says she doesn't know what she wants!

[robkris8079]

Sounds like she has gigs. But their might be another guy cuz usually a chick isn't just gonna leave you for no reason

 

Oh there is always a reason!! But that reason is hers. I will never know it, I will only have to accept the fact it's over. I know there was a guy sparking her interest. I wrote about it. Them texting each other, she stuck up for him when he got in argument with another friend, she insisted on coming for the ride when I drove this guy back to his car after a party, she told me things about his life like "he just graduated, playful interaction like throwing things at each other, there is tons more.

 

Actually way back on New years I even told her brother that I think this guy likes my gf. But this is neither here nor there. Amazing all the flags you notice as time goes on.

 

So I'm pretty sure this time there will be no more interaction between my ex and I. I have no more friends texting me asking who she is because she contacted them or friended them. I get no more texts or messages of any kind. I'm really working hard to go through this process. I have no clue if I'm almost there but for most part feel great! I love my new life thus far. I feel popular, wanted, healthy, confident, and overall great. I just going to keep doing what I'm doing. It's working and trust me if there was a way to actually speed up this process I would do it. But I think it's moving as quick as it can.

[Svet74]

Yeah it's funny how we don't know the reason when the breakup happens but later on after some time it all comes together. I went through the same with my ex. Realized the issues he had were all before he met me that I didn't know about. After we broke its like the pieces started to come together. And when your in the same town and know the same people they talk. Would u ever take her back? Or is this it for you?

[robkris8079]

Yeah it's funny how we don't know the reason when the breakup happens but later on after some time it all comes together. I went through the same with my ex. Realized the issues he had were all before he met me that I didn't know about. After we broke its like the pieces started to come together. And when your in the same town and know the same people they talk. Would u ever take her back? Or is this it for you?

 

Yeah I see so many flags and faults on both sides in the relationship now.

 

Ahhh you asked the million dollar question! Would I take her back? Depends on when you ask me. If I'm feeling down I would prob take her back. But I'm not down all that often. All other times the answer is no. We are just not right for each other. I mean she did this same stuff before. It would surely happen again. She would have to be in a totally different mindset for us to ever work out in the future. I don't see that ever happening. She would need less partying, less drinking, more wanting to start a family and life with me. Basically opposite of who she is !!

 

Plus I'm excited to see what life is like without her. I been with her for over 5 years!!! That's a long time. There is a whole world out there I haven't been paying attention too because I been paying way too much to someone that didn't even want to be with me.

 

edit: actually after thinking about the above question the answer is just NO! Because even if I have a moment of weakness I would contact my brother first before making a decision and he for sure would set me straight. If I were to say yes it would be just that, a moment of weakness. A decision made with no rational thought behind it. An act solely on old feelings for a person that doesn't exist anymore and quite frankly might have never existed except only in my head.

Edited May 8, 2012 by robkris8079

[wilsonx]

interesting...

[robkris8079]

interesting...

 

Elaborate please! I love your posts. Yours and the member fitznu or something like that. Usually they are full of harsh truths drowned in sarcazm. Being very serious though, I really do enjoy reading them. And most of the time I agree with the message you are trying to get across.

[Svet74]

My ex is like your ex. I was the one who is all about family and settling down but he wanted to party more. But also have me at the same time. I still want him back but only if he changes. But how likely is that to happen? Maybe only in movies

[robkris8079]

well I been doing great! I just got back in touch with like 4 friends from the past and met some new people! Power went out at work so I said forget this and went down the the bar and grill and hung out. I couldn't get anyone to go with me so I went alone and just talked to everyone there .

 

I am invited to a nice camping trip will all new friends now and am very excited about that! Ironically it's a campground and site I use to go all the time with my ex and old friends.

 

Which brings me to my next thing. My ex's brother and another mutual friend are having a bday party. It's gonna be a huge bash and I will know almost everyone there. I would love to go but I don't see it being in my best interest so I'm not going to. I feel like I have progressed so much and that I am really ok with the break up. I'm not risking setting myself back by hanging out with the ex. It truly sucks because I miss all those people but I need to be honest with myself. Maybe I can touch base with them months or maybe years from now. Or maybe I won't even want to then. But for right now it's not going to happen. I think if I knew the ex wouldn't be there I might stop down. But even then it's prob not the best idea.

 

I'll just have to find something else to do that day and get my mind off it. Oh BTW I had a different friend again tell me the ex tried to friend her a few times on FB in the recent past. I'm sure my ex has stopped this by now but still always a nice little ego boost. I been getting quite alot of ego boosts since the split. Just yesterday I had a friend tell me her friend was asking about me. Guess she seen a pic or IDK what but I love the attention .

 

Also it's been about 71 hours since I quit smoking and still doing great!! Living life, having fun, taking care of business and doing what I gotta do!!

 

Do I miss the ex? Yup! Do I hold a place in my heart still for her? Unfortunately! Do I love her like I use to? Not even close. I'm not where I need to be yet but everyday I feel like I'm getting closer to it. Sure I have a setback once in awhile but it's far and few between. I am loving me now. I wish I was this way in my relationship. I don't know if this would have made us work out or not but I'm happier with myself and they way I am now then before. Then again this might just be single me vs LTR me. But I'm starting to realize that me is me. No need for two different versions. Of course that doesn't mean to act single when your with someone! But hopefully someone knows what I'm ranting about!

 

basically I'm more upfront about my wants, needs and I say what's on my mind. I do what I want and have my own interests and hobbies. Wow I was too much of a passive, nice guy. I was not a challenge to anyone. Sure I did things separate from my ex but that wasn't enough. This was my fault and what I needed to work on in my last relationship. Noted and steps taken to correct it. I will NEVER be that way again, EVER!!

[robkris8079]

Well almost a week since I posted here. I heard my ex contacted my brother. Guess she just wanted to know if he removed her from FB or something. He didn't, he just closed his account all together. I have not gotten a breadcrumb or anything. And of course I did not send anything out. I have not really had a bad moment since last time I checked in. I do think about her when I'm not doing something. Just a passing thought. Like when I had to sign a birthday card for someone. I almost put the Ex's name in it . Think this was just more of a habit which then made me think of her. But no sad thoughts or anything.

 

I'm still hitting the gym and hanging out with people. Last weekend went out with friends. Dancing, playing pool and couple a drinks. When I say couple I mean hardly nothing. Another sub $20 tab which included several waters! That night I stayed over a "friends" house. Saturday went to a bday party with my kid even though it's her mom's weekend. Then went home and tried to take a nap before making plans to go out. Well not too many people doing anything and guess I wore myself out so I ended up just staying in.

 

Sunday was so nice I mowed my lawn and just laid in it for hours. Fixed myself a summertime favorite drink and chatted with people on the phone and enjoyed my house and weather.

 

So I think I might have to make a new thread about my "friend". Reason being is I like her. I like her more then I should probably like someone right now. This friend knows everything I'm feeling and have gone through. I'm in no way hiding anything from her or using her or anything. I find myself mentioning her more here, to my friends, and comparing new women I meet to her. WTF?!?! why am I comparing women I meet to someone I just met and not my EX of 5+ years? So anyway I won't fill this thread up with my friend. Even though if I read back she is prob mentioned a bit.

 

My ex still crosses my mind. But things get clearer and clearer everyday. I see her in a different light. I see myself in a different light. Honestly if how it is now and what I think and feel is how I would be for rest of my life I would be ok with it. This is easily manageable and this past relationship and ex just seem like a distant memory. But I know it gets even better. I've done this before.

 

BTW I am still smoke free!!! It's been over a week! WOO HOO!!

[wilsonx]

<microwaving some popcorn and taking bets on how this turns out>

[robkris8079]

<microwaving some popcorn and taking bets on how this turns out>

 

I'm here with you . Not sure exactly what your taking bets on but my life has been very interesting and exciting. So I'm curious how it all turns out too.

 

I can only assume it has to do with my relationship with my new "friend". When do you know when your ready to date? You don't and only live once. So **** it and just have fun. Be honest with the other person from the beginning about everything and see what happens.

 

BTW still smoke free. So that's two addictions I kicked to the curb in 2012. Yup I said it, the ex was an addiction. It was a one sided, unhealthy, and unhappy relationship. I think the quitting smoking has been more difficult though .

Edited May 22, 2012 by robkris8079

[robkris8079]

well life has been nothing short of spectacular! I mean every aspect has been amazing. Friends, things to do, my kid, my new girl, everything!

 

I mean 2012 is not one thing like I imagined it was going to be but had I known it could have been like this I would have given up my relationship with my ex for this without a doubt.

 

Only bad thing that happened thus far is having friends still bringing the ex up to me. I mean you mention something that is cool. But other day, alcohol was involved, constantly bringing something up. I didn't show how it was bothering me but it was. I did talk to these people the next day about it. No point in talking about it while we are all drinking. They were bringing her up in front of my new interest and in the middle of us all having a good time. Just didn't want her to be uncomfortable and seemed pointless to even be talking about an ex.

 

Biggest thing they were telling me is the ex smashed her new car. Supposedly after night of drinking. I don't know as I kept cutting them short and saying it's none of my concern anymore. I guess they would think it would make me feel better knowing this I don't know. But whatever there intentions hopefully they understood that at this point we ALL need to just let this ex go. LOL sometimes I think my friends and family are holding on more then I ever did. Though all of them have already said to me that the way I am now, how I act, things I do is so much better now and that the demise of that relationship is one of the best things to happen to me. I have to agree with them.

 

Life is good and I wouldn't trade mine for anyone elses at this point.

 

side note: not sure how to take this but when hearing about the ex's accident I didn't really feel "OMG is she ok", or wanting to call and check on her. Nothing except I thanked God I wasn't the one she called at 4am to get her on the side of the highway because she drove her car through the woods again. Maybe I should have been more caring, afterall spent 5 years with this person but honestly I was just glad it wasn't my headache anymore.

[robkris8079]

Well got my monthly text from the ex reading "hello. How r u?"

 

I did not respond. I sorta wanted to. Just to say that she doesn't need feel guilty about this breakup. I don't wish to be friends but I don't hate you. So you don't have to text me anymore.

 

Idk though so I just didn't say anything at all.

[robkris8079]

Since this thread is ridiculously long I am going to keep it as more of a journal. People can feel free to comment in it but I will also link to other threads with specific topics. That way I might actually get a response on something I say.

 

So my brother met up with my ex the other day. I wasn't really shocked to be quite honest.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/329376-my-ex-met-up-my-brother#post4039590

 

Also found out that I'm going on vacation with my Ex!! This is amusing and should read if you want to see a really strange coincidence http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/329379-going-vacation-my-ex-funny-story#post4039601

 

But that's enough about the ex. What about me?!? Well I am fantastic. I have been eating more trying to get weight up a bit. Few people say I'm too skinny but they are nuts. I look healthy and fit. I'm getting weight up for me and not them. I have so many plans this summer. Every weekend is booked and this weekend my girlfriend and I are hosting a party. I know I know odd I'm still on here talking about an ex and I have a girlfriend. We are all waiting for this to blow up in my face, I'm sure Wilson is . I talked to my girlfriend about my ex extensively and how soon this was. We both understand the door is open for either of us to just walk away at anytime. Communication with her is something I have never experienced before.

 

So I have camping trips planned, parties, dinners. I have people telling me they wish they had my life and overall I am feeling absolutely fantastic mentally as well as physically. I don't even really know why I am still on this site other then it's quite addictive. I also like to go back and read old things I posted.

Edited June 6, 2012 by robkris8079

[robkris8079]

got the "how r u?" text again. Followed by a phone call this time. I didn't answer the phone nor respond to the text. There was a concert that night I'm sure she went to because mutual friends said they were going. I figured this was probably a drunk text/call.

 

I haven't been on here much but just wanted to ad that. Obviously there must still be something I'm thinking or feeling if I came on here to write that instead of just brushing it off.

[robkris8079]

I got the monthly check in. This time she also asked about my kid. I also was told by my brother that she actually texts him more often and tells him she does it so she won't text me. BTW he does not talk to her hardly at all anymore. He doesn't really tell me anything about her anymore but he did tell me this because he also wanted to tell me that at this point I probably should contact her just to tell her to move on.