Hopeless Girl Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Im a very loyal person but sometimes my friends dont seem to be there for me ... its like.. all my friends are from high school and college of course ... I made this one friend in college who became my best friend and she stopped talking to me out of the blue ... and then also another one in college who was a guy .. now my high school friends dont even speak to me ... I didnt do anything wrong... im not boring or whatever .... anyways ... this all became to be after my ex boyfriend broke up with me 1 year and a half ago... i got to bitter .. all i did was whine .. but i got over it... but my attitude towards people now is different... i used to be a person that loved making friends and was very social , now im just really bitter and bitchy .. i mean i dont mind being "bitchy" i call it assertivness ... people change ... but my friends dont care about me ... it takes me to the point of depression and wanting to die ... i wake up .. NOBODY calls me and i mean nobody .... unless its to hang out if theyre bored .. either way they got other friends to hang with but if not im theyre last option ... one of my best friends from high school now hows got a new friend who she sees all the time!! and that same new friends is kinda my buddy and she's the girlfriend with who used to be one of my best guy friends .. i really dont know what to do .. it eats me up and i feel lonely Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless Girl Posted April 21, 2011 Author Share Posted April 21, 2011 Another thing is.. Im very aloof.. so is my sister but her friends are always there for her ... Link to post Share on other sites
mikkyedward82 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 why you do hate his friends.......... Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Im a very loyal person but sometimes my friends dont seem to be there for me ... its like.. all my friends are from high school and college of course ... I made this one friend in college who became my best friend and she stopped talking to me out of the blue ... and then also another one in college who was a guy .. now my high school friends dont even speak to me ... I didnt do anything wrong... im not boring or whatever .... anyways ... this all became to be after my ex boyfriend broke up with me 1 year and a half ago... i got to bitter .. all i did was whine .. but i got over it... but my attitude towards people now is different... i used to be a person that loved making friends and was very social , now im just really bitter and bitchy .. i mean i dont mind being "bitchy" i call it assertivness ... people change ... but my friends dont care about me ... it takes me to the point of depression and wanting to die ... i wake up .. NOBODY calls me and i mean nobody .... unless its to hang out if theyre bored .. either way they got other friends to hang with but if not im theyre last option ... one of my best friends from high school now hows got a new friend who she sees all the time!! and that same new friends is kinda my buddy and she's the girlfriend with who used to be one of my best guy friends .. i really dont know what to do .. it eats me up and i feel lonely Another thing is.. Im very aloof.. so is my sister but her friends are always there for her ... Hi Hopeless, I hear you. I feel the same way. Interestingly, you said you used to be social - but since your break-up you changed and this seems to be where the problems started? Do you think possibly this new attitude of yours put off your friends? Sometimes 'assertiveness', 'confidence' and 'bitchiness' can all be confused and merged into the same thing. It also depends on people's perceptions: what you may see as being 'assertive' behaviour, to your friends could mean 'bitchy', with a negative connotation. It could also be that you feel jaded and have 'wised' up in some ways, which has overshadowed your previous fun-loving, social demeanor. I guess the important thing is to know who you are inside and stay true to what you feel and believe in. Whether these friends were 'true' friends to begin with or only connected with your previous self, only time will tell. But if they weren't, make new connections, preferably with people similar to you. (It sucks though when siblings seem to fare better on the social front. My sis is a little younger than me but has no trouble making and maintaining friendships. She is a mix of tough but sweet and people seem to respect her for it. I'm trying not to compare, but have always felt inferior to her in this respect). Link to post Share on other sites
LostInTurn Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I can identify with your post. I too call it being 'assertive' or 'defending myself' when others see it as negative behavior. I take it you were hurt quite a bit. I'm sorry for that. So many people may think they understand, but will never understand. As for your friends, they may not understand you now. If you've changed, you're most likely coming across differently which would be one explanation. I feel as though I'm not one to give advice... I could tell you it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, but that's my new outlook on life; which may not be the best advice. I'm far too protective of my emotions and heart. It's not easy to go about living life and being the fun social person you once were when you're so guarded now. I understand that completely. I find it hard to identify with people I was once close with as well. Perhaps you try and be yourself, the old self for one day. See how it is. If it's horrible, you can very well go back to your new outlook on life. One day won't hurt you anymore than you've been hurt, right? It may be worth a try. Also, I have a motto... sometimes we out grow people. So, the friends of yours who you don't see as there for you... maybe it's time to find new and wonderful friends. Link to post Share on other sites
DreamerGirl27 Posted May 1, 2011 Share Posted May 1, 2011 I don't need friends. I'm fine alone. All I need is a husband and a family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeless Girl Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 im fine alone too but I love my friends.. i need my friends , im a very loyal person to my friends... to tell u the truth its been 2 weeks and no one has called me .. only one of my best friends who is a girl and i told everything about this to my friends who is a guy (the girl who is best friends with one of my bffs that never calls me) and he was like "Im here for u" but he lives far away and we barely speak... sometimes I think theyre all out to get me.... i can say for real "i dont have friends that call me to see how i am ever" .. and i despise my guy friends girlfriend now cause shes such a hypocrite and wants all the attention... im not an attention seeker nor do I envy her but she was always trying to be "nice" to me cause her boyfriend and I had a very deep friendship r/s... he defended me and I defended him and i always thought she didnt mean to be my friend.. she was only trying because of him .. anyways ... i hate my position right now so much .... i think i need to go to a therapist PS .. im in my early 20s Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) It sounds like you were very hurt about your boyfriend and have moaned about it to your friends (which is what people do). It depends how you did this and how long for. If you were bitchy and bitter for ages and ages, despite friends' attempts to boost your confidence and draw you out of it, then they may feel they weren't getting anywhere. I don't know. Only you know whether this was likely to be a factor. Being perpetually miserable and bitter can be a sign of depression too. Many people don't know how to cope with a depressed person. It might help if you see your doc or see if you can get some counselling. Sometimes your friends don't know how to help and just end up feeling they are failing. They might avoid you if they feel you are self-absorbed and that they aren't making you happy. Think about what you need from a friend - for them to be pleased to see you, to cheer you up, to be a friend when times are hard, to appreciate your efforts - and ask yourself if you were being a friend to them. I think if you are a best friend to your friends, they will start to rally round. Another thing that might help is if you asked a friend you trust for some feedback. Tell them you're concerned that you're ending up alone a lot and ask them if it could be something you are doing. Ask them to be frank. Obviously, they might well be and you'd have to be prepared for that, but you might learn what is bothering others about your behaviour. This will give you chance to think about it. I still think seeing a counsellor would be a good thing as it would be another way of doing this. Of course, it could be that it's just a phase, that your friends are moving on because they are at another stage in life and their needs are changing. This does happen. Your needs may have changed too. Think about what you do need from a friend now and what you can offer a friend, then see if you meet people who would fit the bill. If you get involved in some activity you enjoy doing, you are more likely to meet like-minded people. I'm sure when you take steps to move out of this sadness and bitterness and to focus on how you can make a friend feel happy for a while, you will start to get positive feedback from people. Edited May 5, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 spiderowl's got some great advice there. I suspect that after the breakup, it was hard for your friends to be around you. After a while, people just don't want to continually try to cheer up someone who only sees the negative and is complaining all the time. You say that they haven't called you -- have you called them? Have you asked them about what's going on with them? I know you've gone through a bad time, but on at least some occasions, have you put your issues aside and have been there for them? Supportive of them not just when things are bad, but happy for them when things go well? I realize that last one is tough when you're depressed, but it's important for friendship. I'm not trying to pick on you, but you're sounding a little like a "black hole" kind of friend where people put in effort into the friendship only to be continuously drained. Now, I don't know your whole story, so I could be way off, but I encourage you to do some soul-searching not just about what you need from your friends, but what they need from you and the effort you are putting into your friendships. And seriously, take spiderowl's advice! Link to post Share on other sites
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