low things to me in the past. Just keep moving on with your life. Take care of yourself, there's a girl out there that deserves what you have to give and I am sure once you find the right one it will be reciprocated.
Author joshislost Posted February 12, 2011 Author Posted February 12, 2011 See... that's why this whole 'love' thing is a curse. In our heads, we KNOW this ex whatever of ours is a completely inhumane person. But our hearts won't let go. It's almost out of our control. God it sucks. I feel for you. She sounds horrible. What a way to add insult to injury. Not only dumps you but wants you to buy the ring back. Bitch should have GIVEN it back to you. But ya know, a morally bankrupt person just doesn't think that clearly. I'm sorry she did this. If I were you, I'd tell her that since it's a promise ring and she no longer wanted your promises, that she should voluntarily give the ring back. If she says no (which she will) then I would tell her to ram it up her ass!!! Thank's for the kind words it's very difficult. Things like this of doing everything for someone, and getting this kind of thing in return makes me hurt and wonder if there is a God, why would he do this to me if I only brought positive change in her life. That is just disgusting... to sell it back to you. WTF, you are waaaaaaaay better off without her. I say don't respond, let her do with it what she will. She's the one with a complete lack of character. You need to heal, she doesn't sound like a good girl just judging by her character, you will find a girl who is worth that promise ring. -Gator Yeah, I think that is the best bet. I can almost already predict what is going to happen. I will receive an email saying I sold it you lost me blah blah that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love her, but it's just not right with the way she went about this. I feel that I want to contact her, but it's only going to open up pandora's box. If I asked for it back she'd prob say No, I always wonder if she is just wanting a reaction from me. Like to keep me hung up on her. for one, a gift is a gift, if it were mime I would do whatever I wanted with it but to offer to sell it to you is out of order. If someone did that to me I'd probably tell 'em to shove it up their arse for all I care. I completely agree with you, she gave me gifts, and I can do as I please with them(I've kept them all). BUT for her to go out of her way and tell me what she is doing with the ring after we discussed that she would always keep it, she is intentionally trying to hurt me and trying to get a reaction out of me. It kills, I don't understand why a person would have such a motive to damage someone so bad. I always loved her, gave her everything from private limos, to tiffany jewelry she got it all. All this to get hurt, it blows. I mean she could have sold it without letting me know, or rubbing in my face, that's down right hurtful. I think she has a lot of anger within herself and lays it off on me. Seriously, don't respond to her. Nothing at all. Don't give this girl another minute of your precious time. That was low and my ExH did A LOT of low things to me in the past. Just keep moving on with your life. Take care of yourself, there's a girl out there that deserves what you have to give and I am sure once you find the right one it will be reciprocated. I am going to try it's hard I was doing fine, then she comes in and said something like that purposely to put me down kills, it's like she knows all my buttons, I just have to think of it as a material. It does have a sentimental value to me, but apparently not to her. If she hadn't said anything it would have been easier..grrr
Lemontang Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 That is so wrong and shows poor character and obvious game play. But my money is on her just goading you to respond to see if you still care, she'll prolly even ask you a few more times about selling it to you should you not respond, simply to get a rise. But I'm with Cee on this, it does make for a great story later down the track so I'd be telling the whole world. Heck I sold an engagement ring that I was weeks away from giving to an ex, only to find out she was doing the same crap your ex was doing. Brought a sweet motorbike with the money back off it, now tour with some great people and off to Taiwan to do a motorcycle tour for a few weeks in May. And to think over a year ago I'd never been on one before. So in short it all started with a ring and my mates have a great laugh about it (The look on her dads face was priceless when I told him what I did with it...lol) This could be your chance to turn this into a real positive on where you choose to take yourself in the future. By showing that in the worst of what people do, no matter what, you always come out on top.
Art_Critic Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I see you have 2 threads on this subject going.. I replied to your other thread but would like to add to this one that if you buy the ring from her then I would feel bad for you. Why buy back a ring that could never be given to another girl.. Let this girl go and never speak to her again.
spackle Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 if she's doing this to hurt you I imagine it's because she's hurt. I know when I've been hurt I've wanted to do and say hurtful things back. It's not especially grown up but at least I'm kinda honest with my faults.
Eeyore79 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Why does she think you would want it anyway? What possible use could it be to you even if you did buy it back? I do think her behavior is disgusting though; you don't offer to sell a gift back to the giver!! I admit, when I split with my ex I pawned the ring he gave me instead of returning it. But a)He owed me money and I didn't even recoup half of it from pawning the ring, and b)He didn't return the ring I bought for him. He still told approximately half the world that I was a bitch for not returning his ring, and presumably didn't tell any of them the two facts mentioned above
Author joshislost Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 That is so wrong and shows poor character and obvious game play. But my money is on her just goading you to respond to see if you still care, she'll prolly even ask you a few more times about selling it to you should you not respond, simply to get a rise. But I'm with Cee on this, it does make for a great story later down the track so I'd be telling the whole world. Heck I sold an engagement ring that I was weeks away from giving to an ex, only to find out she was doing the same crap your ex was doing. Brought a sweet motorbike with the money back off it, now tour with some great people and off to Taiwan to do a motorcycle tour for a few weeks in May. And to think over a year ago I'd never been on one before. So in short it all started with a ring and my mates have a great laugh about it (The look on her dads face was priceless when I told him what I did with it...lol) This could be your chance to turn this into a real positive on where you choose to take yourself in the future. By showing that in the worst of what people do, no matter what, you always come out on top. Thanks bud! How long have you been riding? I used to ride a Suzuki GSXR600 I loved that bike, had to sell, but now I am considering getting another. Nothing like the peace and exhilaration of being on a motorcycle. I think she is trying to get a rise out of me. It wouldn't be the first time. I am just disgusted of her going out with another guy on our anniversary while I was going to her house to drop off a flower for her, only to find out she was out on a date, that killed. I have dealt with enough, been hurt enough, why does she come back to even hurt me more. I did literally everything for this girl. I see you have 2 threads on this subject going.. I replied to your other thread but would like to add to this one that if you buy the ring from her then I would feel bad for you. Why buy back a ring that could never be given to another girl.. Let this girl go and never speak to her again. Thanks, I tried to delete the other because it seemed a bit lengthy, but it really brings the situation more into light. I think that it's not soo much about the ring, its the moral that she is blatantly trying to hurt me. The ring stood for a lot for her and I, I feel bad she is selling it, but honestly I think it would hurt more if I got it back or bought it back, I am just trying to view it now more as a material object. if she's doing this to hurt you I imagine it's because she's hurt. I know when I've been hurt I've wanted to do and say hurtful things back. It's not especially grown up but at least I'm kinda honest with my faults. I can agree with you on that everyone feels that way from time to time. My other thread I created explains the situation a little clearer. I would really value your input after seeing the other thread, I honestly think in my mind and heart that I did the best for her, with the resources I had available. Here is the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264772/ Why does she think you would want it anyway? What possible use could it be to you even if you did buy it back? I do think her behavior is disgusting though; you don't offer to sell a gift back to the giver!! I admit, when I split with my ex I pawned the ring he gave me instead of returning it. But a)He owed me money and I didn't even recoup half of it from pawning the ring, and b)He didn't return the ring I bought for him. He still told approximately half the world that I was a bitch for not returning his ring, and presumably didn't tell any of them the two facts mentioned above She thinks I would want it because one time we had talked about it when we were on rough terms and she said she would never give it up that she would keep it forever even if we weren't together; well that's a lie... I can agree with her pawning it, but why go out of your way to tell me about it to make me feel like crap or get a reaction like most of the members have mentioned, that just hurts. I owed this girl nothing, I bought her everything from dinner to movies, to jewelry and the whole bit, granted she never really held down a job longer than a month I would provide everything for her, and you know what I was happy doing that because i was with someone I loved, the money that I was spending meant nothing bc she was there, but now it kills how she could do that to me. I def. don't blame you for pawning the ring. Esp. if he owed you money, but I am sure you didn't email him and offer his ring that he gave you for him to buy back, or prob. didn't even tell him you were going to pawn it. I would be fine if she didn't tell me, but what hurts was her telling me.
depplover_1980 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Send her a text/email reply with these exact words, dare you: Thank you for such a kind offer, i've always wanted to re-buy a present I gave someone because I am just made of money. However I will have to decline at this point after all I don't know how many d i c k s that ring has made contact with since we parted, with what you probably get up to with those dirty hands. May I suggest you take the ring and see if you can insert it within the brown ringpiece between your butt cheeks - I bet ten dollars it fits perfectly. Then delete her ****ty reply without reading, read my post about self esteem and the other stories on there, then move on because you sound wonderful and she is not worthy. xxx
Raphael Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Depplover, I love your suggestion, but I really think, Josh, that you should not respond to this girl at all. She is playing games with you, looking for a reaction, and the best thing you can do is stop playing her game. Sounds like that is what was happening throughout your relationship. The game will continue until you stop playing. She sounds like she gets off on hurting people - don't give her the power to do it again. Ignoring her takes away all her power over you and I suspect that will really piss her off. I know you're hurting (I just got dumped after 25 years), but the hurt will lessen as time passes. And time will pass and you will heal. Remember that what you're feeling right now is temporary and will pass. Do talk to your friends about it - I agree that this will turn into a funny story that will be passed around and grow in humor as time goes by. Think of her reaction when she hears the version that your friends will be telling. Be kind to yourself.
gator12 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Send her a text/email reply with these exact words, dare you: Thank you for such a kind offer, i've always wanted to re-buy a present I gave someone because I am just made of money. However I will have to decline at this point after all I don't know how many d i c k s that ring has made contact with since we parted, with what you probably get up to with those dirty hands. May I suggest you take the ring and see if you can insert it within the brown ringpiece between your butt cheeks - I bet ten dollars it fits perfectly. Then delete her ****ty reply without reading, read my post about self esteem and the other stories on there, then move on because you sound wonderful and she is not worthy. xxx Lmao . What she said. Lol, nah I'm not capable of being that mean to a girl but your ex just may be worth that lol. If you do reply, which I wouldn't, it should be something along Depp's lines here. -Gator
depplover_1980 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 You know what, I am the first to endorse no contact and ignoring but I also treat everything with its own merit. Being very rude and putting her in her place would be fantastic, she deserves it.
carhill Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Hey, Depplover, that's literary excellence. Endorsed!
depplover_1980 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 Hey, Depplover, that's literary excellence. Endorsed! Well Carhill I am an observing fan of yourself, so naturally your approval has got me all starry eyed!!
carhill Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I just wish I was quick witted enough to come up with those kind of comebacks! I had so many opportunities in mediation but I just kept my mouth shut
depplover_1980 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I just wish I was quick witted enough to come up with those kind of comebacks! I had so many opportunities in mediation but I just kept my mouth shut Ha well one of my ex's was a right mummy's boy and well he let her ruin the relationship. After the initial shock I sent him a scorcher of an email ridiculing him with a picture of an adult in a nappy underneath. It is a really good way of cutting them off actually and forcing yourself forward. Some of these nasty people deserve some genuine ribbing. Perhaps I should set up a website people can steal texts/emails from!
Eeyore79 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 I def. don't blame you for pawning the ring. Esp. if he owed you money, but I am sure you didn't email him and offer his ring that he gave you for him to buy back, or prob. didn't even tell him you were going to pawn it. Well I actually offered to return the ring (since it's the done thing when you break up with someone) but only if he paid the money he owed me. I told him that if he didn't pay his debt I would consider the ring to be payment towards it. The ring cost $750 (pawned for $450) and his debt was $2000, so obviously he chose to let me keep the ring rather than paying his debt, and then he bad-mouthed me to everyone without telling them why I kept it. I don't think I was in the wrong for pawning the ring instead of returning it - I was still $1.5k out of pocket, and I think he was very dishonorable for not paying back the money he owed me
Lemontang Posted February 14, 2011 Posted February 14, 2011 Been riding for just under a year. It's about now last year I first got on one (ZZR250). Was the best thing I ever did. I used to be that guy who jumped out of planes without a 2nd thought (literally) and throw myself down cliffs going downhill MTB'ing. But this ex made me compromise so much of myself that I lost my identity and I put her first & her daughter above anything else. And like your ex she saw advantage in that and used it for her own means. I never would have gotten the bike if I was with her still, but now I'm glad I'm not because I wouldn't have discovered this new life. A life I'm not looking to compromise again for anybody. If you get the chance again by all means get back on that bike because your right it's a peace and exhilaration I've missed for a very long time.
Author joshislost Posted February 14, 2011 Author Posted February 14, 2011 Send her a text/email reply with these exact words, dare you: Thank you for such a kind offer, i've always wanted to re-buy a present I gave someone because I am just made of money. However I will have to decline at this point after all I don't know how many d i c k s that ring has made contact with since we parted, with what you probably get up to with those dirty hands. May I suggest you take the ring and see if you can insert it within the brown ringpiece between your butt cheeks - I bet ten dollars it fits perfectly. Then delete her ****ty reply without reading, read my post about self esteem and the other stories on there, then move on because you sound wonderful and she is not worthy. xxx HAHAHAHA Omg that's awesome I might have to use that, she just sent me another email. Please read below I think it would be the perfect time now. Depplover, I love your suggestion, but I really think, Josh, that you should not respond to this girl at all. She is playing games with you, looking for a reaction, and the best thing you can do is stop playing her game. Sounds like that is what was happening throughout your relationship. The game will continue until you stop playing. She sounds like she gets off on hurting people - don't give her the power to do it again. Ignoring her takes away all her power over you and I suspect that will really piss her off. I know you're hurting (I just got dumped after 25 years), but the hurt will lessen as time passes. And time will pass and you will heal. Remember that what you're feeling right now is temporary and will pass. Do talk to your friends about it - I agree that this will turn into a funny story that will be passed around and grow in humor as time goes by. Think of her reaction when she hears the version that your friends will be telling. Be kind to yourself. Thanks Raphael, she just sent me another email, should I respond at this email at all or leave it alone also? Well I actually offered to return the ring (since it's the done thing when you break up with someone) but only if he paid the money he owed me. I told him that if he didn't pay his debt I would consider the ring to be payment towards it. The ring cost $750 (pawned for $450) and his debt was $2000, so obviously he chose to let me keep the ring rather than paying his debt, and then he bad-mouthed me to everyone without telling them why I kept it. I don't think I was in the wrong for pawning the ring instead of returning it - I was still $1.5k out of pocket, and I think he was very dishonorable for not paying back the money he owed me Eeyore, you did the right thing. With your situation I endorse what you did, he owed you a hell of a lot of money, at least you got part of it back! Been riding for just under a year. It's about now last year I first got on one (ZZR250). Was the best thing I ever did. I used to be that guy who jumped out of planes without a 2nd thought (literally) and throw myself down cliffs going downhill MTB'ing. But this ex made me compromise so much of myself that I lost my identity and I put her first & her daughter above anything else. And like your ex she saw advantage in that and used it for her own means. I never would have gotten the bike if I was with her still, but now I'm glad I'm not because I wouldn't have discovered this new life. A life I'm not looking to compromise again for anybody. If you get the chance again by all means get back on that bike because your right it's a peace and exhilaration I've missed for a very long time. Nice, well keep riding bud, and stay safe!
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