I hate when friends don't want to hang out anymore

[Mcnulty]

Am I right in thinking you've had a relationship end badly Ross?

 

I can't believe for one minute you're unattractive to all women!!!

 

I guess focusing on getting your self esteem up, building up your life, finding more inner peace is a good goal to set yourself if you're feeling like this Ross.

Once you achieve that (baby steps, I know), you will feel more appreciative and open to the fairer sex, that in turn will give off a good vibe and they'll come running for you mate.

 

Have faith and pull yourself up...it is possible and you can do it...happiness comes from our own actions, not others.

[Star Gazer]

This is why I'm a perfect candidate for marriage. I am such a home body.

 

Huh? Most of the married people I know are just as if not MORE social than I am.

[DreamerGirl27]

Huh? Most of the married people I know are just as if not MORE social than I am.

 

Well I don't know who "they" are, but I would find that extremely difficult to accomplish, seeing as, by the time you're married, you're probably both working a lot.

 

 

The successful married people I know work too much and have way too busy of lives to worry about being "social". by the time my dad is done with work, he wants to come home to his family and more importantly, my mom. There are only so many hours in a week. Why waste time spending it with people that aren't your spouse?

[Ross MwcFan]

Am I right in thinking you've had a relationship end badly Ross?

 

I've never actually had one. I've never even had an indicator of interest from a woman in real life either.

 

Psychologically at 35 years of age, this has really taken it's toll on me.

[ASG]

Huh? Most of the married people I know are just as if not MORE social than I am.

 

LOL I know! My mom and step dad have to book things well in advance, as they always have social commitments! It's slightly ridiculous watching them trying to set up a dinner date with a couple of friends and go through 4 weeks of the calendar going "hmm busy, no, busy, no busy, ah we can do it in a month!2

[Mcnulty]

Ross, I don't know what to say....have you dated?

 

Why do you think you've never had a relationship? Have you asked women out? How do you feel about the fairer sex after 35 years?

[Ross PK]

Post deleted.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, I don't know what to say....have you dated?

 

Why do you think you've never had a relationship? Have you asked women out? How do you feel about the fairer sex after 35 years?

 

Never dated. Like I said I've never even experienced a woman express attraction in me in real life.

 

I've got no idea why I've never had a relationship, it's just never happened. It just feels like it's because women aren't interested in me in a sexual way.

 

I've never asked a woman out.

 

The way I feel about the fairer sex, is that I just really like them, but they just seem so untouchable, so out of reach.

[Mcnulty]

You mention interested in you in a sexual way...it doesn't have to be on that level to feel a connection, it can be mental way...shared interests etc.

 

Women aren't untouchable, they're just like you and me, with interests, hobbies etc.

 

It's a brave person that asks someone out, the rejection can knock you back, yes, I agree, but if they don't really know you and they reject you, it doesn't mean you're undesirable or ugly, just means they don't want to find out what you have to offer. God, I've had loads of knock backs, but the way i see it is as above.

 

It's about breaking the cycle Ross, being brave and putting yourself out there..hard i know, but it is done every day by millions of people.

 

Nothing changes unless something changes.

 

I have a friend a little older than you, who is still single, has been for the 12 years I've known him. He is happy to be single and leads a fulfilling life. he gets the odd bit of attention, because he goes to bars and it just happens, but he's never ever had a partner....don't view yourself as that unusual mate.

[Ross MwcFan]

You mention interested in you in a sexual way...it doesn't have to be on that level to feel a connection, it can be mental way...shared interests etc.

 

It's not really the fact that I find it hard to make friends with females that bothers me. It's just the fact that I don't seem to be seen as sexually desireable by any. Where even ugly guys are seen as sexually desirable by some women.

 

It feels like eveyone else is in some sort of a club, and I'm the only person who isn't allowed in.

[DreamerGirl27]

This topic is straying way off...it's about NicoleM's problems, not anyone else's. In my view, if you want to discuss your own issues, click new thread and do so. Or send PM's to each other.

 

Nicole-I'm sure going to the gatherings will help, but it's not uncommon for friendships to fall apart. It really isn't. I had loads of friends in college, and now I don't see hide nor hair of them. I don't think it's because any of us were unworthy of the other's friendship, or lacked anything in common, we just grew apart, and were busy with other things/people. Don't feel down about it, it happens. Like others have said, give them a call, one by one, and try and arrange something. Maybe a coffee to start with for a catch up, then take it from there. Then the ball is in their court.

 

Being alone isn't that bad, it's the most natural thing in the world, but we treat it as if it's not. Try and be comfortable with where you are right now in your life.

 

This is more along the lines of what I was trying to say. People get older, get busier, get different lives and people just grow apart. The only difference between me and what seems to be the common thing among most people to do, is I don't see it as a bad thing. I embrace it. I look forward to it. Because I know the older I get, even better people are going to come into my life, like a husband for starters...

 

Anyway, getting off track.

 

As harmfulsweetz said, BE HAPPY with what you have RIGHT NOW. If you have a lot of alone time, be grateful for that, because trust me. One day you won't! I have TONS of alone time and I love it. I'm soaking it up for the day when I am married with kids and I've got little kiddies hangin' all over my legs all day long. lawl

 

Anyway. I can't really put it into better words, but what harmfulsweetz said is accurate and it's something that should be celebrated, not dreaded and treated as if it's the worst thing in the world.

 

 

It's so easy to get wrapped up in your misery and look at all the bad things in life. Look at the positive things! I'm sure you have at least 1 friend that you can go to that you always talk to. Look for that friend. If you don't even have that, then eventually, someday you will.

 

Just be happy. That is all I ask.

 

Take this time to focus on YOU and what YOU want out of life. Maybe take a class at community college or something. Do some soul searching. But please, please don't fall into this, "my life sucks, nobody wants to hang out with me, I'm worthless" sort of mind set. That is no fun and never worth it.

 

I always look at the glass as half full as opposed to half empty.

[Mcnulty]

We gave advice to Nicole and she has fell off the radar, so the post morphed into someone elses if you know what I mean...

[Mcnulty]

Was that an advert or advice???

 

Do you think I should try just sending people to other websites rather than giving ADVICE Looking99?????

[Ross MwcFan]

Well, I didn't mean to hijack the thread. That's if it was me that caused it to happen in the first place. Sorry Nicole.

[Mcnulty]

Harmful...i'm not apologizing. You're right.. after chiming in on page 3!!!....Nicole did re-input...with a comment, not asking advice, of which i and others gave her EARLIER in the thread. If she had asked a specific question or advice again, i would gladly have gave her advice. The thread bounced off subject straight away...i puleed it back on subject. I'm not going to pull it back again, just for the sake of it, when no advice was asked. See the bigger picture Harmful and maybe read form the start and see how the post moved on.

 

"No threadjacking is a rule I think"...you sure about that? Where is that stated?...Is it not about seeking advice, helping others and acknowledging ALL posts if they seem to need help?

 

Like I say if the original poster had asked advice, we would have continued with advice. The one thing I don't agree with is the initial posts straight after someone starting a thread, moving it straight off subject and talking about themselves...that's why I pulled it back on subject!

[SpiralOut]

Nicole, I have the same problem of trying to hang out with people individually and finding that they aren't very interested. They are much more interested, like you said, in attending events, larger social gatherings, etc.

 

Is it possible to ask several friends out together for a group thing? Maybe invite a few people over for dinner, or find some fun events in your city that you could invite everyone to.

 

I am still struggling to meet new friends myself. One thing I find helpful is to set a specific date and time frame. Asking, "hey want to hang out sometime?" usually ensures that ''sometime'' never comes (unless they really, really want to meet up). You can say, hey are you busy this sunday afternoon? I was thinking it would be fun to do [fun thing] and maybe we could also invite [other people].

 

I am realizing that some people prefer group settings because it puts less pressure on the person to try and get along or make conversation with you, especially if it is a newer friend. They can invite someone they already know and feel less nervous about being around new people. That's my theory, anyway.