says she doesn't know what she wants!

[robkris8079]

Pretty awesome day yesterday. Got the work thing done then hit the gym hard. I am so sore today it's not funny. Went home and grilled and ate dinner. Then met up with some friends for karaoke.

 

Having a blast, meeting new people, all that good stuff. Then the ex texts me . . .

 

"hello. I hope all is well with u! I knw u don't really wanna talk but I hope one day we could be friends."

 

Well I didn't realize what she texted at first because as I was checking my phone because of the text I seen the number then just put the phone down. I didn't want to read anything she had to say. It wasn't for like 3 hours later when I went home I read it.

 

I read it and actually got a little mad at first. Maybe just because why is she texting me? Most likely checking up on me and found I was out. How can we go from a 5 year committed relationship and living together to friends? Then I got sad because I don't really want a friendship with her. I think I'm not healed because maybe I still wanted to be more then that. But this passed and now I'm just kinda whatever about it.

 

I didn't text back. Don't think I'm going to as I would have no clue on how to respond. I don't want to be friends with her as it's not beneficial to me in any way. Maybe years down the road but right now I'm only thinking about today.

[wilsonx]

The best relationships start off as friends.

 

This isnt your first rodeo, you know the deal and this happens to how many girls to you now? Its not about you, its about them growing up. Shes going to keep on bouncing

[robkris8079]

The best relationships start off as friends.

 

This isnt your first rodeo, you know the deal and this happens to how many girls to you now? Its not about you, its about them growing up. Shes going to keep on bouncing

 

 

Well after being here awhile and reading posts as well as my own past relationships it seems friends first or not doesn't seem to matter. Only common denominator in my relationships is age we met and age they leave. Early 20's to mid 20's.

 

No this isn't my first time around. Happened with my ex wife, now with my current ex, happened to my brother and also my good friend. All the same thing, early 20's then long term relationship, mid 20's they leave.

 

I don't know if she is bouncing or what. No she doesn't want me back or at least she didn't show me in anyway. I did get that text the other day about wanting to be friends one day. It does show she wants me in her life in some form or another. While it may be a back burner type deal I'm leaning more towards relieving guilt. Even though I broke up with her she knows how I felt about her and she knows how she acted at the end. So essentially the roles are reversed and in reality it was I who was dumped.

 

I did receive one more text yesterday from her. It said "neway I can talk to*my daughters name* sometime." Well I did not respond. There is no way I'm letting those to communicate. My kid is adjusting, slowly but she is getting better just like me. There is no reason for the two of them to talk. Does she think she will be in her life forever? Yeah I can see that going well with a new BF of hers if/when she has one. It will be same scenario all over again for my kid. A women figure in her life one day and not the next.

 

But overall I'm doing pretty good. I realized it's been over a month since BU and NC unless you count those 2 text responses I gave her when she was looking for something. Since it didn't throw me back into sadness I'm not counting them .

[robkris8079]

well the Easter weekend has come and gone! Easter was always a big thing when I was with the ex. My ex always made sure my kid got a ton of stuff for easter and made it a big deal. This year I got the easter stuff and while not as much or nice as when my ex did it my kid loved her easter morning. Also my kid loved going to the ex's families house as they did a huge egg hunt with candy and money etc. Then just all the family hanging out and having a good time. It's really the only way easter was for my kid. It's all she knew so I was scared to death of this weekend. Well, all for no reason. I put on a big egg hunt for my kid and her cousins. We spent it with our family only and my kid told me she had a great Easter and wished everyday was Easter. I almost cried when I hear that.

 

On to me a little now. I was tiny bit down as expected. First holiday in 5 years not to spend with the ex and her family. Her family that treated me like I was part of it and I felt they were part of mine. I was missing more then the ex. But I made it through it just fine and even managed to enjoy myself through the whole weekend. Took a nice long walk with my kid and we played alot.

 

I did not get a "happy Easter" text from the ex. I was not expecting one but back of my mind kinda hoping for a second. But let that feeling pass and convinced myself it's def for the best she didn't text me that. One odd thing is I got a text from her cousin. This cousin I have known for years and has never really texted me before really. She texted me happy easter with xoxoxox after it. This really threw me for a loop? I responded to it and said same to you and the baby because she is pregnant. Then I get a response back that starts off with "haha. . .". My ex always started texts with a laugh? The whole thing just seemed odd to me. Got my gerbil wheel spinning. I know they were together the ex and her cousin. I was thinking either the ex used her cousins phone or had her cousin text me to see if I'd reply and my number was the same. Then thinking maybe it was just the cousin and she felt bad about the situation and was just reaching out. Then I slapped myself and said stop wasting your brain power on this.

 

So here it is monday. Start of a new week in my new life! Is it going to be a good one? Well the only one who can decide that is me. Right now I'm going to say yes.

[robkris8079]

well here I am again. Yesterday just did the work thing then gym. Stopped and got some stuff at the store and grabbed a movie. No feeling down or really anything yesterday.

 

Then this morning man I feel bummed for some reason. I am promising myself I won't stay in this state for too long. Just missing someone that I loved with all my heart. But that person does not exist anymore, and quite possibly never did. Not sure why I'm feeling this. The lack of communication, disrespect, and avoidance the last two weeks of our relationship should have been enough for me to just be done with this. But I'm not. Missing contact with her in any form this morning. But don't worry people I won't reach out to her. I don't even know her anymore.

[CaliBabe]

Glad your doing well rob. Hope your day gets better. It's expected that we run into these moments every now and again, but it's great that you realize it and don't make the contact. Be well, we are all here rooting for ya!

[robkris8079]

thanks for still reading and rooting for me!!

 

I'm out of my funk, I didn't dwell on it and I'm not contacting her. She wanted out not me. As I usually did in the relationship, I did the work and made it happen. It was her decision and she can deal with it. I won't be sticking around to make it better for her in anyway. I'm sure she will be just fine.

 

On a brighter note I'm meeting someone for a few drinks at happy hour today. I figured why the hell not. You only live once, I like happy hour, and want to meet new people. Just have to make sure not to lead her on. Not saying nothing could happen in the future but it's not what I'm looking to do right now.

 

She doesn't know I have a kid either. When I tell her maybe that will throw all non friend feelings out the window. Which is ok with me, I'd never hide my kid from anyone. She is part of me. Sometimes I think the best part.

[Mack05]

Then this morning man I feel bummed for some reason. I am promising myself I won't stay in this state for too long. Just missing someone that I loved with all my heart. But that person does not exist anymore, and quite possibly never did. Not sure why I'm feeling this. The lack of communication, disrespect, and avoidance the last two weeks of our relationship should have been enough for me to just be done with this. But I'm not. Missing contact with her in any form this morning. But don't worry people I won't reach out to her. I don't even know her anymore.

 

This post sums up EXACTLY how I am feeling to the word. Coming close to two months NC. It's as hard now as it was day 1. Just have to push forward everyday mate. Continue to do positive things and believe in time that pain will ease.

Edited April 10, 2012 by Mack05

[robkris8079]

This post sums up EXACTLY how I am feeling to the word. Coming close to two months NC. It's as hard now as it was day 1. Just have to push forward everyday mate. Continue to do positive things and believe in time that pain will ease.

 

It is not nearly as hard for me as it was in the beginning. I don't see her pictures everywhere, I don't have anyone asking me where she is, I don't have to tell my story to anyone because quite frankly I'm sure they are all sick of hearing about it. Everyone knows not to tell me what's going on in her life. I don't have her family texting me etc. Only thing now keeping her in my head is me. So I have no one to blame anymore but myself for my misery.

 

I have a few techniques I use. I have a list on my phone of things she did to me at the end. When I am hoisting her up onto a pedestal I read that list over and over. I add to it often too. Alot of things are repeats but just writing them again helps.

 

I also picture her out doing fun things with people. Including other guys. You would think this would drive one nuts but guess I'm odd. I get mad but not at her. I get mad because I say F this, this is exactly what I should be doing too. I'm newly single for the first time in 5 years and I have no idea how long this will last so I should make the absolute best of it. Because relationships are great but who didn't have fun when they were single.

 

I even have a thread on here about when I first met my now ex. I read it and laughed. I was dating multiple girls. Well should say talking too. I really liked my now ex so I took it to the next level then broke off contact with the others. That me was awesome. I had such good times. Guess what, he is back . Well almost but on my way.

[robkris8079]

day IDK of BU, day who cares of NC

 

So another day come and gone. I'm still alive, still breathing, still taking care of myself and my kid. Guess when you put a breakup in perspective it really doesn't mean all that much. I mean what did I lose? I lost someone that didn't want me. I still had great times and will have more in the future without her.

 

So I met up with the girl for happy hour. Ended up staying until after 8. Just talking about life, likes, what we do etc. I informed her of my baby and of course it was no big thing to her. I've never met a girl that had an issue with it. Of course if I did it would be the last time I talked to them anyway.

 

We got to talking and of course past relationships came up. Ironically we are both out of a 5 year relationship which we lived with ex's. She asked why we broke up. I told her about it and that it all happened earlier this year.

 

I feel really good to just be upfront with things like having a kid, my past relationships, what I want. I feel so confident and alive. Overall the night was pretty good. No awkward silence, couple moments where I couldn't read her or her I but as expected. It's not like I know this person. I mean with the ex she would know what I meant because well we had been together so long. But I guess this girl enjoyed our time together as she texted me as soon as I left saying we should do it again sometime.

 

I don't know what else to say really. Still healing, not so much hurting, and moving forward. One day at a time.

[robkris8079]

well bummed myself out a little bit yesterday. I had to go grocery shopping. It was the first time in probably a year I did that by myself. Really she did it mostly and paid most of the time. It was rough passing all the things that I know she would have bought. Then to top it off I had to split the chicken breast into bags. We always buy the jumbo pack and I would put them in smaller bags. Well I use to put two breasts per bag and this time just the one . I got a little down. Stayed in it probably a little longer then I should have. Dammit why do I miss someone that didn't love me after all this time?

 

I've also dropped another pound and in an attempt to keep the weight up I bought some protein powder. Hopefully I can build up some muscle as well as keep my weight up with it. I do eat but only eating three times a day with my job becoming more physically demanding and my constant working out it's just not cutting it. So three meals plus 2 shakes I think I will be good.

 

On a brighter note I slept better then I ever have since the split. I'm not taking anything to help with it either. I was taking a little nyquil because that stuff knocks me out but I know it wasn't healthy and have stopped. I wake up in middle of the night all the time. Last night was just once and I fell right back to sleep. Oh man am I excited about that. Hopefully I can keep this going.

 

Hopefully next week I can have my classes booked for my motorcycle license. My cousin came to work today on a bike and motivated me even more. I have the papers just have to get down to the school and drop them off and the money. Should be doing it next week!

 

Overall I'm not where I want to be with all of this. But I do know it's getting better. Back of my mind I hope for a text, letter or smoke signal from her but I know it won't help me any. I also know after her last two attempts and me keeping NC she will most likely leave me alone. Which I do believe is the best thing for me but not what I want. . . .yet.

[robkris8079]

it's been quite a few days. I'm starting to feel a little sad because well I'm starting to feel less and less toward my ex. Since she had a little headstart on me I'm betting she is just fine by now. Kinda makes me sad.

 

But other then that I'm doing fantastic. Still working out and doing things. Friday night went out with my brother and his girlfriend. They weren't feeling it so they called night early. I ended up meeting up with the girl I had been talking to.

 

She ended up being right down the road from where I was. Met her and some of her friends. It was a great time. They were an strange bunch but so friendly. Like I had known them for awhile. So at closing time I say bye to everyone. The girl I know sticks around a little bit. She asked what I wanted from her. I told her to be friends, have fun and good times. Then we started kissing, things escalating, getting pretty heavy. But I didn't carry it any further though clearly was on both of our minds. Few text exchanges making sure we both got home ok and that was the end of that night.

 

So saturday comes around and go for a nice long hike. Was walking well over 2 hours. After that relaxed and then shot over to my brothers to cook out. Well while there got a text from my buddy that wanted to cook out but later that night. We were suppose to go out. Anyway some friends came over to my house and we hang out had a few beers, played games and cooked out. Was a great time.

 

Sunday pretty much just rested until my daughter got home. Then we played in the backyard.

 

Overall a great weekend. Feels different yet awesome that the last person I kissed is not my ex. I must ad that wow this girl kisses way better then the ex too. I never though my ex was that good of a kisser. Like she learned by watching lifetime movies or something.

 

So life is moving on. I'm just rolling with it.

[robkris8079]

WOW been quite a bit since been on here. Thoughts of ex are still there but nothing like they use to be. She has not made any attempts to contact me in weeks. Though it gives me a tiny sadness it's probably made all this so much easier. NC people works for moving on and if your ex understands this as it seems mine does, or she doesn't care anymore it's all the same. It so helps to move on.

 

I been going out, doing things, meeting people it's been great! I am actually having a gathering soon with old friends and all new people. So excited for this.

 

I met up with a girl other night. One thing lead to another and I did end up sleeping with her. Though it was sort of awkward being with someone different I have no regrets. Actually I am pretty happy about it. Best part is it wasn't a drunken crazy night. I had only a couple of beers that night.

 

Which leads me to my next thought. Wow did I drank a whole lot with my ex. Pretty much all we did together when we went out other then family type stuff. My whole fam labelled her an alcoholic. I do see how important drinking and partying was to her. Though I did enjoy it she was on a whole other level then me and looking back it seemed I tried to keep pace. I'm so enjoying my nights out with a sub $20 bar tab and not feeling like total **** the next day. I mean I go out more now then I did before but I spend so much less money too.

 

All in all life is pretty damn good. Just going to keep on rolling with this. Meeting people, going out, having fun, working out, taking care of my daughter, catching up on bills etc.

 

Thinking more about me and mine everyday and leaving very little time for thoughts of an ex that chose a life that didn't include me. Was this breakup a bad thing or was this a blessing in disguise? Everyday that passes it seems the latter.

[robkris8079]

well life has been pretty fantastic! I'm so sore from the gym today it's not even funny. But I can see results so I am thrilled. Tried getting some people out last night for sushi but it was a bust but I'm not going to let that get me down.

 

So excited for a party I'm throwing this weekend. Can't wait, it's def going to be a great time. Hopefully friends bring friends so I can meet even more new people. Loving life right now!

 

I need to add I got a breadcrumb last night. Actually two this week sort of. I really thought I wouldn't hear from her again and was getting to be pretty ok with that.

 

First breadcrumb is my buddy posted a vid of my 30th bday. It didn't really show the ex or I in it actually but I was tagged since it was from my bday. Well I replied saying "oh the crazy times we've had!". The ex replied "we sure did have some good times". No I'm not pining or over thinking this. She is blocked from my feeds but I guess I can see things she posts sometimes. Just thought it was funny. Then last night I get a message saying "hey! how r u?". Again not thinking anything of it just reporting here about it.

 

Of course I thought of a million replies instantly. Well after I texted my brother to tell him and laugh about it. In the end there really isn't anything I want to say that will be beneficial to me so I'm not saying anything at all.

[robkris8079]

Just got a message saying "I don't know why you can't just say hello to me?"

 

This is after earlier I found out she friend requested the girl I was with the other night? I never seen any of this coming. I don't know what to say back to her at all. So guess I just don't say anything at all. Heading over to the coping section so I can reply to her without actually having to reply to her .

 

Why she so hard up on being friends? Just let it go.

[wilsonx]

Told you... Should respond," I was busy masturbating'... Bet you get laid or at least a laugh from it

Edited April 25, 2012 by wilsonx

[robkris8079]

Told you...

 

still don't think she is trying to come back but she sure as hell is trying to stay a part of my life. I guess this is bouncing. I don't respond at all. Let's play guess the next message? I'm betting she calls me immature or she gets mad .

 

If I didn't have those talks with her about not staying in my ex's lives I might have responded. She knows my thoughts on this. Actually she said she felt the same way. Guess not.

 

Something I said earlier in this thread, She will get no ego boost from me, I'm no ones cake, no ball in her court as I'm not even playing the game.

[robkris8079]

weekend has come and gone. It was one of those weekends you will never forget. It was absolutely perfect I would say. Great people, great times, just freaking great overall.

 

I went to gym on friday and relaxed. I hadn't been feeling good and wanted one more day to recover before the weekend. Saturday hit a carnival with my buddy to fill up on crappy food. I know I'm always working out but this was my cheat weekend . Met up with my other friend there and reminded her about the party later that evening.

 

So the party was a success. Ended up hanging out and having a bonfire, going to the diner and not going to sleep at all. The next day was just as good as few of us were still hanging out. I ended up getting sunburnt because we were outside in the beautiful weather all day.

 

I must say I hardly thought of my ex at all over the weekend. I mean hardly at all. Only real time is when my buddy put a FB comment up about the party at my house and she put a like to it. Which is odd to me actually. But that was really the only time.

 

This morning I had to drop some stuff off for my job somewhere which is a free pass to be little late. So instead of putting my daughter on the bus I decided to drop her off my self and take her to breakfast before. It was so nice just her and I doing something a little different like that.

 

On another note a bill I been trying to drop from $270 a month down to $30 went through. Even better is they are applying the last payment I made of $270 over the next several month! So financially I'm pretty much all set and is nothing to worry about anymore.

 

Life is good and moving in the right direction! Game plan still the same, meet new people, do new things, take care of me and my daughter, and have fun!

[robkris8079]

have more people asking me if I know *insert ex's name*. I say yes and why and they tell me "well she friend requested me". Ha! I guess every new person I talk to or even old friends I have she has requested to be friends with. Doesn't mean anything I know. But it does make me laugh and little ego boost knowing she is still checking up. BTW I don't check up at all.

 

They all keep calling her a crazy stalker too. This is behavior I would never have expected in a million years out of my ex.

[robkris8079]

Back again! I just realized today is 2 months of BU and NC. Except two short replies to her texts on some of her stuff left at my house way back in the beginning.

 

So past few days I been little down I guess we call it. I don't even know. She just been on my mind alot last two days. Wednesday I went and hung out with friends and sang karaoke. Overall a great time as usual. I talked to several people at the place. Just living and loving life but still the ex is in my head. Even had a girl I wasn't at the place with texting me and trying to call me throughout the night.

 

I mean I have no confidence issues, self-esteem issues, and def not bad looking. I have a ton of positives going for me like good job, house, new car, friends, hobbies, and stuff. I can talk to any girl out and can make friends but yet the ex lingers in my head. It's getting a little frustrating.

 

On a more serious note my daughter most likely will be seeing my ex on Sunday. As well as my ex's family. I will always be connected to my ex in a way and my daughter sort of related. Reason being on sunday is a baby shower for my ex's cousin. Well her baby is from my my daughters uncle. They are married.

 

I'm not all that comfortable with this. I hope it doesn't set my kid back as she been doing ok. Not crying for her mom as much but still constantly bringing up the ex. She is actually very excited to see my ex. She came running up to me this morning telling me that she was going to see her sunday. You know when your kid is happy about something and she sure was happy.

 

While I am concerned for my daughter in this situation, in a sick and twisted way I hope they meet and my ex misses us even more. I know this is wrong but I can't help it.

 

On a brighter note I will be heading over to a friends house for dinner on sunday! She is going to make me dinner and I'm really excited about this. No one has made me dinner in a long time. Should be a nice night.

 

Someone comment on my thread! Even if it's to just call me an idiot or say I'm doing something wrong or right. Or to tell me forget the ex she is nuts for contacting via fb people I been talking too or something!

[wilsonx]

Using your daughter to bread crumb your ex, thats a new one

[robkris8079]

Using your daughter to bread crumb your ex, thats a new one

 

Ha! In a way yes I guess it is. Honestly I talked with my daughters mother in length about this upcoming baby shower. I for one am not for it but in reality as my daughters mother said it's going to happen eventually. Like I said my daughter is now connected to my ex's family for life. I stressed I am not comfortable with this possible meet up at all. But it's been awhile now. There will never be any right time.

 

Like I said about wanting my ex to miss me after seeing my daughter is wrong and I feel horrible about it. Sick and twisted for sure I am. Just want to note that having the ex miss me was an afterthought and not motivation for letter her go.

Edited May 4, 2012 by robkris8079

[hinatticus]

Man you are doing really awesome. Wish I could say the same for myself. I guess it's easier to cope when you have a clear conscience. I screwed up my relationship, so its definitely harder for me to cope. I'm just over two months since the break up.

4 1/2 year relationship plus a 21 month old beautiful boy with her. Im kinda in the same boat as you. im 33 and she is 26, i definitely relate to the whole turning mid twenties thing. Ive see it many times as well. Im carrying a lot of guilt add the fact the whole mid twenties thing; it makes coping really confusing. Your posts give me strength though.

[robkris8079]

Man you are doing really awesome. Wish I could say the same for myself. I guess it's easier to cope when you have a clear conscience. I screwed up my relationship, so its definitely harder for me to cope. I'm just over two months since the break up.

4 1/2 year relationship plus a 21 month old beautiful boy with her. Im kinda in the same boat as you. im 33 and she is 26, i definitely relate to the whole turning mid twenties thing. Ive see it many times as well. Im carrying a lot of guilt add the fact the whole mid twenties thing; it makes coping really confusing. Your posts give me strength though.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Goodluck in your situation. Deal with your issues or whatever your feeling guilty about. Take that knowledge with you on the rest of your journey through life.

 

So I actually had a pretty bummed out couple of days. I kept seeing tags by a mutual friend that my ex was out with him and other people. These "friends" she told me they were fun and cool to hang out with right before she got all distant. Also one is a person she had been texting and erasing. Still feel guilty for snooping her phone those months ago and I swear I will never do that ever again. But anyway I'm pretty sure some **** happened with her and one of these guys. It's none of my business and I felt what I felt and pushed through it. We are single people now and do what we want and who we want. I also defriended the person. I'm really not feeling hung up on the ex. Actually I just keep seeing more and more reasons why we should have quit along time ago.

 

Back to me and no ex related talk. Friday hit up a concert with my bro and it was awesome! Had so much fun. We hit diner on way home and was just a good show.

 

Saturday hung out with my kid all day. Made taco's for cinco de mayo, played game, basketball, mowed my lawn, and cleaned the house! Put on a movie for us later that night and I knocked out and got some good sleep.

 

Sunday the day I was so worried about turned out to be nothing. My kid went to a baby shower where my ex may or may not have been there. I do know some of the ex's family was there but my kid made no mention of seeing anyone in particular and no big deal about it so neither shall I. Because after all it's really isn't a big deal.

 

So sunday night rolls along and I meet my friend for dinner. She cooked for me. Well it was awesome. Man I feel I can talk to her for hours and well we did! I feel I don't have to hide anything or shy away or worry too much about what I'm going to say. It's a thrilling feeling! Also her views on relationships, life, kids and everything! OMG they are words and feeling I had wished my ex expressed! She is going to make someone really really happy one day! Amazing she is the same age as my ex and yet how totally different they are.

 

I'm not dating this friend. She knows my situation and I'm enjoying this friendship more they anything. I don't really want to screw with the dynamics of this. I've made quite a few acquaintances since my split but this one, is one I wouldn't mind adding to my long term friends. Actually we've been so open talking about everything I even told her all of this.

 

She absolutely blows me away and would absolutely have nothing to do with me if I had been the way I was while still with my ex. Chalk another one up to the benefits of my ex and I splitting.

 

One last thing! I will be attempting to quit smoking. I feel it is time and I'm ready. I will be quitting at 5:30pm today.

Edited May 7, 2012 by robkris8079

[Svet74]

Sounds like she has gigs. But their might be another guy cuz usually a chick isn't just gonna leave you for no reason