- boyfriend e-mails ex daily

[skewie0714]

I am a 60 year old woman, after a 37 year marriage my husband passed away. I am dating for truly the first time in my life and I am so lost, I don't even know normal.

 

I have dated probably 10 different men one time but had no attraction to them. I man I think I have fallen in love with but what he does hurts me and I don't know if it is me or him.

 

He stays in touch with all of his ex's. He does favors for them, does handyman jobs for them (for pay) and talks to them a great deal. The big thing right now is he just told me he is daily e-mailing an ex girlfriend from childhood whom he had an affair with about 10 years ago while she was married and still is married to her husband. He says it is just hi, how's your day, he is big on nicknames so he has one for her but he says they will never see each other again and it is just a flirtatious friendship. He lives in Florida, she lives in Chicago. They only e-mail each other while she is in work on her work e-mail address. Her husband does not know. They do not talk on the phone; I am guessing this is because her husband would see the phone bill. He see's me and might even partially move in but I cannot get this out of my head. Am I just so insecure, or old and stupid or should I not give it a chance anymore. I would really appreciate any advice.

[Jazzari]

I sympathize with you on trying to learn the dating ropes again. I lost my husband last year and though we were only married 18 years, it's still very difficult to get back in the game. I imagine things are so much harder for you. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.

 

It would bother me if my boyfriend was emailing an ex. And the fact that the ex feels the need to hide it from her husband says something.

 

I'm an all or nothing person, so seeing the ex's and the partially moving in wouldn't work for me. Maybe you can talk to him and tell him how you feel?

 

I don't think you are insecure or that this is age related. And you'd only be stupid if you didn't question it.

[Kelemort]

Insecurity is often labeled as only the insecure person's problem, while apparently the partner can get off free doing whatever they like. What your partner is doing is unacceptable.

 

I get that it can be tough to have a break-up, but being able to move on from that break-up in a healthy way is imperative. Being that close to his exes that he's always doing handyman jobs for them, calling them, talking to them, etc. just strikes me as someone who is unable to handle that finally resolution process of ENDING the relationship and moving ON.

 

He not only had an affair with this woman 10 years ago, but instead of breaking it off and moving on when it was discovered, he continues to contact her incognito - disrespecting this man's marriage yet again. And he's contacting her EVERY DAY? He may never see her again or talk to her on the phone (so he claims), but this is definitely not normal behavior.

 

My advice is to move on. You've got a man who is likely always going to be mired in his past relationships. And if he starts calling you asking if you need any work done on your place, politely decline and tell him you don't wish to join his harem of exes.

[ComputerJock]

This man cheated with a married woman who never told her husband and is still in contact with him? He has no morals, hide your purse and your heart. He has already stolen another man's wife and destroyed any trust in the marriage if the affair is ever found out.

[skewie0714]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to advise me. It was helpful and I think I kind of knew it but it is just going to be so hard to say goodbye because unfortunately my heart is in it deep.