Seen each other only 3 times this month, no sex, yet GF feels "smothered"

April 21, 2011

Hi all,

I posted here a little while ago about some issues I was having with my girlfriend: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3345363

^^Warning, this is a little long.

Anyway, here's the gist of it. G/F has been stressed out for some time because of several things: a long and arduous job search, worried about her family's health, insomnia, sexual difficulties with me (it is painful for her), and she gets into weird moods a lot where she feels "strange" and wants to be alone (maybe due to birth control?).

Couple weeks ago she cancels on me repeatedly. She has good reasons (related to illness or the job search) but it creates some conflict. Culminates in her getting into another weird mood for no apparent reason and wants to be alone in the middle of a date. It turns into a big mess, she feels terrible about making the relationship so difficult, and decides she wants space for a few days (no talking or anything) to "reset" and sort herself out.

I give her the space. It turns out that she had a lot of things come up - hurt her thumb and had to go to the ER, roommate's birthday, and worried about her dad whose illness might have been coming back (mercifully it didn't).

We saw each other once this week for a few hours, and we were supposed to see each other yesterday. She calls me and tells me she finally got a job, and I'm so happy for her.

However, she then says she feels really anxious about sex/staying over with me (and not just penetrative sex which hurts her, but anything sexual and just sleeping over). She says she's upset with herself for feeling this way and has no idea why, but needs MORE space to figure out why, since she had no time to think about us during her last "space" period for the reasons aforementioned.

I get pretty upset at this, mostly because I really feel that we have an unbalanced relationship. I know my girlfriend cares about me and the relationship, but I truly feel - and I've tried to be objective about this - that I have given up WAY more for her than she has for me. Some of this has been though necessity, so it's been okay, but I feel that with many things she is not meeting me halfway. This is another example - instead of a compromise, she just cuts me out entirely for nearly a whole week. I did agree to this because she said this would have the best chance of helping our relationship, but I'm extremely unhappy about it and I feel really hurt.

To top it off, she said she felt smothered - even though we saw each other 3 times in 21 days, never had sex of any kind, and had a 3-day break from talking altogether. You'd think she'd be a lot happier with a job, since that was a huge burden on her, but no.

She says she feels awful about all of this, and entirely blames herself and not me, and is doing the "space" thing so she can figure out why she's feeling anxious and put a stop to it. She said it was nothing I did that made her feel this way. But I don't know...I just feel like this is so unbalanced. When we see each other seems to revolve around her needs, her moods, and her schedule. She said she'd do the same for me if I needed it - and I know she is being truthful with me, she's a good person and I love her - but the fact is, based on what she has told me, I feel like I defer to her a LOT more often than she does to me. (Also, I am taking a summer job in a city a few hours away in a little over a month, so you'd think she'd want to see me more, and she says she does want to see me, she just needs "space" to "work her issues out" so we can have a good relationship.)

Relevant facts: We are both early-mid 20s. Dating 6 months. We only started having real problems this month. It's my second serious relationship; it's her first. She was a virgin until she met me.

What do I do? How should I feel? Do I sound incredibly selfish? Or am I rightly frustrated because my girlfriend seems to be a slave to her emotions? Is this relationship in trouble, or do I just need to exercise some patience?

April 21, 2011

Hi all,

I posted here a little while ago about some issues I was having with my girlfriend: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3345363

^^Warning, this is a little long.

Anyway, here's the gist of it. G/F has been stressed out for some time because of several things: a long and arduous job search, worried about her family's health, insomnia, sexual difficulties with me (it is painful for her), and she gets into weird moods a lot where she feels "strange" and wants to be alone (maybe due to birth control?).

Couple weeks ago she cancels on me repeatedly. She has good reasons (related to illness or the job search) but it creates some conflict. Culminates in her getting into another weird mood for no apparent reason and wants to be alone in the middle of a date. It turns into a big mess, she feels terrible about making the relationship so difficult, and decides she wants space for a few days (no talking or anything) to "reset" and sort herself out.

I give her the space. It turns out that she had a lot of things come up - hurt her thumb and had to go to the ER, roommate's birthday, and worried about her dad whose illness might have been coming back (mercifully it didn't).

We saw each other once this week for a few hours, and we were supposed to see each other yesterday. She calls me and tells me she finally got a job, and I'm so happy for her.

However, she then says she feels really anxious about sex/staying over with me (and not just penetrative sex which hurts her, but anything sexual and just sleeping over). She says she's upset with herself for feeling this way and has no idea why, but needs MORE space to figure out why, since she had no time to think about us during her last "space" period for the reasons aforementioned.

I get pretty upset at this, mostly because I really feel that we have an unbalanced relationship. I know my girlfriend cares about me and the relationship, but I truly feel - and I've tried to be objective about this - that I have given up WAY more for her than she has for me. Some of this has been though necessity, so it's been okay, but I feel that with many things she is not meeting me halfway. This is another example - instead of a compromise, she just cuts me out entirely for nearly a whole week. I did agree to this because she said this would have the best chance of helping our relationship, but I'm extremely unhappy about it and I feel really hurt.

To top it off, she said she felt smothered - even though we saw each other 3 times in 21 days, never had sex of any kind, and had a 3-day break from talking altogether. You'd think she'd be a lot happier with a job, since that was a huge burden on her, but no.

She says she feels awful about all of this, and entirely blames herself and not me, and is doing the "space" thing so she can figure out why she's feeling anxious and put a stop to it. She said it was nothing I did that made her feel this way. But I don't know...I just feel like this is so unbalanced. When we see each other seems to revolve around her needs, her moods, and her schedule. She said she'd do the same for me if I needed it - and I know she is being truthful with me, she's a good person and I love her - but the fact is, based on what she has told me, I feel like I defer to her a LOT more often than she does to me. (Also, I am taking a summer job in a city a few hours away in a little over a month, so you'd think she'd want to see me more, and she says she does want to see me, she just needs "space" to "work her issues out" so we can have a good relationship.)

Relevant facts: We are both early-mid 20s. Dating 6 months. We only started having real problems this month. It's my second serious relationship; it's her first. She was a virgin until she met me.

What do I do? How should I feel? Do I sound incredibly selfish? Or am I rightly frustrated because my girlfriend seems to be a slave to her emotions? Is this relationship in trouble, or do I just need to exercise some patience?

I don't think she belongs in a relationship. She needs to spend time to get all of her issues together. Right now you two are not compatible, I'd cut your losses and break it off.

April 21, 2011

I agree. It sounds as though she isn't ready to be in a serious relationship. Let's be honest, sex is an important part of any relationship, especially for people in their 20s. If she's not willing to satisfy yours or any other man's sexual needs, then she should not be in a monogomous relationship. It's not fair to the person she's with.

She needs to sort our her emotional issues, perhaps either stopping or switching birth control pills because that CAN contribute to mood swings and emotional behaviour.

April 21, 2011

Like I told you in the other thread, she's showing more and more signs that she just wants to break-up with you. She's just dragging her feet about it.

I've been there, too. My ex spent less and less time with me and started hating sex a few months before he broke-up with me. They'll always have a whole bunch of legitimate excuses for not being there, but they are all crap.

The truth is, if someone loves you, there's always time for you somewhere in their lives no matter how busy they are. And if she truly loved you, then she wouldn't be going through all that pain by herself.

I got a kidney stone a few months ago that had a lot of complications to it. Because of this, I was in and out of the hospital for awhile, throwing up every day, in horrific pain, and unable to urinate. Yes, I supposed I could have ignored my boyfriend the entire time, but instead, he was there with me the whole time, holding my hair back when I vomitted and helping me take my medicine when I was in pain and holding my hand while I got tests in the hospital.

He also got severe problems and pains with his teeth. (Long story.) And it's not like we ignored each other through that. No, I held him, too. I gave him medicine, too. I went WITH him to the dentist.

Because real couples work through their problems together. People who are asking for space, unless you're legitimately suffocating them (like having to be with them 24/7, which you aren't), are wanting to see if they can handle life without you and separating themselves from you.

The truth is, you are not looking at this situation logically. You are letting your emotions and love for this girl cloud your judgment. Actions speak louder than words and all her actions say bad things. The part of you that keeps getting upset about it is the part of you that's trying to point this out to you.

April 21, 2011

Like I told you in the other thread, she's showing more and more signs that she just wants to break-up with you. She's just dragging her feet about it.

I've been there, too. My ex spent less and less time with me and started hating sex a few months before he broke-up with me. They'll always have a whole bunch of legitimate excuses for not being there, but they are all crap.

The truth is, if someone loves you, there's always time for you somewhere in their lives no matter how busy they are. And if she truly loved you, then she wouldn't be going through all that pain by herself.

I got a kidney stone a few months ago that had a lot of complications to it. Because of this, I was in and out of the hospital for awhile, throwing up every day, in horrific pain, and unable to urinate. Yes, I supposed I could have ignored my boyfriend the entire time, but instead, he was there with me the whole time, holding my hair back when I vomitted and helping me take my medicine when I was in pain and holding my hand while I got tests in the hospital.

He also got severe problems and pains with his teeth. (Long story.) And it's not like we ignored each other through that. No, I held him, too. I gave him medicine, too. I went WITH him to the dentist.

Because real couples work through their problems together. People who are asking for space, unless you're legitimately suffocating them (like having to be with them 24/7, which you aren't), are wanting to see if they can handle life without you and separating themselves from you.

The truth is, you are not looking at this situation logically. You are letting your emotions and love for this girl cloud your judgment. Actions speak louder than words and all her actions say bad things. The part of you that keeps getting upset about it is the part of you that's trying to point this out to you.

I think there might be something in that. My reservation, though, is that she's always been honest with me, and I know for a fact she really has had a lot going on. She tells me she doesn't want to break up, and that being alone is just how she handles her problems, whereas I like to talk them out. She says she just has a really bad handle on how she is feeling, and space will help her identify the issue.

I'm not trying to discount what you are saying, and I appreciate your thoughtful responses. She just seems to need less time with me than I do with her, and it's been like that our whole relationship. It's not like she makes no time for me...it's just more in line with her schedule than mine, and requires more time alone for various things.

I trust her entirely. Are you saying that you think that she's really just losing interest altogether, even though she's not being dishonest with me?

April 21, 2011

You two are not a couple. She is telling you that she has problems she wants to work out alone. Real couples face these problems together.

Do both of you a favor and break up. Tell her to focus on her own personal problems and not concern herself about your relationship. Move on with your lives. Who knows, perhaps if she straightens herself out, you two might reconnect in the future.

April 21, 2011

I think there might be something in that. My reservation, though, is that she's always been honest with me, and I know for a fact she really has had a lot going on. She tells me she doesn't want to break up, and that being alone is just how she handles her problems, whereas I like to talk them out. She says she just has a really bad handle on how she is feeling, and space will help her identify the issue.

I'm not trying to discount what you are saying, and I appreciate your thoughtful responses. She just seems to need less time with me than I do with her, and it's been like that our whole relationship. It's not like she makes no time for me...it's just more in line with her schedule than mine, and requires more time alone for various things.

I trust her entirely. Are you saying that you think that she's really just losing interest altogether, even though she's not being dishonest with me?

My ex genuinely worked a lot (and went to school a lot) and he'd genuinely come home from work stressed out and exhausted, but he'd never find places to fit me into his life anyway and he would have if he hadn't been thinking about dumping me.

April 21, 2011

I have to concur with the advice you have been given so far. This woman just really sounds like she does not want to be around you.

When two people are a couple the reduce eachothers stress and there is always time for their BF or GF. In a month only seeing eachother a few times and her "feeling smothered" is just her way of trying to blame you for her feelings changing.

They think it makes them a bad person to not like someone for certain reasons SO rather than taking responsibility for their feelings changing they will make it that persons fault. i.e. A guy they are not attracted to looks at them while they are scantily or tightly clad....he's a creep and a pervert for looking. That's why they are disgusted by his looking. Not because he's simply not sexually attractive to them.

Your GF is just using a variation on that. You are by no means smothering her. You are trying to be a good supportive boyfriend to your girlfriend. You are giving her the space she's asking for. Meanwhile what about you and your needs...she doesn't sound like she gives a dam.

You deserve better than to be treated that way. I'll even bet you $10 that she's already seeing someone else in some capacity. Do it not for her but for you. Break up with her. Your far too young to tie yourself to such an anchor.

April 21, 2011

I have to concur with the advice you have been given so far. This woman just really sounds like she does not want to be around you.

When two people are a couple the reduce eachothers stress and there is always time for their BF or GF. In a month only seeing eachother a few times and her "feeling smothered" is just her way of trying to blame you for her feelings changing.

They think it makes them a bad person to not like someone for certain reasons SO rather than taking responsibility for their feelings changing they will make it that persons fault. i.e. A guy they are not attracted to looks at them while they are scantily or tightly clad....he's a creep and a pervert for looking. That's why they are disgusted by his looking. Not because he's simply not sexually attractive to them.

Your GF is just using a variation on that. You are by no means smothering her. You are trying to be a good supportive boyfriend to your girlfriend. You are giving her the space she's asking for. Meanwhile what about you and your needs...she doesn't sound like she gives a dam.

You deserve better than to be treated that way. I'll even bet you $10 that she's already seeing someone else in some capacity. Do it not for her but for you. Break up with her. Your far too young to tie yourself to such an anchor.

Thanks for your input. I agree with you that I don't see how someone can be "smothered" given how little we have seen each other lately.

It's just that she has always been a person that hasn't needed to see me as much, even before we started having problems. I feel like 2-3x a week is usually ok for her. Given that fact, and the fact that she's been "feeling weird" and has had a lot on her plate, it seems like she feels that she hasn't been seeing me "too little," and that she genuinely feels smothered by her entire situation.

I don't know. Part of me says I do deserve better. Another part says I'm being too hard on her. This all started with me getting upset at her over cancelling a few times, anyway, so I feel that maybe I planted this whole thing in her head somehow and she's having a difficult time moving past it. And she's promised not to do the "space" thing again if Tuesday rolls around (that's when we talk again) and it hasn't helped her work these issues out. She says if that's the case, she'll try to work it out some other way.

Also, apologies if it sounds like I'm trying too hard to stick up for her. I do feel slighted in several ways, don't get me wrong. But I just want you guys to get the whole picture.

Edited April 21, 2011 by North by Southeast

April 21, 2011

I'm sorry, OP. It's very painful and confusing when people we like, maybe even love, send us these kinds of conflicting signals as they fade out of our lives, but it happens all the time, particularly from people inexperienced in relationships and unable to face conflict without anxiety (like your soon-to-be-ex girlfriend). She's just not up to this right now, not up to really being present in a relationship, not up to facing it like an adult and being direct with you. It sucks, but that's what it is.

Think of it this way, if this was any kind of deep, meaningful, healthy relationship, she would want you to be there with her, would want your support through these events. Instead she does nothing but push you away.

For whatever reason she is too weak to really use her words with you right now. Listen to her actions, they are telling you everything you need to know.

IMO, you will feel like you have taken back a little bit of your power if you are direct with her in the way she should be with you. Tell her straight up that you can't go on not having any of YOUR needs looked after, and that she obviously does not belong in a relationship right now. Tell her that you had a good time and you cared about her, and you wish her well in life, and then go home and lick your wounds and get ready to move on.

April 21, 2011

I agree with the others and I think you should tell her she can have all the space she wants and needs and then just make yourself scarce. You deserve someone who loves you.

Just b/c she's always been honest with you does not mean that she is being that way now--she may just really hate hurting your feelings b/c she knows you are a good man. But you could be the best man in the world and if she's not feeling it, she's just not and that in no way diminishes you or her. In fact, I think a lot of the problems in relationships are b/c we try to hold on to someone, knowing that they're a great catch and we have so much in common, but we just don't feel what we want to feel.

April 21, 2011

Thank you all for your kindness.

I get what all of you are saying, but I still wonder.

I'm wondering if she's just upset over me getting upset over her cancelling repeatedly a few weeks ago, and maybe she just hasn't had time to "get over it." I still think I was unduly upset over that. I wasn't mad AT HER, but I was very obviously frustrated and expressed myself as such.

She says she's always been a person who needs space and time alone to work out her difficulties, and I have seen her do this other times throughout our relationship for unrelated issues. I wonder if maybe she's just dealing with me the same way.

I'll see what she has to say to me on Tuesday. She says she won't do this to me again, and as I'm leaving for the summer in a little over a month, I have a feeling this will be resolved, one way or another, fairly soon.

April 22, 2011

Everybody always wonders about the end of relationships. "If I had done this, maybe they wouldn't have done that." In effect, the part of you that doesn't want to let go is trying to tell the rest of you that if you figure out the magic key phrase, her personality will change like presto.

That's the movies.

The truth, at least as I see it--from a point several years and several relationships down the road from where you stand now--is that both of you are fairly young, and fairly inexperienced, and neither of you understands your own relationship boundaries yet, much less each others. You might not want to hear it at this time, but this is just going to be a learning experience relationship for you, not "the one."

The good news is that learning experience relationships teach us SO MUCH about ourselves, and about how we relate to others, and what we need in our lives. They really prepare us for deeper, better relationships, and new stages of life.

For what it's worth, I am also a person who often needs space and time to work out my problems, but that doesn't mean I get to push everybody away and expect them to still be there when I feel like checking to see if THEY might have needs or issues, too. And also, in closing, IF she really is 'getting upset over you getting upset' after she cancelled on your repeatedly, then she needs a reality check and/or a swift kick in the pants. That's not how life/friendships/relationships work. There is fundamental incompatability here no matter which way you slice it, North, in my humble opinion. Sorry.

April 22, 2011

I don't have much experience with relationships but from what I have experienced it's generally a bad sign if someone is making excuses not to spend time with you. Either a) they're not all that interested b) they have some issues going on where they like to push people away. I wouldn't want to deal with either of those especially this early in your relationship.

April 22, 2011

To top it off, she said she felt smothered - even though we saw each other 3 times in 21 days, never had sex of any kind, and had a 3-day break from talking altogether. You'd think she'd be a lot happier with a job, since that was a huge burden on her, but no.

What do I do? How should I feel? Do I sound incredibly selfish? Or am I rightly frustrated because my girlfriend seems to be a slave to her emotions? Is this relationship in trouble, or do I just need to exercise some patience?

My theory: She does feel smothered. She attributes it to you, but it's more that she feels smothered by the fact of you and the guilt she feels for neglecting you. Most of the stuff that she keeps using to keep you apart is just excuses. If she wanted to be with you, then you would be together. The reason you aren't together is not because of the reasons she keeps giving. It's because she doesn't want to be with you.

Your problem is that you have incomplete information, by design. You don't know all there is to know about the situation. If you did, then you could act. The rest of the information is the explanation why, despite all her excuses, she simply doesn't want to be together.

I guess the question is: what makes you think she's ever going to get a grip on these runaway emotions of hers? And are you encouraging her to behave this way by sticking around?

I think you should be patient with her until you can't anymore. Then you'll leave her, feeling a lot of anger and not so much regret. Or until she changes and lets you into her life. But that's unlikely to happen.

Edited April 22, 2011 by johan

April 22, 2011

I just want to add that you had EVERY right to be upset that she canceled on you repeatedly. She should have been trying to make it up to YOU not the other way around.

April 22, 2011

I also want to say this. The first time we did the whole "space" thing, we exchanged e-mails, and she said she really appreciated me being receptive to her needs.

She also thinks that I was confounding the issues of how much we saw each other with how often we were having sex, and she was actually right about that.

I wonder if this whole thing is just anxiety on her part about her not being able to meet my needs sexually, and worried about me getting upset when she can't. Yesterday, when we started our whole "space" thing again, she said she was feeling very anxious about 1) anything sexual and 2) sleeping over. Didn't seem to be anything more than that, but she had no idea why and wanted to take some time to figure it out.

She said initially that she just wants to get over this and put it behind us, but now she says she needs more space in order to do that. It's weird...from what she's been saying, she seems like she really does care about our relationship...I just hope it isn't my fault in the sense that I got upset one too many times.

I was very upset that night when she said she didn't want to stay over a couple weeks ago, since after cancelling on me so much, I figured she'd want to. I wonder if I just stressed her out with my reactions, in combination with our sexual issues. She said she has faith when I say that I won't get overly upset over her having to cancel on me, but she has lingering apprehension. I have gotten very upset twice this month - once when we had the initial blow-up after she kept cancelling, and once yesterday when she said she needed a week to herself. She says it scares her when I get that upset - not in an "I'm afraid you'll hit me" sense or anything like that, but it just freaks her out.

Is this really all my fault? She says it isn't, but I don't know. Have I just put too much pressure on her? I feel like if that were the only issue, she would have said so because it would have been easy to identify. She could have easily said to me, "North, you're putting too much pressure on me" or "North, I'm afraid that I can't satisfy you sexually and you'll get upset and that's why I'm anxious," but she said neither of those things, making me think something larger is at work.

Edited April 22, 2011 by North by Southeast

April 22, 2011

I also want to say this. The first time we did the whole "space" thing, we exchanged e-mails, and she said she really appreciated me being receptive to her needs.

She also thinks that I was confounding the issues of how much we saw each other with how often we were having sex, and she was actually right about that.

I wonder if this whole thing is just anxiety on her part about her not being able to meet my needs sexually, and worried about me getting upset when she can't. Yesterday, when we started our whole "space" thing again, she said she was feeling very anxious about 1) anything sexual and 2) sleeping over. Didn't seem to be anything more than that, but she had no idea why and wanted to take some time to figure it out.

She said initially that she just wants to get over this and put it behind us, but now she says she needs more space in order to do that. It's weird...from what she's been saying, she seems like she really does care about our relationship...I just hope it isn't my fault in the sense that I got upset one too many times.

I was very upset that night when she said she didn't want to stay over a couple weeks ago, since after cancelling on me so much, I figured she'd want to. I wonder if I just stressed her out with my reactions, in combination with our sexual issues. She said she has faith when I say that I won't get overly upset over her having to cancel on me, but she has lingering apprehension. I have gotten very upset twice this month - once when we had the initial blow-up after she kept cancelling, and once yesterday when she said she needed a week to herself. She says it scares her when I get that upset - not in an "I'm afraid you'll hit me" sense or anything like that, but it just freaks her out.

Is this really all my fault? She says it isn't, but I don't know. Have I just put too much pressure on her? I feel like if that were the only issue, she would have said so because it would have been easy to identify. She could have easily said to me, "North, you're putting too much pressure on me" or "North, I'm afraid that I can't satisfy you sexually and you'll get upset and that's why I'm anxious," but she said neither of those things, making me think something larger is at work.

I underlined this part of your post for a reason. You can't trust what people SAY in a relationship, you can only trust what they do.

When my ex was about to break-up with me, he kept insisting that everything was okay between us and that he'd never leave me, but he was ACTING distant and cold and like something was wrong.

Actions speak louder than words for a reason. People try to cover their true intentions with words and that's why you take those with a grain of salt. People's real feelings are always in their actions.

And the last paragraph is exactly what we are trying to say. She isn't trying to work things out with you. She isn't actually talking to you and trying to spend time with you in order to fix whatever problem she is having. She's ignoring you and being distant. Someone who cares about you won't do that.

Also, all people make mistakes in relationships, so even if you were in the wrong for getting upset (which you weren't), her holding a grudge against you for it for this long would be ridiculous and show that she would never accept you for the real you, faults and all.

April 22, 2011

Sigh. This whole thread makes me depressed. OP just won't see the reality. I just hope this girl stops leading him on soon, for his sake.

April 22, 2011

Sigh. This whole thread makes me depressed. OP just won't see the reality. I just hope this girl stops leading him on soon, for his sake.

Hey, I'm doing the best I can here. I've trusted her our whole relationship and I can't just stop doing that now because the last few weeks have sucked.

I want to wait to see if she does indeed get her feelings together and if it turns around. If not, then I'll know.

A lot of my friends who I've talked to in person are taking a different perspective and just think that our relationship has gotten to one of those ruts people who are together for a while get into. So it's hard to decide on any one thing for sure.

I've heard from many places that time apart can benefit a relationship. It sucks to be cut out for a while, but I'm really hesitant to jump to conclusions. I know she at least cares about me. I just don't have a reason to distrust her at this point.

I'm not stupid. I don't know what exactly is going on here, but I'm fully aware that what all of you are saying is a definite possibility. But I feel like these issues just cropped up suddenly, and that we could also easily get past them.

Either way, if things do end, I'm not going to sit here and say "I didn't see this coming." All of you make good points. I just think it's way too early to just give up before more facts come in.

As much as I love her and want to be for her, it won't be the end of the world if it ends. I will be hurt, sure, but like I said, there's some passion missing in our relationship right now. I'm trying to cultivate that by working on our sex life and hopefully we can get there. But if not, it won't be as bad as some other breakups. My ex and I had a ton of sexual passion, and when that relationship ended, it really hurt, it took me nine months to totally get over it. So it's not like I'm desperately hanging on. I love my girlfriend and I want it to work, but if it doesn't, I know I'll eventually be able to move on.

Edited April 22, 2011 by North by Southeast

April 22, 2011

I believe you mentioned that you guys are 6 months into this relationship right? At this stage, many couples are still in the honeymoon phase. You shouldn't be having these types of problems. I agree with the other posters.

April 22, 2011

I agree you should continue with her for as long as you can take it. If things continue, you'll do the right thing when the time is right. It's just a cost/benefit decision like everything else in life. Right now you think there are some benefits waiting for you if you just pay the cost right now. When you decide there aren't, you'll let go.

April 22, 2011

I believe you mentioned that you guys are 6 months into this relationship right? At this stage, many couples are still in the honeymoon phase. You shouldn't be having these types of problems. I agree with the other posters.

I agree. My current boyfriend and I actually have been dating about six months and we have lots of sex and talk lots every day. We're not panicking about space right now. It's one of the last things on our minds.

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Seen each other only 3 times this month, no sex, yet GF feels "smothered"

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