I feel bad about what I'm doing with this new guy

[betterdeal]

So you don't want to ask him out, and you don't want to have sex with him. You do know that it is very very unlikely you will magically end up in a stable relationship with each other, right?

 

You have to start from where you are now, not hope to be teleported to somewhere else and then start living your life. It sounds to me like you're both very inexperienced in maintaining healthy relationships with anyone.

 

Maybe have a read of the Complete Idiot's Guide to Relationships.

[DreamerGirl27]

You say you don't like Christian goody goody's, yet you're totally sounding like one yourself.

 

Relationships are the only thing I am really "Christian-like" about. I'm for abortion, I'm anti war, I'm for gay marriage, etc.

 

Everything else about me is not Christian-like at all, just when it comes to relationships. That's the only thing.

 

And he did not proposition me for sex, he just continually tells me he needs to get laid, but he doesn't even necessarily say he means with me. I just don't know why a guy who is just your "friend" would continually bring it up. It doesn't make any sense.

 

I think he doesn't like that I'm so serious.

 

He says he wants a serious relationship, but then also says ONS and FWB is no problem.

 

He's like me, he can't make up his mind and doesn't know what he wants.

 

He's the only thing I'm certain about, however.

[DreamerGirl27]

So you don't want to ask him out, and you don't want to have sex with him.

 

Never said that, I said he has to make the first move. Women aren't wired that way. He has to make the first move, period.

 

I wouldn't have it in me to make a move on a guy, I don't even like that I told him I like him like that and I think that's my only downfall with this guy.

 

Women are supposed to act like ladies, especially around men.

 

It's a turn off to a guy and ends the "chase" when you flat out say "Um, I like you, wanna go out?" It never works out that way and does not end well for either party involved.

[betterdeal]

Never said that, I said he has to make the first move.

 

How does that differ from saying you do not want to ask him out?

 

Women aren't wired that way.

 

That's not my experience. There's no medical evidence to support this. I've been asked out by women. You're wrong. You may not want to ask him out and you may want him to ask you out, but that is not all women. You've made a choice: to not ask him out.

 

He has to make the first move, period.

 

Right.

 

I wouldn't have it in me to make a move on a guy, I don't even like that I told him I like him like that and I think that's my only downfall with this guy.

 

So you have made a pass at him and nothing came of it.

 

Women are supposed to act like ladies, especially around men.

 

Even lesbians? What about the actual Lady (as in English aristocracy) who demanded I "do her"? Is she not a lady?

 

It's a turn off to a guy and ends the "chase" when you flat out say "Um, I like you, wanna go out?" It never works out that way and does not end well for either party involved.

 

Again, I can recall real life examples where women have made the first move and they are stable couples.

 

You've made a move and you're not dating him. What does this say to you?

[Ross MwcFan]

Relationships are the only thing I am really "Christian-like" about. I'm for abortion, I'm anti war, I'm for gay marriage, etc.

 

Everything else about me is not Christian-like at all, just when it comes to relationships. That's the only thing.

 

And he did not proposition me for sex, he just continually tells me he needs to get laid, but he doesn't even necessarily say he means with me. I just don't know why a guy who is just your "friend" would continually bring it up. It doesn't make any sense.

 

I think he doesn't like that I'm so serious.

 

He says he wants a serious relationship, but then also says ONS and FWB is no problem.

 

He's like me, he can't make up his mind and doesn't know what he wants.

 

He's the only thing I'm certain about, however.

 

I think if he keeps telling you he needs to get laid, it could be a hint. Unless, he also keeps saying that to most of his other friends all the time.

[betterdeal]

I think if he keeps telling you he needs to get laid, it could be a hint. Unless, he also keeps saying that to most of his other friends all the time.

 

a Freudian slit perhaps?

[Ross MwcFan]

a Freudian slit perhaps?

 

Do you mean Freudian slip? Maybe.

[EyesWideOpen]

DreamerGirl...

Do you have even a vague idea of what you want or how you feel? I ask this because you have contradicted yourself and backpedaled constantly throughout this thread.

 

You began this thread by talking about all the negative qualities about this main love interest of yours. You specifically stated that he's wrong for you, and then continued to spew off a list of less-than-admirable qualities about him. From second one, you painted him in a very negative light. And why did you do this? To try and justify treating the new guy in a way that is really not cool.

 

But then heaven forbid anyone make a disparaging remark about the guy that YOU portrayed as a jack-*ss. Oh no, even though it's hypocritcal...you're more than willing to flip flop on your own comments to defend him.

For example - when it was pointed out that YOU stated he's all wrong for you (see the first sentence of your original post), you flipped that around and said "oh no, I don't think he is". Then why is that the first thing you said? When someone restates negative aspects of his personality that YOU listed to begin with, you sit there and either deny the characteristic or state that it doesn't bother you. Then why did you bring it up in the first place? You even flip flop on whether or not he's interested in sex with you. You specifically stated "at this point in time, he's not looking for sex with [you]" and then later talk about how you think he's trying to bait you into it.

 

 

At this point, I can't even figure out what your question or dillema is anymore. Are you looking for the go ahead to essentially use the new guy as an end to a means? (which I thought was the point of your original post) You've got your answer - fifteen times over.

 

And I'd ask if you're looking for confirmation that you should keep holding out for this love interest...but you've gotten plenty of feedback ranging from actively try to pursue a relationship to cutting him out of your life. But because you don't LIKE any of the responses, you come up with excuses and arguments to try and dispute the advice and suggestions.

 

So you've obviously made up your mind to stay fixated on the love interest. What else do you want us to tell you? At this point it seems like you're fishing for a specific answer, and you're going to retract your own words, change the issue, and debate anyone who isn't saying exactly what you are looking to hear.

If you have an answer in mind, and you don't want to hear anything else, why bother asking?

 

 

Let me give you my final impression on this. You've said that the love interest needs to grow up before you can have a serious relationship with him, yes? Well. All signs seem to be pointing to the fact that you need to grow up.

The simple fact that you're willing to use this innocent "new guy" to get to your love interest is very immature. That you've made the choice to cling to dated beliefs about relationships - such as how it's the man's job to make a first move, and that women are to fit a certain mold and behave in a certain way – seem very naive and immature. And more so, the fact that you keep pining after this guy who does NOT share your ideals on relationships is perhaps the most immature of all.

 

The simple fact of the matter is he has his ideals, and you have yours. They are different. He may never outgrow these ideals. You have the option of being more open to his ideals, but you most certainly do not have the option of expecting him to change for you. That's for him to decide. And some of the things you've mentioned imply that he already has decided, and that you just don't want to accept his decision.

 

 

You can sit there until the end of time and wish that he would "grow up", and wish that he would make the first move, and wish that he had the same viewpoint as you on this that and the other, and wish that unicorns were real and that Puff the Magic Dragon lived in your closet.

But at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to come out of La-la land and face the reality that there's a very real probability that you're never going to get what you want from him, that you very well may be wasting your time obsessing over him, and that you might be better off waiting for someone who is everything you want and need him to be to come along.

 

And until you come to that realization, no one on any forum is going to be able to help you.

It's like the old saying goes. You can lead a horse to water. But you can't make it drink. You see the lake. Figure it out.

[Ross MwcFan]

I've found that she contradicts herself a lot too.

 

She says she doesn't want a FWB, and that she wants to wait unitl she's married to have sex.

 

Yet she has also said that she's only interested in male friends who are attractive, since males are only good for sex.

[EyesWideOpen]

I've found that she contradicts herself a lot too.

 

She says she doesn't want a FWB, and that she wants to wait unitl she's married to have sex.

 

Yet she has also said that she's only interested in male friends who are attractive, since males are only good for sex.

 

Ya know, I was already under the impression that she was just a conceited and superficial young woman from her "Pretty Much Destined to be Alone Forever" thread...where she goes into great detail about how she's physically picky, and that she is only attracted to 2 out 100 guys...and every guy is ugly to a point she "wants to barf".

 

 

 

But now that you mention it, I've checked into the threads she's started.

• "I wanna get married"
  
• "Want to wait till marriage for sex, but like a guy who does not believe that way"
  

...so far so good, right? Wait... What's this?

• "I can't get any guy I'm attracted to to bleep me."
  

W.T.F.

Now I wish I never bothered to acknowlege her existence. I'm not convinced she's not posting just for attention and debate.

I love this choice quote...

Are there any decent people on boards like these really wanting to help,

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3266553#post3266553

 

 

Yes, DreamerGirl. There are. But you don't actually want anyone's input, now do you?

[OldSkool]

Women are supposed to act like ladies, especially around men.

 

Then stop talking about it and start acting like one! You are not acting like a lady on these forums and it definitely doesn't sound like you are acting like a lady with this man.

[BeginAgain]

And he did not proposition me for sex, he just continually tells me he needs to get laid, but he doesn't even necessarily say he means with me. I just don't know why a guy who is just your "friend" would continually bring it up. It doesn't make any sense.

A guy who is constantly talking about his sexual needs with a girl is suppose to be a hint that he wants to ravage you. TAKE THE HINT! YOU AREN'T A FRIEND TO HIM. HE WANTS YOU TO SPREAD. This is birds and the bees kind of sht which you are so oblivious to. How can you not see it? I guess you have blinders on since you enjoy being in an unrequited love scenario which only exists in your mind.

 

I think he doesn't like that I'm so serious.

If he thought you were too serious then he would have found you creepy and backed the fck away, but he has stayed and keeps hitting on you.

 

He says he wants a serious relationship, but then also says ONS and FWB is no problem.

Guys will take sex in whatever package it comes unless they are philanderers then they won't want LTR.

 

He's like me, he can't make up his mind and doesn't know what he wants.

He knows what he wants. He's calling but you aren't picking up the phone. I am starting to wonder if this is a troll account.

 

He's the only thing I'm certain about, however.

But not certain enough to accept his offers.

 

Never said that, I said he has to make the first move. Women aren't wired that way. He has to make the first move, period.

Women and men aren't wired any particular way when it comes to initiating. Either can begin the relationship. Women are just hoping the man will do everything which is quite a bad sign.

 

I wouldn't have it in me to make a move on a guy, I don't even like that I told him I like him like that and I think that's my only downfall with this guy.

If you have it in you to confess your feelings and flirt with him then you have it in you to ask him out on a date.

 

Women are supposed to act like ladies, especially around men.

And ladies aren't suppose to visit gentlemen unchaperoned. OOPS! I guess this isn't Victorian England after all.

 

It's a turn off to a guy and ends the "chase" when you flat out say "Um, I like you, wanna go out?" It never works out that way and does not end well for either party involved.

Didn't we already cover there is no such thing as the chase? That's of course unless you are the Hamburgular and you are trying to make a get away with some big macs from your boyfriend Ronald McDonald.

[betterdeal]

Do you mean Freudian slip? Maybe.

 

Sorry, it was an attempt at humour

[DreamerGirl27]

Let me give all of you a big fat effing clue as to why I'm not cutting contact with the guy that I like and why I like him.

 

This "new" guy. Has already stopped texting. Cut communication and stopped pursuing.

 

The one I like...wouldn't stop texting if you paid him to.

 

You can't have a relationship with a wall and pretty much every other guy I have ever come in contact with has put up a wall.

 

He's the only man's wall that isn't up, but we're just "friends".

 

I can't get anyone interested, period.

 

So, would anyone like to fill me in as to what I'm supposed to do with the only male attention I've ever had that's actually lasted longer than 5 seconds?

 

No man sticks around me for longer than 5 seconds.

[BeginAgain]

Maybe you are too needy or seem emotionally unbalanced. Pretty hot other way in my book.

 

I almost want to ask you for your address, drive over to where you live, and fix this by playing matchmaker between the two of you so I don't have to hear anymore unproductive whining on the internet. The catch is if it turns out he doesn't want you in the way you desire you would need to cut all your ties with him.

 

No matter what we say you don't really want to hear it and won't do anything to change your predicament. You are unhappy but yet still content to stay where you are. The only thing you want to be told is "Hang in there. He'll eventually realize the hot piece waiting patiently beside him. Love takes time but you'll get there. Men can be so dense. lulz ;)"

[DreamerGirl27]

"Hang in there. He'll eventually realize the hot piece waiting patiently beside him. Love takes time but you'll get there. Men can be so dense. lulz ;)"

 

 

That's pretty much what I'm doing and as long as I hear the exact opposite on here, I'll do the exact opposite of what's being said.

 

I'm already aware I'm talking to a bunch of people who have no clue what they are talking about since they think it's perfectly fine and dandy for a woman to make a move on a guy.

 

That has got to be about the worst advice known to man. Errr...in this case, known to woman.

[BeginAgain]

That's pretty much what I'm doing and as long as I hear the exact opposite on here, I'll do the exact opposite of what's being said.

Live the dream I guess but your life will remain a fantasy.

 

I'm already aware I'm talking to a bunch of people who have no clue what they are talking about since they think it's perfectly fine and dandy for a woman to make a move on a guy.

If you were strangers it might be different but since you are so close to him and in a quasi-relationship with him already it isn't a move. It is closer to asking him "What would you like for dinner honey?"

 

That has got to be about the worst advice known to man. Errr...in this case, known to woman.

And yet listening to your own advice has gotten you so far.

[betterdeal]

That's pretty much what I'm doing and as long as I hear the exact opposite on here, I'll do the exact opposite of what's being said.

 

I'm already aware I'm talking to a bunch of people who have no clue what they are talking about since they think it's perfectly fine and dandy for a woman to make a move on a guy.

 

That has got to be about the worst advice known to man. Errr...in this case, known to woman.

 

You'e doing fine. I cannot find any thing to suggest that may improve your situation. It appears that all men who you meet happen to be commitment-phobes. It must be frustrating being one of the few women who have such bad luck in meeting a near constant stream of men who all react in the same way to you. Perhaps waiting long enough and doing the same thing over and over again is how you will meet the right man for you.

 

Good luck with that.

[Ross MwcFan]

Let me give all of you a big fat effing clue as to why I'm not cutting contact with the guy that I like and why I like him.

 

This "new" guy. Has already stopped texting. Cut communication and stopped pursuing.

 

The one I like...wouldn't stop texting if you paid him to.

 

You can't have a relationship with a wall and pretty much every other guy I have ever come in contact with has put up a wall.

 

He's the only man's wall that isn't up, but we're just "friends".

 

I can't get anyone interested, period.

 

So, would anyone like to fill me in as to what I'm supposed to do with the only male attention I've ever had that's actually lasted longer than 5 seconds?

 

No man sticks around me for longer than 5 seconds.

 

It's probably down to your attitude, you don't seem like a nice person at all. And here's me, an Atheist, saying this to a Christian. Who would've thunked it?

 

And I'm glad that new guy stopped all communication, I would've hated to have seen him get used.

[Kelemort]

DreamerGirl, how old are you? You sound incredibly immature and self-centered. You sit here and complain about how the only male attention you're getting for "Longer than 5 seconds" is from a guy you outlined in your first post as "all wrong for you." Frankly, if you're acting frigid and always waiting for somebody else to make the first move, they're just not going to bother if you're not going to show them the time of day.

 

I've initiated basically every relationship that I have ever been in - and I don't feel "cheated" or "hurt" because I did so. If everybody sits around waiting for somebody to make a move, you never get anywhere. What exactly is so disturbing about asking a man out? Is it because you believe that if you do the asking, it shows you're desperate - or because if you do the asking, you think it shows that he isn't actually interested in you? You criticize the folks here because they have no problem with women initiating, but you don't explain why you think it's so troublesome and backwards.

 

You need to work on your self-esteem - that's glaringly obvious from your posts here, your willingness to settle and your inability to move on from somebody you cast in a negative light from the get-go. That's not a foreign malady for many younger women - many women struggle with their self-esteem and their self-worth because many of them are raised with the belief that they're only valid if men are hunting after them.

 

And it's all a load of complete crap. You don't need anyone to be in love with you or to pursue you to be worthwhile and happy. A relationship should complement your life, not fulfill it or be the center of it. Have you ever been in a relationship before? You strike me as being somewhere between 16 and 20, probably somewhat or entirely inexperienced in relationships. And the kind of low self-worth and desperation that you're showing means you'll likely just end up in bad relationship after bad relationship just because you want attention.

 

This may not mean much, but I understand where you're coming from. Everyone wants to feel desired and attractive. When you're 16 or 17, you have the impression that everyone is dating but you (I think statistically they still maintain that more than half of all kids in high school have never been in a relationship). You see romantic comedies and you think that's how a relationship actually plays out.

 

I was 19 before I started dating and I was so depressed and riddled with self-hatred that I literally would've gone after anyone who looked at me twice. As it was, I started seriously dating a guy I had only known for a few weeks, and it turned out to be a complete and utter disaster. He was endlessly insecure, jealous and selfish.

 

I'm now in my mid 20s and it has taken a long time to come to something of a peaceful place with myself. I don't need other people to validate me, and neither do you. Along the same token, you need to avoid using others to strike up jealousy in the person you actually like. Jealousy is an incredibly painful emotion and it's one of the primary reasons that I joined this site - because I am dating a partner who took several actions that bred intense jealousy in me. And it certainly didn't help our relationship - in fact, that problem has created a poison that is STILL affecting our relationship.

 

In the end, you clearly have a lot of growing up to do and for as much as you blast that no one here knows what they're talking about, the fact that you think that pursuing a crappy guy because you think he's the best you can get and using other people like objects because you want to tease the guy you like is a testament to how little you truly know about romance and relationships yourself, especially if you think this is going to end well.

 

Why you posted here is beyond me. I suspect you were looking for validation and you wanted other people to say, "It's okay, don't feel bad!" But you should feel bad. What you did is incredibly manipulative and no one with a healthy self-esteem is going to tolerate that treatment from anybody as they get older. But more than feeling bad, what you need to do is make a change and stop manipulating and hurting other people to make you feel better about yourself and your attractiveness. And that requires maturity and the ability to understand when you have done something wrong - judging by your responses to the advice of those here, those are clearly two traits that you lack.

 

My honest impression is that you need to avoid this guy. He's constantly talking about sex, and I'm quite sure he's hinting around for you to provide it to him. You know how often most people probably spend in the bedroom each week on average (and I'm talking working adults here)? I'd be shocked if it's more than a few hours, and that's probably being generous. The rest of the time, you're vertical and there's more to a relationship than screwing senselessly or talking about screwing all of the time.

 

My advice to you is to stop focusing on boys at the moment and focus on yourself. Start working out. Join a local charity or hobby group. Get involved at your school. Hold a fundraiser for a cause. Take time to write in a journal, read books, go for bike rides, play board games. Write a list of the traits in yourself that you like - go to friends and family members and ask them what traits they like about you too. Post that list someplace visible and look at it frequently. And take notes of flaws in other people. We don't have to kill ourselves about our flaws because everyone has 'em.

 

You need to work on yourself, DreamerGirl, or you are going to end up in a hapless marriage. I'd imagine you'll probably be the type to start an affair when he isn't giving you as much attention as you would like. You have to find worth in yourself or you are going to attract scum-buckets.

 

You will attract other men - when you let yourself attract other men. This new guy ran off because he probably saw that he was about to get crapped on by a girl who has a complex for another guy. You could get another man interested in you if you would stop chasing after the lump of crap.

 

One of my cousins is now in her late 20s and has a 5-year-old son. She has been in an off-again on-again relationship with his father for 9 years. She always complains about how no one else is ever interested in her...but she never gives anyone else a chance. As soon as it gets serious, she pulls away - or she uses other men to make her son's father upset and jealous. No one wants to be your pawn while you work out your feelings for this guy.

 

And until you cast him out of your life and stop trying to figure out how to make him jealous, you are not going to get many men who are going to express long-term interest in you, if they have any sense at all.

[DreamerGirl27]

DreamerGirl, how old are you? You sound incredibly immature and self-centered. You sit here and complain about how the only male attention you're getting for "Longer than 5 seconds" is from a guy you outlined in your first post as "all wrong for you." Frankly, if you're acting frigid and always waiting for somebody else to make the first move, they're just not going to bother if you're not going to show them the time of day.

 

I've initiated basically every relationship that I have ever been in - and I don't feel "cheated" or "hurt" because I did so. If everybody sits around waiting for somebody to make a move, you never get anywhere. What exactly is so disturbing about asking a man out? Is it because you believe that if you do the asking, it shows you're desperate - or because if you do the asking, you think it shows that he isn't actually interested in you? You criticize the folks here because they have no problem with women initiating, but you don't explain why you think it's so troublesome and backwards.

 

You need to work on your self-esteem - that's glaringly obvious from your posts here, your willingness to settle and your inability to move on from somebody you cast in a negative light from the get-go. That's not a foreign malady for many younger women - many women struggle with their self-esteem and their self-worth because many of them are raised with the belief that they're only valid if men are hunting after them.

 

And it's all a load of complete crap. You don't need anyone to be in love with you or to pursue you to be worthwhile and happy. A relationship should complement your life, not fulfill it or be the center of it. Have you ever been in a relationship before? You strike me as being somewhere between 16 and 20, probably somewhat or entirely inexperienced in relationships. And the kind of low self-worth and desperation that you're showing means you'll likely just end up in bad relationship after bad relationship just because you want attention.

 

This may not mean much, but I understand where you're coming from. Everyone wants to feel desired and attractive. When you're 16 or 17, you have the impression that everyone is dating but you (I think statistically they still maintain that more than half of all kids in high school have never been in a relationship). You see romantic comedies and you think that's how a relationship actually plays out.

 

I was 19 before I started dating and I was so depressed and riddled with self-hatred that I literally would've gone after anyone who looked at me twice. As it was, I started seriously dating a guy I had only known for a few weeks, and it turned out to be a complete and utter disaster. He was endlessly insecure, jealous and selfish.

 

I'm now in my mid 20s and it has taken a long time to come to something of a peaceful place with myself. I don't need other people to validate me, and neither do you. Along the same token, you need to avoid using others to strike up jealousy in the person you actually like. Jealousy is an incredibly painful emotion and it's one of the primary reasons that I joined this site - because I am dating a partner who took several actions that bred intense jealousy in me. And it certainly didn't help our relationship - in fact, that problem has created a poison that is STILL affecting our relationship.

 

In the end, you clearly have a lot of growing up to do and for as much as you blast that no one here knows what they're talking about, the fact that you think that pursuing a crappy guy because you think he's the best you can get and using other people like objects because you want to tease the guy you like is a testament to how little you truly know about romance and relationships yourself, especially if you think this is going to end well.

 

Why you posted here is beyond me. I suspect you were looking for validation and you wanted other people to say, "It's okay, don't feel bad!" But you should feel bad. What you did is incredibly manipulative and no one with a healthy self-esteem is going to tolerate that treatment from anybody as they get older. But more than feeling bad, what you need to do is make a change and stop manipulating and hurting other people to make you feel better about yourself and your attractiveness. And that requires maturity and the ability to understand when you have done something wrong - judging by your responses to the advice of those here, those are clearly two traits that you lack.

 

My honest impression is that you need to avoid this guy. He's constantly talking about sex, and I'm quite sure he's hinting around for you to provide it to him. You know how often most people probably spend in the bedroom each week on average (and I'm talking working adults here)? I'd be shocked if it's more than a few hours, and that's probably being generous. The rest of the time, you're vertical and there's more to a relationship than screwing senselessly or talking about screwing all of the time.

 

My advice to you is to stop focusing on boys at the moment and focus on yourself. Start working out. Join a local charity or hobby group. Get involved at your school. Hold a fundraiser for a cause. Take time to write in a journal, read books, go for bike rides, play board games. Write a list of the traits in yourself that you like - go to friends and family members and ask them what traits they like about you too. Post that list someplace visible and look at it frequently. And take notes of flaws in other people. We don't have to kill ourselves about our flaws because everyone has 'em.

 

You need to work on yourself, DreamerGirl, or you are going to end up in a hapless marriage. I'd imagine you'll probably be the type to start an affair when he isn't giving you as much attention as you would like. You have to find worth in yourself or you are going to attract scum-buckets.

 

You will attract other men - when you let yourself attract other men. This new guy ran off because he probably saw that he was about to get crapped on by a girl who has a complex for another guy. You could get another man interested in you if you would stop chasing after the lump of crap.

 

One of my cousins is now in her late 20s and has a 5-year-old son. She has been in an off-again on-again relationship with his father for 9 years. She always complains about how no one else is ever interested in her...but she never gives anyone else a chance. As soon as it gets serious, she pulls away - or she uses other men to make her son's father upset and jealous. No one wants to be your pawn while you work out your feelings for this guy.

 

And until you cast him out of your life and stop trying to figure out how to make him jealous, you are not going to get many men who are going to express long-term interest in you, if they have any sense at all.

 

Kelemort, thank you for taking the time to respond and for your interest in this post and for posting such a long reply...

 

but you have it all wrong.

 

I am simply pickier than all hell and I am not interested in anyone else. I've tried moving on, it simply is not working. I am hell bent on getting this guy. He's everything I've ever wanted, minus the talking about sex non stop. If I could just get him to stop viewing me as one of the girls he's probably gotten away with that in the past, he might actually view me as relationship material. If I don't give him what he wants (if he even wants it from me), he'll realize, "hey this girl is awesome and isn't a slut who's willing to jump in my bed".

 

I'm serious about this guy, so I'm going to have a serious attitude when he brings it up. Every time he says, "I need to get laid", I'm responding with, "I need a boyfriend" or something like that.

 

That's what I've been doing and that is what I will continue to do.

 

Generally, that makes him go "eff" because guys wants the easiest piece of meat they can possibly find. But as men get older, the kind of girls they marry, are not the easy type that just gives it all away to them like the rest of these people are trying to tell me to do. They end up marrying the good girls.

 

That being said...I'm 26 and just now coming to terms with my sexuality...I just realized I have a crush on a girl today. I think.

 

So, no, I am not immature, I happen to be very smart and I know what I want (out of men anyway).

 

You are right about one thing, though. I have never been in a relationship... that lasted longer than a month and a half. I've dated guys briefly, but nothing has ever lasted because I simply was not interested. Most guys probably stop talkin' to me because they can sense that I am not as into them as they are into me...or vice versa. I am hard to please.

 

I am the pickiest thing on the face of this planet, because I know what I want, and I intend to stay that way and I don't care if I'm 55 freakin' years old and can't have kids anymore before I find that. I know what I want.

 

Anyway.

 

Thank you for your input, but again...you were WAY off.

 

P.S. It's completely normal for a 22 year old guy to want and talk about sex constantly. If anything, he's an angel for not taking advantage of me, knowing he could. That shows a high set of morals and a genuine respect for other people.

 

It is also completely normal for a 26 year old girl or a girl of any age, who has her head screwed on straight, to not want to give in to what a guy at 22 wants. They want that when they are young. The older they get, the more they want the "good girl".

 

I know how men work.

[BeginAgain]

If I don't give him what he wants (if he even wants it from me), he'll realize, "hey this girl is awesome and isn't a slut who's willing to jump in my bed".

A man wants a lady in the streets but a whore in the sheets. You sound like a prudish spinster who only wants to monopolize a man's sex life, bolt him into a chastity belt, and never fulfill any of his sexual needs. You need to show him more the fun, flirtatious, and sexy side assuming it even exists rather than "WHERE IS MY FCKING RING NOW?" You are pushing too hard for commitment when you need to lighten up. That doesn't mean you absolutely need to jump him but you can't be this unyielding. You need to strongly hint at what he could be getting rather than focusing on what you won't give him.

 

I'm serious about this guy, so I'm going to have a serious attitude when he brings it up. Every time he says, "I need to get laid", I'm responding with, "I need a boyfriend" or something like that.

Blackmail is a bad approach. When he starts talking about how he needs your lady bits around his cock meat or however he says it tell him as sweetly and as seductively as possible "I have sexual needs too but you know what I need first." while lightly kissing him, caressing him, holding him, and gently smiling. You can't make it sound like a guilt trip but a proposition meant as a compromise set before a bargaining table. Relationships are all about compromise. You need to compromise some of this men should just "GIT HUR DUN" and realize you are an active participant here. If you want it you'll need to work for it. Being a bump on a log expecting everything to just come to you and fall in your lap is ridiculous. You are being almost as bad as your mother who expects your father to do everything for her. It is a generational repetitive cycle and you need to break yourself of it. It is give and take. All you have shown is you want to take. Where is the giving? Where is even the slightest sliver of a hint of it?

 

That's what I've been doing and that is what I will continue to do.

Same approach. Same results. You won't be getting any where with that attitude.

 

Generally, that makes him go "eff" because guys wants the easiest piece of meat they can possibly find. But as men get older, the kind of girls they marry, are not the easy type that just gives it all away to them like the rest of these people are trying to tell me to do. They end up marrying the good girls.

If guys only went for the good girls no woman in the dating scene would be getting married and men would only be interested in nuns.

 

That being said...I'm 26 and just now coming to terms with my sexuality...I just realized I have a crush on a girl today. I think.

It might not be so much coming to terms but that your sexuality is expanding. Before my twenties I was completely and only, madly, head over heels for girls but as I got into my twenties I did start to find certain guys cuter to the point I could see wanting to do more with them. Much more.

 

So, no, I am not immature, I happen to be very smart and I know what I want (out of men anyway).

Don't be so confident in that you know what you want. No one knows what they want. People put too much energy into convincing themselves they know but they don't.

 

P.S. It's completely normal for a 22 year old guy to want and talk about sex constantly.

When he starts talking about sex you shouldn't shut him out like before. You should share your own sexual desires you would want to do with him as if you are coming on to him without him coming in you. Maintain your boundaries on sexual contact but explore the borders. It will give him a taste of what he could have and pique his interest further. Perhaps this will be successful in getting him to ask you out directly but in my book he already has and you shot him down like you were on safari multiple times.

 

There is a chance he is one of the very few guys who likes to play mind games like a girl and he has written you off as a "frigid bitch" who he will never have a chance with. In that case you just have to open up. There is always the possibility he only likes mind games then you have no chance. What is his relationship, dating, and sexual history like? Is he showing anyone else any attention or trying to get anyone else to notice him?

 

I know how men work.

Apparently you don't since you aren't making any headway.

[dreamingoftigers]

You are 26?

 

 

Whoa girl, you have a lot of work ahead of you...

[betterdeal]

None of this sounds very fun.

[BeginAgain]

You are 26?

 

 

Whoa girl, you have a lot of work ahead of you...

And the guy she is going after is 22. It sounds like it is doomed to fail.