Mrlonelyone Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Well I have decided to go to the Opera. Mainly because I find it genuinely interesting and have looked forward to seeing an actual opera live and in person. I bought a ticket. I don't expect anything romantic to happen aside from the content of the opera... Carmen. (SingVoice...if you read this... you may actually be able to figure out who I could be talking about based on this... or at least where she works. Let's keep that on the QT. The same goes for anyone else who wants to figure out who's who. Please.) Discussing this with my therapist she suggested that I ought to hang out for a little after the show and give her the chance to speak with me instead of rushing out afterwards. What say the Guru's of LS would that be a bad idea? Lord knows I have dealt enough in my life with women who would dramatically overreact and take any show of any kind of interest, romantic or friendly, as "creepy" or "stalkerish" or what ever. I don't think she would act that way about my simply going to the show... but if I made any special effort to talk to her..beyond the cost of the ticket $$$ she might. I have written several threads here about my interest in an erratic and enigmatic opera singer. A woman whom I met in an exercise class.... a pole dancing class as a matter of fact. In which we became friendly. That was from last July up to November when I left the class. First date on Valentines day or is V day more for established couples? 25th January I asked if it would be odd to ask someone out on Valentines day as a first "official" date. I thought so and most people agreed. I have a date...I think 1st February Where I described an outing we agreed upon for the week of valentines day. Two weeks off from that date. Is it too soon for flowers? 2 February where I ask if it would be a good idea to send flowers. Most said no but I sent a single pink rose and a little teddy bear. Addressed to my very good friend on this day or something like that. At the 11th hour she says she has a boyfriend. 17 February. Where out of the blue she cancels on me and says she was going to spend the time with her boyfriend who she hadn't seen that week... the week of valentines day. I was dumb founded... had not a clue of any boyfriend. She liked what I gave her and is reading about physics. 25 February A thread where I mention that she seems to have liked the stuffed animal I gave her. She mentioned in a strange but funny way. Now I don't expect anything to happen romantically. After all I have mentioned trying online dating intensively as well as looking elsewhere. Given all of the above would it be an awful idea for me to say... go to just take my time leaving say 15 minutes half hour afterwards... I already plan on going to a educational pre-opera lecture which is an hour or so before hand. Whould any of that come across as "creepy" or "stalkerish". My therapist thinks it would more likely come across as "sweet"... but then she has an EQ of 180... if everyone was like her no one would have social problems. I finally meet someone who's does not act like a damm fool when I say I like classical music in addition to pop R&B etc and who makes me feel like a knave when she speaks of it... and she's taken. :_( Someone who knew all about me as she had seen me in drag and was ok with it... It was refeshing and fun and interesting and she's sooo hottt. Oh well that's life I suppose.
2sure Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 At the 11th hour she says she has a boyfriend. 17 February. Where out of the blue she cancels on me and says she was going to spend the time with her boyfriend who she hadn't seen that week... the week of valentines day. I was dumb founded... had not a clue of any boyfriend. Her previous interest shown to you during the dance class was just a friendly interest not a romantic one. After receiving your invitation and the flower , she realized she had to set you straight. Which she did - by telling you she was involved or by making up an involvement to diffuse your interest, make herself clear, and not hurt your feelings. Send her flowers before her performance letting her know you will be in the audience. If she wants to see you afterward, she will invite you. If she does not invite you then leave it alone. Even if she sends a thank you, do not pursue further.
carhill Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Analyze less and enjoy the opera. What happens before/after, happens. Tip: While your eyes may apparently be only for her, let your feelings flow freely. You never know who else may pick up on them and they might be both attractive and interested. I know there's an equation/theorem for that somewhere
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 (edited) @2sure Your conclusion is a very valid one based on what I told you and most common sense and experience. It is the conclusion I am going with... it is what my Cerebrum tells me. However my own instincts say there is a 50/50 chance that the "boyfriend" was invented just as the very first reason to bail out on our outing that came to mind. She never mentioned a BF at all in all the months I knew her until then. That is what my instincts tell me. Also if I sent flowers before the performance would that not also be a big reason for her to freak? If a single pink rose can do that? @Carhill. Well let me put it this way. While I have tried to find a good online date I have had little success. The utter silence of that scene makes it seem like either something is really wrong with me, or my profiles, or I don't know what. She is, I suppose,... the one that I know IRL and at least via FB know of her people and she would know of mine. I have eyes for others... but they don't give me a chance to find out the interesting facts about them. My feelings are not constrained by me. They merely encounter a blockage in their flow in every direction. Like I am water.. and everyone around is hydrophobic. Edited March 23, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
carhill Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Have you met all the people at the opera already? Interesting how one choice can create nearly infinite potentials, with the lovely lady singer as but one. Remember how you were friendly with her in exercise class? Arrive to the opera early and be friendly. Use your assets to create rapport. Take the energy she has inspired in you and project it. It's a gift. Perhaps one recipient will take pause at your gift and the evening will take a completely different direction. That's OK. Life is full of paths. Enjoy them. Can you tell how many operas I've been to?
Intricategirl Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 Let me give what Carhill said a crack (and this isn't putting words in his mouth, but my own take on it). You're going to the opera. It's going to be awesome! Relax, have fun. Hang around afterwards and make small talk with the people there. Because presumably, they are opera fans as well. If you just happen to strike up a conversation with someone cute, that has a mutual interest in the opera... Whomever else is there and may or may not interact with you- so what? Enjoy the music, enjoy the company of other like-minded individuals. And I'm jealous. The opera sounds like a lot of fun!
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 @ Carhill and Intricategirl. That's how I am going to approach it. I guess that's what my therapist had in mind. Basically that I should not rush out of the place but give her the opportunity to speak to me if she likes. Lord knows I have put forth my share of effort and genuine friendship. Not that it matters at this point... since I sense from her position... as a sort of apprentice for a year...which is coming to a close... she would be moving on to God knows where in a month or so anyway. :/ Had we a robust relationship at this point that would be one thing... as it is it's just too bad even if she did have some change of heart. I have no idea how many you have been too. However a man of your age and experiences it would not surprise me if you have been to one or two.
carhill Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I found opera to be a great way to experience the fabric of different cultures, both within the performance and through interactions with/observations of the audience. I try to enjoy it at least once in each country I've visited. Locally, we really don't have an organized opera program, so I enjoy local theater instead. Our dinner theater seats people together at big round tables and the players mingle before and after the show. Lots of potentials and a good show to boot. Success is where preparation and opportunity meet
2sure Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 The opera is fun. And so is the symphony or the philharmonic or any smaller venues that offer classical music. The intermissions and the receptions after are always chatty. Attending the before/ after intro and question forums at those and even other artistic events (like plays or galleries) is also fun, interesting, and a great way to meet like minded people. Become a regular and you become part of a great social networking group.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 That's a good ides 2suree...... Can't afford to be a regular at that Opera as its too expensive.
2sure Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 The Opera is expensive. But there are artistic venues in most areas that are affordable to almost any budget - including free. Try college productions, community theaters, debuts, gallery openings...artists and musicians are always trying to put it out there for those who appreciate them.
SingVoice Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 LOL MrLonelyOne I am flattered to be mentioned!!! Go and you ABSOLUTELY will enjoy yourself. Carmen is fantastic. I think regardless...showing that you care about her life in this way is great. As an opera singer myself...I know that how someone reacts to my career can make or break a relationship. For example....I just did a concert on Saturday...and got a ticket for the guy I am currently seeing (not serious yet) and you know what? He didn't show up! So done with that. There can be a lot of jealousy/envy in a performance career...Ive dated some douchebags who couldn't handle me having ONE night where all the attention is focused on me. So it sounds like you are really being supportive...which can mean a lot to a person. Just enjoy the show! (I might actually know who you are talking about...LOL)
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 23, 2011 Author Posted March 23, 2011 LOL MrLonelyOne I am flattered to be mentioned!!! Go and you ABSOLUTELY will enjoy yourself. Carmen is fantastic. I think regardless...showing that you care about her life in this way is great. As an opera singer myself...I know that how someone reacts to my career can make or break a relationship. For example....I just did a concert on Saturday...and got a ticket for the guy I am currently seeing (not serious yet) and you know what? He didn't show up! So done with that. There can be a lot of jealousy/envy in a performance career...Ive dated some douchebags who couldn't handle me having ONE night where all the attention is focused on me. So it sounds like you are really being supportive...which can mean a lot to a person. Just enjoy the show! (I might actually know who you are talking about...LOL) I hear what you are saying about career. Plenty of people have ruled me out because they could not handle my being a scientist (something I fear may have played a role here who knows). The extra sting is if I complain of it here I get blamed and called elitist...all for wanting to share my gifts and the rest of me too....as well as to share in someone elses. That fact is why I am a lonely one for I have good friends and family but in that one important way I have no company.. Her name begins with an E.
fishtaco Posted March 23, 2011 Posted March 23, 2011 I used to go at least once every season. But the opera house near my house closed down unfortunately. So I haven't been for a while. But I'm going to go see Faust next month. Looking forward to it. It's not for everyone, but I think everyone should try it at least once. You never know if you'll end up liking it. The first opera I saw was Rigoletto. I was so impressed that I became a fan of opera. Enjoy.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 JIC anyone is wondering. I am mentally processing all that occurred today at the Opera. Here's what I know for sure. The show was excellent.
carhill Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 Make it a habit as affordable. Lotsa fun and you never know who you'll meet. Looking forward to a full report after everything processes
Survivor12 Posted March 25, 2011 Posted March 25, 2011 I just finished looking over your former posts. In each one, you ask about whether or not to do something that some people advised you could potentially be taken as too aggressive or even "stalkerish", and you chose not to heed their advice. While, individually, the flowers, messages, VD date proposal, and visit to the opera may not be too significant, the fact that you did all these things even though: a) you'd not even been on a date & b) she told you that she had a boyfriend. Frankly, I, too, suspect that the boyfriend doesn't exist. I think she told you that as a way of letting you down easy when she realized that you were interested in more than friendship. Unfortunately, when she saw that wasn't enough to discourage your pursuit, she gave up being "nice" about it. "She pointed out that if that was true and she was in E's position she would not be sending me any kind of messages. She would leave by a different exit." Leaving by a different exit would not accomplish what she wanted to do--She wanted to make a point of letting you know that she didn't want to see you! Yes, perhaps it would have been "nicer" if she had told you face-to-face that she wasn't interested and that she would prefer if you would leave her alone, but since it hadn't worked before (you didn't GET it when she told you about the bf or when she didn't respond to your suggestion that you meet after the opera), she decided to let the doorman deliver the message. "I just wanted to say hello and congratulate her personally. A couple other members of the cast came back and had friendly conversation with me. People I know far far less than her. Being friendly and being a friend are two different things, and those people have no reason to feel threatened by you. Apparently, she feels that she does. I really wasn't dwelling on her at all...she says she's taken...that's life. I even hit on another woman there just to see if there was a opportunity for a date with someone who for all I knew was available until I asked her." Your actions since she said she was taken does not say that, and she has NO way of knowing that you were hitting on anyone else. Look, regardless of what you intend or want, it seems pretty obvious that she doesn't share your view of your "friendship" and isn't interested in explaining herself further. I urge you to not attempt to contact her again.
Author Mrlonelyone Posted March 25, 2011 Author Posted March 25, 2011 Please see my thread on this here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270571/
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