Addicted to a Person

[Titania22]

 

I do have a question. Once the feelings pass, do you think I should tell her?

 

No absolutely not. Once the feelings pass keep them that way, definately don't talk to her about them. *danger danger*

[smudge21]

Once the feelings pass you won't care. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. Once all those feelings have totally gone, she'll just be another person you notice occasionally. She'll be the same to you as she was before this all began...

[smudge21]

Meant to add this to, but, you know... d'oh! Anyway...

 

You talk a lot about feelings going away, well I'll throw this into the mix from my experiences recently.

 

For all everyone knew, including my addiction, I was fine being her friend again. We'd all meet up and hang out, yeah me and her would still flirt but I'd laugh it off, it was our way. So to everyone, it was all fine. Truth was I still had (have) very strong feelings for her, but I thought I could put them behind me.

 

Then came the engagement to her partner. Then talk of weddings and wedding dresses etc etc. The truth was I was trying to fool myself into believing I was over her and could just be a friend. I was actually holding out hope that by still being in her life, something would change and eventually we would be together. Wrong!

 

So it's all good to say you're feeling better but watch out and be ready for those moments which can set you back. I know your situation is a little different, but you could still hear about things that could make you realise you still want her.

 

Healing takes time, often a lot longer then we think (I think the average is at least 6 months) and we often fool ourselves into thinking we're healed only to relapse when we least expect it.

 

As for your question on whether she respects you cos she knows you care, well that was a dilemma for me when I was saying goodbye. Do I tell her how I truly feel and thus let my heart out or do I keep all that to myself and walk off head held high into the sunset. I told her. I admitted how I felt and cleared the air... and it felt good. Too many times I've walked away and regretted never telling them how I felt, not this time. I don't know how she took it (I hear she was upset when I said goodbye) and I'll probably never know. I mean, I know she cares, but how much I've no idea.

 

Basically if you hadn't told her how you feel or let on about it, you'd still be here asking whether or not you should've told and regretting that decision. The fact is you make a choice and live with it - right or wrong. In this case, there is no wrong - you were honest with her and yourself. Whether you ever speak again, she will always remember how you felt about her.

[NoMagicBullet]

So okay, I never got 'lucky' with my addiction, but I know that at the time I wanted it to be more. She was never a one-night stand girl to me. She meant more and I wanted her to know that. Getting sex is easy, getting someone you're really connected to who means the world to you is difficult. I always thought it was all one sided, but now I realize that maybe she felt the same way. I was as interesting, as different, as unique, as special to her as she was to me. The fact that even though she's engaged, due to be married to her long term on/off boyfriend, and that we said goodbye 2 months ago, she's still thinking about me enough to send a friend request. She knows I love her - I told her when I said goodbye - yet she still tries to add me back as a friend.

 

Are you sure she's not just trying to keep you in the friend loop long enough to get a wedding gift? Sorry to be so cynical, smudge, but the friend request and the 'xxx' in response to your statement of needing to stay NC strikes me as disrespectful of your feelings.

 

The way I see it, if the other person cared enough about you, even if they didn't feel the same way as you do, they would respect NC. (Assuming you told them how you feel and why you were going NC.) If they really cared, they would not want to draw you back into the misery of being near them but not with them.

 

We all tend to analyze and over-analyze the other person and their motivations for doing or not doing things with regard to us. I can't begin to count how many times I've done it myself. But the only thing we can be sure of is their actions. Like Frank's story about realizing that she wasn't a good friend after all -- her actions showed that. Although I'm glad she seems to be respecting NC, Frank.

 

Bottom line is that if they wanted to be with you, they would, and if they didn't but still cared about you, they would put some distance between you. To not do otherwise is selfish. Saying this is easy. I know the emotions are hard to fight, but look at their actions -- it's a good way to help you get some clarity.

 

I really think that in these cases, hanging onto the idea of being friends, even if later on, is a mistake. You want the connection, crave the connection, and it hurts less to think that one day it can all be okay being friends. I think this just keeps the addiction going. If it actually happens in the future, then so be it, but THINKING that it's possible undermines your resolve. And telling your addiction "maybe we can be friends one day" only encourages them to break NC.

 

On a side note, I have a brand new addiction. Turns out guy I've known for a while is now single, and we started up quite an e-mail exchange very recently. I tried to fight it, but I for the last few days, I just can't get thoughts of him out of my head. There are two things in my favor right now: 1) this intense crush is still in the early stages, and 2) I'm seeing him tonight (the word "date" has not been used), so I'll be able to get out of my head and into reality, and see if there could really be something there or not. If not, then I can start working on getting over my infatuation.

[Frank13]

No absolutely not. Once the feelings pass keep them that way, definately don't talk to her about them. *danger danger*

 

Titania, could you explain the danger? She knows why I ended the friendship. I feel like Smudge said in that once the feelings pass, I won't care. Do you think by talking to her about it that they would come back?

My thoughts were just to tell her some day "I lost my feelings for you" and leave it at that and not talk to her anymore. I guess I just don't want her to get a constant ego boost thinking I still have feelings for her.

[Frank13]

Thanks Magicbullet for your comments.

 

A couple days ago when I had my revelation and felt I was really starting to get over her, I had an interesting thought. Part of what makes things so hard is knowing that it is over for good. I didn't want her as a friend then or in the future but the interesting thing is that I got comfort knowing we work together so that she will always be around. In other words it took some of the "end forever" or finality away. I think I only felt that way because I was feeling so over her. Prior to that I never wanted to see her again.

 

Well anyway, I wake up today and feel back at square one and I don't know why. Not so much the heartbreak but more just wanting to be with her like we used to be. I am all nervous and afraid of running into her at work. The feelings have started coming back. I know rationally it is wrong but I start thinking that even though she wasn't a good friend I did get something out of it like the laughs and fun. Now I don't get that anymore.

 

Don't worry. My resolve is strong because I know what the alternative is.

I also know it is never going to get better if I don't give it time. The best thing is not to care and while one part of me is looking forward to that for my own sanity, another part is feeling bad of all the fun and laughter I am losing. One day at a time.

[Titania22]

Titania, could you explain the danger? She knows why I ended the friendship. I feel like Smudge said in that once the feelings pass, I won't care. Do you think by talking to her about it that they would come back?

My thoughts were just to tell her some day "I lost my feelings for you" and leave it at that and not talk to her anymore. I guess I just don't want her to get a constant ego boost thinking I still have feelings for her.

 

 

The danger is of the feelings coming back. Just because we think we are over someone doesn't mean we actually are. Often it's just a state of being dormant. You go and start having conversations about feeling with her, and you're asking for trouble IMO.

[smudge21]

Yeah MagicBullet I see it all from that side of things too. I can see positive, negative and just plain neutral, generally down to the plain ol' fact that none of us ever really know what other people are thinking.

 

Yes my addiction may very well have sent the friend request to feed her own ego, but then again she may have done it simply out of testing the water. She's never striked me as the type that would chase after anyone from her past (from what I observed during my time of knowing her), so this does seem a bit out of character, but once again, that doesn't change the fact that I don't know for sure, and I'm probably never going to know.

 

I can easily say that, like Frank, my addiction wasn't that good a friend during the last few months - she wasn't mean, but we never really spoke that much. I was avoiding her (sort of NC, but still there if she got in touch) and trying to clear my head. I can recall a few times last year where her actions really annoyed me and upset me, but I know they weren't personal - it's simply a case of she was living her life and I was addicted to her.

 

I've been the same recently with an ex of mine who got back in touch after a few years. We were friends and met up occasionally, but I was just seeing her as a friend. I never realised she still had feelings. So sometimes when I ignored her or let her down (not for any particular reason other then I was busy or whatever), it hurt her. But I never knew this until she told me. So my addiction, and probably Franks too, is no doubt simply living their lives unaware that their actions are causing us harm.

 

I do agree with the whole false hope thing and I guess my line about being friends down the line does seem a bit like that. I will state that I never said that to her - I simply did say goodbye. No ifs or buts, just goodbye. Even when I replied to her friend request, it was simply me telling her I can't do that. Even though I would like to see her as friend once my head is clear and these feelings are gone, I know that there's a good chance that I probably won't even care come that time. My head and heart will be healed and she may not have that same interest for me anymore. More than likely, that will be the case.

[Frank13]

The danger is of the feelings coming back. Just because we think we are over someone doesn't mean we actually are. Often it's just a state of being dormant. You go and start having conversations about feeling with her, and you're asking for trouble IMO.

 

Got it. Thanks for explaining it. Point taken.

[Frank13]

Today was pure hell. I never saw or heard her today but I was back to feeling like day one of NC, and I am not understanding why.

 

Had I seen her, there is no way I could have faked being okay like I could have 2 days ago.

 

Two days ago I thought I had it all figured out. I knew there would be some steps backwards but I felt the momentum building, like a snowball going down a hill. I thought it was all downhill from then on.

 

It amazes me how you miss them more the longer time goes on, rather than less. I could see not missing them the first few days but 4 weeks later and I would think my memory of her would be fading

 

A previous post of mine shows all the reasons she was a bad friend yet all I am thinking today is how we talked, laughed, smiled, had fun, and hugged, and how it went from that to nothing.

 

I know the pain of being near her was the worse feeling in the world but today wasn't much better.

 

I saw a post from soneone saying 60 days NC is the magic number and how they were able to decline a second chance with their ex who dumped them but came crawling back even though she still loved him. I also see posts from those NC for 7 months or more and still aren't over their ex. At least I will set 60 days as my first goal. Today will be day 30 so I am halfway there.

 

I should probably start my own NC journal as writing does help to take my mind off her.

[smudge21]

I found that wierd to. After saying goodbye and having no contact, there'd be days when I'd feel worse then I did when she was around.

 

I guess it's like any addiction - once it's gone for good, you crave it more.

 

I never put a time limit on my own healing, just accepted it would happen when it happens. I worry that if you're aiming for that 60 day limit, then you'll expect yourself to be better by then, which in turn could make you feel worse if you're still feeling down. It could be like a catalyst to bring those feelings back: "oh look day 60 and I'm not feeling like I should be feeling" that sort of thing.

 

Just accept it will be tough but you're strong enough to do it.

[nyc_guy2003]

So at this instant I feel in control and powerful. I feel happy and know that I can make myself happy without her. People always preach this but when you are hurting it you can't imagine that. I feel like I can go to work tomorrow and be myself, with her in the background (on the outside looking in). Not to do her harm (although now that I realized she used me I wouldn't care if she was hurt or not).

 

Just catching up with this thread and offering Frank13 some congrats for getting to this point. Keep it up.

[Titania22]

Today was pure hell.

 

These days are going to happen. Don't be hard on yourself. You will no doubt continue to seesaw with your emotions. We have all been through it. Some days are just hard, and some are just easy, and most are somewhere between.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

I really don't want to go NC, but I'm starting to feel like I might have to.

 

I went to a baseball game with my friends the other day and I got completely wrecked. We texted a little bit and she wanted to make sure I was feeling OK about us just being friends. I said I was, but I needed her help. When she asked me to clarify, I said I needed her to not do things like tell me that she thinks we'd have great sex, or grab my hands at dinner and tell me what an amazing person I am, or get drunk and tell me that she's horny. But then, in my drunken stupor, I threw in this gem:

 

"This isn't the easiest thing I've ever done, and it gets harder when you say stuff like that. I'm having a hard enough time with the fact that I can't be with you, not to mention the hit on my ego because I'm in love with a girl who would rather be with a guy that doesn't want to date her than be with me."

 

That's right. Threw the L word in there. It's not even that I didn't mean it, or that I don't feel it. It's just that holy ****ing **** I shouldn't have said that. The conversation centered around that for a while (surprise, surprise!), and I ended up telling her that I think she's making a mistake with this guy because it's clearly not making her happy, and she agreed that she wasn't happy. She debated whether or not I actually am in love with her, and rather than drop it, I argued the point and said a bunch of other **** I shouldn't have.

 

We talked the next day, and she wasn't upset. In fact, she seemed perfectly happy to accept that I was saying it as an extension of my point about needing her to stop sending me mixed messages about the whole thing. She again mentioned that she doesn't think I could be in love with her this soon, but I was smart enough not to argue the point while I was sober.

 

I have a date this weekend, so we'll see if that helps. Part of me wonders how much of this was caused by this being the first girl with whom I shared mutual interest since my ex and I split. Maybe I just wanted her to cushion the blow. But now all of the pain comes from the fact that she wants this other guy and not me. Like, I should be looking forward to my date, and I'm really not. This, in turn, makes me feel guilty about going out with this girl when I'm not over the other girl, but ****ed if I know how to do that.

 

This sucks.

[smudge21]

Sorry to read you're having a hard time Bruce. I would suggest you read my comments on the previous page where I mention another post entitled "once a slut..." (don't worry, it's not that bad). Someone in there posts about girls who will go off with the guys who are mean, not all that good for them, bad news etc etc and they'll have sex with them whereas the nice guy, the one who treats them with respect, these girls will take their time. They'll keep them close but not too close. It's like they see a long term potential with the nice guy but still want to go out and have the fun whilst they can. They don't want to lose the nice guy so they treat them differently. It was a post that hit a few nerves with me - looking back and seeing not only my current addiction but past ones too. I mean, how could they go off with guys that are clearly wrong for them, yet her I am, treating them perfectly well and getting nowhere.

 

Just because of the title of the thread don't think I'm saying these girls are sluts, it's just their attitude, their way of dealing with something like this. I honestly believe that my current addiction has never experienced anything like this before - where someone has come into her life and fallen for her so strongly to the point where they've said goodbye. Her occasionally texts seem to reinforce that - it's like she wants something but has no idea how to get it. With other guys, she could always get what she wanted. With me, those same tactics never worked, simply down to the fact I respected and loved her. She was more than a one night stand to me, and still is.

 

On a personal note I did like the sentence where you threw in the L word. It was as if you were just letting it all out and you finally said it. Despite what's been said afterwards she will remember that for a long time. Chances are she already knows you love her (I'm sure mine did) but actually hearing it from you is totally different. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I firmly believe in being honest. It's clear she has feelings for you so now this may push things along quickly. Like I've said above, she probably knows you'd be the better person for her, but maybe just doesn't know how to handle that. Hence why the easy option of this other guy comes into place. He's probably a nice safe option - chances are she doesn't really care for him and so thinks she can just dump him whenever she chooses. She couldn't be like that with you because of your history with her. Her current feelings for you would prevent her treating you like that. She knows that if she steps into a relationship with you it's going to be serious and real, and no doubt long term. And that real love would be involved. That can be scary for anyone.

 

However that said, that is only my opinion. I can never know for definite, no one can. Even though you feel you hate yourself sometimes I think you're doing okay. You're showing her that you're human - sometimes we do things well, sometimes we screw up. No one's perfect. I do believe that this may be heading for a showdown though - I dunno' but with what you've told us I think something may happen sooner rather then later. I wish you luck and hope everything works out for you...

[TheyCallMeBruce]

I appreciate the input. It's weird, I've been "infatuated" with girls before, but usually for no more than a few weeks. This is going on two months, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her for more than a few minutes at a time.

 

I'm having an easier time dealing with the associated anxiety, and I think she appreciates that I've been more relaxed when we've been hanging out, but the fixation doesn't seem to be relenting at all.

 

I really, really don't want to go NC with this girl, and the Lexapro might enable me to actually be friends with her, provided I can stop texting her when I'm cocked. I mean, even when we just hang out as friends, I have a great time. She's really smart and fun, and she just entertains me.

 

Yeah, I'd rather be cuddling or making out or screwing around, but just sitting around watching TV and shooting the breeze is fun with this girl.

 

She acknowledges that I'm this great and special guy, and she says she's just hung up on this other clown. If she can deal with that, maybe I'll have a shot.

[Princess71]

Hi everybody! You don't know how glad I am to find this thread. I am suffering from this addiction thing immensely. My last addiction lasted 5 years! My new one is killing me!! I have read this whole thread and I feel like I know all of you, Bruce, frank, smudge and so many others. I want to post my puzzling painful story but I am concerned that my addiction guy will find it and read it! That would be my luck. Before I post , I just want to make sure this thread is still going because I see it's been slowing down. I really could use advice! Well, I know what the advice would be, NC of course, but I'd love to get opinions on what exactly went wrong.

 

Hope u all r doing well!

[Titania22]

Hi everybody! You don't know how glad I am to find this thread. I am suffering from this addiction thing immensely. My last addiction lasted 5 years! My new one is killing me!! I have read this whole thread and I feel like I know all of you, Bruce, frank, smudge and so many others. I want to post my puzzling painful story but I am concerned that my addiction guy will find it and read it! That would be my luck. Before I post , I just want to make sure this thread is still going because I see it's been slowing down. I really could use advice! Well, I know what the advice would be, NC of course, but I'd love to get opinions on what exactly went wrong.

 

Hope u all r doing well!

 

Hi Princess, this thread seems to keep going. We are all still here, and will respond to you. So long as your crush doesn't know your nickname and you don't mention anyones name, even if he were to stumble upon this site, read through this thread and actually read your posts, i think it is unlikely he will realise it is about him.

 

Feel free to share whatever you feel comfortable with. I am finding this thread is helping me stay strong. Since I posted my final resolve to get over my addiction, I have held strong. I still find he crosses my mind, but he has been friendzoned in my imagination, so even if he tries to talk to me (in my imagination) I do things like bring up his girlfriend. It is working well so far.

[smudge21]

Post away Princess. Just avoid names and locations and you should be fine.

[smudge21]

Bruce, what you just described is exactly how things were with my addition, even down to the way she felt about the guy she's now engaged to.

 

The highs were great - being with her, spending time together, just even texting; but with all highs, there's lows. They would come during the times of not hearing from her for a while and knowing she's with him.

 

It was a losing battle for me (they'd known each other on and off for 7 years) and I couldn't accept that. I never wanted to go NC as I truly believed I should keep fighting, keep chasing. But all I accomplished was to push her further away. When I finally started going little contact, that's when she started showing more interest... sadly it was just never enough desire on her part to break that bond with her guy. Saying goodbye was the only option.

 

I do feel that maybe if I'd just told her earlier how I truly felt, how much she meant to me, how much I wanted her, maybe things might've changed... but you can't change the past.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Princess, I highly recommend talking this stuff out in here. It's been incredibly cathartic for me. I don't think it's likely that anyone finds this. At least, I hope not, because there isn't a chance my addiction wouldn't recognize that I'm talking about her. I've specifically quoted her too many times.

 

Smudge, my goal right now is to try to move on without going NC. I've gone out with another girl a couple times, and she seems pretty cool and is super nice and cute, so we'll see. It's weird, though. I'm back to being how I usually am with girls, and this one seems way more interested. She said to me that she's "never been into someone this quickly before," which is more or less exactly what I told my addiction. And, of course, I'm perfectly happy taking things slowly with this girl, because I'm back to not being an insane person. Sigh.

 

We'll see how things go. I think that things are progressing between her and the other guy, and she seems to be in favor of me seeing this other girl, so it's pretty clear that she's not interested in me. She keeps apologizing about the whole situation when we're together, and I'd rather just not discuss it.

[smudge21]

I wish you luck then Bruce, hope it turns out well for you and you're finally able to get over your addiction (I'm so jealous, lol). As you do still think about her a lot, I do worry that she will be in your thoughts a lot though, even when you're with this new girl. If you find those thoughts start to have any impact on a new relationship then it'll be time to come up with a new game plan, but until then, carry on as you are. Good luck mate.

[firundel]

I was browsing this forum casually looking for some help about the situation I am in and it is very fortunate that I found this thread, because it definitely strikes a chord with me.

 

For years, I have considered myself to be prone to infatuation, 'lovesickness' and all of that. I've often found myself falling for women very quickly and becoming dependent on them even when there was no actual relationship and they were just friends. Naturally, this has often turned out badly for me and it has even ruined a few good friendships when I tried to turn them into romantic relationships against my better judgement. Last year, I had a casual fling with someone. She was very attractive and we had very little in common, so it fizzled out soon enough but I found it to be a liberating experience and I started to feel that I was free from being constantly trapped by this addiction to the company of someone.

 

Since then, my life took a turn for the worse and I had a period of depression that lasted several months. Things started to feel better not long ago and I was ecstatic when I met someone who I started dating. I kept saying to myself that this was going to be a fun relationship with no pressure attached where we would just enjoy going out with each other and see where we ended up. There was even a time when I was concerned that she was more interested than I was, which is unheard of for me.

 

Soon in, I realised that I was in a great situation where I was actually going out and dating somebody that I liked who also liked me. It was about this time that I began craving her company more and more. It's hardly an LDR situation but because of transport problems and our other commitments, we can't see each other as regularly as I would like, although we are in contact every day and have been in touch every day since our first date. My thoughts about her and the situation intensified and eventually, our every day contact didn't feel enough. I am trying to suppress these feelings as I don't want her to think I am being needy or jealous at this very early stage of the relationship, but it's becoming increasingly difficult. What isn't helping right now is that I know I can't see her until next week, and the thought of this is driving me mad.

 

What worries me is that these completely irrational feelings of mine could start to affect how I am with her. Part of my anxiety is that we aren't progressing enough, which is ridiculous given that we only first went out 3 weeks ago, but although she obviously likes me and I like her, I'm starting to worry that I have messed things up somewhere along the line by not being forward enough. Things went well when we last met up, but I still detected some more negative signals from here that weren't there on our previous dates. Now, I can't wait to see her again so I can try to resolve all of this and I can test the water a bit more, but I'm also worried that my thoughts are going to affect my actions and cause me to appear too keen and put her off.

 

I'm hoping that just getting this off my chest will help.

[Princess71]

ok, so i'm going to post my story. i apologize in advance that it's so long, but it's kind of complicated and you need all the facts.

 

i was away for six months at a weight loss facility. i made a lot of friends. in fact, i started dating one of them. We would all hang out in a group, and my addiction is one of the group. i never had any interest in my addiction back then; of course, he was much much heavier than he is now. i would hang out mostly with my boyfriend, and my addiction, let's call him mark, would hang out with a friend of his, a girl that is seventeen years younger than him. let's call her nancy. again, we were all friends.

 

fast forward six months. my feelings for my boyfriend had waned significantly, and I started really liking Mark. He was looking really good, having lost quite a bit of weight. He lives in a state close to mine, whereas my boyfriend lives in a far away state. Mark and my time at the facility was coming to an end and Mark started making comments about how he would come to visit me when we got home. I was very excited about this, but didn't really think it would happen.

 

so when we get home, Mark, Nancy, and I started skyping, and again Mark mentioned coming to see me. I couldn't wait. Then one night Mark and I skyped alone and he asked me what i was doing over the weekend and mentioned he would come to see me. All of a sudden, the conversation got VERY SEXAL. There was major flirting going on, a lot of bantering and it got so heavy that he even said "it was hard typing with one hand" sorry to be so blunt lol. this went on for a couple of hours. Then it happened again two days later, more flirting. And he was coming to see me that saturday.

 

Now, before I go on, I have to give you a little background on him. While we were at the facility, there were girls that expressed interest in him and he did not want to have sex with them. There was a girl in particular that wanted to sleep with him but he kept making excuses like she's too immature, she'll get attached to me, etc. I believed him and thought maybe he just didn't like her. There was another girl there too that just wanted to sleep with him and he didn't want to, stating he hardly knew her.

 

okay, so he comes to see me. We are making conversation and he tells me that when those girls at the faciility were after him, he didn't know what to do. he said he had "social anxiety' and was out of practice. It's hard to believe this though because he's such an outgoing person with a great personality. So I'm thinking he's afraid of sex for some reason, or it gives him anxiety. I do not believe he is gay.

 

okay, so we talk for hours and then we go out for dinner. I can feel the tension building and know that something is going to happen later. After dinner, we walk home and he says, "ok, I'm going to get going'. Well, I was shocked after our conversations on skype that he would want to leave, so I said, no, why don't you come upstairs. He said, ok, for a little while.

 

okay, so we go upstairs and we do start to make out for quite a while. Meanwhile, I feel he's uncomfortable and he says he has to leave . it was pouring rain out, so I said, oh, yeah, I can see where you'd want to leave in this weather. He said, no, you don't understand, you're confusing want to leave for HAVE to leave. I didn't question him further. So he leaves.

 

I don't hear from him for a week, so of course I am devastated and Iwrite him an email stating that I think he feels uncomfortable with what happened and we can do whatever he wants. We can move slowly or just be friends. He writes back that what happened has happened, and we should just move on. He said he didn't mean to give me the wrong impression or send the wrong signal and he wants to remain friends and see me in the future but just as friends. I wrote back that I'm fine with that.

 

(don't worry, it's almost over!)

 

That was all a few weeks ago. Now went to visit the facility last weekend and I saw Nancy, his close friend, and she informs me that when she leaves the facility in a couple weeks, she's going to live with Mark. that's right. Live with Mark. I thought I was going to throw up. I asked her what's going on with them and she swears they are just friends,. She says that she thinks Mark may have feelings for her, but that she has none for him that way.

 

I told Mark not to tell anything about what happened with us to Nancy, so I didn't know if she knew, but to make the long story short, (yeah right) I found out she knew. She told me that the night I hung out with Mark, he called her up in the middle of the night to say "something happened between me and (me). I can't do this to (my boyfriend). So he gave her the excuse that it was my boyfriend that made him feel guilty and stop fooling around with me. Remember, my boyfriend is his friend too.

 

(God this is long. I really am sorry)

 

So, anyway, Nancy tells me she's going to feel Mark out and see if he's interested in me. So she calls me up and tells me she spoke to him, she doesn't remember details, but that he told her that he doesn't have feelings for me that way and sees me as a friend. I have to tell you that Nancy did tell me before all this happened, that if Mark met someone to date she would be jealous of the attention being taken off of her. She is moving in with him because she doesn't want to go home and wants to live with him as a friend.

 

okay, so here's my question. Do you think Mark is in love with Nancy and that's the problem? How could he flirt with me like that and make out with me and only think of me as a friend? Do you think he just has anxiety issues and that's what is stopping him? Sometimes I think he wants to live with Nancy because he can be close to a girl but not have sex with her because he knows she's not interested, so it's safe. I have to remind you that they are very very close friends.

 

ok, that's it for now, believe it or not. Thank you to whoever made it this far. I am truly suffering with this. I feel like I want to confront him about what he did but what good would it do?

[TheyCallMeBruce]

That's pretty confusing. So you're still with one guy, but you want his friend? You should probably end things with the boyfriend, if this is the case.