How much do you care about what others think of you in real life?

[orangelady]

I don't know if it's been mentioned, but I think we need to differentiate between "how much we care about what others think of us IRL"

 

and -

 

being sensitive, or capable of being hurt by the opinions of others, in the way they're communicated.

 

I actually don't care what people think of me - but I still have feelings, and I am still capable of being hurt by the attitude demonstrated by others.

There's a difference. And an important distinction at that.

 

In response to your above question about the people in my class, I don't know if they are all putting up a 'front'. I really don't know.

 

And yes, I think there is a difference between the two but then when it hurts you that people leave you out and you always seem to be a loner and somehow others get along better with each other than with you, you can't help to wonder if something is really wrong with you. I don't believe that something is WRONG with me until I saw that in everywhere I go, it is so hard for me to develop friendships beyond all the hi and byes and 'small talk'. I really think I am friendly, kind and sensitive but I haven't met anyone like myself. Everyone's just doing their own thang and I feel like I landed on the wrong planet.

 

Also, I think the fear of speaking in front of a group shows that you care so much about what others think of you, or else, why wouldn't you be able to do it naturally? (that's me)

[TaraMaiden]

 

....but then when it hurts you that people leave you out and you always seem to be a loner and somehow others get along better with each other than with you, you can't help to wonder if something is really wrong with you. I don't believe that something is WRONG with me until I saw that in everywhere I go, it is so hard for me to develop friendships beyond all the hi and byes and 'small talk'. I really think I am friendly, kind and sensitive but I haven't met anyone like myself. Everyone's just doing their own thang and I feel like I landed on the wrong planet.

 

I felt exactly like this - exactly like this - when I began at a new secondary school in the 2nd year.

 

I never fitted into the 1st year of my previous secondary school, because guess what? I really wasn't like them.

It's not important now, but I was initially put into a school where the majority of girls were from, shall we say, a different social strata and sphere of life.

Within the first hour, I had been labelled a snob, la-de-dah, and a superior b**ch all because I could sound my "h"s and speak properly....

 

'nuff said...

 

The second school, more to the point, was a disaster because all the little buddy-buddy groups and friendly-cliques had already been formed.

I was the obvious outsider and didn't fit in - anywhere.

Sure, girls spoke to me, and I had moments of friendly interaction, but for 4-and-a-half years, I had no real friends to speak of.

And it was a boarding school.

As a weekly boarder, 24/5 were miserable.

And I felt exactly as you do. "What am I doing here? Am I from another time dimension? Am I the only one who' seeing this?"

I really felt at times as if I was watching everything - including me - taking place on a stage...

 

To fit in (or try desperately to) I began to tell lues about myself, building an image and lifestyle for myself, to try to make myself popular.

Of course, it didn't work. Liars have to have good memories, and I was hopeless...

The fact I also spoke 3 languages fluently, didn't help.

Adults admire that. Kids hate it, and get jealous, and bitchy....

 

This is where it gets weird, so bear with me - or ignore it, if you want.

 

I once had cause and opportunity to get an audience with a Tibetan Buddhist Lama. he's highly respected, extremely down-to-earth, and reliable in his teachings. he's an authority on many things Buddhist, and no cult-figure.

 

He began to talk about re-birth, and reincarnation, and discussed aspects of life, living and how to maintain a level head, in the present.

 

He pointed out a couple of things:

events which manifest now, may certainly be a follow-on kicker from a previous life. So the experiences you ('you' generic, not 'you' specific) are having now, may be a result of a life gone by. hence this feeling of coming from somewhere else, and not being all there....

 

But that, he added, is conjecture.

 

He further said, however - If you want to know what you were in a previous life, look at your bodily existence now.

If you wish to see how your future life will pan out - look at your mental existence, now.

 

Buddhism "out there" is unimportant, he said, opening his hands to indicate all the whistles and bells, statues, incense and scriptural teachings.

Buddhism "in here" is what counts.

And he tapped his head.

 

I have to admit, I wasn't the only one he was speaking to.

There were several people in the room. About 5-and a half thousand, to be more precise.

And this lama happened to be the Dalai.

so I think his advice was sound....

 

But take that as you wish.

Or leave it aside.

I merely added it because it resonated with me.

 

 

 

 

 

Also, I think the fear of speaking in front of a group shows that you care so much about what others think of you, or else, why wouldn't you be able to do it naturally? (that's me)

In a Governor Body meeting at school, I had to pluck up the courage to challenge a decision being tabled. I knew this decision was up for discussion and being put to the vote, and I further knew that the Chair was in favour of it, as was the Head teacher. And they were very good friends.

It took all the nerve I had, to summon up the courage and speak up.

And to my astonishment, three other governors, immediately agreed.

 

we got the motion dismissed.

They all confided in me afterwards that they'd all been of the same opinion as I, but had been too timid/scared/nervous to speak up.

Once I had, they all followed.

You'd be surprised how many people might think as you do but are also too nervous to say anything for fear of looking a proper charlie.

But ask yourself - what's the worst that can happen?

Can they lay you on a rack and torture you?

Can they execute you or put you on death row?

no.

All they can do is agree. Or otherwise.

 

We over-blow and exaggerate the opinions of others, and the fearful result of our own contribution.

Get a grip.

The most stupid question is the one you don't ask.

And think: how often do you hear someone say something and you think, "I agree, I wish I'd said it!"....?

 

They had to find the courage to speak.

It's not rocket science.

you just say words and let the rest flow.

The only one really jeopardizing your input and contribution, and education, and advancement, is you.

Why hold a good thing back?

Why sabotage your own progress, simply because of the presumed and imaginary opinions of others?

[Ross MwcFan]

In my teens and 20s I cared A LOT.

In my early thirties now I couldn't care less.

 

Wow, early 30's? You look more like you're in your early 20's.

[chucksagent]

Trust me when I tell you...NONE of us should care what ANYBODY thinks for 2 reasons:

 

1.) 80 to 90% of people are sheep - morons with no knowledge to offer.

 

2.) My Spanish teacher in high school ALWAYS said "Walk a Mile in my shows before you choose." I always thought he was being a liberal hero; but after 4 years of college, 3 years of law school, 2 years at a big law firm, now doing something totally different, living in many states, meeting many people, encountering many problems - he was right all those years ago. I should have trusted his wisdom. You can NOT judge someone until you've had to deal with what they've had to deal with. Bottom Line.

 

That's why I say you SHOULD NOT care what anyone thinks, but in spite of me KNOWING that beyond a shadow of a doubt to be true, I still find myself wondering or thinking what others think of me...hoping they like m...lol...hoping they don't think I'm a moron.

[Ross MwcFan]

Trust me when I tell you...NONE of us should care what ANYBODY thinks for 2 reasons:

 

1.) 80 to 90% of people are sheep - morons with no knowledge to offer.

 

2.) My Spanish teacher in high school ALWAYS said "Walk a Mile in my shows before you choose." I always thought he was being a liberal hero; but after 4 years of college, 3 years of law school, 2 years at a big law firm, now doing something totally different, living in many states, meeting many people, encountering many problems - he was right all those years ago. I should have trusted his wisdom. You can NOT judge someone until you've had to deal with what they've had to deal with. Bottom Line.

 

That's why I say you SHOULD NOT care what anyone thinks, but in spite of me KNOWING that beyond a shadow of a doubt to be true, I still find myself wondering or thinking what others think of me...hoping they like m...lol...hoping they don't think I'm a moron.

 

It's normal to care what others think of you to an extent. Otherwise we'd all be walking around naked.

[pureinheart]

I do know. I am a lost soul. I am 28 and still don't know what I should do in my career. I know I am not confident and all the negative stuff. But one thing I know, and that is I'm nice and helpful but that is not important in this world.

 

Well, if your lost right now, then it is what it is...and it's ok to be lost, I would advise not to stay there for long, but if your there, your there.

 

Being real is the best way to go, and certainly being nice and helpful, people are normally taken advantage of, although at the end of the day you can feel good about you, because you have been true to your form...be confident in that.

 

I hit some very dark days awhile back and wondered what had I done with my life. In the reflection process I was amazed to see what I had actually accomplished. Now at some crossroads, wondering what now...well I have to take it one day at a time, knowing there are times in our lives that we just have to be patient and wait.

 

I pray you prosper in all things:)

[ALonerAgain]

It's normal to care what others think of you to an extent. Otherwise we'd all be walking around naked.

 

:laugh:

 

I still care, even though I've insisted on trying to stand out in some way, shape or form. This is in part due to being an introvert, I feel like I have to work harder to get noticed otherwise people will just 'overlook' me.

 

Usually it's little stupid things like small talk and because I'm naturally quiet around new people and constantly trying to rack my brain with something funny or interesting to say. I like the quiet, but in these situations it's deafening!

 

Or walking down a busy street where people are just people-watching: I always seem to feel 'the eyes' on me. Makes me paranoid if I'm wearing a skirt/dress just in case I've accidentally tucked it into my knickers with my a** showing!

[Eve]

OP, I think you are in a very lonely patch and because of this everything is exaggerated. I mean, half the people who you see being all 'confident' and whatever probably have the same concerns.. it's a matter of balance.

 

You seem to have a genuine desire for real connections and those who are of the same mind will see this in you. I don't for a second believe that you have to be massively confident to achieve this. This is a beautiful quality but fulfiling it means you have to keep believing in it and letting it grow. Methinks you compare yourself way too much with others.

 

Not sure what books you like but Rhonda Byrne's, 'The Power', (second installment of 'The Secret') is a truly uplifting book that specificlly builds on ones ability to love. All things are born out of love and I would say that focusing on this aspect of yourself will help you to reconnect with the roots of the true aims you clearly display.

 

I can only speak for myself but focusing on things I love and enjoy really energises me and makes me immune to 'stuff'... especially negative stuff.

 

So, in essence, I would say your sense of feeling lost is a call to reconnect with 'love' at your core. Once full you will be able to better navigate and create new situations.

 

Don't think that anyone can give this to you. It is our purpose to create this ourselves.

 

All the best,

Take care,

Eve x

Edited May 5, 2011 by Eve