What would hurt my ex more - responding or not responding?

[DollyGirl12]

This can also apply to men who are hurt by women. It's not gender specific.

[NoEnd_Mary]

Thanks guys. I hate him. I want to stab him.

 

First, the feelings you're having are normal! As I use to say to myself, ride the wave. You will feel better. You will have setbacks. This is a big setback for you. Who knows why he did it, but it was not a nice thing of him to do. This should give you even more reason not to contact him. That's exactly what he wants, to know it has affected you.

We fall in love with these men because, as you said, they are good at pretending they would never be "one of those men". If we thought they were from the beginning we wouldn't have given them a second look. I remember reading one of my ex's online dating profiles way back when we first started seeing each other. He should have been nominated "man of the year" with that one. He truly disliked liars,,,I even remember him asking me on more than one occasion if I was lying to him. Maybe paranoia because he knew he was a compulsive liar???

 

See that's the thing, liars are always trying to con you into thinking YOU are the one with the problem. He sure liked playing games. And wow what a delusional f*ck to purport that he isn't "one of those" that play games with ppl's hearts. F*cking amazing that there are ppl like him that exist.

 

I had a good day until now when I'm ready for bed, I got some flashbacks and tried to line up the past timeline with the lies. During the time he was telling me what the ho said means that he was already cheating on me. At the time I brushed it off and trusted that nothing was happening. Well thinking back to this time is making me very, very angry.

 

A friend of mine thinks I should still ask him for my money back. I had asked rt after the breakup and he said he will pay me soon as he can but of course he owes tons of ppl money and no one has gotten a dime back. I just don't know if this is a good idea b/c I do not want to have contact with this fool. But at the same time I do not want him to get away with thinking he got some free ride out of my money. Has anyone on here ever broke NC to try to get their money back?

 

I'm so f*cking angry rt now, so angry!!!

[DollyGirl12]

Thanks guys. I hate him. I want to stab him.

 

 

 

See that's the thing, liars are always trying to con you into thinking YOU are the one with the problem. He sure liked playing games. And wow what a delusional f*ck to purport that he isn't "one of those" that play games with ppl's hearts. F*cking amazing that there are ppl like him that exist.

 

I had a good day until now when I'm ready for bed, I got some flashbacks and tried to line up the past timeline with the lies. During the time he was telling me what the ho said means that he was already cheating on me. At the time I brushed it off and trusted that nothing was happening. Well thinking back to this time is making me very, very angry.

 

A friend of mine thinks I should still ask him for my money back. I had asked rt after the breakup and he said he will pay me soon as he can but of course he owes tons of ppl money and no one has gotten a dime back. I just don't know if this is a good idea b/c I do not want to have contact with this fool. But at the same time I do not want him to get away with thinking he got some free ride out of my money. Has anyone on here ever broke NC to try to get their money back?

 

I'm so f*cking angry rt now, so angry!!!

 

Yes, I completely understand those feelings. Have you made a list? I did right from the beginning and it really made me do some hard thinking. This is who he is. We are not capable of changing them. Nobody is!

I knew there were a few lies right from the beginning. Maybe not outright "lies" but there was dishonesty. At my age, and with my experience, I should have known better than to proceed. He was turning things around on me every time I would bring something up. Am I nuts? I'm acting psycho!! LOL....all the so very common lines of a narcissist and compulsive liar. I had a few good friends, the ones with good heads on their shoulders, and one who was a mutual friend,tell me he wasn't for me, right from the start. But I didn't listen.

Unlike you, I highly doubt that my ex will ever contact me again. I pretty much set it up that way with the way I responded to him when I found out what he was doing. I called him on all his nasty, disgusting behavior, as well as his lies. My therapist, and a few friends, all have said I probably caused "narcissistic injury". I think I found out more about who he really is than anyone else he has ever dated. These people don't want their dirty/nasty/disgusting behavior to come out. He was very "hurt" thinking I could think he would do some of these things. I KNOW he was doing them.

 

What you have to do, which is not always easy during this emotional time, is to take a good look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better. That it's a blessing in disguise that things didn't progress further. That it really has nothing to do with you and all to do with him. This is who he is, this is who he is always going to be. Unless he has some major "lightbulb moment" then he is not going to change. People with narcissistic tendencies don't change.

[Duckduckgoose]

Don't respond at all. Its not about him now its about you. Why should it matter which hurts him more. He lost you, no more talking to you.

 

Not speaking with him at all or answering any texts, emails... block his FB.

 

He doesn't get the privilege of your companionship now.

 

Plus if you cuss him out or get nasty it just makes you look bad. Not responding means he doesn't even know if you got his messages, or if you're too busy to get back to him, it will drive him batty

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't know about the money thing.

 

I think you deserve to get it back.

 

I kind of think it would be a bit of a piss off if you responded to his confession email with:

 

"Oh hi,

 

Glad you contacted me. It totally reminded me about the missing funds.

 

Hope all is well etc.

 

Let me know what arrangements you have come up with for repayment.

 

Gotta go, ttyl."

 

Don't even respond to the cheating thing, it will be annoying to him. He will wonder why the Hell not. But only do this is the money bothers you. He probably won't contact you again. He is probably just trying to unload his guilt or get a reaction from you.

[NoEnd_Mary]

Hi everyone - thanks for ur responses. I've been very ill lately and wasn't able to get on the board.

 

 

Plus if you cuss him out or get nasty it just makes you look bad. Not responding means he doesn't even know if you got his messages, or if you're too busy to get back to him, it will drive him batty

 

That's so true and thank you for your insight. I certainly don't want to look like the crazy ex. And I do agree that the silence will drive him batty lol. He's so not worth it.

 

I don't know about the money thing.

 

I think you deserve to get it back.

 

I kind of think it would be a bit of a piss off if you responded to his confession email with:

 

"Oh hi,

 

Glad you contacted me. It totally reminded me about the missing funds.

 

Hope all is well etc.

 

Let me know what arrangements you have come up with for repayment.

 

Gotta go, ttyl."

 

Don't even respond to the cheating thing, it will be annoying to him. He will wonder why the Hell not. But only do this is the money bothers you. He probably won't contact you again. He is probably just trying to unload his guilt or get a reaction from you.

 

Thanks dreamingoftigers, I thought of this too. I think right now I will lay off responding to him at all b/c I know he doesn't have the money so it will aggravate me to have contact with him especially being that he isn't sensitive towards my feelings. Maybe down the road I will. I have sold a lot of his gifts and have made a few hundred dollars off them. It's not as much as he owes me but still I guess I'm making some progress. I just don't know if it's worth it to try to be in touch with him for the money. My friends say don't bother b/c they don't think he's gonna pay me back given his reputation.

 

I'd like to know from anyone here who has ever tried to contact their ex for money and how it went. That's about the only string left to tie us together. Otherwise I want nothing to do with him. I don't love him at all. I hate him so much. These past few weeks have been a mixed bag of emotions. A few days I felt so wonderful waking up to think that he no longer exists in my life and can no longer dump his baggage on me. Then there are other days where I feel extreme hatred and hurt and I don't know how to handle it. I'm supposed to be taking a self defense class soon so I hope I can release some of my anger this way. B/c I strongly think that cursing him out won't achieve anything but make me look like a fool.

[Duckduckgoose]

 

I'd like to know from anyone here who has ever tried to contact their ex for money and how it went.

 

Well my exH offered to pay me $400 to cover part of my lawyer fees for the divorce. He left it on voicemail, he texted that he would pay it, and he said it in person.

 

So when I asked him to pay up, he said first that he never said such a thing. When I responded that I had it on voicemail, text, and straight from his mouth he backtracked and said that he was only going to pay that $400 because he thought I was going to draw up the divorce papers even though I told him clearly over the phone AND on text message that since he wanted the divorce he would have to be the one to get the papers drawn up.

 

He then said he would pay NO MORE THAN $200 towards my lawyer fees. He then proceeded to be a real ******* about getting the money to me. He made several tries to get where he could see me in person or come over to my apartment. To which I responded that I did not want him around me or my apartment. He said that he did not trust that I would get the money and wanted to see me take it in person. His insinuations that I was an untrustworthy and generally low-down person were quite insulting. Especially considering the circumstances of the divorce.

 

I asked him to mail the money certified mail, that I would sign for it and even text him when I got it. He said he didn't trust the mail and suggested I leave my apartment so he could drop the money off. I would not relent on keeping him away from my apartment and me, till finally he mailed me the check.

 

TLDR: I got half the money he said he'd pay, and he was a real douchbag about getting it back to me.

[Beeotch]

I won't give you tips on how to hurt your ex.

 

Further, what hurts one person may not hurt another, so no one can truly know what will hurt your ex.

 

With that said, it's better to make decisions based on what is best for YOURSELF and what's going to help YOU move forward than to sit down trying to figure out how to push your ex's buttons....