EyeAlone Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I've been dating this AWESOME guy since fall of last year, and everything has been great so far. Unfortunately, there are some hurdles approaching. This summer, I'm going to be super, super, super busy with work. This busyness is likely to last for many months, perhaps til the end of this year. I'll still have some free time, but not a whole lot and my schedule won't be flexible. Did I mention that I'll be really stressed out, too? The guy that I'm with is aware of the situation and recently he got a clear idea of how busy I'm going to be. We both agree that the relationship dynamics will be different than how they are now and that it will be more difficult to maintain. We may only end up seeing each other once a week if we're lucky. Once every two weeks is probably more realistic. He's been really busy, too, with work. Due to the nature of his work, the spring and summer is a chaotic time for him. Plus he also has school obligations like a huge presentation and exam approaching. We haven't seen each other as much as usual for the past couple of weeks because of his schedule. However, I'm really worried that he's using it as a chance to pull away so that once my hectic schedule starts, it will be easier for him to leave the difficult relationship. Although this guy gives me no clear evidence (at least from what I can tell) that he's planning on abandoning the relationship. But my ex did something similar to this so that's why I'm so worried and paranoid He started pulling away gradually and attributed it to his schedule and then one day BOOM! That was it. I know my fear is probably irrational, but I'm terrified that history is going to repeat itself I don't want this fear to cause problems if there aren't any, but I don't know what to do. Any help?
SweetDaphne Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 You have two options: 1) Be upfront with him and let him know that you like him and are worried about the hectic schedule coming up. Don't be defensive, just be honest, and although him to talk and express his feelings too. Be willing to hear him out, he may surprise you. And has hard as it is (and I know from experience) you need to try to stop comparing him to your ex. It won't do either of you any good. 2) Don't say anything - just enjoy your time together, how much or how little of it you have. Unfortunately you're both busy and that's hard on a relationship, but if you're both strong enough and the relationship is strong enough, you'll make it through the hectic schedule.
Author EyeAlone Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 You have two options: 1) Be upfront with him and let him know that you like him and are worried about the hectic schedule coming up. Don't be defensive, just be honest, and although him to talk and express his feelings too. Be willing to hear him out, he may surprise you. And has hard as it is (and I know from experience) you need to try to stop comparing him to your ex. It won't do either of you any good. 2) Don't say anything - just enjoy your time together, how much or how little of it you have. Unfortunately you're both busy and that's hard on a relationship, but if you're both strong enough and the relationship is strong enough, you'll make it through the hectic schedule.That's the thing. We already talked about the hectic schedule a couple of weeks ago. We agreed that we'll just take things day by day, enjoy our time together, and just see what happens. I'm okay with that, I guess, because what else can I ask for? I can't ask him to promise that he'll stay with me because that's unrealistic. But I keep having this urge to want to talk to him again about it to see if he's changed his mind and would rather end things now. I know if I keep bringing it up it's going to sabotage the relationship. But if I'm going to get hurt in a few months, I'd rather just get hurt now and get the pain over with. Should I check in with him again? Or should I just trust him?
Cee Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 I dated a 3rd year medical student over long distance for a year. He was expert at managing his stress and I hardly noticed that he was in an intense program and was on call every 3rd or 4th night. He was doing his surgery rotation at the beginning of our relationship. He would be in the hospital for 36 hours straight. We saw each other almost every other weekend and he barely mentioned the hospital except to tell funny stories. He'd show me how to tie surgical knots and made it fun for me. He was also number 1 in his med school class, but acted like he was a regular guy. You can't control your schedule, but you can manage your stress level. Whether you take up yoga, running, fishing, whatever. Find a way to leave work at work. I know it's easier said than done, but I know it can be done. Even unloading on a friend rather than your BF would be a good safety valve. Keeping being you and it's possible you'll become closer by making your time together count.
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