Kamille Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Just so much drama, ya know? I'm at fault he's at fault, but in the end- I don't feel like he values me as a prize Kam, and as you and I have talked about before- that's the ticket, right? You are the prize D! That was so long ago! And so cute! I wish I could find that thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Found it: you are the prize Your spelling is still astounding, by the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 Found it: you are the prize Your spelling is still astounding, by the way. Lol, my spelling keeps getting worse the further away from uni I get! I can't believe you found that thread!!!! You are awesome! But we need to be the prize- I have never forgotten that tag line. In my relationship with my exH I was never a priority, I sat behind his career and his crazy mother. I have vowed that I will never accept being second best ever again! I feel like I am second best to my bf's friends- and quite simply put, I want to be number 1 for a change. I want a guy that loves me so much that he makes me a priority. I haven't felt like a priority since the mc- and I need to feel that way, I deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 .........******Hugz******* I've got chocolate if you need it.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I'm truly sorry as well. I have been right alongside you as you've gone from meeting him, to liking him, to becoming a couple ... and then the sadness, disappointment and let downs. Most of us can empathize with you now. It is scary, and it takes lots of courage to go ahead and follow your heart into a relationship when we all know all too well, by this stage, that it might possibly not "work out" in the long run. You did it; you are brave and went ahead. As Kamille said, you two had too much too soon. I'm sad about it. I don't know you well, but I am quite sure that this relationship with this particular person will prove to have been a good thing for you. (Not your miscarriage) And like others, I really don't think it's going to take five years for you to connect well with a great person. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Maybe he was just practice for Mr. Right. You might be right on top of your game now, even though you don't feel especially good at the moment. Are you hitting on her? ........ Link to post Share on other sites
pandagirl Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I'm sorry, D. It hurts and it sucks, but don't go blaming yourself about becoming that 'naggy' girlfriend, because you are far from that person. I became "that" girl too in my breakup, and at first I was beating myself up about it, but the truth is, if these guys weren't afraid of the hard times, could deal with conflict, or could communicate better, then we wouldn't have become that person. We just wanted *something* and they couldn't give anything. They triggered something in us that is essential to us feeling secure, and in the long run, the relationship wouldn't have worked out when another problem came along. See this relationship as a good experience -- you know you can feel that way about someone, and you will again. You opened your heart, just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a valuable experience for you. Love ya! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 I am so sorry to hear of all of this. It does sound like it just needs a break though. Process the grief. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Thanks everyone I knew it was coming- but ugh, the thought of being single for another 5 years before finding someone I really like sucks. I've been avoiding this because it's been so nice to not be alone after such a long absence from the dating scene- but the bottom line is that despite having someone, I still feel lonley. I think that's worse than being alone. I've done this before and I got through it. I just have to find the strength to go through this again. You know, I felt the exact same thing before breaking up with my bf. I fought to avoid the break up for months, just because I didn't want to go through a break up and also because before dating him, I'd been single for 8 long years. And don't get me wong, I had a great time during those 8 years, but it gets old, not having someone to share your life with. And now here I am, single again... For god knows how long! But I still think breaking up was the right thing to do, as neither of us was happy and we were just becoming frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 Thanks everyone, I appreciate all the responses. It's really hitting me today. I've been focused everything I've done wrong to contribute to the break up, and generally engaging in a whole lot of self blame. I think my biggest mistake was just after the miscarriage, when I was particularly vulnerable - I told him I didn't think we were "good for one another". I don't think he ever let that go, because he's been distant with me ever since that comment. After we talked with clearer heads, I explained that my comment came at a time when I particularly vulnerable and hurt- but we really never recovered after I said that to him. I think that comment really had an impact on him. Everyone advised me NOT to make any major decisions after the miscarriage- but I did anyway, and it came back to bite me in the @ss. We talked a few days after and decided to give it another shot- but nothing's been the same. We went from spending almost every night together to 3 days a week, and it lessened to 2 recently. I wish I could take that comment back:o I think it will be good to see one another and have our face to face time. I really did want to work things out after the miscarriage- but he's been so distant and that's just made me feel so lonley. As far as I know we are going to chat on Saturday- but that may change. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 D, you're blaming yourself too much. People's reactions can't always be rationalized or described, so don't feel like you need to either justify them or blame yourself. Give yourself time to breathe. I have a feeling that with some time, you will have more clarity and will know how to move forward with your relationship life. Don't self-doubt, now isn't the time. Take care of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Ms. D, did you do something really good for yourself today? Something positive, even if it's really small or seemingly insignificant. Positive vibes to you. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 That sucks about the comment. I have found that with my H, the smallest most careless words carry the biggest impacts and don't go away easily. Maybe if you are still kinda into him, you can show him that you are taking it back. But if it is too late, better to cut now and then work out your grief. Sucks, but life is still waiting. And you have a lot of exciting things left to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 D, you're blaming yourself too much. People's reactions can't always be rationalized or described, so don't feel like you need to either justify them or blame yourself. Give yourself time to breathe. I have a feeling that with some time, you will have more clarity and will know how to move forward with your relationship life. Don't self-doubt, now isn't the time. Take care of yourself! I know, and thank you. It's just easy to replay everything that went wrong, and try to understand why during a break up. I keep going back to how wonderful everything was before I got pregnant and became this emotional, needy mess. Ms. D, did you do something really good for yourself today? Something positive, even if it's really small or seemingly insignificant. Positive vibes to you. Thank you! What I did today was throw myself into work- I did a 14 hour day, and just immersed myself in work. Maybe tomorrow I will take a time out and do something nice for myself. Shopping comes to mind:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Your predicament sounds a lot like that movie "Rabbit Hole" with Nicole Kidman. Probably not the best movie to recommend at a time like this, but it tackles a sensitive topic quite sensibly. Whenever you're up to it, check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Thank you! What I did today was throw myself into work- I did a 14 hour day, and just immersed myself in work. Maybe tomorrow I will take a time out and do something nice for myself. Shopping comes to mind:laugh: I like where this is going! I went to the nearby outlet center for Nine West and got myself a pair of wedge heels similar to these lovely babies. It's not a malicious link, I promise! Comfortable and classy! I hope you'll feel better soon. I can relate to not recognizing the emotional, needy mess of yourself that you mentioned. That's how I became towards the end of my relationship and I don't know how I got there. When I look back on things, I feel like I lost my head! Above all, I'm sorry about the pregnancy too. It feels a little lacking by expressing it through the internet, but it's no less sincere. You're such a strong woman for weathering so much and you're still able to share your weakest moments with us here, too. That takes a lot of strength and I'm learning from your experience. I just wish, out of sympathy, the experience wasn't so hard. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone, not even my worst enemy if I had one. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 It's not a malicious link, Depends on who looks at them.. or wears them... they seem malicious to me.. Hey D... hope you feel better ... Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Depends on who looks at them.. or wears them... they seem malicious to me.. Hey D... hope you feel better ... Art, you had to go there! Well-played, sir! Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Miss D, if you were in Chicago I'd buy you a soft creme ice cream cone, just to make you feel better Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 I like where this is going! I went to the nearby outlet center for Nine West and got myself a pair of wedge heels similar to these lovely babies. It's not a malicious link, I promise! Comfortable and classy! I hope you'll feel better soon. I can relate to not recognizing the emotional, needy mess of yourself that you mentioned. That's how I became towards the end of my relationship and I don't know how I got there. When I look back on things, I feel like I lost my head! Above all, I'm sorry about the pregnancy too. It feels a little lacking by expressing it through the internet, but it's no less sincere. You're such a strong woman for weathering so much and you're still able to share your weakest moments with us here, too. That takes a lot of strength and I'm learning from your experience. I just wish, out of sympathy, the experience wasn't so hard. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone, not even my worst enemy if I had one. Thanks you P- you're a doll:love: I honesty think there is something about the whole pregnancy/loss thing that women can relate to, that men just can't properly understand. It really messed me up- but it happened to my body- so he was really just a witness to the "crazy"- and I just wish I could have had him live one day in my shoes to know how much it affected me- just to understand where I was coming from for one day. I tried to talk to him about it but he just looked at me like he was confused, and of course that hurt more, fed into how frustrated I was- and I reacted with anger and some crazy as a result. It just sucks to have had something so promising, and to lose it because a condom broke. Honestly, it's crazy to me that I got pregnant at 41 with a broken condom. I have miscarried before though, a while back- I just think my body isn't built to have children. Depends on who looks at them.. or wears them... they seem malicious to me.. Hey D... hope you feel better ... Thank you Art. You are a very good man:love: Miss D, if you were in Chicago I'd buy you a soft creme ice cream cone, just to make you feel better Oh wow, make it a yogen fruz and I'm there! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 Actually you would be surprised how many of us miscarry, I had no idea until I did. Apparently half of us go through one. I have known two people (that have talked about it with me) that have had 3. Link to post Share on other sites
nana841121 Posted April 8, 2011 Share Posted April 8, 2011 The priority is your health . Pay attention to your body treat it well Others are optional Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Actually you would be surprised how many of us miscarry, I had no idea until I did. Apparently half of us go through one. I have known two people (that have talked about it with me) that have had 3. I know it's common, my sis-in-law also had 3 and lost a full term baby during child birth. When I think of her ordeal, wow- but she went on to have 2 healthy boys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 We set a time for tomorrow evening to get together and exchange our things. It's going to be sad not to have him in my life anymore. I just want the guy back that I first met- the guy I was falling in love with prior to getting pregnant. I am sure he misses the girl I was before all that came about as well. I just don't think we can ever get that back. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
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