says she doesn't know what she wants!

[lostconfidence]

iam goin through the same thing i finished with her she struggled really bad for a week then met another guy. in a club and started seeing him almost every day.

3 weeks later i found out and ask her what she was playing at i wanted her back anyway. she told me she had only met him twice . he was boasting about her to one of my mates she did try to lie about it constant even tho i knew. it didnt work.

 

anyway instead of her just saying f off ive moved on she kept coming down crying tell me she dosent know whats shes doin and loves me and needs space.i told her get back or go away..didnt mean it ofcourse she wouldn delete this guy of fb

 

i gave her space and she was with him every nite!! we argued cause we never saw each other i bought her flowers 5 days later she txt flirting while she was in his bed!! he was still boasting to my mate i told her to f off she called crying saying sorry she loves me heads up her hole ext i told her i forgive and am sorry for dumping her and i love her

the next day she calls it all off tell me it never gonna work acting like a cold bitch then just before i get outa the car she starts crying grabing. then tells me to get out.. then sits in her car staring at me for 20mins

 

 

then she stayed in this guys house that nite hes a bum lives with his mum no job she deniys he means anything and refusing to acknowledge him even. this girls works to 12 at nite somtimes i drive past his house to go to work now she tellingmy sister that she dosnt want to get back bcause it would be off guilt of hurting me

 

i was f uking hurting untill she started playing me tell me dose she know whst she is doin or is really confused cause i am

[Jarrod18]

Whoa man,

 

I just sat here and read through your whole thread, All I can say is I'm just so......

 

impressed. The way you handled the breakup, the way your moving on, the way your being proactive.....and actually strictly not breaking contact...well as much as needed . Its just amazing, you went through a 4 1/2 year breakup with literally all of your dignity intact. Not only is that impressive but you actually did it with style and never took **** from her.

 

It seemed like all she wanted was for you to be an over reacting jerk she could get frustrated with and blame the whole breakup on you.....and what did you give her?

 

Nothing. You literally gave her nothing but the chance to make things right. You put her actions on her(where they are supposed to go) and made sure she wasn't going to try and shift the breakup onto you. You actually had the foresight to realise the breakup was going to happen and make the much needed moves that most people I read on LS dont make.

 

Pretty amazed I am.

 

Keep posting; keep healing. At the end of the day you dont want to be with a person like that, you want to be with someone that gives you the same respect you give them. Hopefully this grieving process matures her emotionally a bit and helps her learn something about what she truly wants in life. Hopefully then there is some value in the breakup for both of you becides the usual moving on process.

 

Anyway, Keep posting!

[robkris8079]

thanks for the kind words!

 

Now I get another text asking for some other stuff she left. I wish I had just sent it all back. There was a few straggler stuff. Note to self or anyone else, send everything back ASAP when this is all fresh because 21 days later kinda sucks.

[EgoJoe]

thanks for the kind words!

 

Now I get another text asking for some other stuff she left. I wish I had just sent it all back. There was a few straggler stuff. Note to self or anyone else, send everything back ASAP when this is all fresh because 21 days later kinda sucks.

 

Box it up and mail it or have a friend take it. No need to see her or tell her it is coming.

[robkris8079]

Box it up and mail it or have a friend take it. No need to see her or tell her it is coming.

 

Ha! too late, I already responded. F it, already broke contact today so how can this hurt anymore. Actually it's not hurting at all which is wierd.

 

I just said "I think I have it and some other stuff. I'll send it to you when I get a chance"

[EgoJoe]

Ha! too late, I already responded. F it, already broke contact today so how can this hurt anymore. Actually it's not hurting at all which is wierd.

 

I just said "I think I have it and some other stuff. I'll send it to you when I get a chance"

 

That is fine, leave it there and don't get sucked in to anything.

[robkris8079]

there is no getting sucked into anything. She is truly done with me and has been for awhile. I am accepting this, acting like an adult and not playing any games and just moving on.

[robkris8079]

well all in all I don't feel any better or worse after the text exchange with the ex yesterday. I still don't really know if I'm back at day 1 of NC but I sure don't feel like it. I feel like I'm on a kiddie coaster now instead of the huge one I was on earlier.

 

I do miss her, I do want what we had but not so much with her. I would be lying if I said that sometimes I don't wish we were together the way we were but soon as that thought pops in my head the last few weeks of the relationship come rushing in. Texting another guy and deleting, not wanting to be around me, my kid hurting and then I'm good.

 

I got my bills in which she paid for. Well with her there half a month they are still high and she didn't pay the last ones so now I'm going to be way behind. This also seems to help with getting over her. I'm so focused on what I need to do now I don't have too much time to think about her except a little bit of anger for me being in this situation. Had I gotten a little more warning I would have been alright and put some fun cash aside.

 

I hit the gym hard yesterday. Maybe due to the texts I don't know. But I'm down on weight to 163. My doctor said I should be 160 years ago so I guess that's my goal. I feel healthy as a horse. I can run, do pullups, situps and abs are no issue at all. I feel freaking alive in the physical aspect.

 

I also went to grab a coffee. Well they barista's were screwing everything up I just relaxed and reassured them to take their time, I'm in no rush at all. Well they like that as I got half off my coffee . Felt good to take some pressure off someone that seemed to be having a bad day.

 

As I'm leaving the coffee place I get some nice little cat calls from three young women in a jeep. Wow that's a nice ego boost. No I didn't approach just looked and smiled. First they were way too young and second I'm not there yet. Just enjoyed the moment for what it was.

 

I know my thread is long but don't forget about me people. I like all my thoughts and comments in one place. I go back and re-read this entire thread often.

 

edit: forgot to add some awesome words from my bro after I told him it wasn't to bad the short text exchange with the ex.

 

" realize its not hurting as much as u thought and go through this!!!"

 

"you got this"

 

I love him . Don't know what I would do without him.

Edited March 27, 2012 by robkris8079

[robkris8079]

Wow what a day! I swear that good things must be coming because I'm getting hit left and right with alot of not so good stuff.

 

Yesterday I got the courage up to finally ask for a raise. I set up a meeting with my boss and gave him my clear intentions. I did not want to bombard him. I went to the meeting and presented my case. I did it extremely well. There was no talks of me having hard times, costs of living, or that I been here so long without a raise. I promoted all my strengths, skills, added job responsibilities, and how I go above and beyond what I am asked. In return I got an economy speech and that he realized alot of people here are due for increase and the company is thinking of doing some sort of bonuses and not raises.

 

This was a blow because frankly not everyone has stepped up their game like me. Not everyone has been getting more added to their plate like me. No reason they should be getting the bonuses the same as me. I want an increase in my yearly salary and I sure as hell deserve it.

 

Some reason this made me think of the ex and upset. I keep hearing her voice and seeing her face telling me not to worry about it now that she has a full time job. Another thing that upset me in the relationship were things like this. I wasn't all that worried about it but I wanted to discuss it with her and it seemed to have been brushed off. "oh don't worry about it", yeah where the **** are you now.

 

Now the one two punch. I get a call on my Cell this morning. Well it's my kids afterschool program saying I was denied assistance with the payment like I had previously got. Said I should have never gotten it in the first place. On a bright note they also said they won't up my fee until next school year but still. More bills going up and no more money coming in.

 

None of this really has to do with my ex but damn only a couple of months ago I was in a committed relationship, thinking marriage and kids, not a care in the world except to live life, have fun and take care of my family. Life is full of curve balls and hurdles. This is just one more and I'm up for the challenge.

[Ben00]

Hi Robkris8079, thanks for your advice on my situation. I agree it is somewhat comforting to know we are going through similar heartbreaks. In a weird way, this forum is like a friendly shoulder to lean on!

 

I have been reading your story and can relate to all of the feelings you are going through. Let's get through this.

[CaliBabe]

Rob,

I'm sorry to hear about that man. When it rains it pours. It can only get better I'm hoping. I too am having tough times lately.

 

Sending positive thoughts your way my friend.

[robkris8079]

Hi Robkris8079, thanks for your advice on my situation. I agree it is somewhat comforting to know we are going through similar heartbreaks. In a weird way, this forum is like a friendly shoulder to lean on!

 

I have been reading your story and can relate to all of the feelings you are going through. Let's get through this.

 

We will definitely get through this and be better because of it as well. This forum has been helping me since 06. Sure I wish I never had to find this place but at the same time I'm glad it's here.

 

Rob,

I'm sorry to hear about that man. When it rains it pours. It can only get better I'm hoping. I too am having tough times lately.

 

Sending positive thoughts your way my friend.

 

Yeah these obstacles will be overcome. They do actually help switch my focus to more serious issues then an ex girlfriend. To be quite honest providing for my daughter and myself is definitely much more important then an ex girlfriend.

 

I will need to figure out all my financial stuff and get those ducks in a row. It will take time and most likely by the time I do that this whole "oh my gf stopped loving me" pity party will be done with. In the mean time when not trying to figure out the important stuff will be turning my attention to living life and enjoying it with friends and family. This will all leave little time to devote thoughts to my ex.

[robkris8079]

Not sure if I have anything to post. But I guess that's a good thing. Thoughts and talking about the ex are definitely less. I been on daddy duty alot this week. I'm itching to get out and do something but I love spending time with my daughter and she definitely helps me through this.

 

Speaking of my kid, last night she did not cry for her mother at bed time. I have figured out that this new behavior was part of my ex leaving. So I do think my kid as well is doing pretty good. She did mention the ex alot yesterday so I know the ex is still on her mind. So maybe one step forward and one back IDK.

 

On a positive note someone I don't know online called me gorgeous so that felt good. I got attention from females all throughout my relationship actually. I never gave any of it two thoughts really. I notice it quite a bit more now and I must say I like it. Maybe I should have acknowledged it more during the relationship. You know to keep my now ex in it? Maybe I gave off the impression of being to safe? Not sure why that popped in my head.

 

Today I'm going to try and send off the rest of the ex's stuff. One of which is something she texted me for earlier this week. This will be the absolute last of everything of hers. I seem to be pretty ok with it actually. Maybe it will hit me when I actually tape up the box. Or maybe nothing will happen.

 

Looking forward to the weekend. I have no set plans yet other then gym and little working on the house if weather permits. I need some night time festivities. I'll find something that I'm sure of.

[robkris8079]

I have absolutely nothing to say this morning.

 

and that alone is worth saying . If anyone understands that.

[robkris8079]

well it's been a few days since posting to this.

 

Friday I kept my munchkin so her mother could go out. I didn't mind as didn't have set plans and extra time with my kid I love. I did get an itch though to go and do something.

 

Saturday for some reason felt a little down. I went to the gym and guess went super hard as I haven't been back since. I'm still super sore. So I went to my bro's house for a latte and some talk. He mentioned to me that during the text exchange he had with the ex last week over getting some stuff I had at my house that they had talked on the phone. He said she asked how I was in which he replied "great" which actually isn't all that untrue. Then she asked about my kid who she practically has raised for the past 5 years. My bro told her she was dealing with it in her own way but let on that she was having a hard time right now. Well my bro told me that the conversation about my kid was really short as if she really didn't care and sort of the way you ask how someone is out of courtesy only.

 

This stung a little but what else would I expect really. She also sent my bro a pic of her new car she just got and he told me what it was because I foolishly asked. Trust me it's better not knowing anything at all about the ex.

 

So saturday night rolls along. Got plans to hit some local places with my bro and his girlfriend. We stop at one place, sort of a dive and since I am wanting to meet new people I asked to go to a different place. We did and it was a good idea. Place was packed, good music and alot of fun. Some girl had been dancing it up for awhile and looking to have a blast. Well I decided to go dance with her toward end of night. We chatted and danced and was good time. She stepped away for a second and her friend asked if I wanted her number. Well then she was walking back so I told the friend "how about I just ask her for her number". So I did and she gave it to me. We texted little bit after. Just little flirtatious texting, well, on her end it was. She wants me to text her again, I'm sure I will but not sure when. She is another 25 year old. I'm not looking to get into a relationship. Just make new friends. I in know way led her on otherwise.

 

So sunday rolls in, I go visit my mom for a bit. Seen a picture of her on fb with a group of people out at the bar. It stung a tiny bit but I let it, felt it, then got over it. Then decide to go home and finish off the garden my ex and I use to do. If I didn't mention it I'm done with the garden. I bought some topsoil and seed and filled it in. Just waiting for the grass to grow now .

 

My kid came home and we watched tv and played a little and that's it. Now it's monday and doing the daily grind.

 

Moving on, getting better, having fun, and just doing what I gotta do.

Edited April 2, 2012 by robkris8079

[robkris8079]

forgot to note that after talking with my bro saturday I decided to do the ceremonial burning of the ex's memories . I wasn't happy to hear how she seemed about my daughter plus I was just tired of being scared to open the closet and a dresser drawer where I had stashed all of these things.

 

So I threw them all in my fire pit, added fuel and burn baby burn! I lit the fire with the last card she gave me. It was for Vday and the writing were all about finding the one, the man of your dreams, your true love etc. Then what she wrote was saying how we spend 5 great Vday's together and couldn't wait for many more, I love you so much forever BS. This was one week, before she went distant to me and treated me like I was a bother to her and avoided me as much as she could. I couldn't help but laugh as I read it and lit it on fire.

 

I took my drawer and my closet back. Just as I'm taking my backyard back and planted grass instead of doing the garden we use to do.

[jennisfora]

i gave my ex all the cards he gave me, they said things like, i will love you no matter what, no limits, you make me a better man, and my life would suck without you...i put them in a bag, and handed it to him last time i met him. Oh, the my life would suck without me line was in a card from two weeks before he ditched me.

[robkris8079]

i gave my ex all the cards he gave me, they said things like, i will love you no matter what, no limits, you make me a better man, and my life would suck without you...i put them in a bag, and handed it to him last time i met him. Oh, the my life would suck without me line was in a card from two weeks before he ditched me.

 

 

I did that before with my ex wife. Gave her all that stuff and pics of us etc. I thought that it would make her miss me or whatever. This breakup I didn't even try that. I sent her last things last week and was thinking of putting something like that in there or even spraying my cologne on something. Then I was like WTF am I thinking. I didn't want to drag this on or play any kind of games. Not saying that you are just how I'm feeling. So just sent her stuff and had my job ship it. Nothing personal in there, no letter, no nothing except her stuff.

 

Giving her stuff like that would make my head spin wondering what she did with it. Save it, throw in trash, burn it, show to friends and laugh saying things like "what was I thinking when I wrote this" etc. This way I decided what to do with it.

[wilsonx]

Ouch, the dreaded phase 4 bounce, expect hot and cold from her for the next couple of months

[Nohbody]

It's really sad how predictable it all is.

 

Kind of makes you think that maybe the other person wasn't quite so special as you thought they were.

[robkris8079]

Ouch, the dreaded phase 4 bounce, expect hot and cold from her for the next couple of months

 

 

Ha! I don't even know what phase 4 bounce is but it sounded funny. Can you elaborate?

 

I won't get any hot or cold from her at all. We do not communicate what so ever. I highly doubt I will hear from her ever again. I am totally fine with that too. Reason being I loved who and how I was in the relationship. If I had done her wrong or treated her bad I think I would be more of a mess right now.

[wilsonx]

She will be back. When she does, its the bounce I was talking about. You either dance with her or send her on her way again.

[robkris8079]

It's really sad how predictable it all is.

 

Kind of makes you think that maybe the other person wasn't quite so special as you thought they were.

 

really is sad how predictable everything is. Well I wasn't so special to her obviously. I do question how special she was to me everyday and as to why I'm even bothered.

 

She will be back. When she does, its the bounce I was talking about. You either dance with her or send her on her way again.

 

We will see wilson. If she does then I'm sure I'll post it here. I have my doubts though. I looked up your phase 4 and it seems that might have happened a year ago when she came back. Not so sure it will happen again. I for sure am better equipped to deal with it when it does or if it does.

[robkris8079]

been a few days!

 

Nothing really to report, still on tiny roller coaster. It get's better everyday that's for sure.

 

A few things that kept me on the coaster were seeing she "liked" a status from my sister. Which I thought was odd since those two never really had any kind of communication at all. I've never seen the ex like, comment or acknowledge anything about my sister.My sister was having issues and wasn't really part of the family during our whole relationship.

 

Another thing is she commented on my brothers status saying she wants to check out how his tattoo is coming along and she wants another one.

 

Finally she commented on my nephews status. They exchanged a few messages back and forth.

 

I am not taking this as any sign or anything. Just made me sad she is not in my life and mad she still is a tiny bit in my families. Hence the baby coaster I'm on.

 

Another thing is since I know what her new car is I see them all the time. God I wish I never asked what it was. I swear I have seen her driving. Also the exact car she got was parked way back of the gym all by itself yesterday. This rattled me a tiny bit. I know it wasn't hers, for a brief second I had hoped it was but that passed.

 

Yesterday I got a card in the mail for my daughter. It was from the ex's mother wishing her a happy easter. I thought it was nice of her, the card didn't mention me anywhere in it which stung a bit. This lady was a big part of my life as well as my daughters. Treated me like a son and my daughter like a grandchild. I was scared to even show it to my kid because she has been having a little hard time adjusting and seems to be making progress so thought this might set her back a little. But in the end I left it out for her to see and didn't make a big deal about it.

 

On to different things. I texted the girl I met the other night. She said she was glad I did. No flirting on my part just talk. No mention of me recently broken up or just looking for friends. I set up something for next week for us to hang out. Figured I'd let her know then so I can get a serious reaction. She seems like a nice person and alot of fun so I would love to continue talking to her. Hope this doesn't scare her off but if it does nothing I can do. Sometimes people just want friends.

 

So how am I doing people? It's day IDK of the BU and day whatever of NC .

[Ben00]

It sounds like you are making great progress, Robkris! It's encouraging to see. Thanks for posting.