Author lookingforyou Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 I actually feel better not dating. No, I do want to be in a relationship. It's just that when a relationship falls apart or it gets unrequited, I get more upset than before I got anywhere close to either scenario. So not looking for one somehow becomes easier than being in a relationship that eventually crumbles. Does it even make any sense now? Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I actually feel better not dating. No, I do want to be in a relationship. It's just that when a relationship falls apart or it gets unrequited, I get more upset than before I got anywhere close to either scenario. So not looking for one somehow becomes easier than being in a relationship that eventually crumbles. Does it even make any sense now? Fear of failure is a lame reason for not going after something you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Scottdmw Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I'm not sure how many hours a week you work. But, there have been times when I worked a 40 hour/week job plus took 7 university credits worth of classes, while still finding time to go out almost every night. I think this can be true for almost anyone unless they get up to the 70 hour/week plus range. The key thing I heard from you is that you feel “too tired” after work to go out. I would have to agree with another poster that it's a matter of priorities and motivation. If you really don't care that much, being tired is just an excuse anyway. If the activities you are thinking about going to don't sound very fun to you, you need to find something that does sound fun, something that you want to go to enough to get out of your house. I think you need to be intellectually aware that modern life can have a way of trapping people. You can get yourself in a situation where if you just follow your day-to-day feelings you will never really get to the goal you want. In your case, you quite probably would be a lot happier if you had a relationship, but your day-to-day feelings are not going to lead you there as it is. You are not going to feel like doing what it really is going to probably take, at least unless you make some changes. Further, if your only life is your work and you have no interests outside of it except for coming home to rest and watch TV, are you realistically going to be that interesting to a person? You are a woman so your looks count for a lot, but even with a pretty woman it's nice if she can talk about something besides work, and she has some interests outside of work. I'd suggest you try to find some activities that really call to you, something that would be fun whether you meet someone or not. Then, make yourself go out the door and attend them. A lot of times I find that I am demotivated and dispirited when I'm thinking about leaving to go to something, but once I arrive I feel excited and glad to be there. The other suggestion would be to schedule events. Get your calendar, find some events, and put them in the calendar. Treat them like business appointments, something you're committed to going to, even if work issues come up that day. It can also help if things come up at the end of the workday and people want you to stay later than you had planned, you can legitimately say that you have other commitments that night. And, you can make these plans when you feel motivated and then if you don't feel motivated the day of at least you have a place to go to arranged. Scott Link to post Share on other sites
Author lookingforyou Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 I'm not even sure it's something I really want. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Probably because I'm quite comfortable being by myself, without having to answer to anyone about my decisions or activities. Therefore I'm not sure how much energy I want to expend for it. Yep, I know I'm being contradictory. Link to post Share on other sites
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