EmperorR Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 anyone else have this feeling, like not saying my ex was ugly or anything she was a very very attractive female, just that now I feel like she's the most gorgeous girl on the planet , is it just me or i'm going crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 It's probably in your head. Grass is greener syndrome. My exes all treated me like a hot tamale while we were together... but they treated me like a five-alarm hot tamale after we broke up. Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 If they have been taking steps to improve themselves since the breakup. It could be true, I know I am not the same person physically (lost 13kg), toned up some. Mentally I haven't felt this good in quite a while. If my ex saw me now she probably wouldn't recognise me. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 It's simple. You want what you can't have. That toy always looked so awesome in the toy store window. But when you finally took it home, it was a boring piece of sh*t. You mind is playing tricks on you. Be smarter than yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
giveittofate Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I had the same exact thing happen to me when my ex and I broke up...it's true, like the poster before me said it's a "i want what I cant have" type thing...when I was with her I always thought "well yeah, she's cute and I'm pleased with her looks"...but when she ended things it was "HOLY SH*T THIS GIRL IS AMAZING...NOW I LOST THE BEST GIRL EVER, SHE'S SO PERFECT LOOKING!" Crazy how it works, but you're not alone man, I was just like that...hard enough to experience the breakup then have our mind mess with us and morph her into a perfect 10 is like adding insult to injury.. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 It's probably in your head. Grass is greener syndrome. My exes all treated me like a hot tamale while we were together... but they treated me like a five-alarm hot tamale after we broke up. LMAO Ain't THAT the truth! Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 So true. It's those emotional feelings that are screwing with you. I've had similar but kinda' in reverse in that my ex didn't physically attract me when we first met. Not saying she's not beautiful, she is. Stunning in fact, but I wasn't attracted to her (can't explain why, just not my type I guess). It was only through getting to know her as a friend first that I started to get that attraction, and now, even though we've split, I think she's one of the most beautiful girls on the planet! Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I deactivated my fb account after our breakup amd we live on opposite sides of the city so I have not seen how my ex looks at all since the breakup!! It has helped alot =] But to answer your question, as others noted: has to do with human nature. We desire more those things in life we cannot have.It's all in our head I believe. =] Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 my stbxw is putting me through hell and I'm still very, very attracted to her. Its a combination of things-- she's lost weight and looks better, I can't have her, and I hate that she is giving herself to an OM. Funny thing is I think I look the best I have in probably 10yrs, but there is no perceived attraction from her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
habs53 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Yeah same here, she lost weight and stuff and looks good. Has a new guy and he i the most ugly guy i have ever seen. She went through all that trouble just to attract that. Guess looks arent everything. Link to post Share on other sites
calndn Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I had exactly the same thing, never thought my ex was amazing looking but obv attracted to him, to me he was good looking. But now, god I think hes the best looking guy ever and noone can compare...I hope this isnt true and I dont know why I suddenly think it, he hasnt changed really!! Hasnt lost weight, still cuts his hair really short which I used to hate but somehow now think he klooks amazing....its frustrating!! x Link to post Share on other sites
poorguy Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Agree with everyone else. It's human nature and now wanting what you can't have. Here's a thought though because I've been through it a few times now in my life. Everyone here has been through the thinking your ex is simply the hottest thing in the world right???? Well if you've gone away and kept your mouth shut (NC) and moved on with your life or at least certainly appeared to be guess what-I'll bet they think the same thing about you. Even if he/she is with someone else....Just give it some time. Two of my three exes (who were all beautiful) sure did feel that way after some significant time had gone by. They thought I was the most incredible man in the world (not saying I am/was but they sure tought so lol) Bottom line is if your feeling that way I'll bet they are or will too. Everyone and I mean everyone wants what they can't have!!!!! This is all assuming you were'nt a douche Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) This is all assuming you were'nt a douche ummm... I was. explain this one to me as well..... why in the hell am I obsessed with sexual thoughts about this person who treats me like crap, I've had sex with like 1800 times over an 8yr period, and she was never that great in bed to begin with??? why wouldn't I focus on finding a new partner??? Edited April 12, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
poorguy Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 ummm... I was. explain this one to me as well..... why in the hell am I obsessed with sexual thoughts about this person who treats me like crap, I've had sex with like 1800 times over an 8yr period, and she was never that great in bed to begin with??? why wouldn't I focus on finding a new partner??? Again..because you want what you can't have....That simple Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Again..because you want what you can't have....That simple i think there is that comfort level you have with them as well... like I've seen every inch of her so many times.. i want to experience it again so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 She went through all that trouble just to attract that. Guess looks arent everything. Ouch! No looks certainly aren't everything. Every man I've loved has become considerably 'hotter' to me the more I love him. I may be the only person on LS who feels this way but once that 'hot' man is my ex he generally loses his 'hotness', and in some cases I've wondered what I was attracted to in the first place. The problem with most breaks ups is, at least for the dumpee, in the early stages they're usually even more in love with their ex than they ever were - so the attraction is stronger. Either that, or as some have said, she's 'improved' herself. Link to post Share on other sites
ladeedee Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I feel the same LittleTiger, I saw my ex and I found him unattractive... I just thought, "God you're an a**hole!" And then I wondered what I saw in him that was so sexy before! However, I did see him from a distance.. and I noticed he looked thinner. IDK if that's good or bad for him (depressed and lost weight or losing weight to be fit). I could never get him to work out during the entire year we dated! Regardless, he still didn't look that great to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Temporary illusion maybe... Although my ex was eating his heart out, probably still is It was the opposite, for me, he looked less and less attractive as everything that attracted me to him was marred by the ugly truth so I no longer felt that way about him. When I see pics of him, he looks familiar but I don't feel like he is soo cute and attractive anymore. He's just another guy to me. Granted we broke up 2 years ago. So it probably is also connected to how things ended etc and how that person behaved, which determines if you still find them attractive or think they're hotter. But I do remember when we first broke up and I still thought he was hot and we hung out, so much sexual tension was there, but the last we hung out last May, I knew that was the last leg of me being over him as when I looked at him I felt nooooo attraction, no sense of wanting to jump on him, I started noticing more physical flaws and it was very blah... Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 (edited) Temporary illusion maybe... Although my ex was eating his heart out, probably still is It was the opposite, for me, he looked less and less attractive as everything that attracted me to him was marred by the ugly truth so I no longer felt that way about him. When I see pics of him, he looks familiar but I don't feel like he is soo cute and attractive anymore. He's just another guy to me. Granted we broke up 2 years ago. So it probably is also connected to how things ended etc and how that person behaved, which determines if you still find them attractive or think they're hotter. But I do remember when we first broke up and I still thought he was hot and we hung out, so much sexual tension was there, but the last we hung out last May, I knew that was the last leg of me being over him as when I looked at him I felt nooooo attraction, no sense of wanting to jump on him, I started noticing more physical flaws and it was very blah... i think this is a big difference between men and women. I'm pretty sure my behavior and inability to let go has made me look pretty unattractive to my ex. NOW, her behavior has been ghoulish as well imho (albeit in a completely different way), but I still think she is hot and put her on a pedestal. also, I'd like to think if she saw me with another woman she'd be jealous but at this point I'm pretty sure she'd be like "good she can have him!" Edited April 12, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I'm with LittleTiger and Beeotch. Once I've gotten over a guy, I usually wonder what I ever saw in him. There's only one ex who I still think is painfully attractive, and he's the one I loved the most. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 (edited) I'm with LittleTiger and Beeotch. Once I've gotten over a guy, I usually wonder what I ever saw in him. There's only one ex who I still think is painfully attractive, and he's the one I loved the most. ladies, you scare me. from my perspective, as far as PHYSICAL attraction I'm not sure if you were attracted to them before when everything was good, they all of the sudden become unattractive when you no longer care for them. does this mean you were fooling yourselves into thinking they were attractive when you cared? i though my ex was hot when I met her, after 8yrs I had kind of gotten bored with her, but even if she turned out to be a horrible person on the inside (which she has), I can't just say "oh she's ugly on the outside too". guys are dumb like that, at least I am. Edited April 14, 2011 by marqueemoon4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 ladies, you scare me. from my perspective, as far as PHYSICAL attraction I'm not sure if you were attracted to them before when everything was good, they all of the sudden become unattractive when you no longer care for them. does this mean you were fooling yourselves into thinking they were attractive when you cared? i though my ex was hot when I met her, after 8yrs I had kind of gotten bored with her, but even if she turned out to be a horrible person on the inside (which she has), I can't just say "oh she's ugly on the outside too". guys are dumb like that, at least I am. I think it is just the female way (in general) to find beautiful the men we truly love. Personally, I have never developed crushes on or attraction to anyone based strictly on looks. He can be the most gorgeous guy in the world, but until I have some idea of what he's made of, he's just another guy to me. But when a man wows me with his intelligence, compassion, and integrity, he becomes much more attractive to me. I've always been this way, and I suspect always will. When a guy really lets me down, it's like the wind in the sails of my attraction for him drops to near zero. Link to post Share on other sites
Renard99 Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I'm having trouble with thinking my ex is hotter now than before but as everyone before has said... I know why! We work in the same building (although the only saving grace is that we're in different departments in different wings of the building) and I know it's simply a case of wanting what I can't have. The other things is, over christmas, she made the vow to loose weight, and we broke up not long after that. Of course, I'm now seeing the results. According to mutual friends, it's heading towards 25kg lost already, and, seeing her I'm willing to believe that. She's getting closer to the weight she was when we first met, when she wore much more adventurous clothes, which she's now starting to do again. Now she's living back with her mum she has no bills so she's spent loads of money and free time on herself and really got herself together. She's moved on in about a month and a half. Just shows to me she'd probably not been 'with me' for quite a while before she broke it off with me. Link to post Share on other sites
aypforever Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 When we broke up I asked my ex if she still found my attractive. I got the dreaded "not so much anymore." It can be very hurtful and confusing when you hear this after being together for 4 years. I understand it though. After some realizations on my part, I found myself unattractive. Not so much anymore, but have taken the steps to change that. She started walking everyday, eating a little healthier and has lost some weight. She's also dressing a little more.. scandalous, and is putting much more makeup on. When we were together, she didn't wear much make up and was a little more on the lazy side. I didn't care. I still thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Unfortunately I still feel this way and it seems to grow every time I see her. Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted April 17, 2011 Share Posted April 17, 2011 +1 for the "hotter after breakup" pile. From this thread, I get the impression that this mostly happens to men. Is this true? Then again, I also get the impression that there's some confusion. I think this thread is specifically about infatuation during a breakup. That's different from how attractive you think your ex is or isn't after you're already "over it". Link to post Share on other sites
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